Stay Awake
{NOTE: if you havent read Dreams only last for a night..this may or may not make anyscence)
TWO YEARS LATER
I stepped off sage, adjusted my hat and whipped the sweat off my face. It was the first day of a new tour. Fall out boy who was my band, was touring with two bands I had never heard of- Panic at the disco and We the kings.
As I took a sip of my water bottle, I saw what I never thought I would see in my life.
Ashley's POV
"Brendon, Spencer, Ryan and Jonathan! It's show time!" I called from the tour bus door while one by one the stumbled out
"Eww its hot out!" Jon complained
"New day different complaints" Brendon muttered kissing me
"Well your fans are going to start complaining if you don't get out there soon" I said taking Brendon by the hand as we walked towards the stage, the last band to play was just walking off and I saw him…
Patrick's POV
It was Ashley.
"Shit" I muttered under my breath, I hadn't seen her since graduation. She had tried to talk to me then but I ignored her. I wondered what she could have been doing here and then I saw Panic at the disco, it was Spencer, Jon, Ryan and Brendon. Brendon- that word burned my mind he had taken away what I needed, what I yearned for. I tried to walk away without them seeing me but they had gone on stage and Ashley was walking straight for me.
"Patrick!" she called and I stopped, I might as well talk to her, and I had nothing to lose.
"Hi Ashley" I choked out managing the best fake smile I could
"So uh...What have you been up too, I mean I haven't seen you since you ran off" she said rubbing the back of her neck, she always did that when she was nervous.
"I've been okay, touring a lot and I've been here and there nothing new I guess" I sighed out
"Oh, cool" she replied looking around "Look Patrick," she went on "about that day…"
"It's totally fine, I'm completely and epically over it" I said with confidence even though I was dying on the inside
"Are you still my best friend?" she said staring at the ground
"Yes, forever" I said crossing my heart with my finger and enveloping her in a hug, she was warm and she smelled like sweet roses.
"I love you" she whispered in my ear and I knew this time she meant it. I didn't want her too though, yes I loved her with all my heart but Brendon would… ah... Screw it who gives a damn what Brendon does
"I love you too" I said and pulled her out of the hug and kissed her. She was shocked at first but then we both melted into the kiss.
"I have to go" she said suddenly breaking away from the kiss
"But…" I started and with that she was gone. I breathed in threw my nose and out my mouth till there was no more air in my lungs, took a deep breath again and trudged off to my bus.
Ashley's POV
"Shit, Shit, Shit" I muttered smashing my head ageist the tour bus door. I had so many questions that had been unanswered from that kiss
Did anyone see? I was sure no one had because we were in between the backstage wall and the lounge.
Should I be with Patrick or Brendon? That very question had burned my mind since the day Brendon asked me out. Brendon took very good care of me, never left me alone and was always there to kiss me goodnight. But it had become very clear until today that Patrick didn't want me.
Why didn't he run away this time?
Before I could answer my own question again a ginger came walking over to the bus.
"Hey! I'm Travis, from We the kings" he said motioning over to his bus
"Hey Travis I'm Ashley, Brendon Uries girlfriend" I said shaking his hand
"You looked pretty distressed, banging your head ageist the door like that, are you locked out or something?" he said scratching his gingery head
"Nah just confused about life" I smiled playing with my necklace
"I see...Well if you want to talk about it or anything, you can come over anytime and have a beer with me and the guys, I promise we don't bite" he said with a wink and he began to walk back over to his bus.
"Travis!" I called walking behind him and he turned around "I think I'll take you up on your offer now"
"I thought you would" he beamed
After an hour had passed and 2 beers had been downed by me, the members of we the kings and some of their crew had even stopped by to hear my story, Travis sat dazed by what he had just heard.
"Well," started Drew "if I were you I would pick Brendon" he finished and Travis flicked his arm
"No stupid!" she's supposed to pick Patrick!" Travis cried out
"Let her pick whoever she wants" mumbled Danny
"Thank you" I smiled and pet his fuzzy hair, I looked at the time and it was 10:30. "Guys I think it's time for your set and I better get back to my bus" I said getting up and hugging them all
We all left the bus and I walked towards the stage with them waiting for Panics set to be done.
