Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers! But I guess I own this dream. Do people own their dreams? I suppose. Sorta.
Yep! I had the craziest daydream yesterday, and was muttering to myself 'no way, this ain't gonna work' then the dream popped up to make it work. Sorta.
The amazing number of plotholes and problems in this one! But I hope you'll enjoy it like I enjoyed daydreaming it. Of course, I editted a bunch of the content so it'd fit, but really the main idea is there. Sorta.
Well? Was my dream good? Well...Sorta? "
Sure, she'd probably deny it if you'd asked her (and then again it is highly questionable how you'd be able to do so), but it was true. Sorta.
You never know whatcha got till it's gone. Annoyingly true sometimes, dammit.
Shoot. Now she was getting all sentimental like some sorta human.
Well she hasn't lost him yet. Her last little joy.
She relished her pipe again, and began to recall the past.
She remembered when she had to teach him all about the worlds and the one they lived in. He'd asked so many questions. Hell, he even made her feel stupid when she didn't know the answers. And she'd gotten so worried when he got so darned interested in the humans.
"Wa...look, there's sho many Mashoku, mummy!"
Heh, sure took him long enough to stop calling her that.
"No, Xellos. Those are humans. We make ourselves appear like them so we can lower their guard and suspicion. They're the lowest in our race hierarchy, and the most in number. They call upon the powers of the – stop that, please..."
"Why mommie, thish ish fun!" Xellos was mutilating a rabbit and cackling with joy.
Now she worried if she put too much enthusiasm into in evil side.
"Ish thish hoomans too?"
"No, Xellos, that is an animal. They rank even lower than humans."
"But ah thought you shaid hoomans were der lowesht on der iraki syshterm..."
Lord Beastmaster Zelas never remembered her patience having been worn thinner. In fact, she thought that Xellos was probably taking advantage of her ignorance with Mazoku creations and just fooling around. Sure, it was his first day into existence, but all those human festivities he dragged her into!
"Happy birthday, Mumsie!" Xellos chimed as he swirled into her chambers, a big cake atop his gloved hands.
"Wha-?" Was he trying to anger her?
"Ehh you're so old already Mother, but no worries! Still looking good!"
He was trying to anger her wasn't he!?
"Xellos, what are you - "
"Shh Mother, you're going to blow out the candles before the right moment! Now make a wish and blow!"
"Say – what?"
She looked at the cake properly and the one candle atop it wasn't a candle at all but actually a shiny new pipe.
The smoke got into her lungs (supposing she had any) and she coughed, nearly snuffing the "candle" out.
"Careful, Mother! You're going to lose your wish if you're not careful!"
"I wish you'd tell me what's going on!!"
"Oh dear, you weren't supposed to voice it out loud! Now your dream will never come true!" Xellos sighed and gave a small pout. "Nevermind though, you can still have your present!"
And he pulled off the sleek pipe. The one she was using to today.
Seriously though, what was that all about??
The following 'birthdays', though, all she got were gold bangles.
"My, my, what a surprise. A gold bangle. Why Xellos darling, you shouldn't have," she'd purred rather sarcastically.
"Come now Mother, these aren't just any bangles, bracelets or chokers!"
"What, these things choke?" Zelas said, fingering her gold necklace.
"Uhh no, that's just their names."
"Why name them 'chokers' if they don't choke? Well not that I think you're trying to choke me or anything, but it really is..."
"Quite a misnomer, no? Anyway, like I was saying, these bangles each represent a blessing! See? Look, this one means contentment, that one means satisfaction, and - "
"Don't they all mean the same thing?!"
"Well no, of course not Mother! Why, that one on your neck from ten years ago means 'appreciation for all you have' and the one next to it means 'cherish your -"
A huge fireball flew past.
"Itai..."
"Well I'm really gratified for all your twinkling trash, Xellos, but - "
"Just joking Mistress! Kidding only, really! Uhh let's see. For example, that tiny red jewel counting the first from the huge, main topaz one on the earring on your right earlobe above the crescent golden one means LOVE!"
