It was a normal day for Olivia. She was just coming back from a two week vacation from Hawaii. She never took vacations, but she needed this. Her case load had been stressful, but things had calmed down and it seemed like a good time to take one. Elliot had assured her that he could handle things, and Cragen was pleased that she was taking time for herself finally. She had been through so much over the past few years, and it was good she was branching out, seeking adventure elsewhere outside of the force.
No matter where she went on the islands, Olivia found herself thinking of Elliot. She loved him; not romantically, not like a brother-it was deeper than that- but it was the kind of love that made you smile when you saw something that made you think of that other person. Or if you saw some guy's receding hairline and it made you think of them. Or you thought of something incredibly funny and you knew exactly who would get that joke. Olivia knew she couldn't call Elliot, it was her vacation and it was best that they had this time apart, but nonetheless, she thought of him and she had to wonder if he thought of her. Probably not; he had Kathy and the kids to worry about. But that's okay. She knew he had her back, and that's what the job was all about.
It was like she was a junior high school student on her first day back from summer vacation when she walked back in the doors of the SVU station. Olivia was full of smiles for everyone, stunned to see that she was greeted with nods and that no one would make eye contact with her. Maybe she wasn't as well liked or as missed as she thought she would be. No matter; she had her boys, and certainly they would be happy to see her.
"Hey John, any news in the world of conspiracies? Any plots to poison our minds through our telephones?" Olivia smiled, but Munch turned away.
"Hey," she said to Fin, who patted her on the arm. "What's going on around here?"
"I think you should go see the Captain," Fin said as sympathetically as he could. Now Olivia knew something really was up. Everyone was treating her like an outsider or a child, so she knocked on Cragen's door.
"Hey, what's going on around here? Everyone's treating me like I've been gone for a year. Where's El?"
"Shut the door," Cragen ordered as he drew the blinds. "Coffee?"
"No thanks. Where's El?"
"Olivia, I know you just came back from vacation and I didn't want to be the one to tell you this. There is no easy way to tell you this. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."
Olivia's eyes widened as her stomach began to turn. "Where's El," she repeated.
"Olivia, Elliot's not coming back. He was killed in the line of duty."
It took her a minute to process what he had just told her. Elliot…killed…no, this couldn't be. She had just seen him a few weeks ago. She told him that she would be right back. He promised her that he would have everything under control. There had to be a mistake. She bit her lip as she looked around, wanting to see if Elliott was going to come out of hiding, playing some sick joke on her.
"When did this happen?"
"Four days ago. I didn't want to tell you while you were on vacation. You still have more personal days and I understand if you take them."
She shook her head. The last thing she wanted to do was be alone with her thoughts. But she didn't completely turn down his offer- she didn't know when she would need it.
"Do you need a minute alone?" Cragen asked gently.
Olivia nodded her head. As he shut the door behind him, Olivia held her stomach, fighting back every urge she had to break down. She couldn't, not now. Elliott needed her to be strong. She let him down once; she wouldn't do it again.