Author's Note: No, this is not a S&M fic. I got the title and the basic plot from a story in my religion textbook, and the name should be explained in the course of the story. I'm playing fast and loose with the timeline a bit because part of it deals with events in the past, so that dates aren't accurate and some of the dialogue isn't. Anyways, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or anything associated with it. I don't even own this plot. I own nothing. Except a battered moose plushie and some acrylic roses.
AC 185
A chill wind blew through the almost deserted streets of L1 - weather control was on the fritz again. Those brave souls still out hurried along, heads bent towards the pavement. None of them noticed the young boy ghosting along their streets.
The boy noticed them. Glaring out at the uncaring colony, the boy wrapped his thin and bony arms around his even thinner and bonier body. Nobody wanted him any more. It was just as well. He didn't want anyone. Not really. Only a little bit. Kinda. A lot.
A sound from an alley made him stop and turn. A scrawny mouse skittered across the alley and down a hole. The boy watched its progress, eyes serious. Beside the tiny mouse hole, he noticed the corner of something, like a thin box....
For some reason, the unknown object drew his attention. He glanced around and ducked into the alley, walking towards it. He pulled it out from under the pile of refuse that covered it. The mouse stuck its head out of its home and chattered at the boy. He glared at the mouse, which squeaked and dove back into its hole.
The boy tucked the object under his arm and hurried back to the entrance of the alley, where the light was better. The unknown object was a book, a largish book with a faded leather cover and a little gilt clasp. He undid the clasp and the book fell open. The pages were made of thick parchment, all blank, like a diary. Quite a few pages had been torn out of the front. Only one page held writing now, in a thick, hurried hand. It read:
To anyone who would write in this diary: Beware!
This book is more than it appears to be. Certain wishes, once written in its pages, will come true - not wishes for wealth or fame and not wishes about other people, but any wish about the kind of person that you are. Once a wish has been written, the only way to break its hold over you is to show it to someone else. At least that's what I was told; I never had the courage to share what I had written, and so this book was my undoing.
The boy considered this for a moment. His training hadn't included anything like this. He dismissed the warning as a joke, for gullible fools who believe in magic. He felt like chucking it away, but for some reason, he tucked it in his shirt.
He kept walking, considering the strange book. A voice from an alley stopped him.
"Hey..." the boy turned. The speaker was a man wearing a long lab coat and a freaky pair of goggles. "I like the look in your eyes." The man glanced up at him. "Wanna pilot a Gundam?"
Serious Prussian blue eyes considered the man. The boy spoke. "Sure."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
AC 186
The boy, now known under codename Heero Yuy, had started his training under Dr. J. Physical training, mental training. The man was a sadist. Heero felt sure he was on some impossible drive to break his pupil before he had finished his training. After a particularly hard training session, Heero was thrown into his small room - more like a cell. As he lay on the bed, aching all over, sore from tests and from resistance training, he thought of the journal he had found over a year ago. Rolling over, he pulled it out from under his bed.
Grabbing a pen, he quickly scribbled in, I wish I were the kind of person who couldn't feel pain.
Dropping the book and the pen, he sank back against the hard bed. As he lay there, he drifted off to sleep, never noticing that the pain slowly ebbed and flowed away.....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
AC 187
"Haaaiii-yaaah!" One of the men launched himself at the boy Heero Yuy. Four more surrounded him. Heero side-stepped the attack, knowing this was one of Dr. J's set-ups. He fought passively for a moment, the assassins throwing themselves at him uselessly. As he fought, his thoughts dwelt on the good doctor. Why does he do this? He knows I can do it. When will he stop testing me?
One of the assassins darted at Heero with a knife. With his mind busy, Heero barely blocked him in time. The blade grazed his cheek. The one who had landed the cut crowed exultantly. Heero raised a hand to his cheek, felt the warm wetness there, smelt the blood. His eyes narrowed, his fists clenched. He snorted.
Without a sound, he attacked one of them, smashing him to the ground. He turned on the others, making short work of them. When Heero had exacted his revenge, only two of the five were left standing, and one was unconscious. Heero gathered himself for another attack, but his common sense began to bust through the battle rage. Taking a step back, he shook his head and composed himself. The two left standing took the opportunity to run away. Heero look at the three left, who watched him, terrified.
Heero took another step back, turned, and ran.
