Warning: Suicide, Character death, and Self-Harm. If those trigger you, then read at your own risk/don't read.

Angst!Niff

Nick came barreling down the hall as fast as his legs could carry him, a letter in hand, crying out only one thing.

"Jeff!"

Heads pop out of dorm rooms. Nick recognizes some while forging past them. Trent's voice carries to Nick's ears, "Nick, what's going on!"

Nick keeps on, though, ignoring his surroundings and keeping his mind on Jeff.

He throws open his dorm room door and stops dead in his tracks. his eyes fall on the blonde boy lying eagle spread on the floor with some colorful pulls spilling form a bottle and red staining his white shirt.

Nick falls to his knees as his eyes grow hot with tears streaming down his face. He almost loses all ability to speak, but still tries to call 911 to save Jeff. Then he re-opens the letter and openly begins to sob.

—

He sits in the waiting room, hoping against all hope for good news, shaking his leg and surrounded by the Warblers. They wondered what was on that paper Nick wouldn't let go of, but no one dared question the boy about it.

10 minutes turned into 30. 30 into an hour. An hour into 2. Jeff's parents never came.

2 and a half hours later a doctor comes through the double doors and walks right up to Nick. nick stands to look the doctor right in the eye, tears welling up and praying to the god he doesn't believe in for the news he wanted to hear.

Instead, he only got 2 words. "I'm sorry."

"Can I see him?"

"He's gone."

"Please. Let me say good…" He couldn't bear to finish that sentence.

The doctor sighed. "Ok."

He leads Nick back to the room they had Jeff in before they would take him to the morgue. Nick ran the back of his fingers over Jeff's cold face, blonde hair, understanding that he'll never see those beautiful eyes again.

"I love you, Jeffy. I'm so sorry. I love you so much."

With that, he stumbled back to the waiting room drunk with grief and muttered, "Let's go."

So they left. Nick was silent the entire drive back to Dalton.

—

Upon arrival, Nick sauntered to his room leaving the Warblers behind in the practice room where they were already brainstorming songs for the funeral. Nick couldn't do it, though. It was too soon.

Nick locked his door, sat on his bed, and cried harder than he'd ever cried before. When no more tears would fall he opened the letter Jeff lad left in his mailbox. Each word carried the weight of the world as he read it. Slowly…

….

Nicky,

Before I say anything else, I want to tell you I love you. You were the one thing in my life that could make me truly happy.

I just wasn't strong enough.

My demons finally got the best of me and I couldn't ask you to have to deal with them with me. They were too powerful. I couldn't pull myself out of the hold I was in, but I couldn't pull you down with me. It wasn't ok for me to make you miserable, so I didn't. You were never the dependent one either…I was. You're stronger than I am and I know you can keep going without me. All I was doing was holding you back. Now you can bloom into the person I always knew you could be without me hindering you.

Just don't forget me, Nicky. I always loved you. 36

Jeffy

…

Nick sat in disbelief. "I would have gone with you through anything, Jeff. I wish you would have let me help you," he whispered.

As tears came to his eyes again he caught a glint of silver out of the corner of his eye.

He immediately stands, walks to it, and takes it in his hand. It's cool to the touch. It's even cooler as he takes is to his arm and dug it into his skin.

He seethed, but kept on.

"One for every day you're gone, Jeffy."