It seemed like normal enough of a day.
Well, as normal as you can get after your first love died.
Shisui was over, acting his usual stupid self. Mama let him stay over for
the weekend while she and my father were away. Sasuke had gone to stay with
our aunt and uncle, so we had the house to ourselves. At fourteen, if
you're ANBU ranked, when you're trusted with high-ranking official
transports, then you can deal with a sleepover.
He had just come over as mom and dad departed, along with Sasuke in tow,
who, before-hand, and glomped me and smothered my face in kisses, saying
how much he'd miss me while he was gone. My sweet little outoutou.
Of course, with Shisui always tends to follow some sort of mischif. It is
Shisui after all. But I was surprised to find that he entered calmly,
almost docile, removed his shoes at the door respectfully, and had nothing
but a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. No "borrowed" weapons from his
father, no liquor, no dirty magazines he stole from the bookstore. Just a
plain, moss-green duffle bag. He smiled at me, his usual boyish smile.
"Hey, Itachi. Ready to get this party started? Where's the alcohol?" He
chuckled, but it was missing something. He didn't seem quite as flamboyant.
Almost quiet.
But it was Shisui. I would like to know how in the Hell he managed quiet.
"I'm not sure, Shisui, I was almost certain you'd be bringing it from some
unnamed source once again," I smirked with triumph, cut short.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sir, I forgot the Chardonnay at the Country Club," he
dipped for a fake curtsy, and I suppressed my urge to see how hard I could
kick him between the legs.
"'Chardonnay' my ass, Shisui, the fanciest drink you've had is a shot of
Jack Daniels that a leaf fell in."
"HEY! It was fancy enough. And I felt like a damn cowboy, thank you."
"Cowboy my ass."
"How about my FOOT your ass, huh?"
That was more like it. That's the Shisui I knew.
"Well, would you like me to take your bag, Mr. Cowboy?"
"Naw, I's can git this meself, thank ya very much," he drawled in his
horrible southern American accent. Those horrible movies were getting to
him. "I'm bored, though. See? I've been here three minutes, and I'm bored.
You're so boring, Itachi."
"Here, I'll pull the fun train around and run you over with it. Sound good?"
"Only if I get to drive next."
"You're so stupid."
"Thank you."
"You think you're just so funny, don't you, Shisui?"
"Why, you think so?"
"You're no Dave Chapelle."
"Thank you! God! I hate that Mutherfucker."
That's how he pronounced it. MUtherfucker. Not Mutha. Not Mother. MUther.
We left it at that and he stalked me to the kitchen, his footsteps
reverberating loudly, almost obnoxiously off of the wood floors, whilst
mine were barely heard. How Shisui became a ninja, I may never know.
I pulled a large bottle of soda out from the top of the refridgerator
shelf, pulling two glasses down from the cabinet at the same time.
"You want ice?"
"That's like asking me if I want sex. Yes, please."
I rolled my eyes, letting the ice clamour into the glass cups loudly,
announcing their arrival obnoxiously. I let them both fill with soda,
replaced the cap and bottle, and closed the fridge door with my foot,
handing Shisui his cup. He took it with his free hand, nodding a thanks,
and downed half of it in one gulp. Amazing how he wasn't a caffine addict
by the way he gulped down fattening coffee bombarded with whipped cream,
chocolate shavings, and whatever candy he can find at the bottom of the jar
I keep in my dresser, soda after soda, and heavy energy drinks. I still
remember his favorite was Red Bull, even though, each time he bought one,
he would mutter dissappointedly, "This don't give you wings. I ain't buying
one EVER again."
Yet, he'd buy six-packs every trip to the store.
We made our way to my room, by the time we had gotten there, Shisui had
finished off his soda, his ice clattering in the glass loudly. He casually
dropped his bag by the door, plopping down on my bed, stretching
enthusiastically, only to languidly fall onto his back, muttering, "I'm
thirsty."
