A/N: Okay, so when I was in Orlando, we had to wait in line, a lot. So my friend (Hinata) and sister (Sakura) and I (Ino) got bored and I started telling a story. It started with what would happen if Kakashi had been there, and it turned into this. I decided to share it with you people, just because it was so funny.
Warning: There are kinda some spoilers, I guess it just depends on where you are in the series.
Ino stood in line with Sakura and Hinata, waiting for it to be their turn to go on the ride. They were at Orlando, Florida, standing in the two-hour-long waiting line to go on the Harry Potter ride. For the third time that week.
"Wonder what Kakashi would say about this line." Ino wondered aloud. Sakura rolled her eyes.
"He would tell us to suck it up and be a ninja." She muttered. Hinata smirked.
"I wonder if Kiba would help is if he were here."
"If he were, he could get us our candy." Ino said sadly. "Too bad he's not."
Kiba pushed past the toms of people to get to the three girls, slinging an arm over Hinata's shoulders. "I heard my name." he said.
Hinata pushed him off her with a grimace, looking down at her now-wet clothes. "You got me all wet." She said with a pout.
Kiba grinned and remembered all the water rides he'd been on with Naruto and Shikamaru—who they'd literally had to drag on any rides they wanted to go on.
"Sorry." He said unapologetically.
"Where is Shikamaru?" Sakura asked. Kina shrugged.
"I dunno. He disappeared to get a pretzel about a half hour ago."
Sakura grinned viciously. "Hey, Kiba, are you gay for Shikamaru?"
Kiba blinked once, twice, three times, then said, "No."
"Are you sure?" Ino asked. She couldn't pass up this opportunity. It was teasing Shikamaru and Kiba, they were practically her brothers! She had to do it.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"One hundred percent sure?" Hinata asked.
"Yes." Kiba nearly growled.
"Are you sure you're one hundred percent sure?" Sakura asked.
"Oh my God, YES!"
"Yes, what?" Shikamaru asked, coming up next to them. All three girls grinned again, looking scary when they did it, and Kiba gestured for him to run, run away as fast as he could.
"Shikamaru, are you gay?"
"NO!"
"Are you sure you're not gay?" Ino said.
"YES! Now leave me alone!" Shikamaru shouted. Kiba put a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't worry, dude. They asked me the same thing."
"You guys have to stay with us now." Hinata said, locking the handcuffs together. Shikamaru and Kina blinked in surprise, trying to pull their wrists apart with no luck.
"What? Why?" Shikamaru nearly whined.
"Because Kakashi left us without a guardian, and Tsunade didn't want us to be left alone. Bad things happen when we're alone." Sakura said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. "And you two just happened to be there."
They walked forward a foot or two, now in front of the castle- jeez, it had taken at least a half hour just to get there, the line was so long.
"Go get us some candy on a stick." Ino said suddenly. Shikamaru and Kiba stared at her blankly.
"Huh?"
"Get some candy and put it on a stick."
"Why should we?" Kiba asked, trying to cross his arms and failing when Shikamaru's arm whacked him in the face. "Ow."
"Sorry."
"You have to do it, because we have the key that unlocks you." Ino said in a sing-song voice.
"Fine. We'll get you your damn candy on a stick."
He ducked under the rope and dragged Kiba away.
"Hey, guys," Kakashi greeted, smiling happily under his mask. Naruto was with him, and he was handcuffed to Sasuke. They were yelling at each other.
"You're late!" Sakura shouted at her sensei and—they were almost close enough to be siblings—brother-figure.
"Sorry. I would tell you that I got lost on that path of life, but truthfully, I just got lost in the park, and my map was in German."
"You grabbed a German nap?" Naruto asked in astonishment, pulling away from Sasuke.
"Yes, now shut up, Naruto." Kakashi said. Naruto pouted and turned away.
Shikamaru and Kiba reappeared then, with cotton candy already on a stick.
"Here." Shikamaru said, shoving it into Ino's hands. She noticed that he and Kiba were holding hands now. What had changed in that short amount of time?
She nudged Sakura, standing next to her, and looked pointedly at their linked hands.
"Shika-kun, are you sure you're not gay?" Ino asked. Shikamaru looked at Kiba.
"Maybe." He answered finally.
