Rating: NC-17
Warnings: yaoi, lemons, mild het, sillyfic.
Pairings: 13+6, 1+R (sort of), 3x4, and 5x2.
Notes: This is a challenge story. Spin gave me seven rules, and this is what I came up with.
"...Which will officially end with the union of Treize Kushrenada of OZ, to rebel spokesman and former comrade-in-arms Miliardo Peacecraft..."
A cheer went up from the crowd on the steps of the justice hall, one that was echoed like a string of firecrackers as satellites relayed the reporter's words to every inhabited corner of the solar systems.
"Okay, let me get this straight. Zechs and Treize are tyin' the knot... so the war's OVER??"
"More or less," nodded Quatre.
Duo dropped the greasy rag he'd been holding, looked up at his forbidding Gundam for inspiration, then back at Quatre and Trowa, and burst into hysterical laughter.
"M-m-m-maybe we- Ha HA HA HAHA -s-shoulda- AHA HA HA HAH HA -given' 'em- Ha Ha HAH HA HA -m-more time betwee- between th- tehehehe Ha HA HA HA-!"
"What's wrong with Maxwell?" asked Wufei, who had just arrived.
"The war's over!" Quatre informed him, joyfully.
Wufei eyed the still-useless Duo.
"Victory has it's price," he observed.
I saw you standing,
looking out of a window.
That was when I knew.
-
This war we fight is...
Has never been... about us.
We two stand apart.
-
It still touches us,
whatever our intentions...
and we become less.
-
Miliardo Peacecraft,
Friend I love, and foe I trust,
will you marry me?
-
...I should have asked you long ago.
--Treize Kushrenada--
-
Was he kidding?
Miliardo folded the note carefully, as he had done countless times since receiving it, and tucked it safely inside the pocket of his jacket. Then he paused, and with a little smile, transferred the cream-colored note into his shirt pocket.
Will I...?
For the rest of the day, as he alternately fielded well-wishers and worked out the details of the next few days with his staff, Miliardo could feel the note through the fine fabric of his shirt whenever he moved, just slightly scratchy against his chest.
"What kind of people have their wedding on an aircraft carrier?" asked Trowa, with some concern.
"Well, Zechs IS related to Relena..." pointed out Quatre.
"Who cares?" shrugged Duo, optimistically. "It's free food, free booze, and uh, ...everybody bring your own weapon!"
"Hn," Heero grunted, noncommittally.
"We shall see," agreed Wufei, examining one of his knives.
All five Gundam pilots had somehow ended up in Quatre's room for the final 'getting ready' phase. -The fact that Quatre's room was the size of a tennis court may have had something to do with it.
"Ahh, does anybody have a Kleenex?" asked Duo, "-I got chocolate on my hands."
"Chocolate?" asked Heero, dangerously.
"Yeah, chocolate! Candy-bar, warm pocket- -why do you think I changed my pants?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?" asked Heero, a little too sweetly.
"Never mind, just get me something to wipe my hands off on," sighed Duo. Heero looked from Duo's hands to his pants, and then back up again.
"Duo, how did you change into white pants with chocolate all over your hands?"
"Does my bow tie look okay?" asked Quatre, anxiously. Trowa examined it briefly, then straightened the bow-tie with his fingers. His expression didn't perceptibly change, but as he took his hand away, he brushed Quatre's chin with his thumb. Quatre smiled, and his face shone.
Wufei bit his lip, and looked elsewhere.
"Everybody ready?" asked Duo (whose hands were now only slightly sticky).
Wufei frowned at himself in the mirror. Several black curves stood out from the otherwise smooth formation covering his skull.
"Where's the hair gel?" he asked.
"I think I used the last of it," admitted Trowa.
"Selfish," muttered Wufei.
"Maybe I can fix it for you," offered Duo, "-you know, a little paint, a little sandpaper..."
Wufei glared at him, and Duo held up his hands.
"Seriously, Wu-man, I know what to do with messy hair."
"Alright," Wufei sighed.
Heero checked his watch.
"We are leaving," he announced.
