Hey guys! This is my first fanfic! hahahaha I'm sooooo happy but really nervous at the same time lol I really hope you guys enjoy it and please feel free to review because I really do need the feedback and constructive criticisms. =] aarrrrggghhhh I'm soooo happy that I finished it hahaha Let me know what ya think! Also Rated M for future scenes =]

Prologue

The moonlight shone through my window as I cried. Tears trickling slowly down my face as I stared up at the beautiful moon, whose radiance seemed to laugh at my predicament. I was alone. Gale and I had been dating for two solid years, which I thought were the best two years of my life.

Gale unfortunately did not feel the same way, "I'm sorry Peet, theres no easy way to say this…but I'm tired of all this", he said, throwing his hands in the air and looking me straight in the eyes.

It felt like a knife was just plunged into my stomach and I couldn't breathe. "I, I, I don't kn-know what yo-you mean Gale," I blubbered as tears came in tiny rivulets down my face, "I, I, I th-thought things we-were going s-so well…".

He sighed looking at me with those piercing blue eyes that I once loved gazing into, "For you maybe, but I can't stand the fact that I'm the star quarterback and I have to hide this relationship when I could be with any girl I want, whenever I want!" , he took a deep breath and continued, "I'm really sorry Peet, I should have told you sooner but dammit you're too much of a girl that I didn't want to see you doing what you're doing now…".

It finally clicks, I noticed that as the months rolled by he had become more and more distant but I had just brushed it off as a phase he was going through…I hated myself because I knew deep down that he was getting further away but I was too selfish to admit that the one who I loved with all my heart and soul did not love me back.

Subconsciously I knew this, which is why I guess I did anything and everything for him; baking and cooking for him, helping with schoolwork, and even sexual acts became a regular solution to try and keep him with me.

It went from deep, make-out sessions to groping, from groping to actual hand jobs, from hand jobs to blowjobs until I finally decided that he was the one and gave him my innocence entirely.

"B-but I love you…I gave up my virginity to you Gale," I couldn't help the blush that fell across my face as I looked into his eyes, "…I thought you loved me too…" I said forlornly, feeling like a huge sandbag dragging slowly to the ground.

He looked at me with a pained expression, "I know you did Peet and I'm sorry. I didn't know that the sex meant that much to you, and it was great, err, you were great, amazing even and I just went with it and I really cared about you but…we're both guys and I have a reputation to keep," he said.

He looked away as he continued, "My life would be ruined if people found out and I can't have that happening now that I am where I am…", he breathed a heavy sigh and looked into my eyes once again, "I hope you can understand Peeta." As he said my full name I couldn't help but pathetically let out a little whimper and bury my face into my sleeve as he walked away from my front porch into the fading daylight.

As I sat there next to the window sill looking outside, I rethought about what conspired only hours ago and tears welled up once again. I couldn't help but bring up all the times we spent holding hands in the park.

The simplicity of laying on the grass and staring up at the stars with him was one of the best moments of my life. I thought I would never be happier but I should have known…it just seemed to me that whenever happiness drifted into my life, something always came and blew it apart.

But when I think about it, what did I really expect?

I mean he was 17 and I was 15. He's hot as hell, chiseled into perfection and the star of the football team. I guess I just thought that for once maybe I could be the one to have the guy and the happy ending, but who was I fooling…no one would fall for someone like me, someone who actually believed in love and saving everything for the one and fawning over the simple things in life.

Nowadays people wanted things fast, they wanted sex, not love. They needed to be cared for not the ones giving care.

I am weak and I hate it, I say to myself through gritted teeth. My childhood best friend Katniss Everdeen once told me that I needed to stop caring so much, "It makes you look weak Bun-Bun," she said, using the pet name that I once hated but now cherished, "I'm only telling this to you because I love you and I don't want you getting hurt by anyone…you've got to wake up and smell the coffee Bun-Bun because people are vicious. It's either you or them and if they see a weakness, they won't hesitate to exploit it, they'll tear you up. That's just how life is."

I brushed it off with an okay but I knew she was right.

All my life growing up in District 12, I had always put others first. Always giving up my share of the already scarce food if someone else was still hungry, always saying yes to whatever someone requested of me. I was too softhearted and even though I knew that, I just couldn't bear the thought of withholding help from those who needed it.

I soon became known as "Pushover Peeta" by my peers but I really didn't mind because it made me happy to know that people knew I would be there for them when they needed me. I felt like a savior. How stupid of me.

A wave of lethargy washes over my body as I walk slowly to my bed and pull the covers over myself. As I lay there wiping away the last lonely teardrops from my eyes, I realize just how stupid and weak I have been.

I brought this upon myself. I really thought that my kindness was going to reach out to people and change them but now I know that it is a fool's ideal that I hold. I made myself vulnerable by casually offering up my beating heart, so why should I have expected anything less than to have it crushed.

No more. I clench my fists so hard that they turn as white as the snowflakes drifting outside. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and from now on I vow to never let anyone hurt me again. I will no longer be "Pushover Peeta" and from now on I will look out solely for myself.

With my newfound determination, I felt a peace that I had not felt in a long time. I knew that the road I was embarking on was not one I could turn back from but I was willing to go through with it as long as it meant not ever feeling this pathetic and used again. And with those final thoughts lingering in my head, I closed my eyes and let sleep overcome me.

Note: Hope you guys liked it =D if not im sorry it wasn't to your liking lol Also I will introduce more dialouge later on but I wanted a story for you guys to get why Peeta will be the way he is later on hahahaha