Sunshine and Rain
By Arashi no Baka
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: This fic was written for Chrissy. Here's the little Jeff/Lucille I promised you! I may even have to write another one...only time will tell :P
He watched her.
Lost in her own world of music and light, she was oblivious to the attention she was receiving. Golden locks shone from the harsh light and her dress swirled around her legs, cotton brushing the floor, as she twirled, her smile enough to lighten a darkened room.
Everything about her screamed out to him.
But lost as he was in her beauty and grace, he had not the presence of mind to intervene when his best friend moved forward, whisking her off to the dance floor yet again. Pain fled before captivation, as he was lost in the movements and laughter of the beautiful blonde.
"Why didn't you ask her to dance dad?"
Jeff turned pain filled eyes to his boys, taking them all in at once. He had hoped never to have this conversation. But he had known, someday, he would have to re-tell it. Their interest in their mother had never diminished and he wanted them to know everything about her. As much as he could bear to talk about.
Their questions, as frequent and painful as they were, brought all of his memories to the fore, and he found himself living it again. As though she was really his again. As though she were still beside him, laughing that contagious smile of hers, and begging to tell some of the story.
"I did….Eventually…"
"May I have a water please?"
He stiffened as he heard her voice beside him, breathless and yet still light and happy. Slowly, he turned to face her, only to find her smiling at him. Her cheeks were flushed and her chest rose and fell heavily as she attempted to catch her breath. Her smile widened as he received it, and he couldn't help but smile in return.
"Hi. My names Lucille."
Her rich English accent drew him in and he nodded slowly. "I know. Jeff. Jeff Tracy." She seemed excited by this and her eye's lit up, making something in Jeff flutter. Angrily he frowned. What was she doing to him? "Really? You're the farmers son?"
He nodded, wondering why this intrigued her so much. He received his answer, as she took his hand and nodded in the direction of his best friend. "Frank told me about you. He said you wanted to dance with me. Is that true?" Jeff paused, not sure what to say. Part of him wanted to hit Frank for being forward, and yet the rest of him was screaming 'yes!'.
"Sure."
"You're mother was the best dancer I've ever known. She had the ability to capture a whole rooms attention with the way she moved alone."
His boys listened attentively, holding onto his every word, and taking it straight to heart. Even twenty-four year old Scott, who had known his mother before her death, kept the words for himself. He knew little of his mother before her life with Jeff, and treasured this speech as much as his brothers.
"I loved your mother very much…"
"Lucy! Get down from there!"
All he received from his worried shout was a laugh and a flick of the golden locks. Her feet danced merrily against the pole as she balanced precariously on the small beam. The railing that bordered the park was long and she had already scaled a half of it.
"I won't fall Jeff. I know that if I did lose my balance, you would be there to help me."
He shook his head smiling, as he walked beside her, her childish behaviour making him chuckle. He loved her, More than he'd ever be able to tell her. Her giggling continued as she scaled the railing, and eventually looked down at him again, her smile fading for a thoughtful expression.
"I'm glad you asked me to dance Jeff."
That was all she said to him. Then, her giggling continued as her feet moved down the steel piping, her arms held at a distance helping to keep her balance.
"I wish I could have seen mom doing that."
There was some amusement in Gordon's voice and Alan giggled as he nodded to his brother. "Yeah. Sounds like what used to do as kids!" Scott snorted, his eyebrows raising as he ruffled Alans hair. "What do you mean used to squirt? You still do!"
The five boys laughed as Jeff regarded them silently, a ghost of a smile on his face. The boys laughter trailed off, as they realised their father seemed sad. "Dad? What's wrong?"
"Jeff! Wait!"
Lucille hurried to catch up with him, her high heels making a horrendous noise on the concrete. But he kept going, aware that if he stopped now, he would not be able to go. Spurred on by her feelings, Lucille caught up to him quickly, gripping his arm and forcing him to stop. "Don't do this Jeff….please…"
He swallowed, uncertain of why this was so hard for him. "What is there for me now? You're going back to England for god knows how long, Luce! And I'm going to the Air Force. That's how it's going to be."
The tears in her eyes threatened to change his mind. But he forced himself to look away, even as she struggled to pull herself together. "I'll write to you…I promise….I don't want to lose you."