"Wait, wait, wait. This'll only take a minute," promised Duo. He ducked out of the room for an eye blink, and returned with one hand behind his back. "Now Wufei, close your eyes, and hold still," he instructed, advancing on his team-mate.
Wufei crossed his arms, and eyed Duo skeptically.
"Fine, don't! See if I care!" Duo rolled his eyes.
"Will you two HURRY UP?!" snarled Heero.
With deep misgivings, Wufei closed his eyes and felt Duo's hands smoothing his hair down efficiently.
Quatre, Trowa and Heero watched, fascinated. Duo was using a combination of skill, melted chocolate, and spit.
Nobody said a damn thing.
When he was satisfied with his handiwork Duo licked his fingers clean, then announced,
"Okay, you can open your eyes now."
Wufei checked himself out in the mirror, and looked at Duo in surprise.
"You're really good," -Not only had Duo made his hair behave, he'd given it shiny brown highlights.
"Just don't touch it," Duo advised, good-naturedly.
The wedding went off better than any battle within living memory, and included about as many color-guard soldiers. The actual exchange of rings took place on a white dais in the center of what would have been the flight deck, and though it had rained for five days prior, the day of the wedding was clear and sunny.
Treize and Zechs- -er- -Miliardo looked fantastic. The sea breeze, unhampered by any landmass this far off shore, caught their cloaks and toyed with Miliardo's long white hair like a silver flag.
Nobody forgot his lines... or even broke out laughing, which was a minor miracle, considering that the peace treaty had to be signed by both grooms- -in triplicate- -as part of the vows ceremony.
"Leave it to Treize to have paperwork at his own wedding," Duo observed, cheekily.
Heero elbowed him sharply.
"Ow."
Miliardo and Treize kissed (for exactly five seconds, they were gentlemen, after all...), and the party got underway.
Duo watched the newly-partnered pair descend from the dais to mingle with the crowd, and pouted eloquently.
"What's wrong with you?" asked Trowa.
"No bouquet, no garter- -what kind of a wedding is this?!" Duo lamented.
Wufei raised an eyebrow.
Heero looked at Duo in dis-belief, and wrinkled his nose.
"Ugh."
"Well, there had better be good snackage!" declared Duo, and wandered off in search of the same.
Three hours later (after a spectacular sunset over the water, which everybody with a camera wisely took advantage of) the party was not only underway, but out of control. The polite guests had left with the post-sunset ferry, and the ones who were left were mostly drunk.
-This meant that there was a volatile mixture of OZ, colony, and conventional military officers stuck on the same (increasingly tiny-seeming) mega-carrier warship.
Treize and Miliardo surveyed the deck, and exchanged glances.
Yup, time to go.
Anything beyond this point they could leave to security, and even the guests of honor can disappear after dark...
"Heeey du!"
Treize winced, and turned to face the speaker.
"Ja, du!" Lady Une had clearly tied one on, and was pointing in Treize's... general direction... accusingly. The fact that she'd stripped (or BEEN stripped) down to her underwear before initiating the confrontation boded ill.
"Daaas ist zehr, zehr pech!" she wailed, "-ich libe du, herr Kushrena! (sniff) ICH libe duuuu!"
"Oh, god..." muttered Treize. He'd hoped she would forgo this part of the drama until the reporters were safely off the ship, but no such luck. Flashbulbs were popping everywhere. Lady Une in her underwear- -while not exactly pin-up caliber- -was far from hard on the eyes and by early tomorrow morning, this would be common knowledge on a global scale.
"What should I do, sir?" asked a young security officer, uncomfortably.
Treize took off his coat, and handed it to the young officer.
"Give the lady my coat, and find her a secure place to sleep it off," he instructed, "-then see if you can locate her clothes," Treize added, softly.
"Yes SIR," the young officer nodded. Sloshed or not, it took a small ARMY of security personnel to subdue the wildly struggling Lady Une, and the newlyweds fled the scene quickly.
They weren't out of the woods yet, however.