"Thank you and goodnight" Brendon screamed into his microphone and waltzed off stage. "There you are my pretty little angel!" he cried when he saw me "how did you manage on your own?" he said with little worry lines forming on his forehead
"I made some new friends" I replied nodding towards we the kings as they made their way to the stage and kissing Brendon sweetly on the lips
"You taste like beer babe" he winked and kissed me harder
"Can we go to bed now?" Jon complained
"Yea" Ryan agreed "let's hit they hay" We all piled into the bus and into our bunks. I laid my head on Brendon's chest in our bunk; he leaned forward and kissed me
"Goodnight baby" he whispered and as he drifted into sleep I got a text
From: Patty cakes
Meet me at the dock tomorrow during panics set... I need to see you
Damn. I had to go but I couldn't. I threw my phone into my bag on the floor and woke up Brendon.
"What's wrong?" he yawned
"Do you love me?" I asked gazing into his heart melting chocolate brown eyes
"Yes, I always have and I always will" he smiled and kissed my forehead, he laid back down and whispered into my ear "you'll see, one day, I'll make you mine forever"
My heart skipped a beat… Forever? I half smiled and whispered in his ear "I love you"
"I love you more" he replied facing me
"Ah hell no!" I said sitting back up as he began to tickle me. I laughed really loudly and hit the ground with a thud, rolling out of my bunk and Spencer's head appeared out of his curtain
"Some of us have business to attend to!" he shouted
"Like sleeping" Jon moaned with his face in his pillow in the bunk above him, I laughed harder and climbed back into my bunk and snuggled up to Brendon.
"No more" I announced as he tried to tickle me again.
"Fine" he whined and kissed me "Goodnight angel, I love you" he grinned
"I love you too" I yawned and hoped it was true.
The next Day
Patrick's POV
I paced back and forth in my bunk adjusting my hat every time I stopped.
"Pete what if she bails? I mean she didn't reply to my text..what if she didn't even get it?" I cried out
"Patrick, man chill… she's going to show" he said shaking me by the shoulders, I glanced at the clock it was 1:45 Panic would be going on in 15 minutes. I decided to leave early; I walked down to the docks, taking in the New Jersey air. It smelled horrible but at least it was fresh.
Ashley's POV
"Boys! Ten minutes till show time!" I called into the tour bus, hoping that they would leave early. I had texted Spencer and told him everything last night as Brendon slept away and all he could manage out was a 'follow your dreams!' but other than getting .5% of sleep last night it was a pretty normal day.
"I'm coming babe, no rush" Brendon smiled "Ryan broke your eyeliner by the way" he winked and kissed me
"NO YOU ASS THAT WAS YOU, I HAVE MY OWN EYELINER!" Ryan yelled as he ran out of the bus and chased Brendon around the parking lot
"HEY WOMEN! ETHIER GET IN THE KITCHEN OR LETS GO PLAY THE SHOW!" Jon screamed and Spencer walked out silently
"Good luck little bear" Spencer whispered and hugged me. After Ryan and Brendon finally ran out of air, Brendon slowly returned to my side
"I love you babe, see ya after the show" he said after picking me up in a twirl hug.
"Love you too" I replied and pecked his cheek after he put me down, and then he jogged to catch up with the others. I waited till they were out of sight to begin my plan. I looked at my phone it was 1:05. Shit. I was already 5 minutes late. I walked carefully around we the king's bus hoping that none of them would see me, luckily they were all inside. I continued on past fall out boy's bus and finally got to the gates, showed the guard my pass and ran across the street. I kept walking till I found dock 4. Even though Patrick hadn't told me which dock it was, I knew it was 4 because it was his lucky number. I found him swinging his feet off the end of the dock.
"Hey Patrick" I whispered sitting down next to him.
"Hi" he said softly turning to me and holding out his hand. I took it in mine, it was soft and warm. We both gazed out into the water for a while but then he finally said what I never wanted to hear
"Do you love me or Brendon more?" he said in a rushed tone
"I don't know yet" I said putting my head on his shoulder
"Well, it's simple, who have you known longer?" he said and began to move his thumb and tracing circles with it on my hand.
