If there was one thing I always envied you for it was your confidence.

The way you could hold your head up high, your proud, kind version of authority that made people respect you despite the title society, the Royal Family had given you.

You cared less about societal norms. It made your attitude brash and ruthless but that brashness made me fall in love with you.

You were forever persistent, forever urging and not all too subtly either. You wanted me with you and you'd proclaim so in front of the entire world despite my pleading. You always sat so straight, so tall and so firm.

You were my sword.

I could feel how resolute you were when I wrapped my spindly arms around you. Sometimes, against your back, I would take pleasure in resting my face between your shoulder blades, my forehead absorbing the heat of your person so completely I thought I could feel that confidence that gave you so much strength.

Suzaku what am I doing? I need the support you've offered me over and over. I need your reassuring glances, your kind words and your smile that just makes my heart race. I know that now it's an impossible thing to ask of you, especially with how much you hate me. But I wouldn't change that either.

I need your determination on my side so that you can finish what I started. You'll stand as the pillar that everyone will turn to, the pinnacle that I forced myself on so that everyone would turn away, will be the point everyone looks to for guidance.

Be my mirror.

I realize I'm asking a lot from you, or that you may already be expecting my extraordinary demands...

I'm going to miss you.

My confidence was never real. It could never have been as tactile as yours. My pride ruled my actions and from the beginning I was damned.

I knew that and I'm sorry for making you go through the pain of learning it too.

Don't mourn for me, Suzaku, when I'm gone. There will be no time. It's not something you should waste your precious with.

Be the pillar the world needs, the mask that everyone will turn to.

Even when I'm gone, continue on as my sword and mirror my actions in the reflection of your blade.

Let's continue to make a good team.

"Your Highness?"

Lelouch looked up from his reverie. "Suzaku."

The way you stand so firm, your shoulders back and your eyes like steel makes my chest clench and my stomach flutter. I'm so proud of what you've become.

"The fifth division has returned from negotiations in the west. I wanted to report that it was successful."

"Thank you, Suzaku."

I can see you hesitating. Does it hurt for me to call you by your name? I'm sorry but I'm not going to stop. So much has changed. I would ask that you bear with it and allow me to call you like this for just a little longer.

"Is that all?"

"...Yes."

Our plans are in motion, have been since we left the World of Cs. We're sacrificing our futures, but it will pay off.

Please be patient.

If I could, I would fast forward time. I would make it so that your torment under my hand will last for as little as possible, but I can't.

I'm sorry.

But I'm only human.

AN: A real quick one shot because I was feeling a little down today. I'm sorry if it's butchered and the style is wank and I completely messed up Lelouch's character. Reviews appreciated, even if you chop off my head.