Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Tragedy.
Rating: T
Inspiration: I woke up at 2:39 am this morning and Iris b the Goo Goo Dolls was on the radio. This song just popped into my head.
Summary: Merlin, was at Arthur's side every waking moment. He had been loyal to him and even treasured Arthur's life more than his own. It was Merlin's destiny to protect the Prince, never to fall in love with him. In the end, it caused more problems than solutions.
As much as his heart ached, he still felt nothing but guilt for his feelings towards Gwen. She, was his first friend in Camelot. She was the one who helped him around and basically encouraged him through his struggles. Now there she was, on the Altar with her new beloved husband, and King. Arthur.
Perhaps it was his personality that forbade him to tell a soul that he was in love with the present King, from the very first moment he saw him. Of course, Arthur's personality had been a major turnoff, after all the Prince had only cared about himself. At the time, Gwen was sure to make her true feeling for the Prince clear. If only they had stayed that way, Merlin wouldn't be in the situation he was in now.
Hurt, no he was more than hurt. Merlin was heartbroken, it took everything he had to not cry or to object at Gwen's crowning. The way Arthur had kissed her or simply held her hand. It made the hole in Arthur's heart even deeper, and the longing to fill it even stronger.
Merlin loved Arthur, yes. He loved him more than anything, even his own life. If Arthur, didn't find love in his manservant, it made Merlin happy that he found love in Gwen.
"He really loves her." Merlin remembered telling Gaius this at the Crowning.
"They were meant to be." Was Gaius' reply. Merlin could only nod as he fought back tears.
Presently, he walked the grounds of Camelot while everyone joined the festivities. He knew that the King and Queen were no doubt attempting to spot his face from the crowd, Gaius as well. He couldn't bare it. If he had to return to serving Arthur, knowing fully that he was married, then he at least wanted this time alone. He needed to think and clear his mind. He was over the edge, moments away from losing himself.
Do not cry! Merlin thought, he wanted to scream it out as he shoved past people going in the opposite direction towards the castle. He no doubt received stares from those around him, as he brought his arm to his face and wiped away tears.
He was there all along! He was by Arthur's side at every moment. Never once had Merlin failed to keep Arthur's life safe. He had been his loyal servant and a faithful friend. Yet, Arthur's heart resided elsewhere. This angered Merlin more than it saddened him.
He remembered long ago, before Arthur had fallen for Gwen, a kiss that was shared between Master and Servant.
"I feel something for you Merlin, but you're just a servant. We could never hope to create a genuine relationship." That was what Arthur said after his lips departed from a frightened Merlin's. Never, had they spoken of that night but now, Merlin wondered if Arthur even remembered.
Now, here they were. Merlin alone, Arthur and Gwen happily married.
Merlin was not angry with Gwen, yet he felt something negative towards her. How he could just change her life with a snap of his finger. He would be in Arthur's arms, and at his right side. Gwen would be where she was all the time, serving.
NO! Merlin thought to himself.
"This is not Gwen's fault!" He continued to walk, then broke out into a small run. There were tears freely falling down his eyes. They stung his cheeks as he ran away from everything. He couldn't go back to the castle, not like this. He couldn't face Gaius, nor could he tell him how he felt. He couldn't hurt Gwen by exposing himself, and he couldn't dare face Arthur.
When he finally got a far enough distance, he sat down under a tree, hidden in a forest. He could still see the brightly lit castle from above the trees. There were fireworks and all kinds of celebrations. He didn't need to partake.
Being in the forest, he felt like he could be himself. He could cry freely without worrying what a soul had to say about him. Aside from that, he could use magic. Perhaps, if he couldn't use magic to ease his pain, he could use it to put him out of his pain.
Though...he didn't need magic to do that...
He reached him the pocket of his shirt and conjured a small knife that Gaius had given him from before. He stared at it, his eyes glowing like dim embers.
"Who would've thought..." He began. "That such a small object, could bring more love than a human."
With that, Merlin plunged the knife forward.
Above him, a woman stood. His vision began to blur and his breaths became shorter.
"Merlin...making such a mess at such a crucial time." She said as she flipped her dark hair over her shoulder. Her long blue night gown acted as banner as she progressed forward.
The young warlock ignored this as he felt the blood from his heart trickling down his chest. Finally, his breaths stopped and it was a matter of time before his heart would as well. All the while, the woman knelt down next to him, placing a hand on his bloodied wound.
"Not so soon, Merlin. Come now, don't tell me you'd give up so easily. They may've made you feel terrible...but I won't." She smiled as her pale skin glimmered in the moonlight.
His heart leaked no more, and his pain had subsided.
Perhaps, this Warlock had found true happiness.
I have, no homework. I don't know what to do. Usually, I'd be doing tons of homework. BUT I HAVE NOTHING! WHAT SHALL I DO? Anyway, please review and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. And like always, I don't own BBC Merlin.