I took a gulp of my soda, knowing I wasn't gonna get it back from him, and
handed him the mostly full glass. In the matter of a minute, it was gone.
"Ah, thanks Itachi."
"Yeah, yeah."
I sat down at the foot of the bed, looking at my GameCube, gathering dust,
and considered challanging him to Tetris. But it wasn't any use. If Shisui
can't win, he'll ensure you don't either.
I was trying to beat the world record (at the time) of 1,985,284 in
Pac-man. Not for challange. I was bored.
Shisui happened to come in through the window without my knowing. I was
down to my last life, with 1,980,782 points. Shisui noticed, and wasn't
happy.
I suddenly had a 130-pound teenager tackle me, wrestling the controller out
of my hands, and lunge poor pac-man straight into a ghost.
I never tried to break that record again.
After a minute of quiet, Shisui spoke up.
"I'm sorry, man...about Nina and all. I know you loved her."
I responded with a languid, "Yeah..."
"Seriously, though. She didn't deserve it. And you didn't deserve to lose
her."
"Hn..."
He sat up, the sheets rustling beneath his weight, his hand finding it's
way to my shoulder. I felt myself recoil slightly, and he sighed quietly.
"Itachi, you can't shut yourself off because of that."
I shrugged absentmindedly.
"Seriously, Itachi. Listen to me. You gotta realize that it wasn't your
fault."
"W-what...?" I turned my head slightly, blinking twice.
"I know how much you blame yourself. You know what you get out of blaming
yourself?" he pulled off his sweatband he wore around his left wrist,
holding it out. Bright pink scars messily marred his light skin, striping
like an erratic work of art. "It gets you a bloody wrist and a bottle of
Prozac," he chuckled, somewhat darkly.
"Wow..." was all I heard myself say.
The day seemed to pass by slowly into the night. We played a few video
games, I won, Shisui got upset, pushed me off the bed, I got up, pulled his
hair, he punched me in the stomach, I threw him on the ground, then went to
shower.
I came back in to find him still on the ground, except his left foot was on
the bed, his pant leg drooping slightly to reveal an eye tattoo on his
ankle. It would look a bit disturbing to anyone besides me, probably. Even
he admitted he was somewhat high when he got it.
He looked up at me. "Took you long enough, Itachi."
"Shut up," I barked at him, throwing the towel I used for my hair down onto
his face. To my surprise, he inhaled deeply.
"You use Axe?"
"Shut up, I said."
I scowled and collapsed onto the bed on my stomach, burying my face in the
pillow, raking my hand through my damp hair, let out of its usual ponytail
and draped across my shoulders and back.
I heard rummaging through the duffle bag and the door open and click shut.
The sound of rushing water came through the pipes, sounding surprisingly
calming. I snuggled into the pillows a little more, my hand fumbling around
on my side table to find my iPod, plugging the buds into my ears and
letting it play on random.
I hadn't noticed the time when Shisui returned. His hair wasn't quite wet,
just somewhat damp. He sat down on the bed beside me.
"Hey. I brought up some popcorn. Are you awake?"
I heard him, but couldn't bring myself to move. I felt a bit comatose,
actually, or under heavy ether anesthetic. He turned me over and looked
down at me. The sun was casting an orange glow around the room, marred
slightly by the curtains. The popcorn didn't smell very good to me. In
fact, it almost made bile rise in my throat, though I hadn't eaten that
day, so it burned slightly. I coughed once, then opened my eyes. Shisui
reached over me and set the popcorn down on the side table, laying next to
me, pulling the blankets up over his shoulder, removing a bud from my ear
and inserting it in his, nuzzling down into the blankets. I thought he was
asleep for a moment, his soft breath barely reaching my ears before I heard
him breathe softly, along with the song,
"Leave me out with the waste, this is not what I do...it's the wrong kind
of place to be thinking of you..."
I turned over onto my side, noticing the song. Nine Crimes.
