Okay so this is my first Will and Rachel fic. This isnt the only ship I like, I also adore puckleberry. So all of you Willchel fans who read this, please please please review this because we are a small group and I would really love some feedback on this. Just know it will totally make my day when you do. :D Anyway, hope you like it. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own glee, at all, even though I wish I could have mark salling all to myself ;)
My Life Would Suck Without You
Guess this means your sorry. You're standing at my door. Guess this means you take back all you said before.
As I leave the choir room to head for my car I notice the air is caked with that musty smell that comes with a looming storm. I think of all my kids that are driving home and pray they all make it home safe. This is it. Its the last year I have all of my glee kids together and I'm really pumped about regionals this year. I've been thoroughly distracted with a lot of different things but I'm determined to focus and make sure we all go out with a bang. We just won sectionals and this is our year, I know it.
One thing I'm not too excited about is this weather, by the time I get to the pavilion the storm has already started. I sigh as I watch the rain pounding the pavement between me and my car. Glee rehearsal just let out a few minutes ago and everyone is already cleared out, from what I can see, eager to get home. I really don't want to get wet, at all really. Unfortunately, my chances of staying dry are very slim.
"Hey Will." Emma says as she steps beside me, staring out at the rain with me. She'd stayed late, and I direct a friendly smile her way. Her and Carl got married after the two of us split up and truthfully I'm happy for her. Happy she found someone who was meant for her. "Wow, its really bad out there. Good thing I only live a few blocks away. You're going to be okay getting home, right?" she wonders with concern.
"Yeah, I know. And yeah, I'll be fine. It's really the getting wet part that's keeping me here." I laugh, waving carelessly. And its true.
"Well I'm going to head home. Carl's waiting for me. I'll see you Monday?" Emma asks as she unfolds her umbrella and heads toward her car.
"See you Em." I reply kindly, before taking a deep breath and making a run for my car. As I sprint through the sheets of rain I catch sight of what I think might be Rachel's mini coup still sitting in the parking lot. The past few weeks I've always been one of the last people out of the building and I wonder what Rachel's car is still doing here. If its even hers.
Like how much you wanted anyone but me. Said you'd never come back but here you are again.
I throw open my car door as soon as I reach it and start my engine, furrowing my brows in confusion. Maybe its possible she got a ride with Finn? Or Puck? There's a pang of jealousy that makes its ever familiar and reoccurring appearance in the pit of my stomach every time I think about Rachel and Finn. Or Rachel and any guy, period. I feel the need to check and see if she's in there, just in case something's wrong.
I take my car and drive up next to hers to confirm my suspicions. As soon as I get close enough I recognize her car. I only know it's hers because of the gold star sticker that's stuck on her back bumper. Stars, they're kind of her thing. I've got a matching one on mine.
I jump out of the car and run over to her window, swiping the fog with my hand. Its empty, just like I thought it would be. I decide to give her a call, but she doesn't pick up. I'm not sure whether to be worried or upset. I completely understand why she wouldn't want to pick up the phone or answer my call at all.
After all it has only been a few months since I told her I didn't care about her anymore. A lie of course. But a necessary one. Something I had to do to save the both of us. Me from being fired and her from being let down and resentful in the future. I was surprised at how well she took it. No temper tantrum or anything like that. Just hard eyes and a nod, that really showed her growing maturity. Something I'm glad to say I'd been a part of. I shake my head, doing my best to dispel any and all thoughts of Rachel Berry so I can atleast attempt to concentrate.
Cause we belong together now. Forever united here somehow, yeah. You got a piece of me. And, honestly my life would suck without you.
When I get on main street, my car is practically the only one on the road. My headlights illuminate the entire road, cutting through the endless fog that seems to linger everywhere. After a little bit of driving I find a small figure walking along the side of the road.
At first I cant really tell who it is. I'm not really worried about who it might be because I know pretty much everyone in this town. Unless its Sandy then well, I might just keep driving, but as I get closer I recognize Rachel and her ballet bag and wonder what she's doing walking around in this weather? I immediately pull up next to her and lean over to throw open the passenger's side door.
"Get in." I tell her and she doesn't hesitate before jumping in and slamming the door shut. Rachel shifts uncomfortably in her seat, shivering against the leather seat. And I take a deep breath before meeting her eyes.
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye. Maybe I was wrong for trying to pick a fight.
"Here." I say softly, grabbing my coat from the back seat and draping it over her shoulders.
"Thank you, Wi-. Mr. Schuester." she replies gratefully, attempting to keep herself professional. The slip doesn't go unnoticed. It just brings a swell of memories to my mind. The both of us at my apartment, watching Funny Girl and Rent, eating one of many dishes I made for us.
An awkward silence falls between us and I move to turn the radio on at the same time as Rachel. Our hands touch, causing me to jerk back at the spark that ignites.
