Easter Bunny
a Torchwood story
by RoadrunnerGER
Disclaimer: They're not mine, not even for Easter!
Summary: Easter fun with the Torchwood gang… JANTO come in and join the egghunt! LOL
A/N: Hello, fellow fanfictionites! I just got the first Easter greetings so I thought it's time to post this. Happy Easter everyone! Enjoy!
With this story I want to thank everyone who reviewed or put one of my stories or me on their alert or favourites. Thank you so much for the latest favourites on Time To Be Bled. It makes me so happy to see that you like it so much. Special thanks to my faithful beta-reader Mandassina!
Btw… how many eggs are hidden in the story? ;)
xXx
"Oh, c'mon!" Captain Jack Harkness whined, writhing in his new clothes. "You're not serious, are you?"
"Oh, yes, I am," his archivist Ianto Jones insisted, brushing over the fabric to smooth out a fold.
"I can't believe that I let myself be talked into this!" Jack complained. "I feel so… so…," he trailed off, searching for the right word.
"Ridiculous," their physician Owen Harper cut in dryly.
"Thanks, Owen," Jack huffed. "That's exactly what I needed to hear."
"I think you look great, Jack," Gwen Cooper chimed in. Smirking mischievously she added, "Adorable. You should wear that more often."
Her grin was so infectious that their computer expert Toshiko Sato had to stifle a laugh. Choking it back it became a low chuckle. She and Gwen were enjoying themselves immensely.
"I don't know what you want, Jack," Ianto reprimanded his lover. "You egged me on to meet with Rhi and the kids today. Now you have to live with the consequences."
"I never agreed with doing that!" Jack grumbled and tried to cross his arms over his chest what was almost impossible the way he was dressed. "I'm going to stand here with egg on my face!"
"You'll be awesome!" Toshiko tried to reassure him.
"Yep," Ianto agreed, kissing his boyfriend's cheek. "You will be."
"I won't!" Jack insisted, putting his fists on his hips instead of crossing his arms… only that his fists glided off the fabric.
"Don't be the bad egg in the basket, Jack," Gwen admonished. "It was your choice."
"You mean it was Ianto's!" Jack complained.
"Does it matter?" Gwen asked, smacking a kiss on his other cheek.
"Hey!" Rhys shouted as he saw that. "Leave Captain Cheekiness alone and come over here!"
"Awwww," Gwen purred, still making her way over to her husband. "Are you jealous?"
"By the way, what do you mean with being the bad egg?" Jack huffed. "There are no bad eggs where I'm concerned!"
"Means party-pooper, killjoy, grinch," Owen threw in with a wide grin. "You don't want to be that, do you?"
Jack glowered at him.
"Ianto, you do know that this whole Easter egg distributing and searching is a pagan tradition, the eggs symbolizing the fertility of nature and return of spring?" Owen teased.
"I know, Owen," Ianto replied sourly. "I know everything."
"Okay, okay… Just wanted to make sure that Captain Salacious knows it, too," Owen could not help but taunt him further.
Ianto rolled his eyes, seeing that Jack shamelessly looked him over from head to toe. "You have to break an egg to make an omelette, cariad," he told him matter of factly.
"I'll rather hatch an egg than doing this," Jack moaned, his features crumbling. "I really have no idea why I should do this."
"Hmmm, maybe you could give it a try with the unknown egg that came through the Rift right in time for Easter," Owen suggested. "See what it's going to be."
Jack's features turned sour. The Riftwood was not as unknown as he had claimed it to be.
"What is it, Jack?" Ianto demanded to know, reading his captain like an open book. At least this time.
"I know where it's from," the captain finally admitted. "Believe me, you don't want to hatch that egg."
"Why? Where's it from?" Gwen prodded.
"From Raxacoricofallapatorious," Jack told them.
"From where?" Owen asked.
"Raxacoricofallapatorious," Jack repeated. "I know, it's a tongue-twister."
"Raxoca…" Gwen tried.
"No, Raxacorico," Jack corrected.
"Okay… Raxacoricofiapo…"
"Ra-xa-co-ri-co-fal-la-pa-to-ri-ous," Jack repeated very slowly.
She tried to sound it out. "Raxa-corico-fellatio…"
"Nooo!" Owen blurted out, laughing so hard that he almost fell off his perch on the sofa.