The sincerity in her voice forced him to look down at her once more, his eyes wet with his own tears. True to the mood, the rain started to fall harder, running down their faces as they stood in the deserted station, his bag in one hand, his other, caressing Lucille's face. Her small sobs threatened to break his heart, and he ached longingly for the lights of the train.
The train that would take him away.
He put the back down, sweeping the blonde into a hug, his heart aching as he felt hers beating against him. It was almost painful leaving her behind. But he couldn't stay. Without her, there was no reason for him to remain in Kansas.
"I'm sorry Lucy. Forgive me."
As the train pulled up to the station, he let her go, hearing her whispered reply through the sobs. "Always Jeff. Always." Turning back, he saw her, face wet with rain
and tears, and yet she was smiling. It amazed him that she never lost it. Not even now. All he could do was smile in return. And hope that this wouldn't be the last he'd ever see of her.The boys swallowed, as Jeff paused in his story once more. Not a word was spoken this time. Alan and Gordon exchanged looks, whilst Scott regarded his father in thoughtful scrutiny. He hadn't known about this part of his fathers past, To be honest, he hadn't known that his father had even know his mother before his move to NASA. Nobody had ever spoken to him about his families past. It was taboo in the Tracy household.
"But you met her again?…Right?"
Jeff stared at the rows of people, almost wishing he could be anywhere but here. He hated ceremonies like this. It wasn't why he had joined the airforce, and he wished he could leave it all behind. But what would he do? Where would he go?
As if like lightening, a face in the crowd stood out beyond all the others. His heart stopped for an instant before he lost it. Frowning to himself, he wished the long-winded talks would end. He had to know…had to know if the face he saw was truly hers…
As he left the podium, he searched frantically among the guests, wondering if what he had seen had really been her, or merely wishful thinking. "Jeff!" Slowly he turned, hardly daring to believe what he heard.
And then….there she was…
Still as beautiful as ever, she stood before him, clad in a blue dress that did nothing to hide her figure. Her smile, that had been ever present on her face, had disappeared. "Luce?…What's the matter?"
She approached him slowly, resting a hand on his arm as she drew him away from the crowd, to a corner where they could be alone to talk. She inclined her head towards him, her posture that of a defensive person, as if she was trying to hide from him.
"Jeff…I want to let you know something….that's why I came here today…" Warning bells rang throughout his head and he suddenly wanted no part in this conversation. "Luce…don't…" She hid her face, golden bangs framing her delicate features as tears once more welled in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry Jeff. I love you. I always have. But I went to England. My parents…want me to marry within the English aristocracy. I couldn't refuse." His heart beat faster and he refused to listen to more. Taking her arm off of his, he pulled away, shaking his head. "Jeff wait! Please…"
His heart jerked, the moment reminiscent of one that had happened not to long ago…"Don't Lucille" Don't you dare!" Her eyes flickered with innocence and he realised she had had no idea what she had said. Only now did she realise her mistake. Lowering her head once more, she whispered a reply, almost too softly to be heard.
"Would you have refused your mother? She was dying Jeff. I made a promise to a dying mother to marry that man! What would you have done?"
"I don't know Luce! Okay!" He was breathing heavily, his jealously almost frightening as he stood before her, aware that, no, he could not have refused his mother, had she been in that position.
"What would you have me do Lucy?"
"I don't know. I just thought…you'd want to know."
"Mom was going to marry someone else?"
Alan sounded almost fearful, and Jeff gave him a comforting smile. The small blonde nodded and he settled down to listen to the rest of the story as Jeff continued. He shifted in his eat, eyes once again going cloudy as he stared off into a scene nobody else could see into.
"For a time, yes she was. But it wasn't to end there…"
"I heard you transferred to NASA."
Jeff started and shot up from the sofa, as he stared into her eyes. It seemed that everytime he was on the start of getting over her, she would return, and throw his life once more, upside down. "Luce….
What are you doing here!"She entered the room, her eyes dancing with the fire he had long ago fallen in love with. "Hello to you to Jeff." He sighed slowly and indicated the sofa beside him. She sat down and stared at the floor, seemingly reluctant to look into his eyes once more.
"I couldn't do it Jeff. All I kept thinking of…was you." Her eyes finally raised, to his face and he felt his heart break at the pain and sadness within them. "I messed it up…didn't I?" He had hurt. That he wouldn't deny. But maybe…
"No Luce. You had…" He took a deep breath, one that shook his body. "…No choice, And I know that now. I'm only sorry I didn't ask you to stay when I had the chance…"
"So am I."