"It's the wrong time for somebody new...it's a small crime, and I got no
excuse, and is that all right? Yeah..."
He shifted a bit closer to me, his hand lightly touching my back, feeling
me shudder through the thin cotton nightshirt.
"Give my gun away when it's loaded...is that alright? Yeah..."
I felt his forehead press to the nape of my neck, his breath lightly
gracing my back, his fingers somewhat playing with the folds in my shirt.
"If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it? Is that alright,
yeah...Give my gun away when it's loaded...is that alright? Yeah...if you
don't shoot it, how'm I supposed to hold it? Is that alright, yeah...with
you?"
He sang, well, rather muttered the last words against my neck, his breath
quiet, his hand slipping to my neck, playing idly with the loose hair
draped across my neck.
"Leave me out with the waste, this is not what I do...it's the wrong kind
of place to be cheating on you..."
I heard him swallow quietly, his breath trembling slightly, his hands cold
against my damp, warm neck.
"It's the wrong time...but she's pulling me through...it's a small
crime...and I've got no excuse..."
I unconsciously leaned into his fingers when they traced a sensitive nerve
underneath my ear, down my neck. He gave a small chuckle, yet he wasn't
smiling, his lips barely parted against my neck, humming along.
"And is that alright, yeah...give my gun away when it's loaded..."
I was a bit surprised when he sang along in the background "Is that
alright? Yeah..."
"Is that alright? Yeah...if you don't shoot it, how'm I supposed to hold
it, is that alright? Yeah...Give my gun away when it's loaded...is that
alright? Yeah...if you don't shoot it, how'm I supposed to hold it?"
"Is that alright? Yeah..." I sang.
"Give my gun away while it's loaded..." He sang along.
"Is that alright? Yeah..."
"If you don't shoot it, how'm I supposed to hold it?"
"Is that alright? Is that alright? Is that alright...with you?" we sang
together.
"No..." I finished quiely.
His hand gently, carresingly slipped down my shoulder, to my side, then my
waist, his fingers slipping beneath the hem of my nightshirt. I gasped
quietly as his hand slipped up my back carefully, more gently than anyone
could think Shisui could manage, with how clumsy or rough he could be. His
fingers lightly ran across each of the scars, silently counting them out.
He gently encouraged me onto my stomach and lifted my shirt up in the back,
sitting up. The curtains were slightly open, letting a few dying rays of
red-orange light fall into the room.
"W-what are you doing...? Shisui...?" I muttered, startled. The only
people who had seen my back were Sasuke and Nina.
He looked over it gently, an expanse of pale skin streaked with
blackish-red bruises and deep scars, leaving indents in my back.
"You didn't deserve this..." he muttered, his fingers seeming to follow
every indent, treating each tender bruise gently, running them over the
sensitive expanse of damaged skin. "You didn't deserve this..."
I let out a small breath. "Shisui...?"
"Hm?" he muttered, his fingers still tracing the painful marks.
"What are you doing...?"
"Itachi...? You know how we always said we'd tell eachother everything...?"
"Yeah...why?" I looked up at him, blinking.
In the now-fading sunset, his cheeks were tinted pink, eyes focused on me
with a touch of something I couldn't name, but he gazed at me, his shoulder
moving with his arm, with his hand, gently stroking my back.
"Why, Shisui...?"
He leaned down to my face, encouraging me to face him with his hand to my
cheek as I shifted onto my side, my shirt still pushed up, his hand on my
bare side. It felt nice, almost intimate, almost reminded me of Nina. Then
I remembered: this was my best friend here, now.
"I love you, Itachi..." his forehead pressed to mine, his cobalt eyes
staring into my gray, looking for a response, almost desperatly. "I love
you. I don't know why. Maybe because you're the best friend I ever had,
maybe it's because you're so innocent, but I think it's because you're so
perfectly imperfect. Everything about you, you have all the right flaws.