"Oh Miliardo, thank goodness!" cried Relena. Treize and Miliardo were getting really annoyed at this point, but it wasn't Relena's fault that she constituted the last straw.
"What's the matter, Relena?" asked Miliardo, putting an arm around her shoulders comfortingly.
"I can't find Heero anywhere!" she looked into Miliardo's eyes soulfully. "Please say you'll help me find him?"
"Wellllll..."
In the middle of Miliardo's attempts to present the phrase 'hell no' in a non-incendiary manner, Treize put a hand on the side of Miliardo's face, and turned it until they were looking into each other's eyes. Miliardo swallowed, hard.
Then Treize kissed him, with a firm impatience that hinted maddeningly at what was to come later.
"I'll be waiting..." he whispered.
Relena, who had watched the exchange, burst into hot, jealous tears. Why couldn't HEERO look at HER like that?
Together, the Peacecraft pair went off in search of Relena's elusive (and frequently homicidal) Gundam pilot.
"It's about duty," Heero was explaining, seriously. "Yeah, you understand about duty, don't you..." Standing silent in the sea-carrier's docking bay, Gundam wing-ZERO made no response. "But marrying somebody, that's a mission with no objective, see?..."
"Wing-ZERO has not answered you." observed Wufei, in disgust.
"Shut up. Now as I was saying..."
"He's talking more than ME..." marveled Duo, in a stage whisper.
"Omae o korosu," decided Heero, deadpan. He fumbled for his gun, but fortunately Wufei had thought of that when Duo had broken open a bottle of very fine Scotch sometime earlier.
The bottle of Scotch in question was now in Heero's possession, and had been for quite some time. The rest of them were lightly buzzed, but- -hey, that was odd...
"Where did Quatre and Trowa go?" asked Wufei.
"Out yonder," shrugged Duo, then went back to Heero-baiting. He'd never seen his stern friend so far gone, and it was proving to be both entertaining and educational.
"Hey Heero, I've had some clerical training, you wanna marry that Gundam of yours?"
"Why do you bother..." muttered Wufei.
"Hu-uh," Heero shook his head, "-that would be an insult to a noble weapon..."
Duo cracked up at this, and Wufei tuned in, in spite of himself.
"Wh-what do you mean?" giggled Duo.
"It's the whole 'till deatth do you part thing," Heero patted the foot of his Gundam reverently, "-Gundams die all the time, but then they get repaired..." he frowned, suddenly, "...like me..." Heero's face lit up, and he jumped to his feet. "That's it! I finally understand!"
"What do you understand?" asked Wufei, reasonably.
"I'm not just a Gundam pilot, I AM a Gundam!" Heero explained, happily, "-that's why I'm so damn good at this!"
Wufei sighed.
"And you're the only Gundam for me, my brother!" Heero added, punching the metal surface of wing-ZERO's leg for emphasis.
OUCH, thought Wufei. -He'll know he did THAT in the morning.
Duo opened his mouth to aggravate the situation, when the words,
"Heeeeerooooo- Where Arrrrre youuuuu-??" echoed through air.
Duo closed his mouth in shock, and put both hands over it for good measure.
Heero stared at Duo in bald-faced terror, and Wufei frowned thoughtfully. A moment later, the answer to their quandary came bouncing through the side door, with Miliardo Peacecraft-Kushrenada in tow.
"Yaaaaaah!" yelled Duo, "-every man for himself, and prepare to be bored!"
Wufei snickered.
Heero blinked at the intruders furiously, trying to bring them into focus before they came within striking distance.
"Oh, thank goodness I've found you!"
Relena ran up and threw her arms around him. Heero was too slow to block, and found himself with a lapful (they had overbalanced and landed on the floor at some point) of happy, long-haired exuberance.
"Oh, there you are..." grinned Heero, good-naturedly. Duo and Wufei looked at each other in complete confusion, then back at the happy couple on the floor.
And then Heero kissed her.
Duo, for once, was silent.
Wufei tugged on his sleeve.
"I have seen enough, Maxwell. Have you?"