Xellos ran somewhere far far away and started exitting something from his mouth and Zelas had proceeded to tear said jewel from her right earlobe and incinerate it to dust before imploding the entire chamber itself.
Xellos had learnt the hard way just how unpleasant saying the L word could be that day.
"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!"
Zelas eyed the falling white stuff in her room and fought not to laugh, seeing Xellos in that reindeer costume. That red nose could've killed her!
"And pray tell, what is...Christmas about..?"
"You give everyone you know presents, of course! You know, you're the only Mazoku lord who doesn't participate in these human celebrations!"
"Oh?" Zelas was interested. Was Dynast too dancing about in a reindeer costume then? This she had to see.
"Haii, Jyuu-ou-sama! That's why I went and got presents from everyone else!"
Zelas opened her eyes, instantly wary. She eyed the wrapped boxes cautiously. Anything the other Lords wanted to send her couldn't be safe. But then, it's not like Xellos would bring anything remotely dangerous into her own chambers...
"Oh really...Xellos.. Why don't you...open them for me?"
"Sure Mistress! Let's see Mr. Santa Claus' one first, shall we? His message is...'Merry Christmas!' Aw, so short and sweet!"
Zelas breathed a sigh of relief. If all these presents were like that, then maybe she could survive this.
"Oh, and.. P.S..I'm going to kill you one day. Live until then."
Zelas sweatdropped.
"How charming! Want to see his present?"
Zelas suddenly imagined Dynast jumping out of a giftwrapped box, sword poised and deadly, ready to destroy all in his path...
"Uhh.. sure...why.. not..."
From a shiny blue box, Xellos pulled out a piece of ice shaped like a snowflake.
"What a perfect shape! Beautiful, no?"
Zelas leaned forward in her throne. It was beautiful.
Then quite suddenly, it melted.
"Oh, dear. What a shame."
Darn Dynast. He knew she'd be interested in something of the North...
"Mm, let's see, next present. Ooh! Look at this, what a huge gift!"
Xellos read the card.
"And from our lovely Gaav no less. He's such a dear."
"What?! Where'd you find that guy?"
"First things first Mistress! Ahem, his message..'Kill yourself with this. Xmas' Oh well, let's see what this huge thing could be!"
"A guillotine, no doubt," Zelas mumbled, resting her head on her hand. She was getting a little disturbed by these...gifts. And seriously, where did Xellos know to find that guy??
"Ooo! Would you look at this, Zelas-sama!"
Zelas looked up, and her jaw dropped.
Xellos was stroking a sword that was as tall as Gaav. But not any sword. That was Gaav's sword. His sword. He loved that sword, she was sure of it. Why in the world was he giving it to -
Xellos promptly crushed it like a coke can and incinerated it.
Oh well, couldn't have been his real sword then.
"Aww, it had various profanities scribbled all over it!"
As expected of the charming, righteous and refined gentlechaosdragon...
"Miss Dolphin now! Eh – on the envelope, it says to open the present first... well why not?"
And Xellos ripped open the package to reveal...
BOOM.
Xellos and Zelas was covered in what smelt to be evil salt water.
"And the letter...'Rub that in your wounds! P.S You didn't think that would drive me nuts, did you sista?' Oh dear. Looks like we really need to steal her underwear and frame Dynast for it now. Or how about Phibby-chan? Eh, no, he'd probably kill us..."
Zelas sweatdropped again. But she liked the underwear idea.
"And darling Phibrizzo? What did he send me?"
"Eeto... 'You sent that wolf after me, didn't you?' Oops, looks like he found out. Er...'Whatever. Christmas to you. Your stupid priest kept bugging me.' Ouch, that hurt."
Zelas was genuinely surprised at this one. Phibrizzo actually sounded somewhat sincere on this one. Now what made him do that?
"So what's the present?"
Xellos took out a rosy red box from his bag.
Now Zelas was thinking that maybe Xellos lied a little to him about what Christmas really was.
It opened like a ring box.
HECK IT WAS A RING BOX!! SINCE WHEN DID PHIBRIZZO -
"Ehh! This isn't actually so bad!"
Upon a closer look, what was inside the box was actually a golden ball with a small hoop on one side.
