SOY: First time posting HS fanfic on , but this is not my first HS fic. Xposted on tumblr and AO3 with the same name.
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Rating: M for mentions of Troll Trials and stuff.
Warnings: Dave's speech, maybe.
Disclaimer: I don't own HomeStuck.
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Courage
One–shot
"It doesn't really look much different from Earth," Dave's tone was bland, but Tavros had grown used to catching the minute shifts of the human's tone, so he easily detected the surprise.
The fact that he could never failed to make him smile.
"What, are you disappointed, about how it is not really um, different?"
Dave glanced at Tavros, lips twitching into a small smirk. "Don't get too cheeky Tavbro," he called out, but there was no bite to his words.
It had taken Tavros a lot to be able to understand what Dave wanted to say as opposed to what he actually said, and sometimes it was still hard –especially when the human used all his convoluted, weird metaphors that sent Tavros' thinkpan into a frenzy– but this was a sort of intimacy he had never thought he would even have with someone else. To be able to look at the human and know what he was thinking… it was something he truly enjoyed being able to do.
If there was someone Tavros admired –and liked, and pitied a bit, well, no, really, a lot– was Dave, so every small thing he learned that made him feel a bit closer to the human was always welcome.
Well, Tavros hadn't expected to be able to fill any quadrant anytime in his life, and having done that after dying was really somewhat disappointing, but meeting with Dave was proof enough that the best things came to those who knew where to look and who had enough time to wait for them.
They were both dead, so Tavros thought time was now something they had to spare.
"I had totally expected something wilder, I admit," Dave carelessly commented as he looked around, shades covering the way his eyes flickered everywhere, taking in the sight. "But your house… hive, was it? Well ok, that is alien enough for me".
Relaxing in Dave's bubble, spending time mixing beats, rapping together, playing videogames and visiting the surroundings of Dave's house complex was a common occurrence, but this was actually the first time Tavros had decided to bring Dave over to his own Bubble.
The troll didn't really like going back to his hive; it held far too many bad memories of a life he hadn't really enjoyed. He might be dead now, but he could walk again, he had a matesprit, albeit an alien one, and he didn't have to worry about getting hurt or mocked.
Besides, all the things he needed or wanted had somehow found their way into Dave's apartment, and since the human hadn't mentioned wanting them out Tavros had never seen fit to take them back.
Still, Dave had expressed veiled interest in seeing Alternia as Tavros remembered it. Casual comments whenever he accepted to play against Tavros with Fiduspawn –he always said he did it ironically, of course, but Tavros knew he enjoyed the game. He had seen the stacks of memory Pokémon cards stashed in a drawer of Dave's room– or whenever Tavros mentioned how good it felt not having to sleep in his cocoon anymore, or even when they were simply sharing a meal.
Tavros could read Dave rather well, so he had picked up on the subtle nudges, and in the end he'd caved in, and dragged the 'reluctant' teen with him to his Bubble.
Tavros' hive was not as majestic as Vriska's, but he liked it, and the weather was nice, too, so he was planning on taking Dave for a grand tour after the teen was done with ogling his place.
"It's just, the way it looks," Tavros rubbed his cheek, fidgeting a bit. "I don't remember, what I was thinking when I started, building it".
Dave turned around to look at him, looking as composed as ever. "You built that thing for yourself?"
"Well, not on my own, but yes, uhm, all trolls do that. Building their hives, I mean, that is a thing we do… we get some help but ultimately yes, when we're grubs".
There was a small twitch in the corner of Dave's mind that usually indicated incredulity, so Tavros hastily went on to explain.
"When we come out from the caves, after the trials, we get up here, with our Lusus, and we have to find the perfect place, to live, until we are old enough to leave the planet," Dave didn't look convinced, but Tavros wasn't done. "We get help, of course. The drones come, and build for us, but what they do, is how we want it to look. Vriska is higher than me, on the hemospectrum, so for example, her house is bigger, and better built, and uhhh, a bit scary, too, and Gamzee's house, too, is scary, and too big, but mine is, uuh, the right size, I think, and I liked it," Tavros waved his arms, trying to make a point. "I mean, I like it now, too, but I also like your hive, I mean, your house, and uhh, I think it's comfortable, if only smaller than I'm used to, but, definitely pleasant, and I wouldn't want anything bigger, anymore. I think. Though my horns would like, some more space, definitely".
