Twilight, consider yourself disclaimed.
Where in the hell is the Nutella? I wonder as I walk around the WalMart aisles for the seven hundred and thirteenth time. It's the last thing on my list and I'm getting tired of walking through the store. Yes, I make a list. No, I'm not 90 years old. I just don't like forgetting anything! Anyway, I was just about to say eff the Nutella when I come around a corner and run smack into my ex best friend and ex boyfriend. It takes me two seconds to remember that I'm wearing raggedy old gray sweatpants tucked into my imitation Ugg boots and a tie dyed t shirt from the ninth grade. Top that off with a twisted ponytail and my old black glasses and I literally would have kung fu'ed my own self in the face rather than run into these two.
Jake was the perfect, hot, All American jock of all freaking trades in high school. Tall, built, handsome. None too bright but definitely alpha male material. I'd known him most of my life but we didn't start dating until we were twenty. Everything just kind of clicked into place one night during a party at his frat and then 'he' and 'me' turned into 'us'. I had fancied myself in love with his stupid ass for just over three years. Apparently so had my 'best friend' Tanya. Wench. I still vividly remember walking into our apartment that fateful day with two armfuls of grocery bags to the unmistakable sound of them getting it on.
Looking back on it, as I had a trillion times, I wish I would have done something super bad ass. Like ran into the room, yanked her up by her ridiculously over processed hair and slammed her into a wall. Or punched him in the face. Or at least screamed and cussed. But no. I dropped the groceries, turned around and walked right back out. I drove around in my car for over four hours, not sure what to do with myself. Finally, I had pulled over at the park, slid my phone out of my bag and called Tanya. When she answered, I told her very calmly and very matter-of-factly that she was to have her things out of my apartment by noon the next day, then hung up.
She had gotten Jake but I'd gotten everyone else. Our little clique of friends had sided with me through the whole mess (obviously). Rosalie and Alice still refer to Tanya as She Who Will Not Be Named and make the sign of the witch if they see her out and about. Unfortunately, Rose's boyfriend, Emmett, steadfastly refused to cut all ties with Jake. They'd been BFFs since, like, the womb and while he wholeheartedly agreed that Jake was totes in the wrong, he wouldn't cut ties. Despite numerous threats from Rose, including but not limited to castration, revoked pussy privileges, being shaved bald in his sleep, and (my personal favorite) a public tar-and-feathering. There had been a Renaissance Fair in Port Angeles when that particular inspiration struck.
It had taken a while, but I was finally able to convince her that I didn't mind if they remained friends. I couldn't expect Em to completely cut him off. Although it was solemnly sworn that my name would never be uttered in Jake's presence. Ever. Again. Then there was the little thorn in my side which was my dad's lifelong friendship with Jake's dad, Billy. When everything had gone down, Charlie had tried to talk me out of 'doing anything rash' until I'd gone completely Emily Rose on his ass, all but threatening the safety of his eternal soul in Aramaic. After that 'episode,' as he refers to it, he refrained from mentioning Jake in my presence.
As for me personally running into Tweedle Dee and Tweedle I'm A Backstabbing Whore, I had seen each of them a couple of times in passing. But never together, and never in a shopping cart collision situation. Like I said, I would rather have karate chopped myself in the throat than been there at that moment.
"Watch where you're going much?" Tanya says snottily before she realizes who I am. "Ohmigod Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't see you," she immediately apologizes. My face flushes fifteen shades of red and it's a wonder I don't pass out with all that blood rushing to my head. She's wearing a white miniskirt with a blue button up shirt and pearls. Literally pearls. In Walmart. Pretentious much? Jake is in his standard uniform of polo shirt, khaki shorts and flip flops. I have no idea what to do or say and am really trying not to pass out.
"Hey babe, how you been?" Jake, the eternal idiot, seems happy to see me as though he has absolutely no recollection of the horrible way everything had gone down. Unfortunately, looks cannot, in fact, kill. Or else he would have dropped dead on the floor of the bread aisle and Tanya would've been in prison for manslaughter. Me? I would have been deliriously happy, dancing back and forth between the cemetery and the prison, crowing about Karma being a wonderful woman. Instead, I draw a calming breath. Or at least what I tell myself is a calming breath. Then I clear my throat.
