A/N: this idea has been running through my head for days. i may write companion pieces for the other three characters. we shall see. :)
Disclaimer: just borrowing the characters and playing with their emotions for my amusement.
Finn Hudson knows things. Sure, he's not the brightest guy, but he's not stupid. He knows that Quinn says a prayer every night before she falls asleep. And he knows she doesn't say it out loud. She closes her eyes and silently mouths the words to God. He watches her lips as they move sometimes, trying to read her lips and see what she's praying for. He doesn't know that. But he does know she prays.
So, see? He knows some things. Yeah, they're mostly about Quinn, because that's who he pays attention to. And it's not like he doesn't try to pay attention to other people. He does, honestly. He just.. connects with the blonde that lies next to him at night.
He knew that when Quinn walks down the hall, she looks in control, but he was able to figure out that the hard, icy exterior is really protecting the shy, insecure girl underneath. Finn knew that then, and he knows it now.
He knew that when he would call Quinn beautiful, she would flinch, just slightly and never, ever was it noticable by anyone else. Only him. It would make him sad, yeah, but he still smiled, because he knew she was. She was beautiful, and his. God, was she his. And that. That made him the proudest guy on the planet. Because he knew she loved him.
He knew that when Quinn moved out, she would avoid him the next day. And the next. And the next. It didn't hurt any less than he expected.
He knew she didn't love him anymore.
Finn tried to move on. He tried to fall in love with Rachel, tried to see that same sad, loving expression in Rachel's eyes that he saw in Quinn's. He tried to know things about her, like he knew things about Quinn. Rachel didn't seem to mind that he didn't, not like Quinn did. And yet, every little thing she did, he knew he would go home that night and compare her quirks to Quinn's. He counted the differences between them. The way Quinn's eyes would light up when he bought her snack food, yet she refused it until Finn told her she was perfect the way she was. The way Rachel berated him compared to Quinn. It was kinda funny, really. He preferred being called dumb than being made to choose between football and glee.
At night, he would fall asleep to Quinn's hazel eyes and golden hair etched on the back of his eyelids. Sometimes he would cry, but he'd never admit that to anyone.
Finn knew that when he asked Rachel to marry her, Rachel was supposed to say no. Finn knew that when she didn't, things were messed up. That night, he cried harder than he ever had. All he wanted was Rachel to fall out of love with him.
He knew he was bad for her. He knew the way he was treating her was definitely not good.
He knew he was still in love with Quinn. Yet the time was ticking away quickly, quietly, till he would never have a chance again. He knew he would go through the motions of the marriage. He knew he would listen to Rachel, and he knew he would be there for her. But he knew he was still in love with her. She'd always had him. And didn't seem to be letting go anytime soon.
On their wedding day, he knew his heart was breaking. He knew as he looked down and leaned in to kiss the bride, that this was it. His life was at its peak, that he'd never be a better man than he was being right now.
Except that wasn't exactly true.
He went on through the marriage, feigning love for Rachel. Faking the feelings, and at night, he would dream of Quinn. He would think of how she was doing now that she had graduated Yale. And he knew the next morning, all thoughts of Quinn would be gone as he made Rachel her vegan latte before she sped off to rehearsals for the day.
Finn knew before the man came up to him, that he was a recruiter. Jaw set, and eyes hard, he shook the man's hand and took the information. He knew what he wanted to do, needed to do.
Four years passed, and when he returned, he knew things would be different. Rachel's tone of voice in her letters had even changed. He smiled and hugged her when he saw her.
Neither of them leaned in for a kiss.
Jesse St. James was behind her, a small smile on his face. He looked deep in thought.
Finn knew there was something going on there, but he didn't bring it up until late that evening after a less than satisfying night with Rachel. He knew neither of them were satisfied, really, so he didn't feel all that bad.
When he asked, he knew Rachel wasn't going to lie. And lie she didn't. They hadn't slept together, or even kissed. She was waiting on her husband, him, to come home, and they had talked about what if he didn't. What if he does. And he did. He was sitting right here, listening to Rachel speak about Jesse the way she used to speak about him.
He knew it wouldn't hurt, and he offered her a divorce. He wasn't angry. Or upset. He was happy for her. Happy that she had finally found someone to love her in the way she deserved to be loved. He knew she would think about the divorce for two days and 21 hours. That she would wake him up in the middle of the night, kiss him sweetly and agree to get the papers from her lawyer the next day.
He asked her if she was alright. She nodded, and he knew she was telling the truth.
They remained friends. He knew they would, they were always better as friends than lovers. But he never told her about his lingering feelings for Quinn.
He hadn't thought about her in four years.
Finn knew he'd find out about her in the weirdest way possible. Shit like that always happened to him. And there he was, turning on the TV in his hotel room (he still didn't want an apartment, too lonely), picking up pieces of his dropped microwave dinner when he heard an announcer call out her name. Quinn Fabray. It echoed in the room and he froze.
He looked up at the screen, and saw her there, accepting some award or another and thanking all her friends from high school.
He knew he would fall asleep crying that night. He cried hard. She was unattainable, unreachable. But she still had that same icy glare with the softness underneath. He missed her touch.
Rachel called him the next morning and asked if he'd heard. Yes, he told her, he saw her acceptance speech. To which, Rachel and Jesse started speaking a mile a minute, and he couldn't tell what was being said or who was speaking.
He cleared his throat and waited for the excitement to die down. He knew that when he asked Rachel would tell him. Finn found out that she was in town (New York!), and got her number and the hotel she was staying at. Nowhere near as run down as his was. Of course. She was an award-winning actress now.
He knew he would hesitate.
He called her on the day before Rachel said she'd be leaving.
He couldn't speak as he listened to her talk. And she talked. About what's new with her, how she got there, how things are different now.
Finn knew he'd blurt it out at some point. Just knew, like he knew how Quinn used to pray. Tears stung at his eyes as he thought about their time together in high school.
When Quinn asked how he was doing, he did it. Blurted out those words he'd been trying to hold in for so long.
"I'm still in love with you."
He was met with silence.
Finn knew things. He got a little smarter over the years, and the experience did him good. Going through a sham of a marriage, and serving his country, he knew things easier than he used to.
Like.. he knew as he looked down to kiss the bride, and hazel eyes shone back up at him, that this was forever. The cheers erupted behind them, and he knew as his lips moved against Quinn's, that Rachel and Jesse's cheers were the loudest.