Refusal
You should Listen to Heaven's Not Enough the song form Wolf's Rain while reading this.
Maybe it was too much to hope for. Maybe I should have known better. Though maybe knowing would have made it worse, maybe all it would have done was made me too scared to even try and defend myself when this all happened.
I was dying, or maybe I already was dead, and this is simply an echo of my magic holding me to this plane, or one of those pictures used to host some small portion of who we are to guide the next generation. There was so much I didn't understand, so much hate, violence and for what, blood, I was pure, and it didn't help me at all when I was attacked, despite the efforts of who ever came to my aid.
I once heard it said, I don't know where, that one doesn't die until they are forgotten. Ironic as it was for are enemy, immortalized for his sins, whether or not he truly cannot die. Yet here I was, just some girl, an echo, a dream. I was fading away. No one had any reason to remember me. I had friends sure, but this night, and all before it were so black that all the good would be blotted out in the annuals of history that happened before it, a focus on the blackness, to not these mistakes happen again they would say. And who was I to think they were wrong, I was dead.
It was numbing, not painless, or agonizing, just a slowly encompassing lack. It was almost sad, that that summed up my life just as well. Or perhaps maybe that's all it was because that is all my life ever was. And that was the saddest part of it all. I slowly hummed to myself; however I managed that, a song that summed up the beautiful sadness that I felt to this all. I know not the title, I am not even sure if I truly knew the song.
After a moment that upset me, why this song one that I don't know. I fought, I fought the numb. I refused to let it take me.
My name is Lavender Brown, I am 18 years old and I am dying. No one is there to remember this dream. And that is wrong, I refuse. Why must I die because of one man's hubris? I refuse. I cannot accept this as the end. And maybe in a world with less magic, or with more my refusal would be meaningless. But here I had power. I had blood, I had wolf's blood running threw my veins. The song that seemed to echo without my help behind me grew in strength.
cause I couldn't cry
cause I turned away
couldn't see the score
didn't know the pain
of leaving yesterday really far behind
in another life
in another dream
by a different name
gave it all away
for a memory
and a quiet lie
and I felt the face
of a cold tonight
still don't know the score
but I know the pain
of leaving everything really far behind
and if I could cry
and if I could live what truth I did then take me there
heaven goodbye
My blood burned, my body screamed in utter agony. And I screamed. I roared and I felt magic poor threw me, in a thousand different dreams a thousand different refusals echoed threw out. If I seceded here or not I tried to survive this, I fought the pain and I will fight the pain to the bitter end, life however painful was better the true emptiness.
Heaven's Not Enough