From your hair," his fingers slipped up, entangling with my somewhat damp
hair, "not quite a raven, but a crow. The tear troughs under your eyes,"
his hand cupped my cheek again, tracing one with his thumb, "yet you never
cry." he chuckled. "Your skin. Not pale, not dark. It's a very odd color,
really. I dunno where you got it. Your dramatic, yet solemn eyes. Toned,
almost weak looking arms. Your whole existance is a contriadiction," he let
out a laugh, almost endearing, a familiar smile crossing his features. "I
love you, Itachi. I love you."
His eyes were creased with his smile as he leaned in a bit closer, his lips
barely an inch from mine. "I don't mind if you don't love me back. I can
understand. I understand, Itachi."
I swallowed hard, trying to find something to say so I didn't come off as
an idiot. "Shi...sui...I..." I felt my cheeks burn as if someone had set
fire to them with kerosene.
"Like I said, Itachi..." he sat up, back onto his heels, "I don't
mind...I'm just kinda glad you actually listened..." he gave a small smile,
almost sympathetic, like when Nina had died. Even he hadn't known how I
cried at that.
My eyes scanned his face slowly for a sign of joking, as if he was trying
to prank me. I checked mentally for the date. Not April first...no...it
was the 28th, last I checked. I looked on my iPod, confirming my prior
suspicion that it was the 28th. I looked back at him.
His lips were turned up at the corners, his white teeth just showing
beneath his lips, eyebrows arched, the edges of his eyes squinted in a
smile, looking almost painted as of the markings at the corners of his
eyes. I had always wondered what those were from...
The iPod changed songs, and a slow guitar drifted through the surround
headphones.
"Damn, I love this song," Shisui grabbed a headphone that had previously
fallen from his ear as he sat up, singing along, that smile still on his
face. He looked at peace, overjoyed, actually. "My life is brilliant, my
love is pure, I saw an angel, of that I'm sure..."
I knew the song as well, listening to him sing it with such enthusiasm,
suddenly something had caught in my throat, an unabatable urge to throw my
arms around his neck and draw him impossibly closer in the dying light, to
be selfish and demand that he hold me and love me until the pain stopped
and I knew that he would too, if only I could ask. But my voice betrayed
me as he reclined back into the bed, sheets rustling beneath him like it
was the most natural thing in the world, welcoming his presence as if he
belonged here.
I glanced subtly at his profile, noting every little detail, committing it
to memory. The outline of his messy chestnut hair, the gentle slope of his
nose to the curvature of his slow-moving lips, his throat, displayed calmly
as if nothing could ever harm him as his head rested on his arms, folded
behind his head contently. He melded into things so naturally and, at that
moment, wished to be a part of the background, to meld in and fail to be
noticed, to blend as effortlessly as he did...
Without hesitation I raised myself on my elbows and shifted, laying myself
on Shisui's chest, a moment of fear of rejection aching suddenly-is this
how a donor's heart feels in a new body?-until, like it really was the most
natural thing in the world, he brought one arm from behind his head and
laid it across my back, holding me close. The other followed, too, mending
me into his comfortable presence I had known, but now different. Better,
almost, though almost the same. I dared a glance at who had accepted me-a
stranger, for a moment-and noticed he looked back, eyes half-lidded and
incredibly warm, his gaze liquidating my dwindling rationality to virtually
nothing as I questioned my better judgement and leaned in close, closer, as
instinct-impulse-instructed. As if he sensed my subtle tenacity, he shifted
both his and my weight-I felt like a child in his arms-and leaned in, his
lips pressing to mine softly, my mind suddenly quietly numb, as if
blanketed in a safe embrace. His lips were chapped and soothing against
mine, a pleasant pressure that stirred long-unknown feelings inside of me,
ones that hadn't even awakened for Nina, that stayed hidden; dormant. I
allowed myself to suddenly release hold of my life and let inhibitions
fade; and I had just allowed my male cousin to kiss me. Fear, anxiety,
worry, nothing came into play as I let his hand slip down to my lower back,
drawing my legs up so I curled at his side, a sense of belonging washing
over me.
