Standard disclaimer: Of course Sailor Moon and all associated intellectual properties do not belong to me. Everything else though - mine mine mine mine mine mine *divebomb*.
-x-o-x-o-x-
Misappropriated Jealousy
-x-
It was too hard. Too hard to stop herself from reading into hints of emotions and spikes of passion here and there beneath an ever-hardening wall. Too hard to see her fiery best friend turn an indifferent front to every flirtatious line. Too hard to be met with that withering glare for every appreciative leer. Too hard to let lukewarm prospects take her out, scores and droves and hordes of them, when her heart had been set on just one for so long. Most of all, it was too hard to be so close, yet so far, too hard to suffer a sort of exquisite torture, every day, over and over. She was 17, the most beautiful creature on the planet, and emotionally defeated. It was just too hard.
When she announced to the gang over an ice cream date at the 'Crown' that she was going to pursue her idol dreams to the bitter end, the reaction she imagined and expected was nothing like what she got. Her best friend... was proud. The eternally unreadable expression was absent. The prickly stoicism she had become so accustomed to was gone, completely replaced with a feeling so openly warm, supportive, sweet, and worst of all - something too easy to get used to. She didn't linger with the miserable pleasure long, couldn't and wouldn't. It would become too hard, too fast and she knew that for her, it was past time to get away.
So Minako ran, fast and fervent and refusing to look back - and she thought, surely, her life really did depend on it.
The music industry was almost a walk in the park compared to growing up in love with your best friend, she mused. Running headlong away from something also meant speeding at a breakneck pace towards something else, after all. She embraced the something else that was her career and saw it flourish exponentially; it seemed that there was no end to the amount of love her fans were dying to devote to her. The album sales and concert sell-outs were record breaking testaments to her amazing success. The press could never say enough about her voice, her looks, her presence; her fame was such that at the Temple of Minako it was hatsumode every day. The fans came from everywhere to perform their ritual visits. Charms for luck were tee shirts and posters. Concert tickets were a thrown offering that bought a ring of the bell; a moment, in a crowded venue among thousands of others, to shout and scream prayers hoping desperately that the beloved diety might hear a single voice in the massive crowd. And standing on stage under the bright lights, looking out and hearing the roar of her own name sometimes so loud she could hardly sing above it, Minako thought that compared to love, success was not too hard and all the running was perhaps not too exhausting, in the end.
This sort of love, though, was easy. It might have been shallow, but it was still powerful. In fact, Minako was thankful for the simplicity in the relationship she shared with her fans. They didn't know her, but they still loved her wholeheartedly. In a way it was so innocent. They didn't know about her faults, her underachieving at everything but music and her fear of thunderstorms. They didn't know that she never, ever made the bed in the morning or habitually left all the lights on in her hotel suites. They couldn't know about her senshi past, her talking cat or her all-enveloping and ever-enduring love for her best friend. No, the fans loved her no matter the circumstances that they would never know. It was naive and blind and so, so simple. So it was easy to love them all back in just the same way. And no idol was better known for their dedication to the fans. She embraced their love and held on to it for all she was worth; it was getting easier all the time to sink into that simple relationship and slip further away from the hard ones.
However easy it was becoming though, the run was not without stumbles. She often tripped and sometimes fell, especially when she was younger, just starting out and not nearly as famous as she was now. Back then, she went home often, missed her friends, tried to be there for all the big moments. Usagi's wedding was the first awkward mess that left her with the feeling that it might be better NOT to be around so much. Even now it was hard to remember Rei's injuries back then, and the circumstances leading to them, without a grimace and heavy heart. 'How could she have been so stupid,' Minako questioned furiously. 'What did we train for, in this life and the past?' As a leader, it burned her painfully that her second would so blatantly dismiss protocol and foolishly endanger herself. 'Yes, Rei could be incredibly hotheaded, but she wasn't second in command for nothing!' Minako couldn't help her chagrin over the entire situation, and the lingering disappointment and hurt made it that much worse. As a best friend, the injury was debilitating. At the end of the day, when all her leader rationalizations gave way, only one sad question remained.
'Why didn't she call me?'
At Usagi's reception they could barely speak without exchanging harsh words. They managed a tense dance, many stolen glances and precious little conversation before separating much less amicably than in the past.
Minako took more time between visits after that. A year later marked her first trip back for longer than a single evening here or there - Makoto's wedding deserved more than a few frivolous hours, after all. Seeing Usagi, Makoto and Ami was easy. Seeing Rei, more beautiful than ever with the coolness in her grown to match - that was hard.
Makoto's wedding was much like Usagi's with the drinks and the dancing, but unlike Usagi's, Tokyo was thankfully peaceful leading up to the event. Without difficult circumstances standing between them, Minako had nothing to hold her back from her natural affinity to Rei. Even though they had parted poorly the year before, it seemed that their chemistry would never change. Minako could not help but be completely under Rei's spell. It was too hard, trying to remember that she had come for Makoto, trying to divert her attentions from Rei to Makoto or anyone else for that matter, trying to keep anything but Rei from her foremost thoughts. And Rei, damn her, didn't help at all to allay Minako's abused heart; her best friend was even more unreadable, un-feel-able than ever, and Minako was still hopelessly in love. Rei treated her just the same as always, calmly and carefully, and blissfully oblivious.
Minako was half surprised that even with all the time and distance she'd run between them, the reality of their situation still stung. It was too much again. She let herself get too close, again. The two nights in Tokyo felt like two too many, and at the airport on the third day waiting for her flight she realized that for the first time ever, she was eager to leave.
Ami's graduation was next two years later, and this time in the in-between Minako hardly came home at all. Her career was taking off internationally and it was an easy excuse to stay away from Japan, gradually moving herself further and further away. She stayed only one night this time to celebrate with Ami and the girls, begging off in the morning on urgent business. Her next flight away was in the early afternoon and there were many tour related things to take care of before then, she excused. For as happy as she was to be with her oldest friends, these visits were becoming their own kind of bittersweet torture. Keeping away from Rei was hard enough, and on top of that seeing the others together so fluid and natural was a painful reminder of all the time she had been absent. They had an old-fashioned sleepover at the jinja for old time's sake, but Minako barely slept. Instead, she stayed up half the night with her thoughts, finally settling into a listless doze with one juggernaut realization grating on her.