"So….it was a happy ending?"
Virgil ended his statement in a question, knowing that was not the case at all. If it had been, then their mother would be telling this tale as well, wouldn't she? But Jeff, for the most part, seemed in a better mood, and had been as the story progressed past the short time apart he and Lucille had suffered.
"In a way…"
Lucille ran a hand across her stomach as she entered the kitchen, and Jeff met her gaze from across the room. Immediately, his face creased in concern, as her eyes were shadowed with something he couldn't determine. "What is it?"
She didn't want to tell him. How would he react? They had never brought up this subject before, and if they had he would swiftly avoid it. Did that mean he didn't want one? Or just refused to face it until it happened?
"I've been feeling sick recently Jeff…so I went to the doctors"
Something flickered across her husbands face and he frowned a second, before realisation seemed to settle on him. "And?" Although he asked, she could tell he already knew. "I'm pregnant."
"With Scott right!"
Alan was like a little kid again, and this was just show-and-tell time at school. His exuberance brought a smile to Jeff's face and Scott rolled his eyes. John gave his brother a slap round the back of his head. "What do you think sprout!" Gordon laughed at Alan's incredulous expression and Virgil turned to their father, intent on knowing the rest of the story.
"Yes Alan…Scott…"
"Cool!…."
"No Jeff! I won't hear of it! I'm fine!"
Jeff raised an eyebrow as Lucille attempted to bounce a two-year old Scott on her hip, and calm a crying blonde at the same time. He shook his head, and took Scott from his wife, grinning as his little son giggled, clenching his fists and waving them around.
Lucille's smile was warm, and her eyes softened as she watched him. John's wailing interrupted her reverie, and she sighed slowly, running a hand across her eyes, as she dealt with her little blonde baby.
"Look. I know you want to spend time with Johnny and Scott, but honest Jeff. What would we do if you gave it all up?"
"We'd figure something out Luce. I'm just…worried."
She ignored her little one, to place a hand against Jeff's face, her smile once more in place. "I'm fine. Really. If I need help, I can always call you mother…"
Alan and Gordon gave twin shudders of discomfort at mention of their grandmother, and the elder three boys smothered laughs. They both glared angrily at them and snorted.
"You may laugh. But we were the ones who had to suffer!"
Scott laughed harder and Virgil punched Alan's arm affectionately. "That's what so funny Al!" Alan and Gordon turned away from their brothers, with expressions that told the others they had better start apologising, or the worse would be for them. Scott, John and Virgil, turned to their father, almost pleading with him to continue.
"Again!"
Lucille nodded slowly, her face lined with tiredness and worry. She stared helplessly at her infant son, fast asleep in his cot. On the sofa, Scott and John were happily watching a video, with little Virgil between them.
"I'm sorry Jeff. I tried this time, I really did. I just...don't know how this could have happened…" She seemed on the verge of tears, and clung to Gordon's cot with white knuckled fingers.
"Hey! Come on Lucy! Its okay!"
"But…I thought you'd be angry…" His face softened and he took her in his arms, resting her head against his chest. Slowly, he stroked her golden locks as she sighed slowly. "Nothings more important to me than you and the boys. If that means we have to have one more, then one more we shall have."
The boys were silent once more.
They knew what came next. Alan turned to Scott, reluctant to ask his father. His voice was low and he had tears in his eyes. "Can't we skip this part Scott?" Despite his best attempts, Alan was not quiet enough for Jeff not to hear. His father sighed slowly…and indicated to Alan to come to him. The small blonde reluctantly sat down beside his father, startled when Jeff put an arm around him. Unconsciously, the rest of his boys drew themselves closer to him, and Alan finally lent into the embrace.
"Jeff? Alan? How is he? And Grant?…"
Jeff felt his heart constrict at the words he uttered. Even now, when she knew what was happening to her, she was more concerned for others. It was one of the things he would always love about her.
"My father….died…this morning."
Lucille closed her eyes, and Jeff felt the same pain envelope his heart. Having his father die was something Jeff had never even
thought about, but now…it was happening. And all too soon. "I'm so sorry honey…"He sighed slowly, and opened his eyes, blinking back the tears. "Don't be. Its hardly your fault…" She cried all the same, and he held her. Eventually, she recovered enough to ask again. "And Alan?"…What about Alan?"