Naturality.
I belonged here, at his side, loyally; like a pet. His fingers caressed the
sliver of pale skin just below my shirt hem and I allowed the flawlessness
of the moment to continue even longer, his fingertips brushing against my
spine as he touched along my lowest scars, his tongue slowly slipping
between my lips. Without defiance, I let him in. The caress of his tongue
against mine dizzied me with another sudden onslaught of emotions, my
eyelids lowering suddenly as I relinquished myself to him, my hands cupping
his cheeks as he kissed me, realizing nothing I had done with Nina had been
so...passionate. Emotional. The thought stung for a second before the cause
of distraction pulled away from me, his warm tongue's absence suddenly
almost unbearable. I pressed closer, hoping he would somehow again pick up
on my need of his presence within me. Within me...I shivered slightly.
"Itachi..." he murmured gently, tucking some of my hair behind my ear
affectionatly, pressing another light kiss to my suddenly trembling lips. I
felt cold, pressing closer to Shisui's heat suddenly for warmth. Had I
always been this cold without him? Then, as if sensing my lack of heat, he
turned us over, each of his elbows on either side of my shoulders, knees
straddling my theighs, looking down at me with his warm brown eyes. Had his
eyes always been so brown? How long have I known him? Forever? Not long
enough? He leaned in to my neck and laid a gentle kiss against my pulse,
his heat radiating, soothing my chills as his lips caressed my clavicles
and whispered a hushed foreign language against my skin. Latin? Italian?
Suddenly, "Cara Mia...!" was cried out, and his lips locked to mine,
holding my face to keep me from pulling away (not that I would). I wrapped
my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist securely to assure him
the only place I wanted to be was here. Shisui suddenly spoke in his normal
dialect, muttering in a husky tone, "Once this happens...we will never go
back to being friends. We will always be entwined. I will never let you go,
Itachi. Understand that. I will *never* let you go again. I'll always be
with you. Always."
I stopped, his words resonating in the silence of the dark.
I thought about the past year, darkness more painful and far less silent
than this. I didn't know what he was planning, but the thought made
butterflies erupt from long-thought dead cocoons, fluttering and reaking
havok on my judgment as I whispered, without thought, "I'm yours."
Something like recognition flitted in Shisui's eyes as he captured my lips
once more, tasting something odd. Satisfaction, maybe? No...Gratification.
Completion. I got lost in the beautiful sensation his tongue brought about
in me, heat billowing in my stomach suddenly when I realized where his hand
was. My eyesight blurred suddenly as I began to breathe a bit heavier. A
hot, heavy feeling washed over me, my limbs suddenly heavy as I realized
what was happening. My toes curled unconsciously into the sheets, suddenly
suffocating and withholding, wanting to be free of such restraints as I
writhed beneath his impossible touch. I arched gratefully into the heat of
his hand, his obliging touch melding effortlessly, as he always did. Making
me feel so complete. I only realized I was holding my breath when Shisui
kissed me, forcing the held breath to escape in a lengthy, embarrassing
moan, sounding like a slurred version of his name as white seemed to
assault my vision. I thought I had died. I couldn't see straight. I blinked
away the lightning haze and glanced around for my sudden lover. When my
vision cleared, I saw him on his knees in front of me, licking something
from his fingers. I wondered for half a second before I felt my face heat
further-if it were possible-, letting my head fall back into the pillow.