'Where were all of Rei's big moments, in all these years gone past, and why did I never come home for those?'
She had never felt so relieved when morning came with her cue to run again - this time, not only away from her love that never waned, but also from the guilt of being a bad friend, to all her girls.
From there she absolutely and resolutely threw herself into work - no more slip ups allowed. She didn't hear much from the girls, but that was okay since she had added a new mantra to her self-serving list - 'no news is good news.' Years passed and her international stardom grew to the point that she almost never went back to Japan; she could hardly even call it home, anymore. Movie offers started coming in and she started accepting them. Filming here and there all over the world inbetween tour dates and all manners of appearances ran her to physical and mental exhaustion. She would collapse in bed at the end of a day and wake too few hours later only to reprise her role in the hamster wheel again and again, and again. It was easier than agonizing over the choices behind her, and certainly felt better than guilt. And in this vein, somehow, someway she passed so much time that it's suddenly nearly nine years since she left the starting line and she hasn't spoken to Rei in two - certainly an achievement in her long-distance marathon. In a twisted way Minako is rather proud of herself - every new day that she makes it through is another apart from her addiction. Sometimes she feels so weak, holding her phone and staring at Rei's number. She rationalizes all the reasons why it is wrong to reach out after all the time between them. What else can she do? Sometimes she feels like she can see her run ending - squint at the abrupt drop off only a little ways away. The real problem though, she knows, is what to do when she arrives at the cliff.
Jump... or stop?
-x-
She sees Rei again for the first time in years in certainly the most surprising way she could ever imagine - in the entertainment news. Except it's not Rei, but "Risa" - the ultra chic model - and Minako double-takes countless times. She is incredulous and for a few days she hangs on to the idea that all this running has finally made her insane, that her abused mind is now inventing Rei's image in places to haunt her until she finally expires. She is dead sure.
But Rei's image is everywhere and finally Minako cannot deny the reality - Risa is on billboards and covers magazines. Risa's latest commercial runs non-stop in Times Square. Even Manager-san mentions Risa in passing and Minako is awestruck - this "Risa" is real and Rei is more stunning than ever - and worse, the sober years inbetween them have not staunched her undying love as intended.
Just as she is finally getting used to meeting Rei's face coming out of her hotel every day, she finds that the ad in Times Square has changed and now Risa is not alone, promoting some new fragrance or couture clothing brand, but hanging off the arm of a similarly famous man; a pair of perfect faces now, pushing whatever new product. Something comes over her and it is perhaps the worst feeling she has known to date.
Intense jealousy.
It shocks Minako when they begin running into each other at events. Like a tazer in the neck. The two of them cut very separate, very pretty pictures on the red carpets, hanging off the arms of ridiculously rich or famous men; actors, musicians, business men, politicians. It never mattered in Minako's case and Manager-san set up her date for this evening as he always does and always had with all the rest. What does matter to Minako however, is the prevalence, occurence and variance of the men Risa appears with in public. Minako makes a mental compendium which will surely embarass her should anyone discover how closely she follows Risa's public life. The most shocking part of every evening comes later though. Rei always takes a moment to find her - acknowledge her and say hello.
The first time is quick - a gentle glance and nod in her direction. The second time, a wave and friendly smile. The subsequent times they graduate to speaking, quick hellos and cordial behaviors before returning to the business of their respective dates and respective fames. She asks Minako to call her Risa in public and Minako rises to play this game. She tries, desperately, to fool her heart into believing that this woman is not Rei; rather she's someone completely new and someone she's completely disinterested in, romantically. Her heart, however is quickly proving more stubborn than foolish.
They see each other in public so often now that a photo or two of them in each others' vicinity can be googled after events. Later in their evenings away from the red carpets they share a hug, with the familiarity of old, old friends a warm note between them.
Tonight they meet at another event - Minako can hardly remember why she is there because for the first time in their public relationship, Rei meets her on the red carpet. Who could even remember their own name, faced with a presence like hers? They smile and hug as they are becoming accustomed to do, when suddenly and without pause Rei kisses her on the cheek in a friendly gesture, a kind smile on her face as she pulls away. Lightning strikes Minako and roots her to the ground, in her killer gown and four inch heels. She's flushed but perhaps Risa never notices as she's already ambling away on the arm of another man (whom Minako has already carefully catalogued). She's not sure how long it takes to pull herself together, but finally she collects the pieces of her mangled mind from the red rug and does the only thing she knows to do.
Minako leaves immediately, thanking whatever gods available that she is not performing tonight.
Manager-san steps in and takes care of the details immediately, bless him. On account of Minako's sudden and violent illness, her date, who had been posing as sort of the regular arm candy for over a year, stays behind to finish out the evening. Risa gracefully and graciously invites him to be her second date in a move that will undoubtedly make the public laugh on tonight's evening news.
When Minako makes it back to her hotel she is floundering. 'What the hell happened to me back there,' she thinks. 'Where did I forget my master plans? When did I get so complacent and let myself get so close to her again? Too close, too close.'
"When did I stop running?" she laments out loud to no one.
She watches the television broadcast in agony from her hotel bed as Risa ascends the stage. The model is almost ethereal in her blood red gown, and impossibly beautiful. Painfully beautiful. Somewhere in the haze of Minako's mind she registers the reason for Risa's presence at the podium - she is presenting the award for 'Best Actress' this year. The minute of fanfare on the big screen that presents the nominees is enough to help clear Minako's muddled brain and she is focusing intently as Rei's face softens and a little smile starts to pull at the corners of her mouth. She's no longer the cool beauty Risa as she announces the biggest, most prestigious award a female actress can receive in her lifetime.
Rei cannot hide her smile as she proudly speaks her name. "Aino Minako."
Minako won it. For her last movie role. And somehow, she knows that Rei would've looked right at her, watched her with rapt attention as she walked up to the stage. She would've hugged her and perhaps kissed her again, before handing her a golden trophy and watching her speak, eyes only on her. If only she'd been there. If only she hadn't run.
"But I had to run! I had to!"
Minako, pitifully perched on her hotel bed, looks on in misery as Manager-san accepts the award in her stead. She cries, there in her hotel room, for all the wrong reasons.
-x-
After the debacle at the award ceremony Minako's emotional and physical exhaustion finally catches and collapses her. She resolves to sort her stubborn heart out at the expense of her career for the first time ever. With all tour dates cancelled and no media or movies signed, she parks her tired legs on a beach in California and keeps the lowest profile possible.