"Eeeeew, definitely," agreed Duo, snapping out of his trance. The two (ambulatory) pilots backed away from the scene of the crime, and made for the exit in front of which Miliardo was standing.
"Hey, Zechs!" Duo hissed.
"Yes?"
"Promise me something, will ya? -DON'T LEAVE THEM ALONE."
"It appears that neither of us are stupid, Maxwell," Miliardo snorted, "-be on your way, I'll take care of them."
"Thanks man," Duo said ferverantly, and with that, he and Wufei bolted.
Meanwhile, back on the floor...
"Oh, Heero, I've wanted you to do that for so long..." gasped Relena, starry-eyed.
"Baka," smiled Heero, affectionately. He reached up and ran his hands over Relena's unbound tresses, and then a small frown settled itself between his eyebrows.
"Duo... you cut your hair?"
There was one moment of golden silence, and then...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"
Two decks above, Duo and Wufei shivered.
Duo shook his head.
"Poor Heero."
"Mm," agreed Wufei, "-still, he brought this on himself."
"Ahh, maybe," shrugged Duo, "-ME, I feel sorry for Zechs."
"You think we should go back and relieve him so he can attend to his marital duties?"
"Not a chance," grinned Duo, "-he walked into that one all on his own. Besides, sooner or later Treize will get impatient and come looking for him, and they could get some really hot sex out of that."
Wufei looked at Duo dubiously.
"Oh come ON, like you've never pictured either of them naked!"
"I hadn't," said Wufei. -until you said that, that is...
"Phsheeh. Yeah, right," snorted Duo.
"Shh," Wufei held up a hand for quiet.
"What?"
"SILENCE."
"What?"
"I heard something."
"What did it sound like?"
Wufei considered.
"A cat, I think."
"Maybe it belongs to one of the crew..." hypothesized Duo. The noise came again. "That door," decided Duo, and went for it. Wufei, who had just revised his theory about the origin of the noise after hearing it a second time, tried to get ahead of Duo and stop him, but all he succeeded in doing was getting to the door just as Duo turned the handle, and running clean into it.
The door swung open.
Quatre was lying on his back on the floor, and Trowa was crouching between Quatre's knees like a lion feasting on his kill, face buried in the wispy golden curls at Quatre's crotch. Quatre's face was flushed like a summer rose, and his fingertips were white from the grip he had on the dull gray pipe on the wall just above. -Trowa, by all appearances, gave excellent head.
As the heavyarms pilot drew back for another stroke, he tilted his head forward slightly, and his long bangs trailed tantalizingly over the base of Quatre's penis. Quatre whimpered, helpless with pleasure.
Duo's eyes widened.
"So THAT'S what Trowa's bangs are for..."
Everybody froze.
"Oh, SHIT!" exclaimed Duo.
"...!-!--!..." stammered Wufei.
"Ah... damn," (appreciative glance) "-um, sorry guys, we just heard a-" babbled Duo. Quatre 'eeped', and hid his face in his hands, peeking out through the spaces between his fingers. Trowa took his mouth off of Quatre, and covered his blonde partner's naughty bits with a jacket from the pile of hastily discarded clothes on the floor beside him. Then, deliberately, he looked up at the intruders. Trowa's gaze couldn't have been more intimidating if he'd been sitting behind the artillery controls of his Gundam.
"Out," he ordered, quietly.
"Noprob," Duo was out the door in less than a second, dragging a shell shocked Wufei after him. Once the door was closed and they were safely fifty meters down the hall Duo leaned against a bulkhead, grinned lopsidedly, and sighed, letting his eyes de-focus.
"God a Kleenegs?" asked Wufei, blushing furiously and holding his nose.
"Sure," Duo reached into his pants pocket, located a crumpled tissue, passed it to Wufei.
"Thadg you."
"Hey, what are friends for?" Duo sighed, lost in short-term-memory-space.
Then he thought about the phrasing of what he'd just said, and started giggling.
"I can'd beeee-dieeeeve we jusd did that," groaned Wufei.
