Cute little one-shot in favor for my AP English class. I hope you all enjoy this!
Disclaimer: I sadly don't own anything. Don't ask.
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10/20/08
8:32 P.M.
Dear Journal?
If you ask me, I think this is stupid.
I was advised by my shrink, Dr. Green (who prefers to be called Lauren; she hates being called Dr.), to start a journal. Maybe I should start by explaining the problem? Fine.
I have anger issues, if you must know. I don't know, I just have problems controlling myself when I get pissed off at something. I usually take my anger out on objects or sometimes people. I feel bad afterwards at times, but other times I'm still really pissed off and I don't care until further down the road after I settle down. So here I am, writing to you Señor Journal. I don't know how well we'll get along, but I know that Dr. Green, sorry Lauren, hopes that someday we will become best friends.
I'm not sure when the anger started. For as long as I can remember I've always gotten mad over the simplest things and I've never known how to control the urges to beat on something. Lucky for me I'm an only child so all siblings were spared from beatings.
At times I find myself calling my best friend, Sora, and just talking to him. I don't know how that worked since he's really a hyper kid. Some of the things he does annoy me like you wouldn't believe. But whenever I talk to him, I calm down. Yeah, it's a mystery to me too.
I guess you need a name, don't you journal? I don't want to call you journal the whole time. It doesn't feel right. How about Johnny? I've always wanted to name something Johnny. Well, now that you have a name, I supposed I have to introduce myself to you don't I? Lauren told me to write as if I was introducing myself to someone. Fine, here it goes.
My name's Riku. I'm seventeen, a senior at Twilight High School , tall I guess (Sora always calls me a giant; he's just jealous 'cause he's short), have shoulder length silver hair (yes, it's natural), and I have aquamarine eyes. My other friend Kairi freaks on anyone who says I have green eyes. Nope, they're aquamarine, or sea foam, or sea green. Not just green, not just blue.
If you've noticed, I can be pretty witty (is it obvious?). That's just the way I am. Sarcasm, over the years, has become one of my best friends. I don't mean harm by it, most of the time it just slips out without me even noticing. Every time I say something to someone that has the potential to be 'hurtful,' Sora gives me a disapproving look that reminds me of my mother (shudder).
Take this one time; our friend Axel( he's a tall lanky guy with flaming red hair) stood up from the lunch table and his hip (unnaturally wide hips on a guy if you ask me) bumped his tray and his half full container of milk spilt everywhere. So naturally the comment, "Nice going bimbo," just happened to slip out of my mouth. Axel isn't one to take things lying down, he retorted and that sparked an argument that turned into a bit of shoving that then turned into Sora holding me back and Roxas (Sora's twin brother) holding Axel back. Sora scolded me on our drive home from school.
Well, what else is there to know about me?
My parents were the ones who sent me to this shrink. I was in anger management for a bit, but personally I found it just a bit more than retarded. So I never went back. I mean, they had me doing weird things that I would rather not talk about. Lauren at least just talks to me, something they hardly ever did. I don't mind Lauren's suggestions either. She doesn't go all out. She just proposes that I do something that could easily fit in with my everyday life. Like making a different choice. She's just trying to teach me that there are other options. Here, want an example?
Alright, so given this situation, what do you do? You're in the parking lot and you're backing out of your parking space. Some dumb-ass (please excuse my language) pulls forward out of seemingly nowhere, going just a bit faster than needed, and hits the rear of your car. Now, you could either A) get out of your car and yell at him angrily, followed by kicking his bumper out of rage, spitting on his windshield, and stomping on his foot, or B) talk things over calmly, listen to each other and negotiate until you come to an agreement on how to pay for the damage. A while back I may have gone with choice A, but I've now learned that, "Violence is never the answer." That was a direct quote from Lauren if you're wondering Johnny.
I guess that these sessions have helped me. I'm not as angry as I once was. I've calmed down a lot and I've learned to be a bit more patient. Take deep breaths when you feel a fit of rage coming on and just trying to keep your head clear of negative thoughts. I can say all of this helps now, but I remember my first session clearly.
I was sitting in the waiting room; a cold place with the air conditioner on too high, bland walls, fake plants, and a receptionist that continually popped gum bubbles. I guess I was in the right place being that the young brunette behind the counter was driving me up the wall. I think Lauren wasn't surprised at all to see me storm into her room, jaw clenched and hands in tight fists. She smiled nicely at me. I can't have been the first person to walk into her office thoroughly pissed off.
One thing I did love though, was the fact that she had beanbag chairs. Not normal chairs that made your back ache like crazy. I sank into the red one in the middle of the room and felt my level of annoyance drop just a bit. How comforting. She sat in a deep blue beanbag chair across from me, a clipboard in hand.
Lauren was a pretty woman I guess. I've seen worse (did I mention I can be brutally honest? I hope she doesn't read this). Her platinum blond hair was pulled back in a tight bun, she had what looked like designer glasses pulled down over the bridge of her nose, and she wore one of those tight business suits. Hers was lemon yellow, I am not lying.
There really isn't much to it. We talked. I haven't had anyone to really talk to since Sora. He's the only person that knows anything about me besides the basics. But Lauren kept asking me question after question, just getting to know me. In a way it made me happy, knowing that there was someone who wanted to know everything about me. I just had this feeling that this was actually going to work.
She sent me home that day with one assignment. It was easy too. Make a list of all the things that tick me off. It was fun, if I had to tell you the truth. I will too. Why would I lie to you Johnny? You're just a notebook anyways. Not like you'd accuse me of anything. I hope.
So I made my list (I feel like I got a bit carried away) and presented it to her on my next visit. She sat in her beanbag chair, humming tunelessly as she read over my neat handwriting. And once she was finished, she put the paper down and proceeded to ask me questions. Things like, "How was your week?" and "How was school?" The funny thing is, she never once asked me if I got overly angry or anything of the sort. And she never brought up my list. She just talked, bringing up topics about recent events in the news and such. And we did that for an hour. Then she sent me home with another assignment (a list of things I could do when I'm highly annoyed/angry) and that was it.
At first I thought, 'this will never work,' but over time I started noticing the changes. Or rather, other people did. I didn't notice it at first. Sora was the one to point it out to me first. It was a few weeks back when he and I went out to see a movie. There was a couple in front of us who wouldn't stop talking. Normally that bothered me like you couldn't imagine and I ended up showing the signs of my annoyance. You know, the whole clenched fists, locked jaw, and my foot unceasingly tapping. Sora was glancing from my foot to my face many times and he knew that I was not happy. I mean, the guy seemed to have to make a comment about every little thing that happened in the movie and I hate it when people do that. Normally I would tell them(unabashedly may I add) to shut their face. Instead, I got up and moved, grabbing Sora's wrist and dragging him along with me. No confrontation at all. I was proud, mind you.
So yeah, I guess this is helping. I never thought it would. Lauren's become a friend you could say. I like sitting down and talking to her. She listens, something my parents had failed horribly at.
Whoa, I didn't think I'd write this much. Well, I suppose I should call it a night, Johnny. I think that we might actually become good friends after all.
Good night. -Riku