He knew he had started to rant, but he couldn't help it. He was able to relax in Dave's presence, and even his stutter had started to abate, but mentions of Alternia pre-SGRUB still sent him into bouts of insecurity.
"Chill Tavros, chill, shut your razor-sharp mouth for a moment and count to fucking three," Dave quickly pressed one finger to the troll's mouth, effectively shutting him up. "I didn't even say anything bro, don't go all defensive of this place. I don't care what Spiderbitch's house looks like, or the crazy Juggalo's, but this thing over there is pretty neat, looks like a windmill of sorts".
Tavros' shoulders sagged in relief, and he smiled against Dave's finger, recognising the gesture as Dave's unique way to calm him down.
"Uh, thank you, Dave," he stated, lips moving against the soft, human finger still pressed there.
Dave moved his hand away, and Tavros caught the small blush on his cheeks.
"You are, uhm, blushing," he noted.
The flush spread a bit more, reaching his ears, and Dave quickly walked away from Tavros, observing the surroundings.
"Aside for the weird house it looks exactly like Earth," he stated, changing the subject as smoothly as possible. "What's this thing over there? Looks like a medieval puppet or something".
Tavros glanced over, and recognised his practice enemy, still looking as old and rattled as always.
"Oh, that, is my practice dummy, for when I used to joust," he admitted, regarding the puppet fondly.
He'd spent weeks playing and attacking that troll-shaped thing, and even after his incident he'd still tried to keep up his routine, even on his wheelchair.
"You joust?" Dave lifted one eyebrow, showing his surprise.
Tavros smirked proudly. "Didn't I tell you about it?" he asked. At the perplexed look he got, he guessed he actually hadn't. "My strife specibus is Lancekind, and I was, am still I think, really good at it. I spent a lot of my time practicing, when I wasn't, uuh, LARPing with my friends".
The troll could see Dave was intrigued by it, so he filed the fact away for later, determined to show Dave how he did it, maybe even using his faithful Fiduspawn Horsaroni.
"I didn't know you lived close to a cliff, kinda neat," Dave started walking towards the edge of the precipice, and Tavros felt his throat constrict instantly.
Faster than he'd ever been, he darted forwards and grabbed Dave's arm, dragging him towards his hive.
"Oi, Tavros, the fuck, let me go," Dave tried to push him away, but Tavros' grip on his arm was steely, and no matter how much he prided himself of being a good fighter, the troll's strength was superior to his own, so he could not get free. "What's with this now?"
"Uh, nothing, but let's go, I want you to see, the inside of my hive, and well, there's nothing, interesting, over there, it's just a cliff, which is high, and there is nothing underneath, and it's scary, and did I mention high, and the hive is better, and you can climb up, and see everywhere, and uuh, it's a better view, so come with me".
Dave stopped struggling as he heard Tavros' nervous stutter resurface, not resisting anymore as he allowed the troll to drag him into the hive.
He hadn't even been anywhere close to the cliff at all, so he didn't really get what was wrong with it; Tavros surely didn't suffer from dizzy spells or anything, since he liked to sit on Dave's balcony and look around.
Still, if it caused his troll to go back to his stutters, the coolkid was willing to let it go.
Shrugging it off, Dave allowed Tavros to become his personal guide for the hive's tour.
The place wasn't as big as it looked from outside, really, and it was full of metallic ramps, obviously added after Tavros had been left paralyzed.
Dave allowed Tavros to explain every single niche and detail of his house, but he wasn't really all that interested, and simply contented himself with staring at the troll, at the way he seemed to brighten up when he had something to rant on.
He had thought Alternia would be a bit more interesting than this, or at least a bit more… alien. The place was surprisingly similar to the wilderness of Earth.
In a way it was both disappointing and comforting.
Even then, it was offering a new side on things related to the troll he had chosen to be with for the rest of eternity, so Dave drank on the information he was offered and remained quiet, pondering over it.