"You're just saying that so ill pick you" I said turning to look at him.
"Fine, you win…but who do you feel more magic with?" he said locking eyes with me
"Both of you… but ever since you starting ignoring me in the halls and at graduation. Ignoring my texts emails, and calls. I guess him. He really cares about me Patrick. I thought you had stopped caring, I made sure you still did yesterday by kissing you"
"I ignored you because it hurt; I've been in love with you since 7th grade damn it."
"Then why didn't you tell me?" I cried out and began to walk back but he grabbed me by the arm, spun me around and kissed me with the same deep passion I had given him yesterday.
"You know me Ashley, I get so nervous around girls, and your just so damn beautiful" he said after we had broken away from the kiss "besides, every time I tried to tell you I got blown off, so I started blowing you off, I want you to be happy" tears began to well up in his eyes and I whipped them away with my thumb "even if I'm not the one that makes you happy"
"I don't know what to do Patrick, I love you both." I said sitting back down on the dock
"Then have us both." He said looking out on the ocean
"That's not fair"
"Life's not fair"
"How do you expect me to pull this off huh? Just walk back into that bus 'oh yea Brendon I love you and Patrick' he would totally go for that" I said with deep and heavy sarcasm
"Maybe I would" a voice said from behind us
"Brendon?" I said standing up
"way to sneak behind my back Ashley, I hope your happy now that you don't have to pick, I'm done with you, we ended the set 10 minutes early because Travis said you went missing, I trusted you, I loved you, and this is what I get back? Go to hell" he spat out and threw a tiny black box on the ground, then ran away I attempted to run after him as fast as I could but he crossed the street before me and then the light turned green again. So I walked slowly back to the dock and picked up the little box he had dropped and opened it. It was an engagement ring. Heavy- vision blocking tear spilled out of my eyes.
"Ashley are you okay?" Patrick said trying to hug me but I pushed him away
"Get the hell away from me, I don't need you" I said with venom seeping out of my voice. I sat on the ground and curled myself in a ball. I had lost everything. I felt my heart break into tinier and tinier pieces till I feel asleep holding the ring in my hand. When I woke up I saw a bunch of people crowded around the couch I was laying on in the front of panics but I registered. I saw the tangled mess of ginger hair that belonged to Travis then I saw Spencer pacing back and forth in front of me with super worried lines all over his face then I saw Patrick and I imminently shut my eyes again but it was too late
"She's waking up guys" Travis said "Hey do you want some food? You've been out for awhile" he smiled down at me
"I want Brendon" was all I could manage out and I fell back asleep, the next time I woke up I was surrounded by monitors and I could hear beeping. I looked around and saw Brendon cradling his face in his hands and Spencer still pacing.
"You're going to put a rut in the floor if you keep doing that spencerface" I coughed out and he rushed over
"Ashers! You're awake" he smiled widely
"What happened?" I said gazing back at Brendon who had looked up at me; his eyes were severely red, like he hadn't gotten sleep in days and he had been crying.
"You tried to run after Brendon but went back for the ring, passed out, hit your head on the bench and got a concussion and you've been on and off for the past 3 days, worrying the shit out of everyone" Spencer explained "I'll go get the doctor and tell them your awake" he said and ran out of the room leaving me alone with Brendon.
"Brendon, I'm so sorry" I whispered as he walked over. He placed a hand on my forehead and rubbed my head with his fingers.
"No, it's my fault, I shouldn't have freaked out like that, but I love you so much. I just don't understand..." he trailed off as the doctors walked in
"Ah! I'm glad to see your awake" the doctor smiled "in two hours if you can manage to stay awake, we can let you go home and there is quite a party here to see you and this young fellow hasn't left your side since you came in!" he winked patting Brendon on the back. And then he left
"Brendon, you should have slept" I said trying to meet his gaze but he kept glancing out the window
"I couldn't leave you because this was my fault. If I would have just let you… if you would have told me…" he said trying to find the right words
"look at me please" I begged and he followed tears still dripping down his cheeks "I love you and I need you" I said and kissed him, he was out of it for a second and then his lips formed into mine.