"I must say this certainly beats my earring! May I?"
Zelas cocked her head slightly, and bent forward once more as Xellos put it on for her.
This was the golden ball representing her life, wasn't it? Did he just relinquish his power to kill her just to show his feelings? Highly unlikely, but what other explanation could there be?
"Eh? There's another message behind! 'You'd better take care of it, because it breaks quite easily! You're probably going to have to protect it really really well, because Dolphin isn't too happy with you! Well, not that there's any proof that it's your life, but heck, maybe it'll be someone you know...?'"
Oh. That explanation.
"X-Xellos..." Zelas was feeling quite murderous now.
"Ha-ii...? Jyuu-ou-sama...?" Xellos didn't think he could talk himself out of this one. Imagine being given a fragile ball and being told that if it broke you'd die...and if you didn't, maybe someone close. Wait...does that mean that ball might represent his life? Oh dear!
"GET OUT!!"
From then on, Zelas didn't tolerate any more of his celebratory cheer, and whatever disastrous activities he planned along with them.
"Zelas-sama, I brought mooooooncakes! Happy Moo -"
"No."
"But look at the cute bunny lantern!" Xellos pressed a button on the pink handle and instantly, annoying, high-pitched melodies came spurting out.
BOOM
"Itai..." Xellos coughed, thoroughly burnt.
And then on Halloween's...Zelas twitched with anger at the remembrance.
"Mother,"Xellos stated simply, throwing her chamber doors wide open. Zelas turned her attention to him at once. First of all, when was the last time he called her that? And more importantly since when in history was he allowed to throw open the doors like that?? What the heck was he wearing?! The Grim Reaper's cloak? Were those fangs??
Without another word, he'd proceeded to phasing everywhere and sending a myriad of fire spells at her.
"Xellos, what are you doing?!" This went past the limit. You never attacked your master unless you were waging enmity.
"Succeeding you, Mother."
Xellos had phased behind her, like he did to all his prey.
This couldn't be right! She programmed him to ensure his loyalty and obedience! Did she oversee something?? At any rate, he had to be stopped now.
Without even needing to transform into her wolf form, Zelas pinned Xellos down with one of her heels on his back and pulling his left wrist backwards with the rest of his arm.
"What is the meaning of this, Xellos?" This had to be another one of his poor-tasted jokes.
Xellos, with his eyes closed, smile back in place and all shadows from his face dispelled, returned once more to the Trickster Priest mode Lina-tachi saw most of the time.
"Happy Hallo - "
KABOOM.
"..ween..."
"I've told you already, Xellos, I don't appreciate these useless celebrations of the human race. Is this some sick variation of April Fool's?"
"Well, actually Mistress, it is - "
"Forget it, I don't want to know."
"But Mistress! Of all festivals, this is the one I feel that Mazoku should celebrate the most!"
"And why is that, Xellos?" Zelas said, sitting back on her throne.
"Because, Mistress, pumpkins are very tasty! Look at them!"
Zelas turned behind. Oh, so that was what the orange spells were. Pumpkins.
Hang on this was another one of Xello's stupid parties wasn't it?!
Xellos sweatdropped as huge flames circled on the Beastmaster's palms.
"Umm, no, actually, Mistress, it's because it is the day where humans go about scaring each other dressed like monsters!"
"Dressed like us? But we look like them."
"No, no, Mistress, they have...other kinds of 'monsters', apparently. Like...ghosts!" Xellos chirped, wagging his finger.
"I see. And you say that they .. scare each other?"
"Haii, Zelas-sama!"
"Don't they have enough problems without being haunted by real ghosts and real monsters?"
"Well..I'm not sure, Zelas-sama, but it seems that it is a form of recreation of sorts."
Zelas was becoming confused as to why humans complain about the Mazoku and 'other' monsters bothering them now, if they liked it so much as to do it to themselves.
Unless...they were making fun of them, weren't they? Those puny human weaklings...!!
Xellos sensed the sudden erupting anger and instinctively ducked as a fireball whizzed past him.
"Well then! As the Trickster Priest I had better go out and deal some Trick-or-Treats!"