The troll had lived all his life like that –alone in this house, with only the company of his weird Lusus, and probably never did have many trolls around to talk with other than on his computer… husktop.
Sharing all his life with Dave seemed to make him happy, and to see him smile this openly made Dave happy, too.
"And maybe, you could try some of my food, too, because it's been a while since I ate some grubcream and I am sure you would like it too, and–"
Dave shook his head. "Wait, rewind Tavbro, I'm not going to get any of your troll shit down my throat until you explain in detail what it's made of and what the taste is supposed to be like".
The troll smiled that open, inviting smile at him, and Dave knew that even if his troll food ended up being made with trolls, he would still try it just because of that smile.
"Maybe after we eat, we can have a look around, and I can, then, show you how I joust if you want?"
Dave hummed in reply, momentarily lost in trying to picture Tavros jousting. "Why jousting?" he asked, rather curious about the hobby he hadn't known about.
He watched as Tavros' cheeks turned slightly brown. "Uh, well, I wanted to, maybe, become part of the imperial, Cavalreapers, after I left the planet".
The excitement on Tavros' face was so open and bright that Dave had to smile a bit, waiting for the troll to continue.
"They are, well, uh, part of the Alternian military force, and uhhh, they are really courageous, and they fight in the frontlines, and well, I think they are, really cool, and I wanted to be one of them, before, uh, SGRUB…" his excited babbling slowed down. "Even though, uh, I would probably not even get, accepted, as cadet, because I'm weak and not, courageous, or I would probably, get culled because of my FLARPing incident, not that, uuh, it matters anymore, since I'm dead and, well, so is the whole military, and… the rest of Alternia, too".
Shaking his head sheepishly, Tavros turned around, leading Dave to the stairs that led to the upper level of his hive. The Taurus was actually rather pleased to be walking again, as it meant he wouldn't spend over an hour climbing up with his wheelchair.
Dave frowned. He never liked it when Tavros talked about his perceived weakness so offhandedly, as if it was a thing that existed without a doubt. Yes, he was meek and disliked fighting and killing, but Dave could testify by all the tales about his FLARP session and about SGRUB that he was anything but weak… just a bit too gentle for troll standards.
He didn't think it was bad. Actually that was just one of the things that made Tavros special.
The speech reminded him of something he wanted to ask, so he nudged Tavros' side, attracting his attention again.
"What did you mean with trials?" he asked, referring to what Tavros had said when they were still outside.
"Uh, what?"
"Before. Outside. With the puppet," Dave pointed at the lone, motionless figure he could still see from one of the windows. "You said you get your houses built after the trials".
A look of understanding passed on the troll's face, and then he grimaced.
"Uh, well, I don't really remember much, of mine. It's all a blur, really, and painful and dark," he fidgeted a bit, but the confusion he could detect on Dave's face made him continue. "After being born, we have to, uh, get through this thing, the trials, it's mostly fighting, really".
Dave blinked. He tried to wrap his brain around what Tavros was saying, but he found it kind of hard.
"What do you mean after you're born," he leaned against one of the walls, feeling its smooth, somewhat soft surface against his back. "You mean when you're kids… grubs?"
Tavros nodded, looking like it was perfectly nice for little trolls to be subjected to life–or–death situations, and Dave felt a bit sick.
"Your society is shit," he grunted out, turning his back to the troll to look outside the window.
"Well, maybe, but that's just how it is, and I'm here, so it wasn't, that bad".
He felt one of Tavros' hands press against his shoulder, and sighed, accepting the touch for what it was.
"Tell me," Dave had to ask. "What happens if you don't… if you fail?"
Tavros tilted his head to the side, somewhat relieved when his horns didn't encounter anything breakable. Another plus of being at his hive, where there was a lot of space to move his horns. "We have to get to the surface, see, and there are things, down there, out to get us, and eat us, and only the trolls who get to the surface, survive, that's why it's a trial".
"So you have to run like hell and pray you don't become the snack of some horrorterror?" Dave's voice was even, but Tavros easily detected the underlined shock.