That night, he wrote in the journal, I wish I were the kind of person that never gets really angry.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
AC 188
He pressed the button. Field training wasn't too difficult for the boy Heero, and this mission had been the easiest so far. He watched passively as the base blew, explosions rocking the colony "night". He was turning away when a flash caught his eye. He turned in time to see a burning Leo fall backward into a civilian building. His thoughts flashed to the girl he had met that morning, walking her dog.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" but there was nothing he could do to stop it. Later, when the colony's weather machine had kicked in and the fire was out, Heero found what he was looking for. Or most of it. There was no sign of the girl, just a charred fragment of her dress hanging from a bit of rubble and a burnt teddy bear. But the little dog lay on the ground, still and unmoving. Holding back tears, Heero gently scooped the lifeless body into his arms and walked away.
That night, he scribbled in his journal again. I wish I was the kind of person who doesn't feel sad. And he rolled over and slept, and dreamt of dead dogs and innocents, and he didn't cry.
Slowly, one by one, the boy Heero wished away all his emotions, locked away in his journal, bound between the leather covers, safe and hidden.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
AC 195
"Christ, Heero, we're in trouble!" Duo yelled as he ducked around a corner and reloaded. Heero dropped to a crouch beside him as bullets pinged against the wall.
"Hn." Without warning, Heero spun around into the corridor again and chucked a grenade at the oncoming soldiers. In the midst of the smoke and confusion, Heero continued along the corridor of the military base. Shaking his head in wonder, Duo followed suit. Does this guy even feel fear? he wondered to himself. Sure as hell doesn't look like it.
Duo had seen this guy mend broken bones, jump on a moving missile, jump out of a tall building and not opening his chute, stand in front of bullets, walk away from a bloody battlefield, all without batting an eye. Hell, Duo still had nightmares about them. As far as he could tell, whenever the Perfect Soldier did sleep, he slept like a log. It was mentally impossible to be that apathetic to everything.
However, it had kept him alive through some very tight spots, so he wasn't complaining. Much. Especially not when Heero managed to make it through all seven high security levels of the OZ base to the hangar and out without getting them both killed. By the last four levels, Duo was humming "Don't Fear the Reaper" to himself to make sure he didn't chicken out.
Later, safely back at the safe house, Duo was recovering from the mission while Heero was writing up the mission report. After a looooooong relaxing bath (which included seven different varieties of herbal toiletries....ahhhhh), Duo was thinking of popping a movie in or reading a book. Since their VCR was broken, he decided on the latter. And since the only reading material in his room was no thicker than a manga, he decided to raid Heero's supply.
"Heya, Hee-chan!" he said cheerfully, slamming open to door to the other pilot's room.
Heero didn't even glance up from his computer. "Hn. Baka."
"Just thought I'd borrow a book, from you, 'k?" Duo bounced up to the desk and reached for the shelf above it.
"No."
"Hmmm, I haven't read the Casebook yet," Duo mused, looking at the row of Sherlock Holmes books. He reached up for it, couldn't reach, so moved a little closer. He snagged it and dropped back down, knocking over a pile of things on the end of the desk.
Baka." Heero growled, stopping his typing and getting down to start picking up the papers and files that had gone flying.
"Oopsie!" Duo bent down and started grabbing papers randomly. He picked up a thick leather book that had been buried under the rest. "Oops, this one fell open..." he trailed off as he read what was on the page.
I wish I was the kind of person who couldn't feel pain
I wish I was the kind of person that never gets really angry.
I wish I was the kind of person who doesn't feel sad.
"No!" Heero lunged for the book, but Duo yanked it away and kept flipping through the pages, jaw dropping.
I wish I was the kind of person who never felt love.
I wish I was the kind of person who never felt fear.
It went on and on. Duo glanced up. Heero had a stricken look on his face, eyes wide. He staggered backwards and fell.
"No..." he whispered.
"Heero?" Duo asked uncertainly.
"I was perfect. I felt nothing." he muttered, half to himself and half to Duo. "I was the Perfect Soldier. And then the book was read." He turned frightened eyes to Duo. "Dear God, I feel it all. All the pain, all the suffering. I can't....I can't be that again. Help me...." the last was said in a whimper as Heero curled into a ball, arms wrapped around his knees.
To say Duo was shocked would be an understatement. It was like telling a four-year old that Santa doesn't exist. So Duo did the thing Sister Helen did when she had to tell a four-year old that Santa doesn't exist. He loosely wrapped his arms around the shivering boy. With a sob, Heero clung to him like a lifeline.
"Shhh," Duo said ineffectually, "Shhhh, it's okay," he rubbed slow circles on Heero's back. "It's okay." Well this is a surprise, he thought to himself. And it sure as hell's gonna change things. But we can manage. We'll have to.
FIN
Author's Note: