A/N: Hello. This story is one of the saddest things I've ever written, and that is saying a lot. Please do not read if you don't like sad things. I actually cried when I wrote this, and I don't cry a lot while writing things. I hope you like this. The song is Terrible Things, by Mayday Parade. Please review, and tell me what you think. :)
I look down at my son. I smiled sadly at him. I could hardly look at him anymore, really. I never could. He reminded me to much of his mother. His beautiful mother… I take a shaky breath in, and take his hand, and walk us to our car. I never used one of these muggle vehicles before she introduced me to them. She introduced me to a lot of things, mainly love. I put the key into the lock, and turn it, trying to hide my shaking hands.
"How have you been Father?" He asked me after a few minutes of silence as I drove the route to our home.
"I have been the same as always son." I replied. We were so formal whenever he came home from Hogwarts, mainly because it was when the pain was too much for me to bare, and I had to hide behind my formal background in order not to break down. He knew this, and he never commented on it.
"That is good Father."
A few moments pass.
"So… how was Hogwarts?" I ask.
"It was good. Albus and I got into a lot of trouble as usual. Al and I pulled a big prank on professor Longbottom, which got us a month of detention. It wasn't that bad, because we got to do it together. " He said, a smile on his face. "Lily is still getting on my nerves; she doesn't shut up for a second, and is constantly annoying me. I don't think there is a single girl as annoying as her. "
I smile lightly, as I pull into our driveway, not replying to him. We get out, and I take his trunks, and enter our home. He brings his trunks to his room, as I start making a cup of tea for us both. Thirty minutes later found us sitting on the couch in silence, him looking quite nervous, as if he was about to tell me something I didn't want to hear. A few more minutes pass in silence. I sigh.
"What is it?" I ask him, putting down my cup, and turning to face him.
He jumps slightly, and put his cup down as well.
"I-I want to know the story of you and mum." He says hesitantly. I immediately stiffen. It wasn't like I wasn't expecting this; on the contrary, I knew he would ask one day. But that didn't make the shock be any less. A few moments pass, before I sigh lightly.
"I suppose you have the right to know. I've put this off for too long anyway." I say thickly, trying to swallow the lump in my throat at the thought of the story of me and Hermione.
"Well, as you know, your mother and I never really got along in school, until the war ended…"
~~By the time I was your age, I'd give anything~~
~~To fall in love truly, was all I could think~~
~~That's when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams~~
~~The most beautiful woman, that I'd ever seen~~
I stared at her, just like I did every day. She was so beautiful, how could I not stare? The war was over, and I could finally admit my feelings I had for her. Not to her, of course, but to myself. I had fought myself for years, telling myself I didn't care for her, that she was just a filthy muggleborn, but it never worked, and the feelings I had stayed. Only now, now that my father was in Azkaban, Mother didn't care about blood purity anymore, and that most of my friends were changing their views, would I be able to possibly have her. But that would only be if she would have me.
Why would she ever want me, though? A former Death Eater, a failed excuse of a man… I wasn't worth her perfection. I never would be. So I've resided to the fact I can only love her from afar, and never tell her that fact. I wouldn't want to disgust her.
I saw her look up, and catch my eyes. I quickly look away, a light blush on my cheeks at having been caught. I excused myself from my friends, and left the dining hall quickly, not wanting anyone to notice my embarrassment. I walk a few feet away from the hall, before stopping around the corner, and leaning against the wall, my eyes closed, my lips in a frown.
How I wished she would be mine, and I wouldn't have to escape every time she noticed my staring. That we could walk hand in hand down the hall, and not care. That we could kiss, and tell each other things no one else knew… but she would never want that. Not with me.
And that thought always broke my heart. Because of my actions as a child, and my upbringing, I would never be with the one woman I love. I felt tears come to my eyes, as I think of all the things I've done to her. I hate myself, for being the git that tormented her, for hurting her.
"Malfoy?" I heard a soft voice say. I knew who's voice that was. My eyes opened, releasing a few tears in the process.
"What do you want Granger?" I said, no malice in my voice, like it would have if it was a few years earlier.
"I was just wondering if you were alright, you left the hall in a bit of a rush." She said, moving a bit closer to me. I held my breath. "And you're crying." She said in a soft voice.
"It's nothing." I respond in an equally soft voice, almost a whisper, as she takes another step towards me, so she is right in front of me. She raises a hand, and gently wipes away the tears that fell. I lean into her touch, my heart racing. This wasn't supposed to happen. She's supposed to hate me. It would be so much easy to stay away from her, and keep my secret from her, if she hated me.
"It doesn't look like nothing." She whispered. A few moments pass in silence, before she speaks again. "You've been staring at me a lot recently. Why?"
I closed my eyes, and focused solely on the feel of her soft hand on my cheek. I take a few deep breaths, debating whether I should tell her or not.
"I-I…" I start, almost telling her the truth, before I chicken out. "It's nothing." I whisper lamely. I feel her hand leave my cheek, and I know I lost my chance. I felt my heart fall to the floor, before I felt a body press against me, and her hand return to my face.
"It didn't look like nothing." I hear her whisper, before I feel her lips on mine. I was in shock, but after a moment, I kiss her back, softly, gently. I raise my hand, and gently caress her cheek, not opening my eyes, in case this is just a dream, or that I'm imagining this. Our kiss lasts for a minute, before she pulls back.
Only then did I open my eyes, and see her beautiful face, a small smile gracing her lip.
"I-I love you." I whisper. I immediately regret it. I shouldn't have said that, even if there was the slightest chance she didn't feel disgusted by me, telling her I loved her now was too soon, we'd only just kissed for Merlin's sake. My face morphs into one of horror the second I utter those words, waiting for her to look disgusted, and walk away from me forever.
To my surprise, her smile widens, before she closes the small space between us, her lips centimeters from mine.
"I know." She whispers, before closing the slim distance between us. I had never felt happier.
~~She said, "Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing? ~~
~~I can't help but notice, you're staring at me. ~~
~~I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe~~
~~I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me"~~
The tears are falling down my face, and I am forced to stop the story to try and control my sobs. I hate being so weak in front of him, but I can't help it. I put my head in my hands, and sob freely. I feel his hand on my back, rubbing in circles, trying to sooth me, like how his mother used to try and sooth me…
It takes a few minutes before my sobbing ceases. I look up at my son, noticing a worried look on his face. I let out one more sob, before wiping my eyes free of tears.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have broken down like that…" I whisper in a broken voice, ashamed of how I broke down in front of him. He shakes his head.
"It's alright dad, I understand." He said in a soft, soothing voice. I nod, before taking a deep breath, and continuing the story.
~Now son, I'm only telling you this...~
~Because life, can do terrible things~
I laughed, as she took my hand, and pulled me to the dance floor.
"Come on you, let's dance." She slurred, obviously drunk. I laughed at her, slightly drunk myself, as we started to dance drunkenly, laughing at each other. After a few songs, a slow song plays, and I pull her close to me, her head resting on my chest. I smiled down at her, brushing a few strands of hair away from her face.
We had been going out for over a year now. Ever since that day outside the dining hall, we'd been almost inseparable. We were always together, hand in hand, just like I'd always wanted. After a month, people stopped talking about us, and shooting us dirty looks whenever they passed us. I didn't really mind their stares, or whispers, as long as I had Hermione I was happy. In fact, I was never happier than in these past months, and it was all due to her.
I smiled down at the witch in my arms, my heart bursting with the love I felt for her. I knew one day soon I would ask her to be mine forever. I had just been putting it off, in case she didn't want to be mine, or if it was too soon. She moved her head, so she was looking up at me, and smiled her beautiful smile. She leaned up, and kissed me softly.
"I love you." She whispered. Even though it was loud in the pub, I heard her as if she had shouted it at me, and I grinned down at her, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.
"And I love you more." I said against her lips. I felt her smile, and I pulled back, holding out my hand for her to take, not needing to tell her I wanted to leave. Her smile widened, as she took my hand, and we walked out of the pub, and I apparated us home.
When we got there, she kissed me roughly, pushing me against the door. I kiss her back, and let her wrap her legs around my waist. I open the door, and carry her to our room, not breaking our kiss. When we enter our room, I drop her carefully on the bed, looking into her lust filled eyes. I quickly move so I am on top of her, and kissing her as if my life depended upon it. I lift her shirt off her, as she unbuttons my top, flinging it in an unknown direction. I quickly capture her lips again, holding her close to me. I slowly take off her skirt and knickers, before pulling back, and taking in her body.
"You're beautiful." I mumble, before my lips are on hers again. We spent the rest of the night making love, my love for her expressed clearly.
~XOXOXOXOXOXOX~
When I woke the next morning, I had a slight headache, but I soon didn't care about it when I felt my witch move next to me. No matter how many times we slept together, I would never get over the feeling in my heart when I woke up next to her. I smiled, as she moaned lightly, and opened her eyes.
"Good morning love." I whispered to her, before I kissed her cheek. I pulled back, and saw her smile, as she wrapped her arms around me.
"Good morning." She whispered back, kissing me lightly on the lips. I grinned, and pulled her on top of me, her hair surrounding us as we kissed. She pulled back, and just stared at me with her big brown eyes, smiling her smile. I knew then that I had to make her mine forever, or I had to at least ask. I couldn't risk losing her, I knew I would never survive without her. So in that one moment, I started planning how to propose to her.
~~Now most of the time, we'd had too much to drink~~
~~And we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything~~
~~Too young to notice, and too dumb to care~~
~~Love was a story, that couldn't compare~~
It was three weeks later when I proposed to her. I decided to take her to her favorite restaurant, then on a romantic walk down by the rose gardens, where I would propose to her. Cliché, I know, but there's obviously a reason it was a cliché. Unfortunately, my plans did not go the way I wanted.
I looked at my watch, noticing we were ten minutes late. We only had twenty minutes before the restaurant gave our table away.
"Hermione! Hurry up!" I shouted up the stairs at her, nerves putting fear in my heart as I thought of what I was going to ask her tonight. What if she said no? What if she thinks it's too soon, and leaves me? My heart twists, when I hear her soft voice call me from the bathroom. Concerned, I start walking up to the bathroom, and knock on the partially open door.
"Hermione, what's wrong?" I ask her, as I open the door enough so I enter. As soon as I see her, sitting on the toilet seat, wearing a simple shirt and jeans, tears on her face, I immediately am by her side, taking her hand in mine.
"Hermione, what is wrong?" I whisper, looking her in the eyes. Her eyes meet mine; hers filled with tears, and fear. In my mind, I'm thinking of all the things she would tell me, but nothing prepared me for what she said.
"I-I was late. I was supposed to have it last week, but I-I was late. I'm never late Draco. I also haven't been feeling very well the past few days. S-so I decided to take a test, just in case…" She whispers, before trailing off, and tears start falling down her face. I reach up, and gently wipe her tears away, not quite understanding. A few seconds pass, before I understand, and my eyes widen.
"W-wait… you mean…" I start, not sure what to say.
I see her nod her head, her face looking miserable. A few more seconds pass, before I grin, and pull her into a hug. I hear her let out a strangled cry, before she shakes lightly as tears fall from her eyes. I just rub her back, not caring she was crying on my best robes, or that we were going to miss our reservation. I was going to be a father… I felt elated, but also slightly scared. I was only 20, how could I be a father? I cast those thoughts away, as I continued to rub Hermione's back, trying to sooth her.
A few minutes pass before her sobs subside, and she looks up at me. I smile at her, before kissing her lightly on the lips.
"I love you." I whisper. She looks at me, almost unsurely.
"Are you sure?" She asks, her face so vulnerable looking. Usually I would feel insulted she could ever think that I didn't love her, but now I could tell she was just afraid I would leave her, which I never would. I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. While children might have been wanted later in life, we would just get thought this, together.
I smile at her, and kiss her again, slowly, putting all of my emotion into it. I pull back after a few moments, and look her straight in the eyes.