"Well, I can!" grinned Duo, "'-course I could use a cold shower right about now, but-" Duo broke off, eyeing the somewhat tent-like front of Wufei's pants, "-you too, huh?"
"A momendary weakdess," Wufei assured him.
"Momentary?" Duo's expression shifted to one of impish glee, "-well, personally I last a lot longer than that, but ahh..."
"You know what I meant!" snarled Wufei, tossing the Kleenex aside. His nose had, for the most part, stopped bleeding.
"Prove it."
"Eh?-"
"You heard me," purred Duo.
"Huh!" sniffed Wufei, turning his back on the other pilot.
"Ah, come on... you're horny as hell, I'm ready to run up the stars and stripes, and there's about a zillion rooms on this ship with nobody in 'em!" Duo encouraged.
Wufei caught himself verifying Duo's stars-and-stripes claim. -Not bad, certainly...
"Well?" Duo interrupted his reverie.
"You're on."
"All RIGHT!" yelled Duo, "-lets find a room, shall we?" he skipped off down the corridor, randomly trying doors.
Five 'locked...' and two 'woops, sorry folks!' later, Duo found a room that was both open, and unoccupied. True, it was an empty storage room with the words, 'ARMOURY 052-L' spray painted in yellow stenciled letters across the door, but he figured that wouldn't be a turn-off.
And the door was lockable.
"Soooo..." began Duo, tugging his shirt off over his head, and totally ignoring the buttons. "You done anything like this before?"
Wufei nodded.
"Once."
"How far did you go?"
"That is none of your business."
"No, huh? Okay, fair enough," Duo shrugged, effortlessly reading between the lines.
"Have you?-" asked Wufei uncomfortably, after seeing that his bluff had been called.
"Well, yeah," Duo shrugged.
"Since when?" Wufei's eyes narrowed.
Now Duo was the one who looked uncomfortable.
"...Not recently."
"When did you-" Wufei's tone was becoming serious.
"Christ onna pogo stick, Wufei! Are we gonna screw here, or what?" demanded Duo.
Miliardo keyed in the combination to the captain's quarters that he and Treize had commandeered, and stepped inside wearily. That sister of his had given him a headache, and the LAST thing one wants on one's wedding night is a headache.
The door slid back into place behind him, and it occurred to Miliardo that none of the cabin lights were on.
Miliardo had time to register the sound of one booted footstep- -and found himself pinned to the door by his husband.
"Treize... I am so happy to see you..." -and get away from HER- Miliardo sighed. ...He felt better already.
In the darkness in front of him, he swore he could feel Treize smile.
"As I mentioned I would be-" Treize nuzzled Miliardo's cheek, "-Two. Hours. Ago..." he nipped the base of his husband's ear sharply, "-I, have been waiting."
"Well, you could hardly start without me..." Miliardo pointed out.
"Oh, but I did."
"Did you?"
"Yesss..." Treize hissed, defiantly.
"Disgraceful," Miliardo murmured, "...and you didn't even let me watch..."
"I know..." agreed Treize, mockingly.
"You'll pay for that," Miliardo promised.
"Actions speak louder than words, my love, and I for one am sick of words..." Treize's voice trailed off and he kissed Miliardo on the mouth, hard.
That moment reminded Miliardo of a poem he'd once read, by a poet he couldn't remember.
-
'If my kiss offends you,
then punish me with yours.'
-
...Treize was punished.
Duo felt a hand clamp over his mouth.
"You will stop talking," Wufei hissed in his ear, "-you will stop talking about your goddess. You will stop talking about her bastard son. You will stop appealing to your god. He cannot HELP you here, and if you say anyone's name but mine again, I will get my sword, and CUT YOUR BRAID OFF," Wufei ground out.
"Well, EX-CUSETHEHELLOUTTAME, that HURT!" pointed out Duo.
"...I am sorry," said Wufei, stiffly.
"No damage. -But when I said 'slow', I meant centimeters, not inches!"
Wufei sighed, and rested his forehead on Duo's shoulder.