Did I even? I was still hard, I realized. Shisui gave me a quick,
apologetic glance, paired with a heart-melting smile, and I could only grin
back lightly. I relaxed back into the pillows, thinking it was over and
Shisui only wanted to be a little intimate, the butterflies relaxing
suddenly, seeming to want to sleep with me. But their-and my-haze was
disturbed by Shisui's smooth, calloused hands running beneath my shirt, up
my torso. A bubbly feeling rose in my chest, my stomach fluttering once
again as he removed my top, leaving my abdomen bare to him. Daring a
glance, I saw he studied my skin carefully, his fingertips caressing
gently, allowing me to sigh out in contentment. Only a bit more, I decided.
Until he leaned down and began to openly kiss my nipples. I was dizzy
again, heat spreading to every corner, every crevice, every cell in my
body, swirling in my head and clouding my judgement as I moaned, "More."
He complied. I couldn't name everything, because every touch just burst
like a supernova, my body responding on its own, my better judgement
deciding that, maybe this once, I could let go and let Shisui take care of
me as he always wished, let him treat me like the child he still adamantly
claimed I was. And something caught in my throat at the thought of being
taken care of like that, something stinging my eye. I laughed somewhere in
the corner of my mind. I was suddenly aware of the cold, if only for a
brief moment, when I was stripped bare before my best friend, who, so
without remorse, took my burdens away for half a moment, awoke feelings in
my self I had never even known existed. I closed my eyes and tried to make
sense of what was happening:
My best friend was spending the night.
My best friend liked Damien Rice.
My best friend can't beat me at video games.
My best friend knows I use Axe.
My best friend cared enough to make sure I wasn't hungry.
My best friend told me he loved me.
My best friend loves me.
I love him.
All that came to my mind was gone as I suddenly felt his lips on my ear,
whispering, "Hold on to my shoulders. Close your eyes."
I couldn't ask why. Shisui had told me to do it. I did it without question.
And I gripped his shoulders until they seemed to bruise beneath my fingers,
squeezing my eyes shut as his finger slid into me, an odd, not unwelcome
feeling. I shuddered slightly as it moved within me, and I whispered
Shisui's name quietly, wrapping my arms around his neck as another finger
pressed into me. I gasped quietly. I had never been penetrated past
one...father's. But I discarded that thought as he began to stretch me, now
fully understanding he wanted to go all the way. I couldn't keep my eyes
open if I wanted to, I realized, but wanted this to be mutual. I didn't
want to simply submit, no matter how easy Shisui made it to give in to his
caring rule. I slipped my hand shyly down to his waist, sneaking my hand
into the waistband of his pants. I felt him pause, tensing slightly. His
hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling it away gently. He shook his head,
mouthing, "No," somehow knowing I couldn't hear well at the moment. I
worried for a bit. Did he not think me capable? But I knew that wasn't the
case when he kissed me again, forgiving, explaining everything.
I must have moaned in pain when he added a third finger, because he pulled
me close, my head nested comfortably in his shoulder.
Shisui moved his fingers and, in an instant, I honestly could swear I had
passed out. I snapped awake a few moments later, shaking. "W...what..."
He just gave me an incredibly satisfied smile, closing his eyes and shaking
his head no, discarding my thoughts. On his order, I dropped the thought.
What have I become? I thought incredulously. I used to never take Shisui
seriously. Now...he was like my master.
It was a beautiful thought.
He stripped down, too, laying over me. I moaned at the heat between us, how
beautiful he really was, my hands lingering across his shoulders. He kissed
me apologetically as he lifted my legs to wrap around his legs. I
shuddered, feeling incredibly nervous-as I had not in many years-feeling
him begin to press into me.
that's It...I thought...You own me. I love you.
