Title : Once Upon a Time In Transfigurations Class.
Author : Valar
Pairing : H/G
Rating : PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing, therefore I am sad and jealous and have decided to steal these characters - please don't sue me ? .......
"Ahh guys have we got the right class ?!" Asked a slightly confused Ron, as he scratched his head in thought and stared at the front of the class room.
"Ohhh No !" Harry whispered over dramatically, as he came to a sudden holt beside his best friend.
"I believe I said "Ohh No!" !!!" Harry repeated again, feeling that Ron simply wasn't paying him enough concern.
He decided to add a hand clutched to his chest, and a slight feinting sway for better effect.
However when that failed to work he decided to simply go with a loud tapping foot, and a rather large pout.
'Honestly!' Harry thought to himself - Ron could be such a guy sometimes!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Wow!" Hermionie spoke to no one in particular, as she quickly leafed through her transfigurations textbook.
"A few drops of luteweed-badgers potion taken before transfiguration actually enables a person to hold the form of the dung beetle for 14.34 days straight! How terribly interesting!" She sighed, as she pressed her beloved book even closer into her face.
Unfortunately this caused her not to notice that her two friends had already come to a sudden halt.
"Ouch!" She complained as she ran smack, bang into them, causing them all to collapse to the floor, in a rather loud and sore manner.
"Tut tut!" An extremely dark, and rather pleased voice tsked from the front of the class room.
"I will not have tardiness nor tomfoolery in my class room!" Continued the suddenly much nearer voice.
"31 points each from Gryffindor !" It finished.
"Ohh No!" Harry repeated for the third time, as he looked up into the sadistically grinning features of the Potions master.
"You can say that again !" Ron quickly whispered.
"Hmmph !" Sighed Harry as he crossed his arms and began pouting again.
"What the ? " Hermione shouted, thoroughly annoyed that Professor Snape was actually trying to interfere with one of HER classes.
"Why are you here ?!" She demanded.
"This is supposed to be transfigurations, not potions, we've already had that today !" She finished, deciding to cross her arms and pout too.
"Ahh Miss Granger, Its so good to see you to. What do you think about an extra 72 points from Gryffindor ?" Snape smirked.
"'Mione !" Ron complained.
"Ow !!!" Ron cried, as he clutched his aching face, and quickly removed Hermionies fist.
"Will you three PLEASE sit down !" Snape snapped exasperatedly.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Right then. As you may have noticed I am not your normal transfigurations teacher." Snape explained.
"Unfortunately Professor McGonagall has ahh ..... um ...... well she seems to have come down with something. So I will be your substitute teacher today." Snape finished with a rather large, rather evil smile.
Just then a loud banging and crashing sound came from a small wardrobe at the front of the class.
"Umm Professor Snape, Sir ?" An eager young student asked, thrusting his hand energetically about in the air.
"Yes Mr longbottom ?" Snape sighed wearily.
"Ahh well Sir, there seems to be some loud crashing and banging coming from the wardrobe behind you. " Neville replied, happy to be of some real use.
"Ahh what wardrobe ?! " Snape Hurriedly queried.
"Ohh you don't mean that do you ?" He continued pointing at a now worryingly shaking and rattling door.
"Ohh no, Mr Longbottom that's not a wardrobe, its a ahhhh ..... ummm ..... well you see its ahhh ...... well its a painting, Yes ! thats it !" Snape stated, rather happy with his quick thinking.
"Ohhh." Said Neville.
Suddenly the wardrobe began to shout "Help" in a distinctly, though somewhat muffled Scottish accent.
"Drat !" Exclaimed Snape, as he quickly turned around and pointed his wand at the shouting door.
"Shutupous !" He quietly yelled, and the door suddenly became quiet and door-like once more.
"There see, not moving, not talking - completely door like! Ahh I mean painting like! " Snape happily told the class.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Right !" Snape addressed his new class.
"Today we will begin transfiguring ourselves."
"Professor Snape !" Hermione exclaimed horrified.
"Dont you think that's a little advanced ?" She questioned.
"Well hmmm, let me think ........." The substitute transfigurations teacher replied.
"Umm ............. NO !!!!!!" He shouted.
"Miss Granger 'A' you are all 6th year students, this should be easy! And 'B' Do not question me Damn it! 23 points from Gryffindor!"
"Well I never !" Hermione sulked to herself, rather offended.
"Now if Miss Granger has finished interrupting us for today, then we will begin." Snape stated.
"I will come around each of you with a hat filled with the object I wish you to transfigure yourselves into, you will each pick an object out of the hat and follow the spell listed beside it. Does everyone understand ?" He explained.
"Ahh no Sir ...... " Neville began.
"Good ! Right then lets get cracking shall we." Snape replied as he made his way around the room.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Ohh Cool !!!" Ron exclaimed happily as he read his chosen object.