"Yes, that is, what happens," he admitted, trying not to let uneasiness creep in his tone. "You run, and crawl, and climb, and when one gets to you, you fight, otherwise they, uuh, eat you?"
Dave turned around to look at him, pushing his shades down until his faded red eyes stared right into Tavros' white orbs.
"And you managed to not just outrun them, but actually fight them off," he stated, as if wanting to make a point.
"Uhh, yes, obviously, I did?"
"And you still have this ridiculous insecurity complex where you are afraid to open your mouth because you're weak and someone might kill you for that," he continued, deadpan.
Not seeing the connection Dave was trying to make, Tavros fidgeted and nodded. "Uhhh, I can't see, where you're getting at, Dave, because you know how I am, and it's not, nice, but I'm trying to get better, I think I am, and I know it's mostly because of you, but…"
Dave stopped him, once again pressing his hand on Tavros' lips.
"Fuck man, and you act like you're afraid looking at people will get you skinned alive," Dave twisted his neck to look at the other teen, clearly not understanding. "You fucking fought tooth and nail, or whatever you guys have when you're little grubs–"
"Uhhh, that would be, mostly, legs and stingers," Tavros supplied helpfully.
"–and you fought on your own like a cute lil fucker, finally getting out in the open and meeting your flying bull-mom, and damn you Tavros, you're tall and those racks you have are impressive there, and you're hell strong man, and you still let others walk all over you like you're a damn doormat," Dave continued without pausing, barely acknowledging Tavros' butting in. "That is sick man. You fought when you were a baby. Not even a Strider can say that. Not even Bro. Not even me".
Tavros stared at him, eyes wide in shock, not knowing what to say.
He had never considered the subject of trials as something important –it had happened when he was young, he didn't remember much of it other than the fact that he'd been scared and had wanted it to end.
He could remember the cold and the weird blood surrounding him, the desperation, the fear of not getting out before something ate him, and finally the cool light of the Alternian moon and the fluttering of Tinkerbull and his soothing breathing as it enveloped Tavros' tiny body, holding him close and soothing him…
But of course all trolls on the surface had survived.
Tavros didn't even think he'd fought to get there –at least not much, maybe?– but the way Dave was describing it… he made it seem like Tavros had done something impressive, which really wasn't the case.
"It wasn't really, all that much, and all trolls you know, have survived, not just me, so… uhh… I don't really thing you should, compliment me".
Dave rolled his eyes behind his shades. "The ironic part is how you are not bashful, you really believe that," he sighed, pressing the bridge of his nose between thumb and index. "Tavros, bro, listen, open those ears of yours so my voice gets to your brain loud and clear… that's the point I'm trying to make".
Blinking, Tavros waited for more, then frowned when Dave remained silent.
"That's, it?"
With an exasperated sigh, Dave grabbed Tavros' hand and pointed out of the window.
From there, Dave could actually notice the differences with his Earth –some trees were really weird-looking, and the night sky (trolls were nocturnal, something Dave continued forgetting every single time) was filled with lights that resembled nothing his human eyes had ever seen.
Bro had taught him to recognise the main constellations, and he could see none up there. Some stars were closer than he personally thought safe, too, and the light coming from them was enough to be able to see around even in the dark.
It was almost too easy to forget this was simply a memory and he wasn't truly stranded on a planet somewhere.
Pushing aside all thoughts of how different Earth and Alternia were, Dave returned to the subject at hand.
"All the trolls who lived on that shitty planet survived those horrid trials," he stated evenly.
He waited for Tavros to nod, then he continued.
"You survived, too," the troll nodded again, although a bit less sure now. "That places you at the same level as all of them, hemospectrum or not".
Tavros blinked. Slowly, very slowly, he started to get what Dave was hinting at, and promptly flushed, backing away from his matesprit in his haste to deny what the other was saying.
"But, Dave, no, that's not, what it means," he stated, flustered but inwardly pleased that Dave was, in some weird way, trying to compliment him.
"Then what does it mean? You were a fucking strong baby and you were just as worthy as all those other shitty trolls you befriended. Even Spiderbitch, or the sweaty guy who keeps dissing you whenever he comes around".
Tavros swallowed. It was a thought that had never occurred to him, because he'd always considered himself to be, well, weak and useless.
