If one were to look into a Palantir, with the express wish of seeing what the Mirkwood Spiders were up to, they would see said spiders scuttling through the trees, congregating in a large, twisted, dark, damp, miserable, cobweb-covered, clearing. The person looking into the Palantir, would then wonder what on Arda said spiders were doing.
I shall provide you with the answer.
Today was the monthly 'Extermination of Elves' meeting (E2 for short).
It was a gathering of spiders both big and small, all having one thing in common. Each and every one of them was set on the destruction of the Mirkwood Elves. As I'm sure you probably know, the Elves of Mirkwood (previously Greenwood) and the more recent Spiders of Mirkwood have a rather bumpy relationship. They don't exactly see eye to eye. In the span of an hour and a half, the Mirkwood spiders got together, had a bit of a powwow, and talked elf death.
Now, if one wanted to hear what was being said, the would only have to turn the volume of the Palantir up (there is a small dial on the top, that was edited out in the movies). This would then introduce the rather irritating and distressing sound of hundred of spiders, hissing, clacking, and clicking at each other (clicks and clacks are two very different things). Naturally, the one listening in would wish to turn the volume off… But if they were to turn on the translation switch (located on the bottom), I am sure they would have no troubles understanding what was being said.
"Silencccccccce, silencccccce!" a spider in the general center of the clearing shrieked. "We have recccceived orderz, from the Masterrrrr."
A hush, only interrupted by the occasional, 'click', 'clack', or 'get off me, idiot', fell over the extensive gathering. Orders from the Master were very important, and could not possibly be ignored.
"He sayzzzz to kill all of the elvez!" he shrieked triumphantly. A hiss went up (spider equivalent to a cheer). Unexpectedly a voice rose above them. "Izn't that what he ssssssaid last time?" it clacked.
The first spider paused a moment, and took some time to puzzle this comment out. "Yesssss. Yes he did," it clicked. "You don't have a problem with it do you?" it said, a hint of malice in it's otherwise ill-willed voice.
"No, no," the second spider said quickly, "Jussst wondering why we have to have this meeting if it is alwayz the same order?"
The first spider took another moment to think this comment out as well. "I… I am no ssssssure," it said hesitantly.
A third spider spoke up. "Why aren't we out there killing the nasty elvez then?"
The spiders erupted into a commotion. Now, the watcher of the palantir, would notice something the spiders did not. Creeping through the trees, was a small group of elves.
Not just any elves, no… the Stupid Elves were at their head. Now, I can almost certainly say that you have never heard of these particular elves referred to as 'Stupid Elves' before. You would know them as Prince Legolas, and Tauriel.
Now, the spiders hate these two, more than any other elf, with the exception of the Nastiessst Elf with the Stoopid Eyebrowzzz (known to you as the Elvenking Thranduil). The Stupid Elves have killed more of the spider kin than any other elf out there, thus, the spiders hate them the second most. They hated the Nastiessst Elf with the Stoopid Eyebrowzzz the most because on the rare occasion that he ever made an appearance, hundreds of the poor spiders would die in the matter of minutes.
Quite frankly, The Nastessst Elf with the Stoopid Eyebrowzzz was feared greatly and referred to collectively as a mass murderer and the leader of the terrorist group (aka the Elves… as you can see the spiders were rather confused).
Anyways, back on subject; The Stupid Elves were creeping through the trees, fifty soldiers at their heels, positively giddy at having found what appeared to be the largest spider nest either of them had ever seen.
The spiders were hissing and clacking obliviously away as the Stupid Elves set up a perimeter, and slowly closed in. Legolas acted first, being the rash little spitfire he is, and jumped from his tree with nary a sound, drawing his bow mid-fantastic-leap and firing three arrows before whipping his knives out and stabbing them into the back of the spider he landed on.
The spiders erupted into hysteria, frantically attempting to protect themselves against the unexpected ambush, but it all proved for naught. A mere hand full escaped the blood bath and flying limbs, fleeing into the depths of the forest, luckily unnoticed.
Now, part of this group was the spider that had spoken earlier on in the tale. He was the one who questioned the purpose of the meeting, and was only a little bit brighter than his kin. He scuttled along behind the other spiders, feelings of horror, fury, and a deep sadness were rooted into his soul.
And then he made his decision.
Turning around, the Spider (whose name is Irving) turned and scuttled up a tree, and commenced leaping from tree to tree back towards the massacre taking place.
He reached the clearing, and saw the bodies of his dead brethren, and a red fury descended upon his many eyes. Bursting through the tree-line, he was faced by the stupid elves.
"You Ssssstupid Elvzzzz killed my kin!" he hissed. "You shhhhhallll die!"
And was promptly met with an arrow to the head. And so was the end of Irving the Spider or Mirkwood.
Tauriel lifted her chin and Legolas sneered. "Foul creatures."
Tauriel stared at it thoughtfully. "I do wonder what caused it to return?"
Legolas shrugged carelessly. "It matters not Tauriel. Come. We must continue our search."
Turning, the elves faded from the clearing, leaving the carcasses of the fallen spiders behind them.
Many hours later, in the dead of night, the body of Irving stirred.
And the Necromancer's cold laugh flooded the halls of his Dark Fortress in Dol Guldur.
A/N: Hey. *wave* So. How did you guys like that? I suppose I owe a bit of an explanation as to the ending… I was hit by a plot bunny as I was finishing, so basically, that hints possibly at a longer continuation to come. Possibly. :)
Review if you feel like it. Would you like to see a continuation? A possibly kind of scary AU one?
Rousdower out_