AN: Yes, a new fanfic. Why? The idea just came to me. I still plan on finishing Heartfelt Lies. This one was just begging for me to write down. Well, I hope you like it! Please, review. it would be soooo awesome if you did. let me know of any errors, too. Thanks.
And you stood tall
Now you will fall
Don't break the spell
Of a life spent trying to do well
Place your past into a book
Put in everything you ever took
Place your past into a book
Burn the pages let them cook
It isn't the right time for this conversation, Katherine thought, climbing the stairs. It isn't the time to let years of hiding her true feelings down the drain.
Then when is the right time? She bitterly thought, stomping up the last few steps of the Salvatore Boarding House stairs.
Is there ever a right time to destroy yourself? Is there ever a right time to finally break the glass box you put around yourself?
She felt numb. After tonight's events, how could she feel anything but numb?
So many things had gone wrong. So many things had happened that shouldn't have. All because Stefan just couldn't…
Her jaw clenched. She never hated herself more than she did that moment. She hated that she loved him, that sick, vicious vampire. She hated that she had made him. For the first time Katherine realized she made a mistake in 1864. Not with falling in love with the Salvatore brothers; never. They would never be her biggest regret.
Denying them the chance to grow old, to love someone else— making them into monsters. That was her biggest regret. Turning the boys she loved.
She was so immersed in her thoughts that she nearly barged into the bedroom, but the quiet murmur of voices stopped her.
"Damon," she heard a soft voice say. The voice was so sad, so tear-filled.
Katherine hated this voice, hated that everything she had ever wanted was just thrust upon her look alike. It was like the universe was punishing her for screwing over so many people in her life by giving what she wanted the most to her doppelganger. It was seeing everything she wanted being played out temptingly, using her face, but making sure the life was one she would never have.
"I'm so sorry, Elena," Damon said softly. Katherine strained against the door to hear his next words. "We'll get through this. We'll get through it."
Katherine felt the use of the word 'we' pierce her heart. He had completely moved on from her; Damon had happily eaten the farce of her being the world's biggest bitch and moved to Elena. She couldn't seven claim that he only wanted the human because of the exact resemblance they shared— Damon hadn't been that way.
Sure, now he probably put up the image that he would hit on every hot girl that would look his way (which was every single one) but before he had been so sweet. He had looked past her sultry teases, looked past her sharp words and had seen the Katherine that had existed before. The Katherine that had existed such a long time ago. The one she locked away forever, and wasn't even sure existed anymore.
He had seen the Katherine that waited deep inside. Or the one she thought waited. She was so unsure now, she didn't even know if the person she considered the real her existed anymore. And that scared her beyond belief.
"Damon… He's gone. I can't believe he's just gone."
Elena's tears started coming in a rush again, and Katherine waited anxiously for his next words.
"Shh, Elena. We'll get through this."
He didn't even try to reassure her everything would be okay, Katherine noticed. He didn't even try to pretend. Maybe it was that real, down-to-earth quality that drew her in still; that drew Elena in.
A sharp pain tore through her arm, and Katherine let out only a quiet hiss to show the pain. Luckily Elena had started sobbing again, so she doubted her breathing went noticed. Slowly, Katherine pulled up her shirt and quietly shuffled to the long mirror in the hall.
The ugly, festering bite of the werewolf stung, standing out on her hip. It wasn't even really a bite, Katharine thought, it was more of a massacre of her right hip.
She couldn't believe that she had let that damn Lockwood boy get her— if she wasn't so distracted with keeping Blondie alive for that idiotic plan…
She pulled the loose shirt down again, steeling herself. She couldn't show signs of weakness. Not now.
Without another thought or hesitation Katherine pushed open the door, determinedly walking in, ready to face him. She slowed and felt her cold chest ache as she saw them, entwined on the bed. Elena had pressed her lips fervently to Damon's, and of course Damon's arms were wrapped around her doppelganger.
Katherine felt somehow that it was fitting that she would die soon, not by choice, after all the mistakes she had made.
She opened her mouth to say something about switching brothers, but found her heart just wasn't in it anymore. She just couldn't do any of the stuff she had done before; she couldn't be the image she projected anymore.
Elena broke away from Damon slowly, and her eyes widened as they stared at Katherine. Damon's eyes were still closed, and he still held Elena close to him.
Look at me. The thought flew through her mind, echoing against all the heartbreak that she kept inside.
As if hearing her unspoken thoughts he suddenly turned to her. His eyes held her in a piercing gaze, waiting for her to explain.
"I need to talk to you," she said quickly as his eyes narrowed at her silence. He gestured impatiently to Elena with his eyes, annoyance at Katherine clouding his previously serene features.
"It's important."
Damon looked silently at Elena, some unspoken conversation passing between them. Katherine miserably watched, a sudden tiredness coming over her. Elena nodded at Damon, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth before untangling herself from him.