"Hermione Jean Granger, there is nothing I love more in this world than you. I love you more than I could ever imagine I could ever love anyone. I will never leave you, ever. Now, while this might not be ideal, I will be by your side every second of it. Because you are my life Hermione, I could never be with anyone but you." And as I said that, I take out the box. It might not be how I planned, but I could tell this was the perfect moment for me to ask her.
Taking a deep breath, I looked her straight in the eye, as I repositioned myself so I was on one knee.
"So, Hermione Jean Granger, will you give me the honor of becoming my wife?" Three seconds pass, which seemed like hours, with her just staring at me opened mouth, before she grinned, and pounced on me, hugging me tightly. I laugh lightly, as I put my arms around her.
"Yes." She said breathlessly in my ear. "Yes, of course I'll marry you Draco." I grinned widely, as I hugged her tighter to me. After a while, she pulled back, and looked me in the eyes, a grin on her face.
"So you're not going to leave me? Because I-I was so worried you would leave me, because a lot of guys leave once they learn their girlfriend is expecting…" She trails off, the vulnerable look back on her face. I unwrapped my arms from around her, and took her face in my hands.
"Listen to me, and listen good Hermione, I will never leave you, ever. I love you with all of my heart, and I could never survive without you." I told her, meaning ever single word. I saw her smile, and lean forward to kiss me. I pulled her close, and held her as we kissed. I knew that if I were to die right then, I would die a happy man.
~~I said, "Girl, can I tell you a wonderful thing? ~~
~~I made you a present with paper and string. ~~
~~Open with care now, I'm asking you, please. ~~
~~You know that I love you, will you marry me?"~~
I had to stop the story again to cry. It wasn't fair for her not to be here anymore. It was life's way to tell me I would never be forgiven for my past sins, I know, but why did she have to be taken from me? Why couldn't I have died in her place?
Scorpius took me in his arms, and held me. I knew he felt uncomfortable, but I couldn't not cry. It was bad enough to have to live every day without her, it was even worse to tell him about it, and relive it all over again.
"Shh, dad, it'll be alright." I heard him say, his voice breaking at the end. That only made me sob harder.
"I'm sorry." I manage to choke out.
"No, dad, don't be sorry, it's alright. I understand." He whispered. I looked up, and I saw tears falling down his face.
"I love you so much Scorp, I'm so lucky to have you." I whisper, raising a hand to wipe away his tears.
He smiled weakly. "And I love you too dad. I'm sorry for making you tell me this, you don't have to tell me any more if you don't want to."
I shook my head. "No, you have a right to know, and if I don't tell you now, I never will." I say, before taking another deep breath, and continuing on with the story.
~~Now son, I'm only telling you this...~~
~~Because life, can do terrible things~~
~~You'll learn, one day, I'll hope and I'll pray~~
~~That God, shows you differently~~
We married five months later. It was a small wedding, only close family and friends invited. I think only about fifty people showed up in total. But that was how we wanted it. By this time, Hermione was defiantly showing, which upset her greatly, saying she looked hideous, despite my insisting that she looked more beautiful than anything in the world.
After the service, and Reception, we spent a week in Hawaii on our Honeymoon. Three months later Scorpius was born, and we were so happy. But over the next few years, her health started failing. She started getting tired more, having horrible headaches, and would get dizzy a lot. She said it was probably just stress; taking care of a child was very stressful. But one day, when Scorpius turned three, she collapsed, and we rushed her to Saint Mungo's. After a few hours, and many tests later, a grim faced healer came over to us. I took Hermione's hand in mine, and gripped it tightly, frightened about what the Healer was about to tell us.
"Mrs. Malfoy… I'm sorry, but you have a brain tumor. Now, based on the position it's in, we don't think we'll be able to remove it."
"What do you mean?" I asked, fear taking over my heart. "There's a way to fix her, right?"
The Healer shook his head slowly, his face grim. "No, I'm sorry Mr. Malfoy; there is nothing we can do. We could try to remove it, but there's a less than ten percent chance of survival. We could've given her potions, if she had come in a few months ago, but now unfortunately the tumor has grown too big, and the potions won't help. We could still try, but it most likely won't work. I'm so sorry."