"Sorry." she apologizes, looking away and I nod silently. I remember when there was a time we would be laughing in my car before turning on the radio and singing along to anything and everything. I watch her bite her lip and I take a desperate gulp of air to calm myself. Her hair is wet, framing her face and her eyes are that deep brown I love so much. I really need to get it together.
I know that I've got issues but you're pretty messed up too. Either way I found out I'm nothing without you.
"So, wanna tell me why you were, um walking in this outrageous storm?" I question casually, trying to start some form of a conversation. It works, sort of.
"My car kind of broke down and my phone kind of fell…into a really big puddle. Plus, my dads are kind of out of town." she mumbles and I run a hand through my hair absently as I absorb her words.
"Wow. You just had extreme bad luck today. On your birthday and everything." I chuckle shaking my head again and shifting my gaze to Rachel. I wish that someone in glee could have remembered beside Puck and Finn. We're all supposed to be a family and yet none of them bothered to make a big deal like they do for everyone else on their birthdays. When I meet her eyes I'm caught off guard by the deep emotion in them. I haven't stared into her eyes like this for months, so much has changed, yet remained the same. There's a mixture, still swathed with innocence and determination yet a fresh swirl of bitterness added to it.
"You could have came and asked me. I would have given you a ride." I say shyly.
"Would you have?" she suddenly asks, folding her arms across her chest and gazing over at me.
"Of course I would have Rachel." I tell her, emotion festering in my throat, preventing me from saying more. She nods thoughtfully before looking out the window once again.
Being with you is so dysfunctional. I really shouldn't miss you but I can't let you go.
Eventually, after a slow agonizing drive we pull into Rachel's drive way and stare at each other, a strong and aching tension surrounding us. It's as though the entire world around us falls away and its just the two of us together again. Like nothing has changed. I stop myself from stroking her cheek, but my will power is wavering.
"So. Um, I didn't get a chance to say it today but- Happy Birthday Rachel. Eighteen. That's big, huh?" I wonder as I grip the steering wheel a little tighter to keep myself from doing something I shouldn't. I'm not thinking about how this is a step closer to us being legal. I'm still her teacher. Then why am I stalling her? I already told her Happy Birthday in glee today and she knows that.
"Yeah. And thank you." she says, her hand touching the handle as she reaches down to grab her bag.
"Rachel?" I take a deep breath as she turns toward me, our faces barely a few inches away from each other. And being so near to her, I'm reminded of everything I gave up. For her. But I can't stop myself.
"Yes?" she asks hope evident in her tone. I don't reply, simply trying to win the war that's waging in my mind. Kiss her or not. I guess some wars are meant to be lost because instead of giving her a carefully worded response I'm suddenly launching myself at her. Our lips crash together and my fingers rake over every inch of her body, caressing her smooth skin. It's been so long since we've been like this and I find myself reveling in every second. I press her body against mine and suck at the skin behind her ear before finding her lips again. She tangles her fingers in my curls and plants kisses along my jaw and the side of my neck. I slide my own fingers into Rachel's long locks as she digs her nails into my back, causing a low moan to emit from my throat.
It's a few minutes before we separate, but its Rachel who pulls away first, leaving both of us slightly breathless and her very confused.
"What are you doing? You said you didn't want this." she chokes out, tears forming while I shake my head furiously. God, I could never want anyone but her. She's ruined me for other women. All I want is her. Always.
Cause we belong together now. Forever united here somehow, yeah. You got a piece of me. And, honestly my life would suck without you.
"No. Rachel. I love you, more than anything." I insist, brushing a few strands of hair from her face and smiling widely. She is so beautiful and I can feel my body humming and the electricity surging through me when I'm near her. It never went away, not even after I put a stop to us being together. It's always been persistent, attempting to claw its way to the surface, begging for her embrace. Everyday I carried the burden of our time together, wishing I'd never stopped it in the first place.
"Then why? Why did you tell me you didn't?" she accuses, hurt etched in the features of her face. Pain that she's hidden well since the day I told her the biggest lie. That I didn't love her. I nearly sob because of what I've done. Leaving her only caused pain for the both of us. I realize this now.
"Because. God, Rachel you deserve someone who's your age. Who you can show off to everyone. Someone who can take you to go see a movie or out to eat. Someone like Finn, hell, maybe even Puck. I was trying to help you." I try to explain begrudgingly, attempting justifying my actions in some way. Trying to make her understand my motivation for all of it, even though I know it was wrong. She just laughs without humor before grabbing my face in her small, manicured hands and staring deep into my eyes.
"I don't care about that, Will. I love you. Not Puck or Finn. You. It's always been you." she breathes and I feel tears stinging my eyes as her hot breath hits my face. She loves me, even after.
I let out a breathless chuckle before sliding my hand to the back of Rachel's neck and pulling her mouth down on mine.
"My life would suck without you."