Damon slid off the bed, glaring at Katherine, and walked past her, heading downstairs, undoubtedly to pour himself a drink. Katherine watched Elena in the bed, watched as the person who looked exactly like her closed her eyes, feeling the loss of yet another loved one. Katherine could relate to what it felt like to lose family. What it felt like to lose so many that you cared about.
"I'm so sorry," Katherine whispered, more to herself than Elena, but still loud enough for the human to hear. Elena's eyes snapped open and she slowly nodded.
"Thank you, for everything," she whispered, her voice cracking painfully. Katherine nodded, before shutting the door behind her.
"What the hell do you want now, Katherine?" Damon snapped, flopping onto the couch and glaring at her. He raised the glass to his lips, drinking his fourth glass of bourbon.
Personally, she had never liked the scotch, finding it too bitter for her to handle. She winced as she turned to face him, turning away from the blazing fire. Her hands came up to cradle her side, before she dropped them quickly at his questioning glance.
"I'm sorry about Alaric," she began.
Damon's eyes narrowed into slits. "Are you?"
She fell silent, deciding what to say. "You can't blame me for what happened."
Damon looked as though he wanted to argue, but the same exhausted look she wore fell over his features.
"I know I can't. But it didn't hurt to try."
She smirked weakly at him, the fiery spirit she had held so close gone. "Feel better, Salvatore?"
Damon smirked back at her, and she wondered how all these years later they could fall back into their old pattern of sending playful banter back and forth. "Just a little, Pierce."
At the mention of her fake last name the smile slid from her face. "Petrova."
He raised an eyebrow at her, questioning. "My name is Katarina Petrova," she repeated.
He only stared at her, confused. She looked back dizzily, the flames of the fire dancing behind her eyelids.
"Are you okay, Katarina?" Damon gingerly said her name, still unsure if she was insane or not.
She felt that she had to go back, had to return to who she was before she became a vampire. She had to be the sweet, naïve girl again, the one that dutifully followed her Papa and loved her Mama with all her heart. She had to be Katarina again.
"Never mind," she said, taking a small step forward. "It doesn't matter."
Damon stood, inching closer to her. "Katherine—?" he managed to say, before she pitched forward.
He flashed directly in front of her, catching her as she fell. "Katherine?"
Her head was swimming, years and years of memories flooding her mind, jumbling together. But she could place the voice. She had waited to hear his voice.
"Mr. Damon Salvatore," she murmured, her eyes glassy as she stared up at him. "How did you manage to sneak past Emily this time? I feel that she is onto us, Damon…"
Damon stared down at Katherine, horrified. "Katherine, no… Emily is dead. She has been dead for a while. This isn't 1864 anymore."
But she only ignored him, already in the past. She giggled she felt a soft touch against her forehead, seeing it as Damon's lips, when really it was only his hand. "Damon," she said softly, staring directly into his eyes.
Damon hopefully looked down, wondering if she was brought back to the present time now.
"I always preferred you over your brother," she said quietly. Damon knew she had to have returned to the present, for he knew their relationship had been a lie. She had told him it was always Stefan.
He didn't really feel anything at her words, knowing they were only a lie.
"Please don't leave tomorrow," she said desperately, clutching at his shirt as he stood to leave. He looked down at her confused.
"Please don't go back to the army. Just stay here with me."
Damon looked at the pleading girl on the floor, watching bewildered as she cried. She tried to stand, but only stumbled again, dropping down to her knees. He hastily gripped her arms, supporting her and leading her to the couch. Damon rested her head in his lap, still looking down at her, extremely confused.
She was mumbling to herself, to quickly for him to pick out. She suddenly moaned, her hands gripping at her side. When she pulled her fingers away the gray shirt was dotted with blood. Damon quickly pushed her hands away, reaching for the hem of her shirt. Just as he lifted Katherine's shirt Elena quietly entered the room, her face pale and tired. She questiognly gazed at him and Katherine, curiously looking at the female vampire as she slept.
Damon stood, gently pushing Katherine's head from his lap. He gestured to Katherine, morosely staring at Elena.
"We have a problem."
Elena didn't say anything, only waited for him to explain what he meant. He pointed to Katherine's exposed stomach, to the dripping blood and savagely torn skin that glistened with sweat and blood. The putrid scent of Katherine's poisoned skin and blood pierced his nose, and a sick feeling crept into his stomach. His emotions were too much of a jumble for him to untangle how he really felt about this development. Seeing Elena's confusion he moved closer to Elena, realizing she couldn't smell the rotting stench like he could from her position in the doorway. His voice was flat, the numerous emtions that fought to be recognized all being ignored.
"Werewolf bite."
Another stream of words escaped Katherine as she slumbered, completely oblivious to the couple that watched her. She was stuck in the past, a million miles away, free of the knowledge that she was undoubtedly going to die.