"Look Harry ! I got a 'Tiger Shark' - how cool is that !" he finished, giving Harry a cherry slap on the back.
"Ow !" Harry complained, as he pushed his falling glasses back onto his nose, and reached into the hat.
"The FBIs Number 1 Most wanted Criminal ?" Harry read out loud.
"Well that's a little weird ......... " He trailed off, somewhat confused.
"Hehehehehe." Snape cackled quietly.
'Well then Miss Granger, Lucky last hmmm." Snape stated, shoving his hat at her.
"This is soooo lame. " Hermione quietly complained, as she reached for her piece of paper.
"A Fairy Princess." She read out.
"Well I don't suppose that's too bad. " She admitted.
"What ?!" Shouted Snape, as he quickly grabbed the paper from Hermioneies hand.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! That is not a valid option! " He grouched as he screwed up the paper and threw it away.
"Try again Miss Granger."
"Right ......" Hermione stated, as she pulled out another piece of paper.
"Ohh cool !" She cried, showing Harry and Ron her option.
"I get to be 'The Head Librarian' !"
"Huh ?!" Screamed Snape as he grabbed the second piece of paper of Hermione.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no ....." He stated over and over again
"Why ?!' Whinged Hermione, afterall she had rather wanted to do that one.
"Ahh because, well you see, umm Mr weasley wanted that one." Snape quickly stated, thrusting the paper at Ron.
"No I didn't ." Ron admitted.
"I really really wanted to be a tiger shark." He stated firmly, nodding his head to emphasis his point.
"Yes you did Mr Weasley, now be a good boy and say that spell." Snape argued.
"Fine then." Hermione harumphed, as she reached her hand towards the hat for the third time.
"No ! I pick." Snape hurridly stated, as he snatched the hat away from Hermione.
"Hmmm Yes ! this should do nicely." He smirked evilly, as he handed her a piece of paper.
"WHAT ?! " Yelled Hermione completely astounded.
"No Way !" She stated firmly, shaking her head.
"Yes Way, Miss Granger." Snape happily told her, as he began skipping back to the front of the class room.
"What did you get 'Mione ?" Ron asked, as he quickly turned over her object name.
"What's it say Ron ?" Harry asked interested in why his friend was now rolling around the floor kicking and screaming.
"Ahh it says : 'Lesbian' " Ron replied.
TBC ........
Author : Valar
Pairing : H/G
Rating : PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing, therefore I am sad and jealous and have decided to steal these characters - please don't sue me ? .......
"Ahh guys have we got the right class ?!" Asked a slightly confused Ron, as he scratched his head in thought and stared at the front of the class room.
"Ohhh No !" Harry whispered over dramatically, as he came to a sudden holt beside his best friend.
"I believe I said "Ohh No!" !!!" Harry repeated again, feeling that Ron simply wasn't paying him enough concern.
He decided to add a hand clutched to his chest, and a slight feinting sway for better effect.
However when that failed to work he decided to simply go with a loud tapping foot, and a rather large pout.
'Honestly!' Harry thought to himself - Ron could be such a guy sometimes!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Wow!" Hermionie spoke to no one in particular, as she quickly leafed through her transfigurations textbook.
"A few drops of luteweed-badgers potion taken before transfiguration actually enables a person to hold the form of the dung beetle for 14.34 days straight! How terribly interesting!" She sighed, as she pressed her beloved book even closer into her face.
Unfortunately this caused her not to notice that her two friends had already come to a sudden halt.
"Ouch!" She complained as she ran smack, bang into them, causing them all to collapse to the floor, in a rather loud and sore manner.
"Tut tut!" An extremely dark, and rather pleased voice tsked from the front of the class room.
"I will not have tardiness nor tomfoolery in my class room!" Continued the suddenly much nearer voice.
"31 points each from Gryffindor !" It finished.
"Ohh No!" Harry repeated for the third time, as he looked up into the sadistically grinning features of the Potions master.
"You can say that again !" Ron quickly whispered.
"Hmmph !" Sighed Harry as he crossed his arms and began pouting again.
"What the ? " Hermione shouted, thoroughly annoyed that Professor Snape was actually trying to interfere with one of HER classes.
"Why are you here ?!" She demanded.
"This is supposed to be transfigurations, not potions, we've already had that today !" She finished, deciding to cross her arms and pout too.
"Ahh Miss Granger, Its so good to see you to. What do you think about an extra 72 points from Gryffindor ?" Snape smirked.
"'Mione !" Ron complained.
"Ow !!!" Ron cried, as he clutched his aching face, and quickly removed Hermionies fist.
"Will you three PLEASE sit down !" Snape snapped exasperatedly.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Right then. As you may have noticed I am not your normal transfigurations teacher." Snape explained.