The press speculates to no end over the motives behind Minako's self-imposed reclusion but she could care less. She is 'recharging,' she tells herself. She's not sure who she's fooling. She uses the free time for writing sad love songs and avoiding everything at all costs while licking her wounds after her worst stumble yet.
She tells herself that keeping up on the news about Risa is a balm for her busted heart. A way to stay close but very, very far. That it's not bad and not a downward spiral, and most definitely not a set up for more heartache, more of the pained ecstasy she has come to know so well. The edge looks more and more tempting every day. But how could she jump into her love for Rei, now? She is Risa, the most striking asian beauty modeling has ever seen, and now always seen in public gracing some famous man or wealthy person of note with her presence. She is Risa, far removed from her days as a miko and the awkwardness of adolescence. She is all grown up, long refined lines and mature curves that Minako exercises all her restraint to keep from thinking about. News, all she cares about is news.
'Yup, just news,' Minako asserts to herself, over and over. In no time at all she discovers that Rei, or Risa, is up for another award. The international super model landed a longterm promotional contract with another huge conglomerate. Her last print campaign broke records in terms of conversion to sales. People magazine named Risa the 'Sexiest Woman Alive,' above Minako herself. The headlines go on and on. It seems that for Rei also, success is not too hard.
Eventually, the exhaustion passes and cabin fever sets in. It is not in her nature to be a hermit, she knows, so Minako keeps up with the news and begins the run again, attacking (read: retreating from) her unrequited love with less conviction than ever. She runs so slowly, almost listless really these days, but somehow, twelve months still pass in a blur.
She doesn't squint any longer at a precipice far in the distance - she stands at it now, as she always knew she would one day. And it is this day that started the same as any other, not special at all, that she decides it is time to turn her shit around.
-x-
The year away from work produces a lot of work. Already the press touts this as her best album to date. The new singles are the catchiest heart-wrenching pop ballads, it almost doesn't make sense. How can something sound so upbeat but be so inherently sad? How had Minako done it all these years - smile for her fans while she pined, so painfully devoted to a love she never had? Some tabloids flame the old actor she used to appear with, on suspicion that he was the cause for Minako's year-long stint at the Lonely Hearts Club and the inspiration behind her latest chart topping songs.
She decides it was cathartic, taking a year off and writing music that was so true, that even though in all the songs she's switched female pronouns for male ones, it was likely more than obvious to all the girls back in Tokyo what Minako was singing about, and who she was singing for. She decides that it is enough, to finally be honest and write songs for her. For her words to be on every radio station. This time, Minako is the biggest fan, on her knees at the Church of Rei, praying feverishly that the goddess might hear her plea. The idol's heart is finally on her sleeve. It's not exactly to Rei's face, but it is still a confession. It was enough. It was past time to stop running.
Minako resolves to move on, give up the one-sided love and regain the friends she had forgotten. If nothing else, it certainly sounded better than preparing for another ten year marathon. She pushes through and finds herself feeling less and less tired with every day that passes after her latest album release. She jumped at the cliff that day, and was pleasantly surprised to find that the bottom didn't hurt nearly as much as she thought it would.
-x-
She finally sees Risa again at yet another awards ceremony. Minako is nominated, just like last time, but the difference now is that the idol attends this event alone - and swears to stay the entire evening, no matter what happens. The press swarm her on the red carpet, as it is the first event she has attended since her year off and she has come without a standard set up date, a la Manager-san. The reporters shout for the name of the designer who made the bombshell blue dress she dons like a second skin tonight. The photographers compliment her cleavage in rude bids for milliseconds of her attention towards their trained cameras. The din is familiar and Minako revels in it - it is as if she never broke from the business and she is in her element. She smiles more genuinely than she has in years and gives a loaded comment regarding the new album, as well as her deficiency in the date department.
"I'm not ready to date," Minako chuckles suggestively, affecting her trademark grin, wink and 'V' which sets a hundred camera bulbs flashing.
From the corner of her eye she recognizes Risa on the other end of the rug, cooly conducting her own rabble of reporters and photographers. She knew that the model would be here of course (she still keeps up with the news, after all). Risa is to present another award, and when Minako is honest with herself, the idol admits it is a major reason that she has appeared in public tonight. Begrudgingly, she also concedes that it is definitely why she went all out in her efforts to embody her goddess this evening; the cerulean halter dress with deep vee in front and completely bare back fits and flaunts her in all the right ways. When she notices a man's arm wrapped tightly around the model, the now familiar jealousy twinges and Minako can't stop herself from indexing this latest date for future background checking. She is thorough, okay? Old habits die hard.
She makes it into the venue after much fanfare outside and takes her seat. Manager-san flanks her and the evening passes easily, a blur of awards and chit chat with the fellow celebrities and industry individuals that surround her. She hardly pays any attention to the goings-on on stage until Risa appears on the big screen - the idol is instantly riveted, and she is glorious. Minako sees nothing else. She is so entranced that many minutes pass and she barely registers when Risa calls her name!
Only when Rei locks smiling amethysts with hazy sapphires and repeats herself, "Album of the Year, Aino Minako with 'Confession!'" does the idol come to her senses, springing out of her seat and charging up the stage, drawn to Rei and the look in her eyes a thousand times more than she is eager to receive her accolade.
It is even better than she had first imagined a year ago, the moment of meeting her on the stage. Rei steps in quickly with a long hug, whispering congratulations in the warmest hush Minako has ever felt. The idol is pink and thunderstruck again after Rei kisses her cheek. Thankfully, Rei's giant smile and gentle push is enough to jumpstart her towards the podium. The singer somehow manages to make a coherent speech and then walks backstage, Rei more or less towing her, only to find Usagi, Ami and Makoto all smiles and happiness, waiting for her there with Manager-san.
'How did this happen?' she wonders to herself. She looks to Rei and finds that warm smile again, the same one from ten years ago when she had first proclaimed her wishes before all her best friends. Ten years, and here they were, together again.
"Rei bought us all tickets to Los Angeles. She had a feeling you would win!" Usagi practically screams, with excitement and delight drawn in a broad grin across her face.