I felt the pain almost immediately as he sank into me, squeezing my eyes
shut against the pain. Shisui muttered something in a language I didn't
know, but I obeyed anyways, opening my eyes and meeting his gaze, locking
on for dear life as the pain almost overwhelmed me. He simply held me
closer, not letting me look away for anything, feeling myself give way to
him painfully, feeling so amazingly full, so complete, so pained and so
changed, so terribly, wonderfully injured. I felt my innocence rip away
with no regrets, and Shisui let me break the gaze, my eyes falling shut and
my head falling back into the pillows, relief washing over me. No pain,
just that brilliant feeling of utter completion, my toes curling at the air
as my calves pressed to his lower back, keeping me grounded even through
the bliss, reminding me I was alive, here, being taken by my best friend,
my older brother, my now lover. I didn't have to let him know I was ready;
he began to move when he knew. I held on to him loosely, knowing he
wouldn't go anywhere if I let go for just a moment. After all, he was
always telling me how much I needed to let go. And I only would, I
realized, in his arms. I held my breath as he fucked me, at a loss for
anything besides slight groans and occasionally fisting the sheets, my legs
around his waist, my vulnerabilities painfully exposed. He suddenly leaned
in to my ear, muttering, without missing a beat, "I love you, Itachi. Cara
mia. My beloved. You're mine. I'll love you forever."
He began to move faster, hitting something inside of me that made
everything perfect, made everything beautiful, every pant, every moan.
Somewhere in the blur of white and the sound of his breathing he told me to
quit holding back. I was afraid I had messed something up, that he didn't
love me anymore because of it, but his tone was forgiving and allowing as
he told me he wanted to hear me. I nodded, replying by allowing every whine
and groan to escape my lips, every pant of his name, every cry and whimper.
He continued to hit that spot in me, making me cry out every time. His
strong arms wrapped around me like a safe-guarded barrier, keeping me in
reality as he pushed me deeper and deeper into oblivion. Suddenly, I was
pulled upward feeling the already impossible heat delve deeper into me, and
I tossed my head back and moaned, because I could tell somehow that's
exactly what Shisui wanted from me. He wanted to know how much pleasure he
brought me, how much I loved what he did. How much I loved him. How much I
still do. My hands rested firmly on his shoulders as he reclined back onto
his elbows, thrusting up into me. It's not like he needed to, anyways. It
was enough to make me cum regardless. I thought quickly of what he had just
done. Shisui took all of my power away, took my innocence, given me
release, then restored my control while shouldering all of my burdens. I
looked down at the eyes that stared up at me longingly, as Romeo must have
at Juliet.
I only realized then that Shisui held me in higher regards than himself,
thinking I was much better than him in some aspect. He wanted to protect
me, love me, care for me, and I had deprived him because of my own pride.
He loved me so unselfishly. He cared for me as a child, a friend, a lover.
He listened and was there for me always. I began to move against him as he
pulled my hair from it's already loose ponytail my bangs hiding my eyes. I
couldn't understand how he could care for me in such a way. What was I? I'm
not worth protecting. I'm my father's pride and shame, his slut and trophy
son. I am a dog of Konoha's ruling. I am the Uchiha clan's weasel. I
belonged to everybody but myself, which I realized was painful. I decided
to give myself to Shisui. All of myself. He would become something of a
vessel, to carry whatever broken spirit I still retained after everything
life had thrown at me took its toll. I bowed my head from his sight, moving
against him with more meaning, more need and want to be broken and loved,
like a pet, like a child. I desired that affection I had never known from
anyone who was supposed to supply it, but this person, my cousin, made me
his best friend out of everybody. Chose me to love...out of everybody. My
bangs fell in front of my eyes as he began to move more meaningfully,
grateful, now, for my girlish hair as I bowed my eyes from sight and began
to cry. I cried for Mama, who loved me despite everything, my brother, who
was neglected by our father, but, thankfully, unharmed. I began to cry for
Shisui, who made the mistake of picking somebody so broken, so desolate,
who just realized the extent of his pain, and I cried, for the first time,
for myself. Hot tears streamed down my face as I thought of everything that
had happened to me, and how selfish I was to believe my pain was worth
tears, but how helpless I was to stop everything that went wrong. I cried
for how sad and lonely I felt all of the time, no friends, no social life,
no father to teach me right from wrong, no brother to smile and yell my
name every time I came through the door. No mother to smile at as she hangs
on by threadbare seams. I cried for my dwindling strength, and how Shisui
seemed to meld perfectly into my life, just in time, despite him being here
since I was born.
