Authoress' Disclaimer: I don't own CCS or any of it's characters, as much as I'd like to say I do; they belong to the wonderful artistic group Clamp. I write only out of my love for the story, so please don't get mad at me.
"…" indicates speaking
'…' indicates a thought
Italicized indicates written
Can I Say Goodbye
Chapter One
My Dear Syaoran,
I never thought I'd be writing you like this…I never wanted to be writing to you like this. It's been years since you moved back to Hong-Kong; have you forgotten me? It wasn't so bad, that first year or two. You'd call, and write, and chat online, but that all changed…
How many years has it been? We were both mere children when you had to leave…now we're both nearing adulthood, approaching the tender age of eighteen. Syaoran…you never came back to me. What happened to us? Was what we had only a childish fantasy?
I know I promised to wait for you until you came back, but I don't think I can wait anymore. I'm not saying that I no longer love you; I probably will for the rest of my days. You were my first love, after all…even if Touya didn't like you, I did.
I…Syaoran, please believe me when I say that this isn't how I wanted things to end! I'm not trying to justify myself in any way, nor am I trying to blame you. I've been waiting for almost eight years…I always envisioned you showing up one day on my way to school, standing among the cherry blossoms, holding Sakura in one hand, your school case in the other; I dreamed about the day you came back, and how we'd be together forever once you did. But…what does forever mean? Is it only the fanciful dreams of a child?
I don't regret anything, dear Syaoran. I just…can't take the waiting anymore. I should've written this long, long ago, but I could never bring myself to do it. But now…now I can; now I must. This is so hard to say, but the purpose of this letter is to tell you that…I can't think of any easy way to tell you this, so I'll just have to come out and say it: I'm leaving, Syaoran. Touya and Yukito are moving to America, and taking me with them. After all…Touya doesn't think I'm responsible enough to stay on my own with the way our father is gone on his digs so much, so he didn't give me much of a choice. But…I realized that I want this. I need to start over; a new place, new people, new me.
I don't know whether or not this news will affect you, but I had to write you one last time. Nothing was ever finalized between us, and I need the closure. If I'm to leave in peace, I had to tell you how I feel. I had to let you know…I had to say goodbye. So, my dear friend, this is it: sayonara.
Your friend,
Kinomoto Sakura
Seventeen-year-old Kinomoto Sakura dried her tears as best she could, trying not to stain the paper with them; she had already ruined five copies of the letter because they were too tear-stained to be legible. I won't cry, she thought, attempting to steel the emotions that threatened to overtake her. She looked over the letter one last time before putting it in the envelope that was already addressed to Li Syaoran. She took a deep breath and sealed the letter, a single tear making its way down her cheek. 'I leave next week,' she thought sadly, 'I hope he gets the letter in time.'
"Sakura! Get down here, kaijuu!" Sakura rolled her eyes at the nickname Touya still insisted on using. She made sure she had the letter in hand, then left her room, walking downstairs.
"Hello, Sakura." She looked up into the smiling face of Tsukishiro Yukito, Touya's longtime best friend and her old crush, now brother figure. "Were you getting ready for the big move?" Sakura nodded slowly, looking down at her hands. Yukito noticed the letter she was holding. "What do you have there?" She shot a look at her older brother to see if he was listening, but he was headed back towards the kitchen with some empty glasses she guessed he and Yukito had used. Since he wasn't around, Sakura lifted her hand, showing Yukito the letter and who it was addressed to, and he nodded showing that he understood. "So that's what the tears were about?" Sakura blushed; she had been hoping that no one would notice how her eyes were slightly red and watery, but Yukito always seemed to catch details like that.
"We're headed out for a walk, Touya." Yukito called back, winking at her. He dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper and said, "Let's go get that in the mail, shall we?" Sakura smiled, putting her empty hand in his outstretched one.
Hi and thanks for reading my story. I'll try to keep this note short, since I know long author notes can be tedious. I know this was seriously short, but it's only the beginning to a longer story (not sure how long yet; too many ideas swimming around in my head). I'd appreciate reviews of all kinds; legitimate criticism is welcome, because otherwise I won't know what I need to work on. Anyway, this is sort of a feeler, to see if anyone likes my idea and writing style; if I get enough reviews asking me to go on (and just one may be enough for me), I will; but if not, I may not update this story (since no one is interested in it). Anyway, that's all…thanks so much for reading my story!
Firalyn Tiatra