I felt like I couldn't breathe. No. "What are you saying? T-that she's going to die?" I ask, tears falling down my face. This can't be true.
"She has up to six months left. I'm so, so sorry Mr. Malfoy." The Healer said sadly, looking at both me and Hermione. I saw Hermione's hand fly up to her mouth in my peripheral vision, as she slowly shook her head.
"B-but I have a son, h-he needs me. I can't just leave him." She whispers. The Healer just looks at us sadly, not saying anything. A sob escapes her, as she puts her head on my shoulder. I push back all that I was feeling, and held her, as we cried together. This was all my fault. If I had only brought her in when she first got her headaches, she might have survived. But I hadn't, I just believed that it was just stress.
We sat in the office for a long time, just crying. We finally got up, and left the office to tell the news to the others, where the crying continued. Scorpius looked at everyone with a confused look on his face, not understanding why we were all crying.
It was a while before we went home. When we got there, we put Scorpius to bed, and sat empty eyed on the couch, arms around one another. We had nothing to say. Nothing we could say.
~XOX~
The months passed quickly, and before I knew it, she was lying in a hospital bed, looking so ill. I can't even begin to explain how I felt seeing her like that. Imagine your heart shattering into a million pieces. Now multiply that by a million, and you won't even get close to how I felt. I gently brushed the hair off of her face, and saw as she slowly opened her eyes, and smiled lightly at me.
"Hey." She said weakly.
"Hey." I said back, tears falling down my face.
She reached up, and gently touched my face, wiping away my tears.
"Don't cry love, please." She whispered.
I choked back a sob. "I'm sorry, I can't stop." I whisper, putting my hand over hers, leaning into her touch as more tears fall from my eyes. I close my eyes.
"I love you so much Draco." I heard her say, my heart aching.
"I love you more." I whisper. She chuckles weakly.
"Impossible." She whispers. "Draco, look at me."
Slowly, I open my eyes, and find her brown ones.
"I regret nothing about our life. I love you so much, and I wouldn't trade what we have for anything in the world, even a long life. Because a life without you wouldn't be a life at all. Now… you've got to be brave love. You have to take care of Scorpius, ok? No matter how much it might hurt, you have to continue on living. And… And even someday, you'll find someone new. You deserve to be happy, so if you ever fall in love with someone else, you go after her, ok? Don't think of it as an insult to my memory, or anything like that. Ok Draco?" She asked weakly.
I shake my head. "I don't know if I can live without you Hermione. I love you so much; I think I might die when I lose you. But I'll try to be strong, for Scorpius. And I'll never love anyone else. Ever. I promise you this; I will never love anyone ever again as much as I love you." I whisper, as I lean down, and put my head on her chest, sobbing lightly. I felt her gently stroke my head, and say soothing things. I felt horrible that it was her who had to comfort me when she was the one who was about to…
"It'll be alright Draco, you'll be alright. But you have to promise me that if, someday, you do find someone else, that you'll let yourself be happy. Because I need you to be happy Draco, even if it's with another woman. So promise me."
"No." I whisper. "I will never be with someone else, you're it for me Hermione. I would hate myself if I ever moved on from you. I can't move on from you. You're the love of my life, and no one would ever come close to you."
She looked like she was going to say something else, when she closed her eyes tight, an indicator that her head hurt. I wished I could take the pain from her, but I couldn't. And that killed me inside.
~XOX~
When she died it was like a part of me died along with her. But I did as I said, and I was strong, and took care of Scorpius. It was hard, and not a day goes by that I didn't think of her, and have to cry myself to sleep, but I was able to live, if you can call it that. But I also went against what she wanted of me. I never loved anyone else, and I knew I never would. No one could ever replace her.
~~She said, "Boy can I tell you, a terrible thing? ~~
~~It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks. ~~
~~Please, don't be sad now, I really believe~~
~~You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me"~~
As I finished the story, I had run out of tears to cry, so I just sat there dead eyed.