Shisui was my father. He was there when I was born. He held me. He loved
me. I began to sob, my hands balling into fists on his chest as I cried,
desiring his love more than anything in the world right now. the closeness
that was there right now would not keep me satiated. I needed his love.
Desperately. I needed to stay strong, and he supported me. Nobody in the
world had any idea how good it felt to finally let go. Pain, sorrow,
loneliness, anything, everything that ached inside was pulled away. My
sobbing grew into violent, wracking screams of sorrow and rage. I cried and
cried and cried as Shisui held me carefully, connected intimately, my
pain and suffering opening a black void in my chest as I screamed and
sobbed. He told me, "Let it out. I'm here. Nobody else is here but me.
Scream, Itachi. You need to scream."
And I threw my head back and screamed, the tears coursing down my cheeks as
if they would never stop, Shisui holding me as my pain erupted from my
throat, thinking I could never scream enough to release everything I had
held in for fourteen years. My life, my whole entire life was incomplete
without him. I moved against him, my screaming died away and was replaced
with broken sobs, crying into his shoulder like a child. He rocked me back
and forth gently, allowing me comfort I realized that, if I had felt it
before, I never remembered. Shisui was everything to me now. It had taken
fourteen years to realize it, but I couldn't live without him. He began to
move in me again, my toes curling into the sheets as heat sparked in the
dark, empty void in my abdomen, light seeming to fill everything. I
couldn't stop crying, trembling, but allowed myself to moan his name
between each spasm of sorrow. Hitting something in me that lit everything
up like kerosene, I threw my head back and cried, "I love you! Shisui, I
love you!" gripping onto his biceps as he guided me through the searing
light, burning every sense of control I had as I gave into my new life. I
felt him cum deep inside of me, my back arching as he did, he moaning my
name gratefully as I returned his. My hands shook as I fell forward,
allowing him to catch me as he rested me against his chest, not pulling out
as I relaxed into his hold, my tears still streaming for no reason but to
release so much tension that had built for years and years. Shisui rocked
me gently, carefully, loving me impossibly.
I could only whimper how much I loved him as he promised to never, no
matter what happened, leave my side, to always be there, transcending life
and death, dimensions themselves. He told me to disregard everything I had
learned and known until now, that he would teach me everything I needed to
know. He told me father wasn't my father, he was Fugaku Uchiha, with no
relation to me. He said I was his son, his brother, his cousin, his lover,
his student, his everything. He said he would become all I needed, and
would teach me to live on my own, to not rely on anybody else as I would
with him. I think he knew he would die and leave me behind, which is why he
taught me so much. It didn't stop the ache, but it was a nice thought. I
memorized every aspect of that night. I cried the whole night, but not
entirely of sadness, and he allowed me to. He didn't call me weak, didn't
laugh, didn't tell me to stop. He told me to let everything out. He told me
to tell him everything, and when I couldn't speak clearly, he still seemed
to understand. "None of it is your fault," he told me, and I nodded,
because that was all I could do.
that was all I could really do.
I was trained to be a precise, cynical, antagonizing, to-the-point killer.
I was trained to never make mistakes, to never show emotions.
I was trained to be cold and ruthless and uncaring.
I was trained to hate.
But I couldn't.
I could only stammer, hiccup, screw up and forget.
I could only sob into my cousins shoulder as he held me as I had never
really been held.
I could only feel warmth well inside of my chest as I ran my fingers
through Shisui's curly, messy hair.
I could only love him.
And that was all I could really do.
I suppose I'm only human after all.
A/N: Nina is an OC, Itachi's first girlfriend. Dead, obviously. All I can really clarify, but if you have questions feel free to ask! Hope you enjoyed! Please review. it makes ShiIta sex so much better~