Remember who you are

by Anae-chan

Every shikigami was a child once. And every single one of them grew up. This story focuses on slices of Touda's and Soryuu's childhood until their early adulthood.

1. Beginning

Remember who you are

To: Johanna [A very, very late present of hers. Sorry, hun. Hope you'll like this.)
Title: Remember who you are
Author: Anae
Beta: Axraz
Fandom: Yami no Matsuei, pre-series (and manga-verse)
Characters/pairing: Touda/Soryuu
Rating: PG-13, I'd say.
Spoilers: None, since it's all my imagination.
Warnings: Erhm, love between boys. And character (no one you know about) death.
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei with it's characters belongs to Yoko Matsushita. In other words, I only own the story itself.
Summary: Every shikigami was a child once. And every single one of them grew up. This story focuses on slices of Touda's and Soryuu's childhood until their early adulthood.
Feedback: Please drop a review, and tell me how this was. Whether it was good, whether it sucked, and if possible why so. Any comments make my world shine.
A/N: Dear Matsushita never told us the way Touda and Soryuu grew up. That left me on my own, so I do have taken great liberties.
A/N2: Forgive the crappy title.
A/N3: Part 1/3. (Every week I intend to post a new chapter.)

A child was standing behind an old wooden door. He knew he shouldn't been here; after all, it was so very late and therefore he ought to be in bed. But he wanted to hear the conversation between his father, highly respected Protector of the East, and this stranger who had come to visit the most powerful shikigami of the Imaginary World this late.

The child leaned on the door, pressing his ear on it. The palace itself was asleep. It was very quiet, and the blue-haired kid could hear the spoken words through the closed door.

"You must realize that you're asking something no one's ever been granted", voice filled with power, voice of a ruler, said.

"Yes." This voice was new to the child. Speaker had to be that strange man. Stranger's voice was calm, there was no hesitance in it. But there was also something the young boy couldn't place. The man, also a father of a young boy, was desperate. "If I could've thought of anything else, I wouldn't be here." A pause. "My lord, I need you to realize that I am not asking this for the sake of my family's honour. I am asking this because I'm worried of my son's future. His battle form, his powers… I've never seen anything like that, and I saw lots of things during the war."

War? The child remembered the stories of the wars. But last war had ended quite a long time ago, right? So this man was quite old, probably even older than boy's father. The kid turned his attention back to the adults' conversation when he heard a new voice speaking. He recognized this voice; it was his teacher, one of the four Gods, a tortoise-god Genbu. The boy still wasn't too sure what they were talking about, but it had to be extremely important since the old priest was there.

"What is your son's element and battle form, my friend?"

The child knew it was important not to get caught, but the curiosity took over the caution. Little boy opened the door slightly, just enough to see. All three shikigamis were standing in small room, and tall figure wasn't looking at the Protectors.

It was quite dark in the room, the only source of light was the a couple of candles and moonlight. The child made a face. He still couldn't see the stranger's face.

"He's a serpent. A fire shikigami." Stranger swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. "And I'm suspecting he wields no normal fire."

For the first time the boy saw both his teacher and father stare someone in shock and disbelief. The heavy silence landed and the boy could just wonder what the stranger meant. After all, his father never reacted like that. Not even if he heard someone had been killed. The child didn't understand what it meant to be killed or dead, but those words usually made people shock. But not his dad.

Genbu was the first to speak, to break the web of silence. "A… hellfire shikigami?"

The stranger nodded, still refusing to meet the others' eyes. "I know it sounds crazy. After all, hellfire shikigamis are extremely rare. Still, I'm suspecting it. I can be wrong but…"

The Guardian of the East interrupted the third man. The boy at the door looked his father is disbelief. His father never did that, it was against good manners, so what was going on? What it meant to be a hellfire shikigami?

"Is it okay if we come to see you and your son tomorrow?"

The answer was immediate. "Yes, my lord."

With that, the three men started heading towards the door. Young boy nearly panicked. If he was caught, dad would get mad at him and he'd get at least one week arrest, which was no fun at all! The child ran as fast as he could and managed to get behind the corner before the adults stepped to the hallway and looked his way. The child knew it would be wise to go to his room now but the he was still too curious. After all, he hadn't understood anything about the conversation! Maybe if he'd listen until the end, he'd realize what adults' had been talking about for real…

The child peered behind the corner. His father was looking at the stranger. The boy couldn't quite place the look the man had, but it wasn't something he wouldn't show to anyone. Usually he wore that look only before his family.