"Look, move any time you're ready, -like preferably now would be fi- -OH!" Duo's fingers closed around the edges of the open storage locker in front of him convulsively, and stayed there. "Like- -like th- -Oh, YES-"
BOOM BOOM BOOM
"Anybody in there?" a deep voice queried.
Wufei and Duo froze, and tried to breathe quietly.
-This was not easy.
"Hello?"
"There's nobody in there, Frank. It's probably coming from one a' the passenger cabins." answered a voice more nasal than the first, "Besides, the last thing we need after the fiasco with that German bitch, is some damn duke-o-the-puke suin' us for-" the voices trailed off down the corridor, and both 'stowaways' breathed a sigh of relief.
"You really can't help making noise, can you?" Wufei realized. Duo shook his head.
"Then I have an idea. Look through the clothes I put in the locker in front of you, and hand me my belt."
"Hmm..." Duo swallowed, and tried to concentrate on the task at hand. "Is this it?" he held something up close to his chest with one hand, and used his other hand to guide one of Wufei's hands to the object in question. Wufei's arms came around Duo, and he felt the whateveritwas between his fingers to identify it. "It feels like a scarf." Duo observed.
"It's a belt," Wufei informed him, tersely.
"That's a scarf," retorted Duo, "-but whatever..."
Wufei tied a knot in the cloth, and then tied another knot over the first one, doubling it.
Just bigger than a golf ball. Good enough. Wufei started to bring the knotted fabric up to Duo's mouth, but felt a hand on the length between his hands, stopping him from doing so.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time. This bondage crap stops with the gag, right?"
"Of course."
"Just checking. -And we play this by sparring rules. If I tap, you stop, got it?"
"I understand," agreed Wufei.
Duo took a long breath, then let it out, and took his hand off of Wufei's improvised gag.
"Right."
Wufei tied the gag in place, and ran his hands down Duo's chest, together. Duo caught his breath, and closed his eyes in the dark.
"Okay?"
"M-hm."
The evening went much more quietly after that.
You breathe beside me,
an answer to a question,
one I never asked.
-
I didn't know, I--
could not have known about this.
This is beyond me.
-
Is this beyond you?
If it is, then don't worry.
I am just as lost.
-
But if it is not,
then perhaps you can teach me.
God knows, someone should.
-
You rise and you fall
all while you are sleeping
I can only watch.
-
No, wait a minute.
You are mine now, silvermane...
I reach out my hand-
-
-place it on your back.
Skin to skin, my fingers splayed,
I feel you breathing.
-
...This may not be so difficult after all.
Early afternoon the next day found five groggy young pilots sitting on the steps of the dais, up on the flight deck. The weather was bright, clear, and just a little cold. The wind had blown some of the banners and trash overboard, but a healthy drift of it had accumulated against bottom edge of the looming center island.
Nobody spoke.
"Duo?" Heero asked.
"Yeah?"
"Do you have your sunglasses with you?"
"Want to borrow them?"
"Hn," that noise fell somewhere between a grunt and a whimper. Duo took his shades out of his jacket pocket, and handed them to Heero. Heero slipped on the sunglasses on with great relish. The pounding in his head re-classified itself from a nuke to a simple hydrogen bomb.
"That was a good party," Heero declared, finally.
Trowa nodded.
Quatre smiled, and tried not to blush.
Duo grinned over at Wufei, who said nothing, but wiggled his eyebrows.
"Yeah, it was, wasn't it."
Duo sighed, leaned back against one of the white-painted posts of the dais' roof, and looked far, far out to sea.
-end-
A/N: In case you were wondering what spin's challenge conditions were:
Wufei threatening Duo's braid with his sword
The pilots have to dress up for a party and Duo consents to do Wufei's hair
The Peacecraft brother-sister team of Zechs and Relena chasing after Heero and Heero telling his Gundam that it's the only one for him
Lady Une getting falling down drunk
Duo and Wufei getting fed up with the party and going off by themselves
Wufei walking in on Trowa and Quatre having sex, blushing and stammering, and Duo offering to help with the resulting "problem"
Wufei gagging Duo with a black scarf