A late-night idea spark! I remembered reading a fic where it was like a series of journal entries and I've been itching to use a lesser side-character for one!
The Journal of Inspector Joseph Meguire
Entry 1:
Another day, another murder. It was a puzzler this time, but then again, when do they make it easy on us? A good friend of mine P.E. Moore was called down to figure out the case. I was hoping for that crack detective Jimmy Kudo, but nope. Speaking of Kudo his little cousin or something was with Moore. I was surprised to see Moore actually close a case today.
Entry 2:
You know what I realize? Every time someone dies, Moore is there. Does he have e.s.p or something? Or maybe he's actually just competent now. He's actually been solving a number of pretty difficult cases. I remember just around a couple of months ago he lost an Easter egg hunt to some random kids. Speaking of that does anyone around this town have any religious background or what? Maybe it's just not popular discussion.
Entry 3:
You know what else I realize? Nothing is ever a suicide! We always show up on the scene declare it a suicide and then the magical Moore brigade shows up out of nowhere. Then Moore says that it's no suicide it must be a murder. I'm kind of honestly wishing someone would just kill themselves so me and my force can have a break.
Entry 4:
Today was pretty weird. We started off with a murder, well nothing strange so far, then Moore shows up. Again nothing different here. But, whenever Moore said something about the murder, that little kid with him, his name was like Conan or something, starts doing all these weird motions and he runs off everywhere. Maybe he's schizophrenic or something.
Entry 5:
So I decided to talk a bit with the Conan kid today. I asked him if he was named after the barbarian and he said he was named after Conan Doyle. That author guy who wrote Sherlock Holmes. Of course someone with that name would be related to Jimmy Kudo. To top it all off he made some 'junior detective league' with all of his little friends. I'm starting to think maybe Kudo had a kid or something.
Entry 6:
Well if Kudo did have a kid I can't blame him. If he was going to have a kid I can guess it would be with Moore's daughter. Oh good God! She looks sexier than sliced bread! Today she was wearing some tight biking shorts and I-uh-well let's say I left the case to Moore, so I could go home early. That Kudo is one lucky little...
Entry 7:
Today brought up a good question, should I shave my moustache? So we were on the scene today and I was looking for evidence through drawers and files and the usual. I opened this one metal cabinet with a partially loose screw and I took a look inside of it. Needless to say I put my face a bit too close to the loose screw and my moustache almost got caught in between the screw and part of the cabinet wall. Nah, I like my moustache, it's staying.
Entry 8:
Today was bring your child to work day. All I brought to work today was shame, self-pity, and a flask filled to the brim with bourbon. That is, filled to the brim until I got into it, and I got in pretty quick. Luckily we didn't have any cases today so I just sat in the office, got drunk, and watched kids run around and tackle each other, no doubt destroying irreplaceable evidence. Oh well, you gotta love the little rascals!
Entry 9:
I don't mind my job so much anymore. Ever since Moore started bringing the whole crew to work I've been pretty happy. Serve some justice, take a peek at an out of my league, no doubt under-age girl, and pretty much do nothing strenuous. A little small talk here and there and it's a day.
Entry 10:
Moore asked me where I got my 'threads' today. Isn't he a little old to be using that terminology? Maybe that Conan is rubbing off on him or something. Anyways I told him that I had to have them specially tailored, he interrupted asking if it was because I was fat so I punched him in the bladder. In all actuality though, I told him I had to special order these because clothes as sexy as mine aren't that easy to come by. He also asked if I have just one pair that I wash like every day or if I have like thirty identical pairs of clothes at home. Being the intellectual that I am, I asked him the same question. The creepiest part was that he said he didn't know.
Entry 11:
We had to fire the new guy we had just hired not but just one week before. Simone went to get some coffee and he practically started keeling over. We all rushed up to him asking if he was dying and then he threw up. Turns out that the new guy pissed in our coffee pot, you know as a joke! We ran coffee samples through the lab and had them test it and that's how we found our man. I feel bad for Simone though. The new guy was from some 3rd world country and when we did the mandatory drug test on him, his piss was green! He tested negative for drugs, but still, green piss can't be good!
Entry 12:
Yeah, so today, at the scene of the murder, that Conan kid compared me to Joseph of Arimathea. I asked him why specifically Joseph of Arimathea, and he said for two reasons. One, my first name is Joseph. I found it funny that the kid knew it but not Moore. Anyways, two, Moore was carrying a drink and he tripped over himself. As I might have stated before I am an-'avid drinker' let's say. Being so, my cup was empty, so I took it upon myself to catch Moore's falling drink in my empty cup. Apparently Joseph of Arimathea was the guy who got Jesus' blood in the holy grail when he was crucified. I asked a kid how he knew this and he said something about the history channel.
Entry 13:
To this day one fact still eludes me. Why does Moore need to close his eyes and look suspiciously sleepy while explaining the case? Also, whenever he wants something that is out of his reach he has Conan go get it. Come to think of it, whenever Moore is laying down the law Conan always seems to be absent. Another thing, Moore never changes his position or does any sort of physical gesture while doing his little banter. Ah, why do I care? I still get a bonus each time he solves a case and I'm there to 'help'.
Entry 14:
Took a sick day today. Best part is I'm not even sick! I can safely be assured that there will be no murder today due to the sole fact that I'm not there. But, you can bet that tomorrow when I return from my 'flu' there will be a case resting on my desk. Technically it will actually be more likely to be on my phone or on the answering machine or something of the sort. I'll probably just sit home watching adult videos all day, I mean what else does a fat, moustachioed, trench coat wearing man do home alone all day? Wait, why am I asking my journal that question?
Entry 15:
Today was a partial victory for the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department! Today some guy was 'murdered' at a rave. Turns out he was just high off his ass, got scared by a couple of glow sticks, and fell down a flight of stairs. It wasn't a suicide but, hey, an accident is pretty close! Anyways, I'm definitely hitting Ben & Jerry's on the way home!