"It's not that difficult, Gwen," Ianto told her wryly. "It's Raxacoricofallapatorious."
"Very good, Yan," Jack praised, dashing one of his trademark grins.
"Easy for you to say," Gwen grumbled at Ianto. "You learned to speak Welsh in school."
"That's no excuse," Owen jumped in right away, deciding it would be more fun to tease her even if it meant defending the teaboy. "You're Welsh, too!"
"Yeah, but when I was in school, you bloody English bastards wouldn't let us study in our mother tongue," Gwen growled and stuck out her tongue at the doctor.
"What's so horrible about things from Raxacoricofallapatorious anyway?" Rhys wondered aloud, getting a smack from Gwen for showing her up, a glare from Ianto for potentially distracting Jack further, and a shrug from Owen because he really did not know.
"Anyway," Toshiko cut in cheerfully in order to save the situation. "You should just do it, Jack. For the kids, right? You'll bring them fun! That's what this is about."
"They'll make fun of me!" Still Jack could not see why he should go through with this. "These ankle-biters will finish me off, break me like they would break an egg into the pan."
"Now you're exaggerating, Jack. They'll be much more interested in the eggs you're bringing with you," Toshiko tried to reassure him, ruffling his dark hair.
"Actually, Tosh," he smirked, "I'm rather sure that Ianto would have more use for the eggs I'm carrying."
"Jack!" she gasped but then started to laugh. Gwen joined her.
Ianto, though, did not think that was funny. Wordlessly he picked up the basket filled with the eggs he had dyed the evening before and pressed the handle into Jack's hand.
"There you go, cariad," he said. "Now go and make them happy, or…" and he reached up to make Jack bend forward to whisper in his ear.
Jack's grin dropped off his features.
"If you insist…" he mumbled.
"I do," Ianto told him sternly. "Now go!"
"Aye, sir!" Jack replied, grabbed the basket tighter and ran for it.
"Stop!" Ianto yelled, stopping him dead in his tracks. He grabbed the big rabbit head he had spotted, went over to Jack, and pushed it onto his lover's head. "Now you're looking perfect. Go, cariad."
Adorned with the huge rabbit head Jack could grimace and roll his eyes as much as he wanted when he now turned and bounced out into the garden where Mica and David were waiting together with Stephen and a few kids from the neighbourhood. At first he distributed a few of the real, boiled eggs that Ianto had dyed before Rhiannon ushered the kids into the garden pavilion so that they could not see how Jack hid the candy eggs and chocolate bunnies in the garden.
Gwen and Toshiko were gone outside, too, to watch their captain hopping around the garden to hide the treats while Owen still tried to stop laughing. Rhys and Ianto stood in the terrace door and watched from there.
"I think Gwen's right with one thing," Rhys chuckled at how the bunny ears and tail were bouncing on Jack's costume as he scuttled through the garden to put the eggs under bushes or between flowers. "He should wear this more often."
"Please, don't," Ianto groaned. "He'd only come up with some weird kind of role play."
"Talking about it… What did you promise him to get him into the costume in the first place?"
Grimacing Ianto glanced from Jack to Rhys and back. "A special private egg-hunt."
"Egging him on for his idea of fun?" Owen teased, dissolving into renewed laughter.
Ianto pouted. His deal with Jack was no one's business.
"Then you're gonna dye a pair of eggs for him?" Rhys said innocently.
Ianto gaped at him, surprised by Rhys of all people joining the taunting. Taking a deep breath he decided to play along and replied tongue-in-cheek, "Only if he doesn't comply with my orders."
"And if he doesn't you'll give the word egg-beater a whole new meaning, right?" Owen laughed and tumbled out of his seat. Somehow he managed to reach the window and watched Jack from there, doubling over with laughter again as he saw their captain gamboled around.
"Well, I won't tread on egg-shells," Ianto said, causing Owen to laugh even harder.
"Doctor Harper, you're an idiot," Rhys reprimanded him.
"C-can't… h-help m-myself!" Owen laughed.
When Ianto looked outside again Jack hopped toward him, holding the basket up for him to show that not a single candy or chocolate was left.
"Very good, cariad," Ianto said, petting his bunny. He was pretty sure that Jack flashed a broad grin under the bunny head.
"You really deserve your reward now," Rhys said with a mischievous smirk. "That's as sure as the pope's catholic."