"We are so proud, Mina-chan. Did you know that you are the youngest woman in history to have ten songs hit number one on the Billboard Top 100, and the ONLY woman to ever win both 'Album of the Year' and 'Best Actress' awards?" Ami happily spouts some amazing statistics, in the most endearing way that only their genius could.
Before saying anything, Makoto makes sure that Minako catches her wink. "Congratulations, Mina-chan. Was it divine inspiration?"
Minako has the decency to blush and the girls share boisterous laughter and more conversation, feeling as if they had never been apart. When Minako chances a glance at Rei, who has been quiet all evening, she finds her smiling and feels the pride rolling off of her. It has been so long since she felt anything from Rei that somehow, they both understand that the former miko and current model doesn't have to say a thing.
The girls decide to spend the night together celebrating and morning comes too quickly. They refuse to sleep ("the time difference!" they insist) and continue partying into the day, although Risa leaves early in the morning citing business. The others see her off graciously before returning all attention to the woman of the hour and making many plans to thoroughly enjoy their vacations and catch up as much as possible with their favorite idol. Minako hasn't been this happy in a long time, and, not for the first time, she questions why she had ever decided to run.
-x-
To Minako's delight, the stars are aligning now that she's decided to turn her new leaf and she runs into Risa on business rather often. Minako returns to her routinely incessant globetrotting for work, but one day in Vancouver, shooting footage for her latest music video, the model drops in. She is in town for a charity gala and Minako's mv is filming across the street from her hotel. They have lunch quickly at a food truck on set before Risa departs to prepare for her appearance.
Weeks later, the idol is in a studio in Paris laying tracks for a new artist's single that she will be featured on, while Risa is in town to walk in an upscale prete-a-porter fashion show. Manager-san surprises her when he drops two tickets into her hands after a long recording session - "from Risa's manager," he states flippantly. He has already arranged all the details, and the two of them attend the event "for publicity!" as Manager-san asserts.
Many more coincidental meetings line up and Minako can't help but fantasize that perhaps Rei may be planning it at times, to be places where she knows the singer will be - either way, Minako knows not to look a gift zebra in the mouth. She feels amazingly and surprisingly stronger since her 'Confession' won 'Album of the Year,' and the exquisite torture from her teens is not the suffocating sadness she remembers it used to be. She cherishes every moment with her best friend again.
"I'm glad we're friends again, Minako," Rei murmurs to her one day as they walk each other to their next appointments in New York City. They happen to be booked at the same hotel this time. "I was really worried, for a while there."
Minako turns to Rei, searching her face for anything more, but the model is mum after her admission and her features are as schooled as ever. They do not broach the subject again, but Minako is still touched to know that her best friend has missed her too, in the years past.
As the weeks go by and Minako meets the super model more and more often, she begins to differentiate Risa from Rei. Risa is all business and it is strange to come to know her best friend in this new way. Rei is still stoic, but Risa is an iron curtain and great wall at once, strictly professional and ice cold. The contrasting personas force Minako to realize that she had grossly misjudged Rei's carefully calm exterior when they were younger. Rei is full of warmth in little ways. The miko is endearing. Considerate. Outrageously thoughtful; she brings best friends all expenses paid to the states, just to watch her get an award! And now that Minako thinks about it, she often treated for ice cream at the 'Crown,' always picked Usagi up regardless of the relentless teasing, creatively engaged Ami's intellect in conversation, and unfailingly stood behind Makoto whether it was heartbreak or homemaking stirring her up. Rei always welcomed the idol to the shrine, rain or shine, helped her study and made her comfortable. She always listened, and was always patient through all the ups and downs with the singer; moodiness, hot and cold games, fits of silent treatment, touchy-feely episodes. Despite Minako's absurd behaviors, her bad habits and borderline obsession with the pursuit of idolatry, Rei was always there for her. The miko's expression may have been ever calm but her depth of emotion never was. Comparing Rei to Risa was probably just what the singer needed. While Risa had a blaze in her eyes that was almost frightening, Rei's eyes were warm, attentive, and, as Minako was beginning to notice, often taking note of her.
The star can't help but wonder, 'did Rei always watch over me like this?' And upon further introspection, she reflects, 'Was I so wrapped up in my own overwhelming childishness back then that I never noticed?'
Minako feels spoiled as they spend more and more regular time together. They are cast in a film together and it's a great excuse to be close like when they were kids, to do unimportant things in each others company again and spend time together for no reason at all. They become best friends all over again. Minako stays dedicated to her work, her love of music and joy in acting, but also keeps Rei close and is particular about showing Rei gratitude in their friendship. She regrets more than ever her choice to abandon their friendship over their non-existant romantic relationship and vows to treasure and nurture what they have now. She is ridiculously happy these days, even without the romance. They are often off on separate business but find time to use their phones; texts and emails and calls to keep in touch until they return to the town both once again call home - Tokyo.
One day she thinks, 'when did I grow up?'
-x-
They are sitting around at the 'Crown' on a rare free day with all the girls when Manager-san rings. Minako answers, listening to his updates with a smile and little attention - one ear is still devoted to Usagi's conversation with Makoto, Ami and Rei. She mumbles an affirmative and hangs up her cell phone unceremoniously before piping in to tease Usagi.
"Usa-chan, I don't think you should try that recipe," the idol begins innocently.
"Mou... Mina-chan you too?" Usagi looks put out and pouts exaggeratedly with her lower lip as she has always done.
"Mako-chan's recipe calls for five ingredients, and you've only just graduated to handling three," Minako can't help but crack a grin, ribbing their still pig-tailed princess.
A round of snickers resounds and the girls all laugh loudly while Usagi runs through a few trademark faces, teary eyes trailed by harmless but heated glares all around. Rei easily follows up with more choice banter, but puts a comforting arm over Usagi's shoulders, cheerfully taking the brunt of Usagi's ire at the situation.
Minako sits at the miko's other side in their regular booth and pushes down the little pang she feels at Rei's show of affection for their princess. Somehow she can't stop herself from leaning over as casually as possible, and feels slightly out of control as she whispers, "has your Manager-san already told you about the SAG awards next month?"
Rei turns to her a little and nods while they both split attention between their new, private conversation and the rambunctious one that the other girls continue.
"Want to go together?" the idol blurts, unable to bar the words from falling out of her mouth. Clearly, she's been possessed. She fights down a blush and affects a cool air; she has never been more thankful for all her acting experience than right this moment.