The trio stood in silence for a while. Then Gendu lightly touched stranger's hand, and said, his voice reassuring and friendly: "Let's hope you're wrong, my friend."

The answer was a forced smile and a nod. "Until tomorrow then, my lords."

Then, before the child even realized, the stranger had walked outside, changed into his battle form and left. Now his father and Genbu were approaching him. The boy quickly turned away, trying to make it to the next corridor but…

"Soryuu!"

The boy winced. Now he was in trouble.

On the next day, the sun was shining. The water of the lake was glimmering beautifully as the sunrays touched the surface. The world looked bright, bathing in the sun. A child on the shore didn't feel like it, though. He was aware of the trio standing further away. He couldn't hear the words but he knew it was something about him.

The child looked at the water and bit his lip. It had been some days ago when he had changed into his battle form for the first time. The kid could remember the shock on his father's and an old lady's face; he couldn't forget the disgust in that lady's, who had always been so nice to everyone, voice when she had asked: "What in the world are you?"

Black-haired kid rested his head on his knees, fighting against the urge to cry. Before that day, he had been excited about his battle form. But not anymore. Not now when he knew what he really was. A filthy snake.

Then, to child's surprise, there was a gentle voice behind him. "Hey."

The child turned to see a short, little priest standing before him. "Hey", he answered, rising to his feet. He didn't want to be impolite even if he was scared. After all, this man and the other standing further away, they were Protectors of the Imaginary World. They had to be, their auras were so huge and the way they stood... Such honour, pride and charisma… But… Why were they here?

The boy felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He turned to see his father, meeting his eyes. "What if you'd go with these men?"

The kid eyed the gods. The priest standing next to him wasn't so frightening but the other one wearing a blue robe which matched to his eyes and hair was tall and really scary. The child didn't really want to go with them, but… He looked at his dad. "How long?"

There was uneasiness and his father lowered his eyes for a second. That was all he needed as an answer. That meant a very, very long time. "Why?" The child bit his lip, trying not to sound scared. "What in the world are you?" Tears started to gather in his red serpent eyes as the realization kicked in. "Because of…"

A finger touched his lips. "Ssh." Dad's tone was calming, reassuring, driving away the thought that even a father despised his child. "They can teach you better than anybody else. With them, you'll grow to a strong shikigami."

The boy shook his head. He wanted to become strong but he didn't want to move away. He hadn't had a mother for ages and he didn't want to lose his father as well. He wanted to stay. Tears started to fall from the red eyes.

The father kneeled, pulling his son into a tight hug. The little, crying form pressed against his body made the adult's eyes water as well. "You need a proper teaching. Better than I could ever provide", he explained. Then he paused, letting his child take his time to understand the meaning of words. Biting his lip he continued: "So what if you'd go with them?"

The kid lifted his head and sniffled, wiping teary eyes on his sleeve. He was a big boy already. And big boys didn't cry. Not in front of everyone. But it was okay to cry with someone dear, like dad. Because when you let it all out and got a hug, you started to feel better. He nodded bravely and got a sad smile in return. "That's my boy."

Father and son hugged one last time. Then the father brushed his son's hair. With that, the child turned away, took a couple of steps and turned again. He looked at the older shikigamis, then his father, then the Gods. And ran back to his father's arms.

"I love you, dad", he whispered, sobbing.

His father understood. In the end, the boy knew he was losing his father, the only relative and friend he got, walking away from everything safe to an unknown place. There was fear because of it. But there was also fear of his battle form. The boy was still scared that his father was sending him away because he was something filthy, something to hate. He was scared that his own father hated him.

"And I you", the father answered, meaning it from the bottom of his heart. "Now go. And don't look back."

The child looked him in the eye, those red serpent eyes filled with tears, nodded, and turned away. He walked to Genbu, took his hand and didn't turn again, didn't even look back.

The Protector of the East watched how Genbu walked the boy away. He watched until they disappeared to the woods. Then he turned to the man who had given his only child to someone else's care. "I am sorry", god heard himself saying. "I was hoping that you were wrong."

The other man nodded, desperately holding back tears. "Me too." He drew a breath, trying to get his shaking voice back in control. Then he looked straight to his lord's eyes. Something no one had ever dared. "Take care of Touda. He's my one and only child."