But he had survived the trials, right?
Or it could have been just a fluke. He really wasn't strong, nor brave, not like Vriska, or Gamzee or Karkat, or Dave.
"Uh, that is very sweet of you to say, but I am not bold, and I spent so much time, trying to stand, for myself, but I always fail, and look like, uh, a fool, and…"
"Oh, don't get up some sort of shitty rebuttal. Courage isn't measured by how mean you are with your friends or how many heads you sever," Dave sighed, shaking his head. "It's about doing what you think you'd never do on your own under pressure. Like facing the things that make you afraid, or speaking up your damn opinion".
Tavros paused and glanced out.
The sky had darkened considerably, covered with grey clouds; the bubble was probably sensing his mood and was adapting to it. Still, even in the dark he could see the cliff right in front of him, pitch black and scary and horrid.
He had barely enough guts to stand up and face Vriska whenever she popped around to bother them how could he even say he was brave or strong?
"Stop thinking about her," Dave murmured, his back pressed against the wall. "You get that look whenever you think about the Spiderbitch and what she did to you. I don't like it. I didn't say you have to go up to her and rant, she'd probably take that as an invitation to suck face or something".
Tavros fidgeted slightly, but had to admit that with their past, Vriska trying for a blackrom again wouldn't exactly be too out of the realm of possibilities.
The thought was scary. He didn't want to think about it. He had no intentions to fill that quadrant, not with Vriska.
"But, uh, Dave, if I can't even, face Vriska, how can I become, brave enough?"
With a soft sigh, Dave moved off the wall, invading Tavros' space and gently coaxing the taller troll down until his forehead was pressed against the human's. Tavros flushed at the closeness, getting a bit flustered. It was rare Dave initiated contact like this.
"You're a big dork, Tavros, and that is something I like of you, but bravery is not something you can learn," Dave's hands shifted up until they were curled around the base of Tavros' horns, holding him close. "I thought being around the best role model ever would help with it but it seems you still need some coaxing," Dave smirked a bit, his breathing hot against Tavros' face. "I only hang out with the best, Tavbro, and I hang around with you".
"But, uh, Dave, you, uhh…" still flushing, Tavros tried to move away.
Dave used to say things like that a lot, but that didn't mean Tavros was used to hearing them. It was nice to know the human he admired had such a good opinion of him, even if he didn't quite agree, but…
With a sigh, Dave seemed to relent, and let go of his horns, allowing the troll to move away. "No need to get so flustered, Tav," he shook his head, pushing his shades up his nose.
Tavros slumped a bit in relief. "It's nice, really, knowing you like me, I mean, even if I'm not the most, uh… brave troll around," he grabbed Dave's hand in his own, holding it gently and rubbing at the delicate, pale skin with his fingers. "And well, I think as long as you think that, I don't really care, if I'm not brave, or anything, because I still have you, and none of the other trolls, can say the same".
Dave smirked, tilting his head to the side. "It takes a lot to be able to hold all that swag I drop around just by existing Tavbro, nobody could stand being this close to this Strider, so consider yourself lucky".
"I do that, already, just so you know".
Dave straightened his back.
It would take a lot to get Tavros to understand, and even more time to undo what a life of being laughed at had done him, but it was still ok.
They were dead. They had all the time they needed to sort things through.
One step at a time, Dave swore. Tavros would learn that he was brave enough already, he just needed to realise it.
"Let's go, big guy, I want to see you jousting like a boss," he murmured, pointing outside. "And maybe if you impress the princess enough, she might give you a nice reward later".
Tavros let out a soft purring sound, following Dave down the stairs again, so fast he almost slipped and fell. "Dave, Dave, does that mean you'll try eating the grubcream?"
The troll watched as Dave's even pace faltered. "That wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but we can find another way to use that damn food," the human answered, not looking back. "Now get your gear up my Page, and get ready to impress the ladies".
With a cheeky smile, Tavros intertwined his fingers with Dave's, and followed the human out of his hive, ready to show off his skills.
Above their heads, the sky slowly cleared of clouds, showing again the shimmering, alien stars.