A/N: well, it's six in the morning and i have nothing to do...happy birthday! just a crackfic i came up with. i own nada...
"Alright, let's get this party started!" America's 'big hero voice' rang out across the large conference room. England rolled his eyes. This is going to be another bloody meeting where America stands there and yells about nothing in particular, and we all end up fighting. At least Russia isn't here to make matters go from bad to worse...
France smirked. It seems I will have another go at l'Angleterre today...he sat up straighter and kept his eyes trained on England. The big-browed freak was staring dejectedly at America. He was going through another punk phase, so half of his head was green, and it 'totally went with the black eye' France gave him yesterday, Poland had said. But Iggy had chipped France's tooth and won the fight at the same time, even with a bloody nose.
Ya had to give France some credit, even though he had started the fight by commenting on how intently Iggy stared at America during meetings. Iggy jumped up with a tomato face(or so Italy thought) and ran across the table to punch France. He was so aggressive as a punk.
"Can you actually talk about something that matters, America?" England said loudly and rudely. "We don't need a fuckin' super globo man." America stopped talking and stared Iggy down.
"Why don't you lead the meeting then, you 'bloody wanker'?" America did a perfect imitation of England's voice and Iggy stood up.
"Well, I believe I shall."
"Then come up here and do it!"
"FINE!" England stormed to where America was standing and grabbed the chalkboard pointer.
Germany stood up as well. "Stop fighting! We never get anything done like this. Why don't we all cooperate and get along for once?"
England said, "Cooperate with this." and stuck up his middle finger to Germany. Italy shrieked.
"Don't do that to Germany! That's mean!" England just stared at him, repeated the gesture, and shrugged.
"What are you gonna do about it, wuss? You jump at your own shadow and then hide behind Germany and-"
England had failed to notice Spain hand Romano a tomato, and Romano standing up. Because of that, he got a huge red splat across his face. If there was one thing you could never doubt, it was the older Italy's aim. And so England swung himself onto the table with America grabbing at his waist and ran at full speed toward Romano, the pointer held like a knife, but Romano just stood his ground and tried to look brave with Spain clutching his arm. But neither of them had to worry, because Iggy tripped on his untied shoelace and fell on his face. Blood streamed from his nose and mixed with tomato juice as he stabbed the nearest person in the arm. Prussia. He swung wildly with his good arm and ended up hitting Mr. Austria instead, who was immeaditly knocked out cold. Hungary, on the other hand, was burning up with anger as she tackled Prussia. And then Romano decided to punch Germany in the face. "What? Everyone else is fighting." was his excuse to Spain. Everyone else had, in fact, started fighting.
This was just a recipe for disaster.
Chaos exploded as it was turned into a free-for-all and the Bad Touch Trio ganged up on England. America came to his aid and Iggy screamed, "I don't need your fuckin' help beating up the frog!" America just gave his dazzling smile and shouted over the yelling and screaming, "Everyone needs a hero! Besides, who doesn't want to kill France?" England had to agree, and they started throwing punches. France screamed like a girl when America threw him across the table into another little battle of Romano, getting his ass thoroughly whipped, versus Germany, who was also pretty beat up.
"I'm fre-" Prussia had almost escaped Hungary now, but was again knocked to the floor by a huge explosion as the ceiling blew up. Debris flew down endlessly as a tall figure in a long, flowing, scarf walked slowly and leisurely through the clouds of dust towards what used to be the front of the room. The cries of a dozen buried countries and nations broke the deafening silence that followed the explosion.
America was freaking out as he dug through the plaster and bricks, searching for Iggy and Canada. Spotting a tuft of green hair through the haze, he scrambled towards it and pulled out a half-dead England, who's head a brick and fallen practically on top of. His scalp was bleeding, and America took off his bomber jacket to wrap around him. "Please, Iggy. Please be okay..." He mumbled over and over.
A familiar voice, repeating a familiar phrase, could be heard from the figure at the front of the room. "Become one with Russia, da? Or bad things will happen..."
A/N: Imma post the second chapter like right now so be paitient, my children!
~ pancake-chan 3