"I will", the dragon promised, cursing himself. Never mind he was the strongest shikigami for the time being, never mind his high status, right now, he felt powerless. He could find no words to reassure this man. Man, who had lost his wife long time ago when war had just ended and everything was supposed to be peaceful. This man, who now gave his son to dragon's care in order to protect the boy from his unique powers. The mighty Protector of the East couldn't do anything to make him feel better. All he could do was to keep the promise he had just given. And he would keep that promise. No matter what.

The Protector of the East watched his son stepping in his room and just by looking Soryuu, he had to wonder what had happened. One, water was dripping from the boy's clothes. Two, the boy was on the edge of tears. Three, Soryuu never came to see his busy father in the middle of the day. Not without a good reason. So, the older dragon met the watery eyes and waited.

"I had a fight with Touda", Soryuu told him.

Ah. "It's okay, even the best friends fight sometimes", olden dragon explained patiently. There were times he was reminded how young his son actually were. This was one of those times. "Besides, you've had fights before, right?"

Soryuu shook his head violently. "Not like this. This was a real bad one." A pause. "He said he hates me", came the soft confession. The boy bit his lip, refusing to cry in front of his father, in front of the man he adored.

The Protecter of the East sighed inwardly. This explained why Soryuu was here. Those two boys had become friends already on the first time they met, much thanks to Soryuu. Little dragon had simply taken the serpent's hand and led him to garden, telling him where were the best places to play. The unofficial ruler of the Imaginary World smiled. Soryuu and Touda were very different. Soryuu knew a lot about the world but he still had his child innocence. He knew what dying and war meant, but those had never touched him, so he didn't understand them perfectly. Touda on the other hand, didn't know so much about how the world went on, but he knew about the misery in there. The past wars and death had already taken part in his life. He saw things as they were, without fully understanding some of them.

The dragon pushed the thoughts away, deciding to concentrate in his son for now. "What happened?"

"You know that necklace Touda constantly wears?" Soryuu asked quietly.

Did the dragon know? Of course. Although the necklace was simply a cord with some ancient wooden symbol, it was important to the child. That was understandable; it was the only thing besides the memories he had of his family, of his beloved father. The memories would fade away one day, but items would stay and prevent you from forgetting everything. Touda knew that as well. "Yes."

"It… It got lost."

Oh darn.

"It was an accident!" Soryuu cried, defending himself from his own guilt. "We were playing on the river. On the water." He bit his lip. They had been told not to go in the water, not to go jumping on the rocks. It was dangerous but they hadn't believed. "Touda lost his balance and fell to the water. He didn't get hurt but by the time we got him back on the rocks… The necklace was gone. We tried to find it but… nothing."

The dragon silently decided this wasn't the time for lecture of dangers. That's what he, or Genbu, needed to do later, but not now. But it was no wonder they hadn't found the necklace. Boys had probably been playing on the upriver, which meant the rapid flow had taken it with it. Down to the waterfall, and down to the lake beneath it. "And this is your fault because…?"

"It was my idea. I talked Touda to it." Soryuu wrapped his hands around his body, hugging himself tighly. The tears were starting to fall. "I didn't mean it! I didn't…"

The dragon rose from his decorated wooden chair. Here he was the Protector of the East but in the end he was a father as well. He walked to his son and took him in his arms. Powerful arms wrapped around him, Soryuu rested his head on his father's chest, making the ceremonial robe all wet. Neither of them cared at the moment.

The father held his son, letting the child cry from the bottom of his heart. Touda had probably blamed Soryuu from what had happened and Soryuu had tried to defend himself, saying it was the serpent's fault since he fell from the rock. That was probably what their fight was all about.

Soon the boy's cries were just sniffles, and the older dragon finally dared to talk to him. "Hey", he said, to get the boy lift his eyes and look at him, "did you try to find it from the lake?"

Soryuu nodded. "It was no use. Touda probably stayed, trying to find it but…" The tears came back, some falling on the cheeks.

"Ssh", the dragon said, wiping the tears away gently. "What if you'd try again? You maybe won't find it but how about to give it a try?" The father smiled. "After all, you have one advantage Touda doesn't. You're water."

Soryuu looked at his father with huge blue eyes and nodded. The older dragon was right; his element was water, the exact opposite from Touda's fire. "Yeah. I try it today. And tomorrow. And the day after that."

The dragon smiled and rose up, not letting go of his son's hand. "So how about if we'd go to change clothes since we're both wet?"

Now that Soryuu realized what had happened he winced. "Dad, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

To child's surprise, the older dragon only smiled. "It's okay. I'm the Protector of the East, but I'm also a father. Everyone should understand that."

A wide smile spread on Soryuu's face and he was sure everything was going to be alright.