Rei's face is apologetic when she soberly replies, "sorry, Minako. I can't." She opens her mouth to explain further but before she can say a word, the princess ropes the miko back into the original conversation, making a big fuss over Makoto's latest insult. A fit of giggles takes them over again and secretly a part of Minako is thankful for Usagi's interruption - she has probably spared the idol some measure of embarassment. Mentally she chides herself for feeling disappointment - the singer knows better than anyone that Rei's crazy schedule rivals her own and that it has been quite a while since Risa appeared at any type of award ceremony.
'What's gotten into you?' she reprimands herself, doing her best to shake off the covetous feelings. 'Rei will likely not attend the event, and you are making something out of nothing.' Feeling foolish, and determined to think no more on the subject, the idol redirects her attention to her closest friends.
"Usa-chan, here's a recipe for you - eggs, milk and flour," Minako smirks, jumping back into the conversation.
"BREAD, Minako-san?" Usagi retorts, offended and purposely drawing out Minako's polite name.
"It's perfect for you Usa-chan. No matter the proportions, it will always come out as bread! You can't go wrong!" Minako taunts her now, knowingly, while the table sans Usagi erupts in a ruckus of crowing and howling. When Usagi nearly launches herself over Rei's lap in an attempt to afflict the idol with exactly what she deserves, Rei can barely restrain the pig-tailed girl due to laughter and Minako doubles over with mirth.
Things are so good these days, for the idol. She knows that she had a childish moment a minute ago and reminds herself again not to get worked up over nothing.
-x-
Rei is still a habitual early riser, so often Minako meets the miko for breakfast. It becomes routine. When they happen to be in the same town, they book rooms in the same hotel and share breakfast before attending to the business of busy careers. At home in Tokyo, they have high rise apartments only a few blocks apart and a few favorite cafes in between where fans often lay in wait these days, hoping to catch glimpses of their favorite idol/model. She sees the amusement in Rei's minuscule smirk every morning; a part of the miko is positively tickled that the singer, still a habitual afternoon riser, even bothers with their breakfast 'dates' (as Minako prefers to label them). Rei never asks why and Minako is spared from having to answer. The truth - that any 'date' with her best friend is better than sleep - is ridiculously embarrassing. In Tokyo they have 'group dates' with the other girls as often as possible, but everywhere and anywhere else, Rei is hers alone and the idol relishes in the undivided attention.
"Want to have dinner next week?" Rei asks out of the blue one morning as she sips tea and skims politics headlines in the paper. This time they are both in Los Angeles again for work; Rei will be a guest judge at a FIDM fashion show downtown, while Minako has come to do a whirlwind of press and attend the SAG awards that evening.
Minako is dumbfounded momentarily in the middle of her whole wheat bagel, and cannot for the life of her find her voice to answer Rei's innocently posed query.
"You can sleep in for once," the model teases while watching the idol flounder. "I promised to visit classes at the college next week and I will have press with me every day starting at seven AM," she supplements, giving the singer time to digest both breakfast and the original question.
The all business explanation helps Minako pull her brains together enough to swallow her bite and stammer out, "uh, yeah sure. Dinner."
With a little smile, Rei politely apologizes for disrupting their routine and then thanks idol for agreeing to dinners instead (not that it was hard at all for her to do so). The miko is up and departing then, penciling in plans as she picks up this morning's bill. She wishes the singer a good day and is gone, nonchalant as always. Minako on the other hand has a chest full of butterflies bent on escape and she almost laughs aloud at herself and her silliness. The adult in her knows that Rei is merely rescheduling as necessary, that they share meals as friends and it's all in her own head, fancying 'dates' and making things bigger than they were.
She smiles anyway, content to be childish for now, because dinner is not the same as breakfast, after all.
She leaves for a local radio station shortly after and carries a goofy grin throughout the rest of the day. When the disc jockey mentions her beautiful smile and infectious good mood, Minako only grins wider. "Things are good," she affirms, with a trademark wink that fans swear they can hear over the radio.
Yes, indeed, things are really, really good.
By the end of the day Minako has visited two other radio stations and signed so many autographs she can't feel her wrist. She muses about practicing to be ambidextrous while she sits through a quick make-up refresher with her stylist. She slips into yet another killer gown only minutes later, steps into some sexy pumps and is out of her hotel suite and off to the SAG awards. Relaxing in the limo, she hums a new melody almost unconsciously, a silly smile lingering on her lips the whole way to the Shrine Auditorium. She daydreams through the entire drive and Manager-san practically pushes her out of the limo and onto the red carpet before Minako comes to her senses. She grins, assembles her wits and waves him off, knowing she will meet him inside; the red carpet walk is for celebrities only, a gauntlet she must deal with alone.
The vultures mob her immediately and she performs her practiced smile, fields questions with preprepared answers. The dress? "Vera Wang." Shoes? "Manolo Blahnik." She doesn't carry a clutch, because "every woman has a built in pocket of course!", and she smirks and winks flirtatiously along with this comeback.
And the answer to everyone's most burning question this evening? "Yes, I am attending alone, tonight."
She tires quickly of all the inquiries regarding her relationship status, of which it seems there are a hundred to every one not related to appearing on a man's arm. She can see the light at the end of the tunnel, the Shrine entrance only a few short strides away, and she is glad for it. The ravenous birds are nippier than ever, tonight. She is about to retort rudely to a rather unrelenting gossip writer when another limo pulls up at the other end - the flock spots a new feast and flies over quickly. She cranes her neck to steal a glance at the celebrity that just saved her from a slander suit (so she can thank him later in the evening). Her breath catches in her throat and she is stunned when Risa step out into view. The black stiletto heels and dangerously delicious dress only accentuate the model's icy aura and frigid gaze. She seems even colder than usual but "Risa" hardly fazes the singer anymore; Minako feels only surprise at seeing her friend, and excitement that she is here. The carnivores go crazy over the super model's unexpected appearance.
'Didn't Rei have something else to do, tonight?' the idol wonders briefly before raising a hand to wave, eagerly hoping to gain her best friend's attention. Suddenly, the press collectively gasps and there is a beat of silence - a moment Minako has never experienced on a red carpet walk through. But before the rare event fully registers, the earlier tumult triples and the scavengers practically riot trying to get to the new development she can no longer see, as the bedlam blocks her view of the limo line and Risa all together.