Her voice had risen with panic and he comforted her as best as he could. "I don't know Lucy. I haven't heard anything yet. They took him into the emergency operating theatre and I haven't heard anything yet."
"Oh god…not my baby…. Don't let them take my baby…"
Jeff hugged her tight to him as she cried. But her tears weren't just for Alan. She knew what was happening as well as he did. She wasn't leaving this hospital and they both knew it. It was the hardest thing either of them had ever had to face.
"Jeff? My sons….I can't leave my sons…"
His words were of no use now. Nothing he could tell her mattered. He wasn't even sure what would happen himself. He was losing the other half of his heart. And he wasn't sure he could deal with the aftermath of what that would mean.
"I know Luce…and I don't want you to go either…"
The silence between them spoke volumes, and her eyes never once lost the sparkle that he loved about her the first time he saw her. Even now, at the end of her life, she was still the same old Lucille he had fallen in love with on that dance floor. She took his hand as he sat by her side. He held her as she spoke those final words to her sons. He held her hand as she begged the doctors not to let her die until she knew her beloved son was okay. Held her hand as she died half an hour before word was brought to the Tracy family that Alan was going to recover.
Alan stared into space, his heart beating fast as he tried hard to remember anything from that time. And failing. Gordon and John were side by side, on the floor, and neither was moving. Virgil and Scott were both looking at their father, who had buried his face in his hands.
"She died….not knowing if I was going to live or die…"
The pain in Alan's voice did nothing to help Jeff and he took a shuddery breath, knowing that he needed to talk to Alan. Slowly, he drew his hands away, facing his son. "She knew Alan….She knew…"
"How? I was barely a year old…how could she have felt for me what she felt for the others? How could she have known?"
Scott intervened, his words silencing Alan. "If you wait Al, Dad'll tell you…" Chastised, Alan listened intently.
"I loved your mother more than anything else on this planet. Apart from you boys. And the fact that I was about to lose her, hurt more than I could ever tell you. You may think that you lose someone, but the truth is, you never do. As long as they rest in your heart, they are with us. And that is the case with your mother. When we were younger, growing up, I loved her so much, I would become jealous with the smallest thing. She was the greatest thing that could ever happen to me, and no matter what her mood, no matter what kind of day I'd had…no matter what we did, I was happy. Because I had your mother there with me. That didn't end when she died. In fact, since she left those feelings have grown stronger. And they live on. In you boys. You were the best thing she gave me, before I lost her, and she lives on in you. I'm proud to be your father. And I know she was proud to be your mother. All of you." He looked pointedly at Alan, who struggled to see past the tears welling up in his eyes.
"I know that no matter what happens to me now, your mother will always be with me…us…and she is watching over us." He paused, and looked at the empty whisky bottle he had been steadily draining over the past hours. "And she loves us."
"Jeff Tracy! I can't believe you did this for me!"
Lucille grinned as the party-goers erupted into cheers. She blushed, embarrassed by the attention, but loving it all the same. "Only the best for you Luce! You know that!" Alan wailed his agreement from his mothers arms, and waved his little hands in his fathers direction. Jeff grinned as he took the small blonde from his wife, only for her to be attacked by the rest of her boys. John and Virgil grinned as they grabbed hold of a leg each.
"Happy Birthday Momma!"
"Johnny! I wanted to be first!"
"Well I was!"
The two of them continued to argue. Jeff rolled his eyes and was about to break it up when Gordon let out a squeal from Scott's arms. The eldest boy nodded, and cut the two boys' argument short by interrupting.
"I agree Gordie. Momma, me and Gords think we should cut the cake!"
Lucille smiled happily. "There's cake?"
Scott pretended to be shocked and gordy giggled at his brother's mock face. Lucille smiled softly at all her boys, as John and Virgil argued all the way to the table who was going to help mom cut the cake.
Jeff smiled at her as they followed, and leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Is this what you wanted?" She nodded, her smile never once faltering as she watched Gordon reaching out for Alan from Scott's shoulder, and Alan's little hands reaching for Gordon's.
"I had everything I needed already…I love you Jeff…Always…"
blinks
I'm quite sure this was supposed to follow the song. Not sure whether I achieved that or not...but...oh well ;; It is what it is…