I just sat there, stunned, putting two and two together had never been easier. He was the person singing through my soul yesterday. He was the person who I was about to leap through my window and run down to and talk to because I thought he understood me. But in reality he's Blake: The attractive new kid who has all the girls on top of him, yet unexplicably he dosen't show much interest back. Blake: The person who had bothered handing me back my pen which wasn't my own. And honestly isn't that big of a deal, he probably just thought it was mine, though I secretly wished otherwise after the revelation that he isn't just any other guy. Or so I wished to imagine.
"Hellloooo?" says Blake in a mocking tone while waving his hands in front of my face whileI just keep staring down at his lyrics.
"Are those your lyrics?" I blurt out...Im such a screw up. He probably thinks im some total stalker chic now, and it actually hurts a little to know maybe I care what he thinks of me.
"Yeah, I couldn't sleep last night so I wrote it, its not my best writing, its cool you knew they were lyrics though..", he casually replies.
"Oh..I..I" I stutter
The fourth period bell rings. There really is a God.
"I got to go" I say as I rush to get out of my seat and escape the science room and his presence and replace it with a bathroom stall. I sit there adjusting my eyes to the dim lighting and my heart to a normal pace.
"Whats wrong with me?" I think to myself. I couldn't help break down, I couldn't help thinking of him. Not Blake. But Michael he was my bestfriend, no, he was more than that. He was all I had in life to rely on as I barely held on. I saw Michael in Blake..I saw it in the way their eyes were the same shape. Why was this happening to me? Why did I have to have another constant reminder of Michael. He as well sang, before he died anyway. He had a very raspy attractive voice that when in song could captivate any heart. It had captivated mine.
The hardest thing I've ever had to do is face the fact my Michael was gone. That no matter how much I pleaded and cryed and hurt he wasn't going to sing me to sleep anymore when he snuck in through my window at night, that he wasn't going to tell me how much he loved my akward little smile I made when I'm nervous, and I would never get to tell him how I really felt. How I had always felt about him, I never got the chance. But that dosen't mean I don't have to live with the regret I feel everyday to know how differently my life could be right now with him by my side. Why couldn't God have tooken me instead of him? He was the better person, he deserved the world and more, I was just lucky enough to be able to call him my bestfriend.
So I stand there against the wall of the bathroom stall remembering his last day.
It was an opaque morning, I can unfortunately remember his death as clear as day. He was driving, while i sat next to him in his beat up truck. -It was probably the least attractive car ever, but I loved that car, it was full of memories, of laughs. I can remember watching the sunset go down by the lake while he scribbled on my converse "Always" while we lay on the back of his truck. - We cruised down the curving road we blasted the radio at all it could go singing our favorite song "Heavy in your arms by Florence and the Machine" it was a serious song, but Michael and I could get a laugh out of anything so we even emoted characters as we sang. Then out of nowhere a blue SUV slammed into the left side of the truck. The side in which Michael was in. I broke an arm, and a couple ribbs but through the pain I managed to ask an ER nurse how Michael was, thats when she told me the words that haunt me for the rest of my life, she said "Michael didn't make it, I'm very sorry for your loss."
"Did you see Blake today? He was looking fine as always" asks Marcie to Julia
"Hell yes", She replies.
Thats what interrupts my thoughts and makes me realize I'm way past late to fourth period but at this point I'm beyond caring so I splash some water on my face while I hear Marcie tell me I'm uglier when I cry. Usually I just take it, But today was the wrong day to tell me that. So I spat out "nice boob job" , on the way out the door while hollering in the hallway "Too bad Tom Lanus still dosen't notice or care"
I then continued out the hallway planning on ditching the rest of the day but I couldn't help but hear what I believed to be familiar laughing behind me just as I left, It must have been Blake.