Her curiosity piqued, Minako glances at the big screen set up for fans - then feels the excitement only seconds old die violently in her chest. She understands immediately the reason for the uproar.
The actor of two years ago has stepped out, behind Risa.
'What the fuck just happened here?'
Minako is incensed and confused and she doesn't exactly know why. She does know, however, that her instinct for self-preservation has thankfully kicked in, and it's walking her inside the venue now as she battles with herself mentally.
'I guess Rei never expressly said she wasn't going, but why didn't she tell me that she had another date?
'I wouldn't have cared?
'Don't I mean more than this to her?
'Who the fuck does he think he is?'
The last question is perhaps closest to her heart, and Minako experiences the searing lash of an emotion she first flirted with years ago. The idol's ferocious, untamed jealousy is back with a vengeance, and the bite is more painful than ever.
She sits beside Manager-san through the ceremony, careful to smile when the cameras turn to her and extremely cautious about schooling her features at all other times. Risa and the actor sit only a few rows away and now everyone in the auditorium is a vulture, hungry for Minako's flesh. They whisper, deliberately loud enough for her to hear.
"Isn't that the actor that broke Minako's heart?"
"I thought that she and Risa were friends... to show up at the same event with the actor...!"
"He is so close to Risa... maybe this is what she's been hiding, not appearing at events?"
Minako's stomach curls and her skin crawls and she can barely sit still. She can't wait for this catastrophe to be over.
Her pride keeps her through the event and carries her into the after party. She refuses to give the vultures anything to suggest she might be hurt by Risa and the actor. After all, she knows something they don't - that the reality of the situation is nothing like what they are thinking.
Nothing at all.
She is at the bar nursing she's-not-sure-which-one-too-many when Rei slinks up to her alone, and even piss drunk Minako can easily feel the distress coming off of the miko in waves. She can only nod when Rei asks brusquely if they can leave together immediately. Risa has been like the Arctic all evening, and Rei is so carefully calm at all times that Minako feels distress at even being able to feel her so distinctly. And then, intimately percieving in that moment Rei's unease and urgent desire to leave - the idol knows she could never refuse.
Thankfully, Risa's chauffeur doesn't seem to mind that her partner is now a woman and not a rakishly handsome older man as they take off out the back way from the venue. Here in the limo Rei manages to collect herself and Minako's sixth sense plunges back into the dark, swallowed by silence. She doesn't know what to think about it; Rei's control is so good that she will usually only let the hint of positive feelings slip through the cracks for Minako to just barely pick up on. The idol has never, ever read such negative emotions from the miko, and never anything so clearly! But before she can even begin to sort them out, they are reigned in, and Minako feels nothing. In the ear-ringing lull of the limo the singer begins to remember that she is irate.
'Rei lied (sort of), and why on earth would she pick that man of all people to come to this event with?
'Surely not on purpose, knowing my previous (sort of) history with him?'
Rei seems to understand the idol's coldness without needing a sixth sense and when Minako meets the miko's eyes she sees remorse.
"I'm sorry," Rei asserts earnestly, her eyes piercing Minako's with sincerity. "Manager-san forced me out tonight with him - you know I was supposed to be at the design college tonight, for a fashion show."
Minako is unyielding and remains silent, matching Rei's emotional wall.
"The circumstances... it's complicated. I swear, they forced me!" The miko starts rambling now, her tone anxious and words rushed. "I refused and refused, and I even made other plans, but they showed up at the hotel. Manager-san strong-armed me into this dress and when I got into the limo, he was already inside." She searches Minako's eyes for any recognition but finds only ire. "Minako...! He basically bought my company tonight! There aren't many other Japanese as internationally famous as we are - it was an unfortunate coincidence, truly. I've never even met him besides the times you appeared with him in public, years ago!" The idol arches an eyebrow at this but continues to hold her tongue. It pains them both so much - sitting side by side with a sea of hurt feelings between them so heavy - Minako refuses to speak and Rei runs out of words.
It's nothing at all to do with the man, the idol knows, so what can she say? She is mangled by her own envious heart that stewed all evening over something that the adult deep down accepts should not have meant anything to her. She sees and hears the miko's anguish at the situation in violet eyes and on ruby lips but can't admit out loud, 'I'm more mad at myself than anyone, Reiko.' Her emotions are a mess and the alcohol is not helping her composure at all. She doesn't want to be an adult right now. The miko is fighting within herself as well, visibly fretting for a few tense minutes. She hits her wits end first and can't help the frustration that spills into her speech as she reluctantly comes clean with a startling confession.
"Minako, my manager is my father. The actor has promised to endorse him in the next election at home." With this, Rei slumps sadly in her leather seat, and it breaks Minako's heart to see the proudest woman she knows look so defeated.
Yet still, the singer remains silent. On one hand, her sorrow for Rei is immense and it takes everything she has not to comfort her best friend and take the miko into her arms. On the other, the idol's ego is still freshly bruised (even though it's by her own hand) and she is so put out by the entire situation she can hardly summon the energy to open her mouth.
"Minako, please," Rei begs miserably. "I'm sorry. Say something."
The idol is obstinate, and cannot stop her childishness now. A long, silent minute passes and she thinks for a moment that Rei has given up, when suddenly the miko speaks again in a broken whisper.
"It's scary. When you won't talk to me. Like we are going to stop being friends again."
"What?" The miko's statement surprises Minako enough for a one word answer. Question.
"You were always talking. When you stopped... we stopped."
Minako is silent again, but more than anything it's shock that catches her tongue. She realizes that Rei's summary of the ten year marathon is 1000% true.
"Talk to me Minako. Please. What's the matter?" Rei fishes desperately now, looking into the idol's eyes, pleading. Her amethyst orbs are rueful, and Minako thinks she can see little fear in them too, as well a little something else, but she's not sure what to name it.
A hundred emotions compete inside the idol, overwhelming her. She puts her head in her hands and can't hold in a frustrated groan.
Rei is still trying frantically to engage her. "Were you jealous? I swear it's not what this was about. I could hear the press whispering. I told you the truth -"
"Maybe," the idol blurts, because Rei is getting closer to another truth now and Minako has always hated lying to her best friend.
"What - maybe? What does that mean." Rei is anxious to keep the singer talking at all costs.
"Maybe, jealous," the idol concedes in a huffed exhale.