"But you love him too…" he began but Spencer came back into the room
"Are you ready to see your people now?" he asked smiling a weak smile
"As ready as ill ever be" I sighed standing up and taking the wires with me to sit on a chair "Brendon please sleep, you have to finish the tour" I said kissing his head and pushing him lightly towards the bed. He obeyed and curled up on the bed and fell asleep.
"God Damn." Jon said walking in with Ryan and Travis not far behind. "Your bad ass for taking a hit like that" I laughed, typical Jon
"Shouldn't you guys be going on with the shows?" I said questioning why they were here
"The tour had a week off any way, you have great timing" said Joe and he was followed by Andy, Pete and Stef.
Where's Patrick? I wondered
"He's out in the hall, he doesn't want to interfere with you and Brendon, don't go too hard on him" whispered Andy being a mind reader
"Dude the office is on!" Pete exclaimed sitting on the couch next to the bed, playing with the TV remote.
"Put on SpongeBob!" Jon cried wrestling with him, after 5 minutes of them fighting and everyone quietly talking amongst themselves my legs started to get numb and I could feel how dirty I was after 3 days without a shower.
"Ryan can you help me?" I asked because he seemed the least busy and he was my most girlish friend
"Sure" he half smiled and helped me detach all the wires and helped me get the stupid hospital gown off. Thankfully Spencer had remembered to bring me normal clothes. I thanked Ryan and he walked back into the room and while I was in the shower I formulated what I was going to say to Patrick. When I was done with all that I Snuck out into the hall way
I sighed and sat down next to him in the hallway. He didn't look at me
"I shouldn't have made you meet me there or, make you kiss me or anything" he sighed leaning back in the chair
"Patrick, please don't be like this, I kissed you because I wanted to and I feel in love with you because I wanted too." I said
"Well it almost got you killed, you should just be with Brendon, he's much better for you, he stayed here and I couldn't even bring myself to leave the tour bus till I heard you were awake" he rubbed his head and then put his hat back on.
"You promised to be my best friend forever" I whispered
"Well, maybe I want to be more then friends with you" he said facing me with tears in his eyes "you said you loved me and I believed you, I need you, none of the other girls in school or out on tour could compare to you I've only had a girlfriend because she had the same qualities as you" he was right, Anna his only girlfriend that he dated for 8 months in high school followed me around like a puppy every day. She looked kind of like me too now that I thought about it.
"I've loved you since our first kiss I just never wanted to ruin our friend ship like we're doing now" I said punching the little arm rest on my chair
"I wrote a song for you awhile ago" he said pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket. He handed it to me and kissed my head and walked away back outside. I opened it
Last night I saw a movie Where can I go when I want you around "Go to hell" is all I thought for seven weeks Where can I go when I want you around "Call me back" Where can I go when I want you around Can't stand to be around you
and I thought about many movies I've seen at your house
excuse me if I'm rude
but I'd rather that we just strike from the record ones I'd see again without you
leaning on my shoulder
distracting me from the plotline
but I can't stand to be around you
"Go home"
I'll walk myself to you
I'll walk myself away from here
but I grew out of that phase looking at these broken photographs of people
looking glossed just like the way I still remember a summer ago
but I can't stand to be around you
"Go home"
I'll walk myself to you
I'll walk myself away from here
I'm pleading with a bottle cork in my head
It wouldn't be the first time
my pillow has been mistaken
but I can't stand to be around you
"Go home"
I'll walk myself to you
I'll walk myself away from here
Around you, around you
Can't stand to be around you
I can't stand, can't stand
To be around you
I re-folded it and placed it in my pocket. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone, I just wanted to go back in the room, curl up next to Brendon and forget about this stupid tour. Before I could stand up the doctor appeared in front of me
"You're free to go home now" he smiled that big doctor smile
"Thank you" I replied sighing and I walked back into the room, found Spencer and told him we could go.
"Time to pack it out!" he said above all the noise, when they all filed out I woke up Brendon
"It's time to go now" I said touching his shoulder lightly, he looked up at me, his eyes a little less red and he half smiled
"Let's go babe" he said taking my hand