Disclaimer: I own nothing. Are you happy now?

has everything.

Rating: K+

Length: One-shot

Status: Complete

Fic type: Parody/ Crackfic

Summery: Harry sends Lord Voldy and the Death Eaters a little present from . Voldy gets a fort, no one likes Wormtail, and robot mayhem ensues.

Harry giggled as he clicked the check out button on They really *do* have everything! He burst into laughter at the though of Old Voldy-poo's face at his new present.

-Roughly a week later at Malfoy Manor-

The doorbell rang, and everyone made Wormtail go answer it. He cautiously peeked through the cracked door, and discovered a package, addressed to "Lord Moldy Shorts".

Gleefully, he began to push it inside and strained against the weight of the package. He tried multiple times, and only decided to call for help after his efforts sent him into a wheezing fit. Lucius and Bellatrix were sent to help, and pushed halfheartedly on the box, before remembering to use magic to levitate it. When the box was centered in front of the makeshift throne Voldemort was seated on, Wormtail ripped the top open and pulled the box off.

"Dibs!" He shrieked, shoving the oversized box behind him

Immediately, every death eater tackled him, in hopes of claiming the new box.

When the dust cleared, Voldemort was in possession of the box. He hurriedly scrawled "Lord Voldy's Fort" on the side in purple magic marker, and drew an almost unrecognizable dark mark on the side.

He climbed back on his chair to survey his gift.

Bella held up a card, which read

" Sorry 'bout the whole "defeated by a baby thing".

Best of luck, old chap.

~ Idid Yourmom"

'Idid Yourmom? What sort of name is that?" Wormtail mused.

Everyone glared at him.

The gleaming robot stood motionless in the center of the room.

"What IS it?" Lucius asked.

"It could be a weapon, meant to kill me!" Voldemort exclaimed "Wormtail, go poke it!"

"W-What? Why me?"

"I said so. So there." Voldemort said, sticking his tongue out at Wormtail

Wormtail reached out and gently poked it, and threw himself to the floor incase of explosion.

Nothing happened.

Lucius looked up from the user's manual he was reading and said, "It's something called a "robot". It says here to press the red button to turn it on."

"Wormtail, button!" Voldy ordered.

The robot buzzed to life, saying "I am Mansfield version 2.0. What are my instructions?"

"Go forth and kill muggles in the name of Lord Voldemort!" Voldemort yelled.

"Command not recognized. Please rephrase your command." Mansfield said metallically.

"Uh…. Kill muggles for the Dark Lord?"

"Invalid voice command."

Bella piped up, "Try maim! Maiming is good!"

Voldemort cleared his throat and said "Maim muggles!"

"Incorrect voice command. Power off?"

"No! No!"

"Powering off." Mansfield beeped.

"Agh! Turn it back on!"

"Hello, I am Mansfield version 2.0. Please say a command."

"Avada Kadavra!" Voldemort shouted., shooting a curse at the robot.

"Avada Kadavra is not a valid voice command. Please say a correct voice command." Mansfield droned

"It's mocking us, my lord!" Bella shrieked.

"Avada Kadavra! Avadra Kadavra! Die Mansfield, DIE!" Voldemort screeched.

"Invalid voice sequencing. Please rephrase your command."

Two hours later, and Voldemort and all the death eaters marched into the Ministry, fleeing from the robot who was following.

"We'll turn ourselves in, just MAKE IT STOP! Azkaban can't be worse than this!" Voldemort sobbed.

"Please say a command."

The end (:

Endnote/AN: I'm proud to say my word processor dictionary now has the word "Voldy-Poo" in it (: This was inspired by the sucky voice app on my phone and the song "Don't Unplug Me" by the band "All Caps". They're really awesome, go check them out on you tube! Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is welcomed, please review!