"I'm sorry Minako," the miko reiterates, the words replete with regret. "I didn't think you would be so hurt, it's been over two years and you never, ever talk about him. I didn't think you cared about him anymore. I dreaded seeing you tonight every minute since papa pushed me into this dress. I didn't want to hurt you, especially after I said no when you asked if we could go together. I really had-"
"Not over him, Rei," the singer interrupts again, so directly that she staggers them both.
"-other plans... wait, what?" Rei halts her blabbering, momentarily baffled.
"I'm not jealous because of him," Minako repeats bluntly.
"I don't understand."
The idol recognizes Rei's confusion and takes a deep breath before going on. "Maybe 'jealousy' is the wrong word," Minako explains haltingly - the honesty is hard for her. "I saw you together... I'm a mess. We've been doing so well again. You weren't supposed to be there tonight. I was so excited to see you, and then, saw you with him... my heart -"
She doesn't get a chance to finish because Rei leans over quickly and kisses her.
Lightning can apparently strike thrice.
The kiss is over abruptly as the miko pulls back, solemnly searching Minako's face, but the idol is dishearteningly blank. After another awful minute of waiting in strained silence Rei falters with the control of her emotions once more. Minako feels her again for fleeting seconds - she finds worry, sorrow. Disappointment.
'Disappointment?'
"I'm sorry Minako, that's not what you were talking about." The model quickly pulls herself together, but into the Rei the idol doesn't recognize - into Risa. Her feelings are vacant and her face goes cold. "Please excuse my behavior." She barks orders to the driver to go directly to Minako's hotel before stepping out suddenly. The limo door shuts, and Risa is gone.
Minako cannot shake her stupor. She is dropped off unceremoniously. She stumbles into her hotel room, dazed. Somewhere in the night, sleep takes her.
-x-
The model never returned to the hotel.
Minako awakens in a panic, her thoughts race and emotions flood and it is difficult to disguise her frenzy as she goes about trying to find Rei. In the lobby, she learns from the front desk clerk that Risa checked out of the hotel late last night. From Manager-san, she discovers that the super model made breaking entertainment news this morning - Risa has taken on the biggest couture campaign of her career and supposedly left immediately for Europe. A few calls to FIDM and Minako finds out for sure that Risa will not be visiting classes and meeting debutante design students next week. Twice in two days the idol is incensed, but today there is a completely different reason.
Her dinner 'date' just stood her up.
'Who does she think she is?' Minako laughs, darkly. It's twisted, really, this turn of events.
A powerful melancholy hangs over the idol. Yesterday could not have turned out any worse. 'Why did you run, Reiko?' she despairs.
"And why did I let you?"
Every day that passes puts Minako further and further away. It is impossible to get to Risa. The model's phone is now exclusively answered by this assistant or that one; Minako leaves a hundred different messages with a hundred different people to no avail. She returns to Tokyo to find a new tenant in the model's former flat, all their tabs at all their usual places closed, and all the girls give her the same story when solicited.
"She's gone to Europe," they say excitedly, fully supportive of their mutual friend. "I talked to her on (insert day). She hasn't called you?"
Minako stops asking if only to avoid arousing suspicion in their friends. Because they didn't have a fight, exactly. More like, they left a conversation half finished, the idol assures herself. It's deja vu when she's not sure who she's fooling.
A month later and Minako has a stroke of genius in the middle of a recording session. "Family emergency!" she shouts to Manager-san, and she is out the door before he can decide: wrangle the idol or wring her neck? It doesn't matter because she is going bat shit crazy searching for Rei, waiting for contact, hoping and praying - and nothing Manager-san says can stop her now. Money easily gets her on a plane with information that Risa is in London. Fame grants her access to the Three Mills studio lot. Her megawatt smile charms a daft guard and she slips into the correct sound stage. The idol spots her not a hundred feet away and tunnel vision takes over as she charges forward, blindly reaching for her goal. She's almost, nearly there, just barely skirting outside a rolling camera when she runs right over a producer and her focus is jarred back towards reality. The idol places the producer quickly - she has worked with him before - makes her apologies, then puts on a friendly air and they begin to chat as if Minako has come to see him all along. The performance is 'Oscar' worthy enough to keep a line of irritated looking security goons (including the one she voodoo'd to get in) at the corners of her eyes and no closer. Moments later, when Minako surreptitiously scans the stage, Risa is gone.
Minako never gets that close again. Another month passes and the idol now purposely arranges her itineraries around places where Risa will reportedly be. The irony is not lost on her.
She feels like the butt of a cosmic joke upon learning that the 'genius' designer Risa models for now is customarily half in the bag and completely paranoid to boot; he is the reason that security is so excessive, if the idol sneezed in his general direction a dozen guards would form a phalanx around him before you could say, "gesundheit." The designer hails Risa as his 'heavenly muse' and in public he never strays far from her, ever. Minako follows Risa's schedule faithfully but can only sight her fleetingly when she manages to get on sets. Apparently, the model's company is the only place even fame and fortune can't get you into.
More months go by and Minako feels increasingly insane. The limo kiss haunts what little sleep she gets. She wakes up routinely early to endure agonizing breakfasts alone. She appears at the places Risa will be now because if a glimpse is all the idol can get, god help her if she doesn't take it. She goes through the motions of her career if only to stay in the same world as her. Minako is 28, an international superstar, and completely miserable.
'How is it possible that a few months chasing after her is even WORSE than running ten years away from her?' she wails silently to no one. Because no one knows. They still pop up in the same cities and often the same places (in no small part due to the idol's relentless stalking efforts), their friends go on as if it's business as usual and the press never cared about their friendship until the actor got in the way.
Suddenly, divine inspiration slaps Minako in the face and a new cockamamie scheme forms quickly.
One thought loops in the idol's mind as she hastily makes flight arrangements and throws together a travel bag.
'I have nothing left to lose.'
She dials a number now that she never thought she'd call.
-o-
Rei wakes up before the sun as she is disciplined to do and shivers slightly - the nights are cool in Milan this time of year. This suits her fine, though, as these days there isn't much worth getting hot and bothered over. The chill helps focus her mind as she slips out of bed and into the suite's living room where she plops down before the electric fireplace. Sacred or not, Rei never books a hotel without one. After a beep, the flames lick upward languidly; Rei can barely feel the heat, but absent the shrine she has learned to make do. She spends too much time meditating these days, she's sure, but she can't shake the bad feeling she's been waking up with regularly for months. The meditation time helps, if only a little. She is adult enough to admit that prayer will never solve the problems sitting on her shoulders, and all she's really doing is pushing the issues away. This suits her fine as well, for now. The miko is at a loss over what to do, and she finds that the quiet time works best for one reason alone - it passes time.