"So that's the story of me and your mother." I finished in a whisper. A few minutes passed in silence, before I looked up at Scorpius. He had tears falling down his face.
"I remember her, barely, but still. I wish I could have known her." He says softly.
I let out a small sob. "So do I son, so do I."
~Slow, so slow~
~I fell to the ground, on my knees~
Time passed by quickly. Now here I sit, watching my son marry the girl of his dreams. I knew it would happen, all of those times he complained about her, like I had with his mother… I knew he would end up with her.
"Now do you, Scorpius Draco Malfoy, take Lily Luna Potter as your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I do." He said, a grin on his face.
"And do you, Lily Luna Potter, take Scorpius Draco Malfoy as your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I do"
"Then by the power vested in me by the ministry of magic, I now pronounce you man, and wife. You may kiss the bride."
I clapped with the others when they kissed, and watched as they walked back down the aisle hand in hand. I walked outside, and watched as they drove away. I followed everyone out to the parking lot, and got in my car, and drove to the area of the Reception. I just watched as everyone else danced, and have fun, feeling like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest. I knew I should be happy, but all I felt was sorrow, at how Hermione wasn't here to share in this happiness with us.
"Hey dad." I hear Scorpius say, as he takes a seat next to me, watching his bride dance with her father.
I manage a small smile. "Hey son." I say softly.
He then looks over at me, and sadness takes over his face. He takes my hand.
"I wish she was here too dad." He says, correctly guessing why I wasn't elated.
"I know. It's not fair she's not." I whisper, squeezing his hand lightly. We don't have to say anything else, and we just sit there in silence, as we watch the people party around us. After a little while, I speak.
"I'm happy for you son, for finding the girl you love."
I see him smile, and watch as his wife talked to the guest. "I'm happy too. I never knew I could ever love someone as much as I love her."
I swallow the lump in my throat, and speak.
"Same thing with me and your mother. I just pray you don't turn out like us." I whisper. In that moment, Lily walked over to us before he could respond, and asked if she could talk to me alone. Scorp nodded, and bid me goodbye, as Lily took his spot.
"Hello Mr. Malfoy. I-I wanted to know how you were." She asked softly, putting her hand on mine.
I smile lightly at her. I debate whether I should tell the truth or not. I decide on the truth.
"I-I am horrible. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for you and my son, and I know you will make him happy, but I can't stop thinking that this is all wrong. His mother should be here. She should be crying on my shoulder, saying how her little baby is all grown up. She should be here sitting with me, having the mother son dance with him… It feels all wrong without her." I admit softly, a few tears falling down my face.
I see that her face looks sad, as she squeezes my hand lightly. "I wish I could have met her. I wish she could have helped me plan this wedding, and that she had been here to help me with my nerves… But I know she is here, in spirit. I know that right now, she is sitting beside you, and she is crying as she watches me and Scorp. We might not be able to see her, but I know she is here." She finishes softly, giving my hand one last squeeze. I smile at her.
"I know she is too. But I can't help but wish she wasn't just here in spirit." I say, my voice breaking at the end.
"I know Mr. Malfoy." She says sadly, as she looks up at Scorpius.
"Now, I must be going over to my husband, I'll see you later sir." She says politely, before she gets up and walks over to Scorp. I can't help but smile at the sight of them. I then feel my hand warm, and it feels like I'm holding someone's hand. A few tears fall from my eyes, as I know whose hand is in mine.
"I love you Hermione" I whisper.
~~So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose~~
~~If given the choice, then, I'm begging you, choose~~
~~To walk away, walk away, don't let her get you. ~~
~~I can't bear to see the same happen to you. ~~
No matter what happens in the future, I will never forget her. I will never let her fall to the back of my mind. I will never let myself fall in love with another. I knew that now, because I would rather die than let her be replaced. Because she is my life. She is my one and only, and that will never change. I won't let that change. Even though it was her wish, I just can't follow through on this one.
I will love her until I die. And that is a fact.
~~Now son, I'm only telling you this...~~
~~...Because life, can do terrible things~~