The bunny ears wobbled precariously as Jack nodded his appreciation.
Behind him Rhiannon let the children go who ran through the garden, shouting excitedly and cheering when they spotted an egg or chocolate bunny.
"Thank God, they really are having fun," Jack sighed. "Now it's your turn to fulfil the arrangement."
Ianto choked. Maybe he had been a bit too enthusiastic when he agreed to their deal.
"You promised," Jack said as he saw his Welshman grimace and pulled off his rabbit head.
"Yeah, teaboy," Owen teased. "And promises should never be broken."
"Shut up," Ianto snapped, knowing for sure that there was no way out for him that night. "Rhi's finished. Jack, why don't you get changed and we'll go and have cake and coffee?"
"Aye, aye, sir," Jack saluted playfully and winked at his partner. Lolloping as close as possible to his Welshman he pressed Ianto against the doorframe, brushing his bunny costume over his body repeatedly. Then he vanished toward the bathroom, leaving a breathless and very embarrassed Ianto behind.
xXx
"Jack, no!" Ianto groaned later that night. "Don't make me do that!"
"You made me play the Easter bunny," Jack replied. "Now you'll keep your promise!"
"Not that!" Ianto begged.
Jack chuckled. He leaned in one of the comfortable easy chairs in their living room while he waited for his Welshman to emerge from the bedroom. All shades were drawn so that nobody could accidentally peek inside their house. Jack knew that Ianto might not do it after all, but never ever would he come out of there if he ran the risk to be spotted by anyone but Jack.
"I think my costume was worse!" Jack spurred him on.
"It wasn't!"
"You said I could dictate the conditions!" Jack pouted. "You promised!"
"I take that back!" Ianto groaned.
"Too late, Yan," Jack told him. "What did you say to me? You have to break an egg to make an omelette?"
"Hmmm… Why don't we just order some Chinese and have a nice relaxed evening in front of the TV?" Ianto suggested. "Some rice, egg-rolls, duck Szechwan…"
"No way," Jack denied his request.
"How about Italian?" Ianto tried again, sounding a little more desperate. "Eggplant parmesan, veal, pasta…?"
"Nope."
Jack stretched in his chair and let his hands run over the soft fabric of his bunny costume. He was sure that Ianto would love cuddling to it… that was if he was ever going to come out of the bedroom.
"How about some fried eggs?" Ianto tried to stall. "They're quickly made. We could have some ice cream with egg-nog for dessert."
"Who's being the spoilsport now, huh?" Jack growled mock-threateningly. "You'll better do as you're told or we'll have scrambled eggs!"
"You wouldn't dare!" Ianto huffed. "You wouldn't crack my eggs, would you?"
"Well, Yan. On second thought I could also make pickled eggs. Then I could keep them in a jar on the shelf!"
"Jaaack!" Ianto whined.
"I won't as long as you submit!" Jack called back. "Now will you get out of there or do I have to come in and get you?"
"No!"
"Then come out now!" Jack commanded. "C'mon! Before I have to get your stopwatch!"
"I have my stopwatch here," Ianto replied.
"Well, I can also use the egg-timer!"
Ianto howled with desperation.
"Oh, Ianto, c'mon!" Jack moaned. "Don't make me beg! You promised!"
"The headdress," Ianto shouted back. "I'll wear the headdress, but not the other thing."
"Awwww, but that'll be so cute!"
"No!"
"Oh, yes!" Jack replied eagerly. "I want to see it wiggle while you search the house for Easter eggs!"
This time Ianto screamed with exasperation.
"Why don't you want to try and hatch that Raxacoricofallapatorian egg?" Ianto demanded to know, still hoping that he could somehow avoid to make a fool of himself.
"Knowing my luck it'll be Margaret the Slitheen, last member of the criminal Slitheen family."
"How should that come to be?"
"She looked into the heart of the TARDIS and regressed to her childhood, to an egg to be exact. For all I know it could be her and not one of millions of other Raxacoricofallapatorians. Can't risk that."
"I see."
"And I'd love to see your excellent bottom! Now!" Jack ordered.
"I won't put it on!" Ianto whined.
"No further stalling, Yan!" Jack chirped and got up from his easy chair. "You'll come out now!"
"No!"
"You know the consequences, Yan!" Jack threatened playfully. "You'll come out now, or you'll spend the next two days in handcuffs. Your choice!"