When Rei comes out of her trance, the sun has already crossed the sky. It's afternoon and there is someone else in the room with her. She tempers the urge to turn to him threateningly and instead addresses him from where she sits seiza on the floor, still in her intimates.
"Hello, papa."
"How long have you been there today, Rei?" The senator never bothers with pleasantries and his questions always come out more like commands to answer.
"Not long," she lies easily, well practiced in hiding her stiffness when she moves to stand up.
He says nothing to this, but it doesn't matter if he believes her anyway.
"What do you want?" Rei cuts to the chase quickly, knowing that their relationship works better when its strictly business.
He holds up a long garment bag and the model nods curtly. The days when she would react with outrage to his perpetual political positioning are long past. It's been a while since the last time, but she's far from out of practice when it comes to being a pretty little accessory to a perfect evening. She strides forward and takes hold of the new dress pointedly, turning immediately after towards the bedroom.
"Six o'clock. And be a good girl," he calls out, but the reminder is highly unnecessary. "This one has also promised to endorse my campaign."
The model listens to his last words and the heavy click of the suite door, then sighs as she strips and steps into the shower. Senator Hino's reasons have always gone without saying, and Rei has always known how to 'be good.'
-x-
Minako fidgets on a suite couch at a quarter past six. Her nervous fussing will ruin the dress she so painstakingly picked out this morning if she doesn't stop soon. For the eight hundredth time she agonizes over the dubious nature of this deal she's struck with the devil, but it's a little late to turn back as she is already here, burning a hole in Risa's bedroom door with sapphire blue eyes.
"The key card. Go up at six," the Senator had said as he handed it over. The idol took it then like a holy grail and still holds it now in a death grip, but really it's only helping her fret a hole in her beautiful dress.
The anticipation is murder on her mangled insides, and it is with black humor that she mumbles, "kill me now."
When the bedroom door finally opens Minako springs to her feet. Risa steps out, and the singer takes her in with awe in the short seconds of unaware ignorance. The model is magnificent. She is bewitching in a little black dress, the fashion simple but elegant and sexy. Her air is gravity, her eyes a violet blizzard that promise danger if you get lost inside. Slowly, Risa turns, discovering the idol with an icy stare, but Minako is powerless to look away.
She knows that there will never be anyone more beautiful to her in this existence.
When the idol looks more closely though she notices that Rei is a little thinner. A little tired, maybe, with a hint of shadow under her striking eyes. Her raven hair is much longer than usual, and untamed. And though the miko's emotions are as well-guarded as ever, the idol clearly recognizes confusion in her gaze.
Minako doesn't waste time with hesitation - the singer moves forward quickly, lifts a hand to cup a perfect cheek and kisses her. The idol kisses the model resolutely, eagerly, passionately. Slowly, she can feel Risa melting away. They kiss for a long time, and it's not at all chaste or fleeting like Rei's kiss months ago in the limo. They kiss purposefully and it's perhaps the most truthful they have ever been with each other, without words. The kiss deepens and Minako's mind is mostly mush when suddenly Rei's emotions come forward so strongly that the idol breaks away with a start. She immediately searches Rei's eyes, and there is fire there as the miko scrambles to reign in her wild emotions. Too late now, as Minako has felt them, found them. Minako badly wants to kiss her again but speaks first. A million questions run through her mind, but the only one she can manage to vocalize is -
"Why did you run, Reiko?"
She gets half a glare in reply and can't help but snort out a little laugh at the situation. Ten years, she ran from Rei... only to find her miko still there, as always. And now she knows why. Rei is in love with her. She laughs louder and Rei's glare grows in intensity, the fire raging in her eyes finally free, no longer fenced in by iron control. Rei doesn't bother calming her heart now and Minako can feel everything. The adoration, hopefulness, confusion and regret, the sadness and the questions, the doubt. The overwhelming and all-encompassing love. Minako flushes when she feels the desire; a lust for her best friend that has been simmering since they were girls. She can only laugh.
'Rei was hiding all this?'
"Why did you run, Mina?" Rei counters, exasperated.
The answer comes quickly and easily. "Because I was in love with you, and I didn't know what to do, then."
A beat of silence passes as Rei struggles to react to this response. "So you know what to do now?" The miko looks incredulous.
"Yes. I do." The idol has never been so sure as she closes the distance again and leans in, her body arranging itself around Rei suggestively.
Rei blushes fiercely and Minako can't help but smirk at the little hesitant feelings she detects. The miko's hands are firm though as they reach and then grasp the idol's hips. "So what do we do, all-knowing Mina?" she asks, if only to satisfy the mischief she sees in Minako.
Another easy question and the idol can't stop her wolfish grin. "We get out of these clothes."
"Mm."
-x-o-x-o-x-
AN: Obviously the story draws mostly from PGSM but also a bit of classic SM manga and anime. I like a little license to play around. So much room for activities! I hope you enjoyed it.
O-MA-KE TIME!
-x-o-x-o-x-
-senatroll hino-
"Senator, you have the LGBT Community Center on line four, GLAAD on line six. They would like to talk to you about making campaign contributions," nameless-OL buzzes in over the intercom, interrupting Hino-san's perusal of 'Parenting: For Dummies.'
He can't help but smile victoriously when he sees the lines flashing on the office phone. "All according to my master plan... BWAHAHA!"
-strictly business-
"Tired already, Mina?" Rei chuckles, skimming long fingers reverently over a patch of exposed skin. "We're not even completely naked yet. You're still wearing socks!"
Minako is already snoring. "Later Reiko... business hours are over... zzzzzzz."
-the goddess of love... and sexy legs-
A Tokyo radio DJ cannot stop checking out Minako's legs under the broadcast table. "Your legs are amazing, Minako-san. How do you do it?" he asks on-air.
"Run an unrequited love marathon for ten years, works every time."
"What?"
-x-o-x-o-x-
Until next time! P.S. I LOVE FEEDBACK OMNOMNOM