"Unfortunately Professor McGonagall has ahh ..... um ...... well she seems to have come down with something. So I will be your substitute teacher today." Snape finished with a rather large, rather evil smile.
Just then a loud banging and crashing sound came from a small wardrobe at the front of the class.
"Umm Professor Snape, Sir ?" An eager young student asked, thrusting his hand energetically about in the air.
"Yes Mr longbottom ?" Snape sighed wearily.
"Ahh well Sir, there seems to be some loud crashing and banging coming from the wardrobe behind you. " Neville replied, happy to be of some real use.
"Ahh what wardrobe ?! " Snape Hurriedly queried.
"Ohh you don't mean that do you ?" He continued pointing at a now worryingly shaking and rattling door.
"Ohh no, Mr Longbottom that's not a wardrobe, its a ahhhh ..... ummm ..... well you see its ahhh ...... well its a painting, Yes ! thats it !" Snape stated, rather happy with his quick thinking.
"Ohhh." Said Neville.
Suddenly the wardrobe began to shout "Help" in a distinctly, though somewhat muffled Scottish accent.
"Drat !" Exclaimed Snape, as he quickly turned around and pointed his wand at the shouting door.
"Shutupous !" He quietly yelled, and the door suddenly became quiet and door-like once more.
"There see, not moving, not talking - completely door like! Ahh I mean painting like! " Snape happily told the class.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Right !" Snape addressed his new class.
"Today we will begin transfiguring ourselves."
"Professor Snape !" Hermione exclaimed horrified.
"Dont you think that's a little advanced ?" She questioned.
"Well hmmm, let me think ........." The substitute transfigurations teacher replied.
"Umm ............. NO !!!!!!" He shouted.
"Miss Granger 'A' you are all 6th year students, this should be easy! And 'B' Do not question me Damn it! 23 points from Gryffindor!"
"Well I never !" Hermione sulked to herself, rather offended.
"Now if Miss Granger has finished interrupting us for today, then we will begin." Snape stated.
"I will come around each of you with a hat filled with the object I wish you to transfigure yourselves into, you will each pick an object out of the hat and follow the spell listed beside it. Does everyone understand ?" He explained.
"Ahh no Sir ...... " Neville began.
"Good ! Right then lets get cracking shall we." Snape replied as he made his way around the room.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Ohh Cool !!!" Ron exclaimed happily as he read his chosen object.
"Look Harry ! I got a 'Tiger Shark' - how cool is that !" he finished, giving Harry a cherry slap on the back.
"Ow !" Harry complained, as he pushed his falling glasses back onto his nose, and reached into the hat.
"The FBIs Number 1 Most wanted Criminal ?" Harry read out loud.
"Well that's a little weird ......... " He trailed off, somewhat confused.
"Hehehehehe." Snape cackled quietly.
'Well then Miss Granger, Lucky last hmmm." Snape stated, shoving his hat at her.
"This is soooo lame. " Hermione quietly complained, as she reached for her piece of paper.
"A Fairy Princess." She read out.
"Well I don't suppose that's too bad. " She admitted.
"What ?!" Shouted Snape, as he quickly grabbed the paper from Hermioneies hand.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! That is not a valid option! " He grouched as he screwed up the paper and threw it away.
"Try again Miss Granger."
"Right ......" Hermione stated, as she pulled out another piece of paper.
"Ohh cool !" She cried, showing Harry and Ron her option.
"I get to be 'The Head Librarian' !"
"Huh ?!" Screamed Snape as he grabbed the second piece of paper of Hermione.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no ....." He stated over and over again
"Why ?!' Whinged Hermione, afterall she had rather wanted to do that one.
"Ahh because, well you see, umm Mr weasley wanted that one." Snape quickly stated, thrusting the paper at Ron.
"No I didn't ." Ron admitted.
"I really really wanted to be a tiger shark." He stated firmly, nodding his head to emphasis his point.
"Yes you did Mr Weasley, now be a good boy and say that spell." Snape argued.
"Fine then." Hermione harumphed, as she reached her hand towards the hat for the third time.
"No ! I pick." Snape hurridly stated, as he snatched the hat away from Hermione.
"Hmmm Yes ! this should do nicely." He smirked evilly, as he handed her a piece of paper.
"WHAT ?! " Yelled Hermione completely astounded.
"No Way !" She stated firmly, shaking her head.
"Yes Way, Miss Granger." Snape happily told her, as he began skipping back to the front of the class room.
"What did you get 'Mione ?" Ron asked, as he quickly turned over her object name.
"What's it say Ron ?" Harry asked interested in why his friend was now rolling around the floor kicking and screaming.
"Ahh it says : 'Lesbian' " Ron replied.
TBC ........