Hinata grinned victoriously. "Finally! You're not in denial."
Shikamaru rolled his eyes and stared at Sasuke and Naruto, who were alternating between yelling and kissing.
"What are they even arguing about?" Kiba asked. No one answered him.
"I would be top!" Naruto said, breaking apart from Sasuke.
"No, I would!"
"I would!"
"Kakashi-sensei!"
"Kakashi-sensei!"
"Both of you shut up!" Kakashi shouted.
"Dad!" Naruto shouted.
"Dad?" Sasuke asked.
Minato Namikaze and Fugaku Uchiha broke apart guiltily. Jiraiya appeared seconds later, shouting, "They had an affair! They had an affair!"
He was pointing at Minato and Fugaku.
"What?" Naruto and Sasuke momentarily forgot their argument to stare at their fathers. "They had a what?"
"An affair." Jiraiya repeated, then flinched at the murderous intent rolling off the older blonde and brunette. "Shoot. I wasn't supposed to say that."
He disappeared in a poof of smoke, and Minato and Fugaku were about to follow when Naruto stopped them.
"Wait, Dad, who would be top, me or Sasuke?"
"You." Minato said absently, leaving abruptly just like Jiraiya.
"Dad?" Sasuke asked.
"Sorry, son, but I'm going to have to say Naruto. Namikaze's are wicked in bed."
Sasuke gaped after his father, before he dropped his head into his hands. "Oh my God, my father had an affair with the Fourth Hokage." He moaned.
"No, I think they still are having an affair. Did you see they way—" Naruto cut himself off at the look on Sasuke's face. "Mom!"
Kushina Uzumaki smiled at her son, then turned back to her murderous best friend.
"Where. Are. They?" Mikoto hissed. Sasuke blinked at his mother. "Oh, hello, Sasuke. Did you see your father?"
Sasuke nodded. "He was with Minato." He supplied.
"Mom, who would be top, me or Sasuke?" Naruto asked before they could leave.
"We both say you, honey."Kushina said happily, then smirked and grabbed Mikoto's arm and disappeared. Naruto stared at the place she had been, then broke out in a series of shouts, jumping in the air.
"My parents are alive!"
"What the hell was that?" Sasuke wondered.
"I don't know, but they agree with me. I'm top!" Naruto dragged Sasuke away.
"Well, at least we know they're gay." Ino said.
"Great."Kiba said irritably. "Will you unlock us now?"
"No." Hinata turned to the person in front of them. "Excuse me, but will you keep this for me?" she asked, holding out the key. Kiba's eyes widened. "I don't need it anymore, and it's a nuisance carrying it around."
The man took the key and dropped it in his pocket, then followed his family onto the ride.
"How many?" the attendant asked. Naruto and Sasuke reappeared next to them.
"Uhhh…" Ino counted quickly. "Seven."
"Four and three." The man said, pushing them forward.
"I'll go with Shikamaru and Kiba." Ino volunteered. She maneuvered her way across the conveyor belt and sat down on the seat, pulling the safety bar down across her lap. Shikamaru sat down next to her, and somehow got his own safety bar down with one hand. He moved the hand that was locked to Kiba's moved in such a way that he would be comfortable.
"That was awesome!" Ino said afterward, standing in the bright sunlight. Shikamaru and Kiba were rubbing their sore arms.
They heard a panting breath nearby and a moan of pain afterwards. They looked at each other with raised eyebrows, then stepped forward to see who it was.
It was Minato, leaning heavily against Fugaku; both were heavily bruised, scratched, and bleeding.
"What the hell happened to you two?"Kakashi asked, rushing forward to help support Minato. Sasuke and Naruto followed, holding up Fugaku.
"Our wives," Minato gasped. "Are reincarnations of the devil."
Then they both passed out, falling limp in the younger ninjas' arms. Naruto rolled his eyes, while Sasuke sighed.
"Might as well get them to Tsunade." Kakashi said. "You five go have fun," he added, looking at the three girls and Shikamaru and Kiba.
They looked at the two unconscious shinobi, then shrugged.
And order was an order, wasn't it?
Besides, they had to put their express passes to good use, didn't they?
A/N: WHEW! Finally done! Gosh, that took forever. Hope you liked it, and please review! Reviews make me happy.