"I'm sorry, I didn't see you around the corner. That was my fault," I say in a rush, preparing to maneuver my cart around them so I can flee. I mentally drop kicked myself for wearing the equivalent of pajamas to WalMart. WTF was I thinking? Seriously!
"It's ok, it was my fault," Tanya counters quickly. "I'm really sorry," she says in a voice that makes me glance up at her. She does look sorry. For about a millisecond, then her face splits into a huge grin. "Did you hear the news?" she chortles excitedly, waggling her left hand at me. I fight back a wave of nausea as I take in the rock on her finger. "We're getting married!"
The fuck?
Neither Emmet nor Charlie had breathed a word of this sin against nature to me, which was really fucking considerate. Death was too good for them. Operation Castration was back in full effect. I didn't give a damn if I had expressly forbidden mention of Don Juan and Skankerella or not. There were some things that needed to be shared if for no other reason than to, say, keep me from being completely fucking blindsided in the ever loving bread aisle of the goddammed Walmart!
Getting back on topic, my head is spinning. I don't know whether to let the chunks fly, punch Tanya in the face, knee Jake in the nuts, or crack up laughing. A moment later, tears seemed like the inevitable reaction, as much as that pisses me off. I was seriously considering how weird/rude it would be for me to just run away, leaving my cart there, when a big hand slides around my waist and pulls me close to it's body. I look up, startled beyond words, into one of the most handsome faces I have ever seen.
"Found the Nutella, fancy face," he says, smiling the panty droppingest of all panty dropping smiles down at me as said Nutella is tossed into the cart. WTF? I think for a crazy moment I'm dreaming, but then realize that even my subconscious couldn't brew this up. I flounder, taking in gorgeous alabaster skin stretched over a chiseled jaw, perfectly proportioned lips, mossy green eyes, dark brows and what I can only describe as coppery-bronze, gloriously tousled hair atop the friggin' god standing next to me. He smiles, one unutterably adorable dimple appearing in his left cheek, and leans toward me, planting a kiss square on my lips. By all rights, I should pass out right here. Alas, I retain consciousness and manage to note that he smells like sex on an effing platter to boot. He pulls back, still smiling. "Who are your friends, love?"
I peel my eyes away from him to look at Tanya and Jake. Jake looks pissed and Tanya has a calculating look about her, eyeing up the tall drink of fuckhotness beside me in a way that makes me want to claw her face off. Which is weird because I can't really blame her. I mean, he is a sexy sonofabitch. I clear my throat.
"Uh, this is Tanya and that's Jake?" I say uncertainly, having no idea what the hell is going on, but very interested to find out. Hot Guy leans forward, affably extending his hand toward Jake. To his credit, Jake hesitates only a split second before offering his own in a firm handshake.
"Jake, nice to meet you buddy. I'm Edward," Hot Guy Edward says in his hot voice. He looks at Tanya. "Nice to meet you," he says, smiling hotly. Basically hot is the only word that came to mind at that moment. Sue me. Tanya nods a little snobbishly before looking at me, obviously expecting an explanation. I look from her back to Edward, who continues to smile at me. My neurons are melting together and if I can get a single one of those bitches to spark at this moment, it would be a miracle.
"So you guys are together?" Jake breaks the momentary silence that has descended, sounding none too happy about it. Oh, don't like it if I find a guy but it's okay for you to bang my best friend behind my back, eh?
"Yep, almost a year now," Edward answers smoothly. WTF? I am desperately trying to play it cool, a feat that is getting harder by the second.
"Really?" Jake says, drawing the word out. He raises his eyebrows, interested in that tidbit. 'The Incident,' as it shall forever hence be known, occurred exactly fourteen months prior to this little supermarket showdown. Apparently, he thought he warranted a longer mourning period. Funny, because I thought I had warranted a bit more stringent fidelity parameters. Looks like we were both wrong, asshat!