Behind the bedroom door Ianto rolled his eyes and wondered for the umpteenth time why he had agreed with the deal. To make Jack play the Easter bunny, he told himself. Because no one else wanted to do it… and because Rhi asked me to, and because it made the kids happy.
Now he had to make his captain happy and he was not really prepared to do that. Not like this. On the other hand he did not fancy spending forty-eight hours as Jack's sex slave.
Knowing Jack I'll be that anyway, just with the difference that I won't wear handcuffs.
At least not the whole time.
Once more rolling his eyes Ianto tried to argue a last time, "I agree with the headdress, cariad! Don't you think that I'll be even more sexy without the…"
"You'll put on both!" Jack cut him short, "Or I'll come in to get you for your service!"
"Wait!"
"You have half a minute!" Jack told him. "I have the egg-timer!"
I bet you do, Ianto cursed inwardly, eyeing the item in his hand with trepidation. Taking a deep breath he put the second half of his costume on.
"I'm coming out," he declared. "You laugh, grin, smirk, or drool at my appearance and the deal's history. You got me?"
"Yep!"
"Right."
It took another few seconds until the bedroom door opened and Ianto appeared in the opening.
Jack's eyes widened and it was all he could do not to laugh, grin, smirk, or drool at the sight.
"You look just about perfect," he stated, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from flashing one of his trademark grins.
"I seriously doubt it," Ianto groaned.
"No, really. You do."
Jack eyed him appreciatively. His Welshman looked so incredibly hot in the headband with rabbit ears that Jack had given him. Now he only had to turn around.
"I hid some candy eggs in the house," Jack told his lover. "Go ahead. It's your turn for an egg-hunt now."
Once more Ianto rolled his eyes.
"Part of the deal, Yan," Jack smirked and held up one hand defensively at once. "That smirk belonged to the remark, pet, and was no reaction to your stunning look."
"You call me pet again and…"
Smacking a passionate kiss on Ianto's lips Jack silenced his lover. When they parted again Jack prodded, "Go on, search."
Only reluctantly Ianto stepped back and started to look around the living room, carefully avoiding to turn his back on Jack who was watching him like a hawk his prey. In the end Ianto could not escape anymore, turning to peek behind the flower pots on the windowsill. Glancing over his shoulder he saw Jack smirk lasciviously.
"I told you not to grin," Ianto groaned.
"Only when you came out," Jack complained. "You can't expect me to keep a stern face forever." Grinning even broader he gestured Ianto to keep searching.
Groaning Ianto complied and finally spotted the shining wrapping of a big marzipan egg behind the sofa. He was about to walk around the couch to get it when he heard Jack click his tongue disapprovingly.
So Ianto had no other choice but to lean over the backrest to get the treat, what made the tail on the back of his thong wiggle suggestively at Jack who enjoyed the view extremely as it accentuated the perfect rounds of his buttocks.
Ianto combed the whole house from bottom to top and top to bottom, Jack always hot on his heels, watching him unashamedly. At first he had been more than reluctant, but the longer he searched the more he began to enjoy Jack's intense gaze directed on him. Soon he started to tease his lover with his moves, wiggling the tail purposefully at him.
Of course Jack noticed that and resigned on commanding Ianto around all the time.
"I've searched everything now," Ianto finally sighed. "Are you sure that I still missed something?"
"I am sure," Jack told him earnestly. "I'm afraid you'll have to keep searching."
"Oh, c'mon," Ianto moaned, going over to Jack and leaning against his furry chest. The bunny costume was wonderfully soft and Ianto nestled to it appreciatively. "You don't want to watch me searching all night, do you? I don't believe that."
"There are still two eggs left," Jack said innocently.
Ianto could not be deceived, though. The mischievous spark in his lover's pale blue eyes was way too obvious. So the Welshman reached for the zipper in the costume and found his way in. Slowly he brushed his hand over Jack's hot skin.
"Do you mean those two?" he purred, scraping a fingernail over the sensitive skin.
"Y-y-yeah," Jack stammered.
"Then… can we go to bed now that I found them?" Ianto murmured seductively, wrapping his hand around the bunny's carrot and dragging him toward the bedroom.
"Absolutely," Jack croaked, planting a passionate kiss on Ianto's lips and following him willingly.
The End
A/N: And? How many eggs did you find? LOL Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)