Xellos put his hand on the doorknob out, and winced as the left side of his bangs were singed by a new fireball. Which also conveniently happened to destroy the doors behind.
"Bye-bye!"
And he had stepped out, leaving her to furiously plan dastard plots to make the humans suffer that Halloween, grotesquely cruel even by Xellos' standards.
Halloween was never quite the same again.
Where was she again? Oh that's right, human festivities. After a while, the celebrations indeed did become less and less frequent...probably due to the fact that he was getting busier with Lina-tachi and her continued disapproval of all the decorations that sooner or later ended up on the receiving end of a fireblast.
Actually, while she didn't favour the celebrations and the customs that went with it, the truth was that on the whole she enjoyed their occurence.
She enjoyed how Xellos was making an effort to relieve her boredom. She enjoyed the odd costumes that Xellos sometimes wore to accompany the stupid dances that plagued the celebrations.
Heck, he'd even tried to host some kind of a repulsive cult practice called a "wedding".
Didn't the sound of it just make your guts crawl out? Now that sounded like something a halloween was supposed to be like.
And after his craze with the human festivals (though he still demonstrated his interests every now and then) he seemed more like her, down to business and completing all his tasks with finesse.
He'd even went to draw panda circles on Sherra when she'd ordered him to, as a joke. And swallowed the consequences by himself. He even took a picture for her to see, for badness sake!
And then even though he fully expressed his disdain and opposition to offering to kill Lina in a proposition for Valgaav, he'd still done it, though the effort put in remains to be seen...
It was fun while it lasted, she supposed, and took another sip of her wine, tickling its smooth side.
Xellos phased in a kneeling position before her behind the shadows of the chamber.
"Greetings, my Lady."
"R&R."
The mazoku looked up, bewildered to the core.
"Umm...your fanfic is fantastic?"
"I meant 'Rise and Report'." Zelas said, trying to appear unamused. But her smile began widening until it showed her flawless teeth. Then finally her mask broke, and she began to laugh, and her wine cup fell off the armrest of the throne. Xellos instantly phased over to catch it, and set it in her hands again. Not a drop spilt.
This was... unexpected. Beastmaster Zelas did not often make jokes. When was the last time she'd make a joke? Had she actually ever made a joke before? He didn't think so. This was odd, indeed. Odd, but strangely pleasant as well. She must have been dwelling on her happy past with him again. With him!
What the hell, his casual Trickster Priest behavious wasn't disliked at all was it now?
Xellos phased back to his previous position, rose, then began to report.
"My Lady will be pleased to know that Darkstar has been defeated. It seems that this arc of my missions have been completed! Shall I return to washing your wolves?"
"No, Xellos. I believe there is a day we have to celebrate today, for the mazoku..."
"Oh? And what might that be, Mistress?"
"Hmm..I suppose, the Day of the Lord of Nightmares! Or Dotlon. Today marks the day the great Lord of Nightmares has entered and made her honourable step in our world, no?"
"Dotlon... I see! I understand, Mistress! I shall be back with the other Lords, Jyuu-ou-sama!" Xellos chortled along, extremely amused with this turn of events with his Mistress.
(In truth, Xellos was really confused about what was happening and was a little creeped out, but if his Mistress had a sudden festival fetish like him, why not?)
Everyone crowded into the Beastmaster's hall on Wolfpack Island.
Balloons, confetti and banners were everywhere, and a celebratory music played out of some plastic radio. The epitome of happiness.
Only Beastmaster Zelas and Xellos seemed to have a crazy idea of what was going on, and were donning cute party hats. Wait. Phibrizzo did not just think that.
"What is the meaning of this, Zelas? And by the way I thought this guy – Gaav - and I was dead." Phibrizzo was confused. This was a little odd too, but strangely pleasant.
"Well, everyone! You see, we're here to celebrate the most important day of all for us Mazoku!" Xellos chirped, popping a party popper that blew everyone's hair backwards.
"Happy Dotlon!!" Xellos and Zelas shouted together, raising their cute party cups at the same time. Wait, Phibrizzo did not just think that again.
"Huh?" Echoed everyone else in the vast hall.