"Yep. Our anniversary is next week," Edward returns smoothly, squeezing me into his side to convey the excitement he felt at this prospect. I try to swallow and choke, thanks to my insanely dry throat. Edward pats my back firmly with one hand and grabs my chin with the other, swiveling my face toward his. "You all right, sweetheart?" he asks, concern etched in his comely visage (yes, he is so hot that I just went all Victorian England and referred to his money-maker as a 'comely visage'). I recover and nod dumbly. He leans down and presses his soft, soft mouth against mine again, sucking my bottom lip between his teeth briefly before ending the kiss.
My eyes may roll up in my head. In my defense, I had just been bombarded with a whole helluvalotta shit to process within the last five minutes, not the least of which was having my bottom lip sucked into the mouth of one of the most gorgeous men I had ever encountered in my life. Cut me some slack! "We gotta get going, remember my parents are due at our place at six," he says, as though that is definitely something that I should have known. I nod and try a smile on. He beams at me before turning to look at Jake. "My parents live in Chicago, they're coming to stay with us for a week to visit," he explains.
"You live together?" Tanya asks, incredulous. Edward snorts.
"Of course," he says, as if nothing else were even feasible. "I can't fall asleep without her next to me, can I babe?" he looks down at me warmly, a crooked little smile lifting the corners of his mouth. I blush approximately thirty seven shades of red at the images that calls to mind while my head bobbles up and down of it's own accord. Alice will be interested to find out we have a third roommate but I'm certain she would take one for the team if this smoldering hunk of man meat wanted to bunk up. Either that or I would beat her little pixie ass into submission. I love Alice dearly but brother-man got it goin' on.
"Nope, sure can't," I smile back once I regain control of my mental faculties, finally getting the hang of whatever the fuck it is that we're doing. I look at Thing One and Thing Two, my left eyebrow raised in barely concealed disdain. "Good to see you guys. And congratulations on the wedding. You were made for each other," I say, letting my tone drift toward sarcastic at the end there. Edward nods at them and we walk off before they can respond. Edward keeps his arm around my back, hand resting lightly on my hip, as we make our way toward the checkouts. Once we get around the corner, I look up at him.
"Okay, not that that wasn't literally the most awesome thing ever in life," I preface, "but what the eff just happened?" I ask in an unbelieving tone. He chuckles and smiles down at me again. Sweet potato pie, he is effing hot.
"Well, I was checking you out in the cereal aisle, and I wanted to think of something super cool to say so I could try to ask you out," he admits, smiling the whole time. "Then I saw you run into those tools and it doesn't take a genius to see that you were uncomfortable and that they were asses. So I figured I'd swoop in. Thank God you're not a lesbian, or else that wouldn't have worked at all," he jokes, still walking next to me. "I would remove my hand, but we want it to look real, right?" he asks, coy. I snort.
"In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess," I agree. He aims another one of those megawatt smiles at me and I swoon. He's taller than me, probably a little over six feet and clearly well-built, wearing a gray t-shirt and blue jeans. He is just so hot, I am in serious disbelief. "Did you have a cart?" I ask, realizing that unless he went to WalMart to stalk people, he probably had some groceries he needed.
"Abandoned it by the coolers. It was for a good cause," he shrugs at the loss. "No worries, I'll come back tomorrow," he chuckles. I shake my head.
"I can't tell you how totally awesome that was. I dated that tool bag for three years and she and I were best friends from fourth grade up until the day I came home to our apartment and caught those two doing the nasty," I explain, giving him the Cliff's Notes version . He sucks in a breath, like when you stub a toe.
"Ouch," is all he says. I nod, eyebrows raised. Pretty much. "Perfect timing, then," he adds. I am still in disbelief. "Mind if I get your name so I can stop with the ridiculous pet names?"
I feel my face flush remembering him calling me fancy face. I'm not sure why that is so freaking hot, but it is. "Bella Swan," I answer. He gives me that crooked smile again and my panties twist up in fear. They know their days are numbered.
"Nice to meet you, Bella Swan. My name is Edward Cullen."
A/N Thank you for reading.