Written in 1999ish, it's an old fic. WufeixMeiran
------
I look up at him and smile. Never before have I actually noticed the beauty that my husband carries with him. His eyes are dark and cold from a distance, but now that they're closer to me I see the depths that they do contain. I've been nothing but a burden to him all this time. The realization hits me cold and hard.
He smiles down at me and I see a strange look cross his face. It's obvious that he is worrying about me at this moment...I'm causing him grief, I am not worthy of the name Nataku. It should belong to him.
Letting out a weak cough I relax in his arms. He has brought me here to the field where we battled that dreary evening. The evening when he told me that justice was just make believe...that justice is only something to fulfill an individual only. The boy had a point that day, but he confused me. I still don't completely understand what he meant. Never underestimate the scholar type.
The scent of the flowers drown out the scent of blood from the wounds of all the dead around us. But it's only us in this field of flowers...how strange.
Thoughts return and I focus on the fact that I'm a burden. This disturbs me deeply and I gather the energy to speak to my husband, "I...was strong, right? You aren't ashamed of me, are you?"
He pulls me closer and whispers into my ear, I can tell he is on the verge of tears, "Yeah...You're strong...Stronger than anyone."
I smile and rest against his shoulder, closing my eyes. I have no need to see the flowers as long as I can smell them. Besides, even from the field I can see the fires and destruction in the city. My thoughts drift back to the day they told me I was to wed. I was angry that it was to be arranged, and angry that such a scholar boy would inherit the rights of the dragon. It was injustice. I remember yelling at the elders, telling them that such a scholar holds no place in the clan for he is not strong. They just smiled and told me he was the best there was, that he would be the perfect husband to the heir...I then ran out, not to be seen until my wedding day.
When we were introduced I was cold. I didn't want to marry the boy, I didn't want him in my clan, I didn't want him anywhere near me! But the moment I saw his eyes I lightened up a little bit, they were dark, like mine. His thin glasses rested on his face and his silk hair was tucked behind his ears. He was more or less beautiful...but still not the warrior I wanted.
As he threw down the books and walked off, I stood there in shock. He didn't want this any more than I did. He had walked away mumbling something about how women were weaklings. It's funny how we both thought of each other as a weakling in the beginning.
We went through with it though, we got married...The elders started pushing for a baby, but that was not going to happen. We slept in different beds and were in different rooms. We hardly ever associated with one another and when we did the words weren't very kind.
Then the day came out on the field, I approached him and asked him why he never practiced fighting techniques like the others did. He had ignored me at first, then asked me why I fought. I told him I fought for justice, and he deemed me a fool. We begin a duel, and I fall first. He's proven himself right. He told me I shouldn't have the right to call myself Nataku. I was ashamed.
The days after that I watched him from afar. The fact that I actually had feelings for him had just begun to surface. I would not tell him though...love is the fall of every man, and I would not let it be the fall of me.
The only time I could have him was in my dreams, we would always be together and our marriage was not a forced one. I began to look forward to my dreams more than my days. I love him.
I still haven't told him. And with my condition I don't think I will ever get the chance...the pain is overwhelming, my entire life will soon end, I know. The memories I had will become just memories, and the dreams will become reality. I can only hope.
I move and put my hand on his, squeezing it tight with the last of my energy and I push my self against him, rubbing my face on his shoulder as my tears fall. I add the final word to our conversation, "No...You are...stronger..."
He struggles slightly, "Hey, get off me."
I close my eyes for I no longer have the strength to open them. The last thing I saw was his beautiful face, twisted in pain and confusion.
He speaks again, shaking me slightly, "Hey...?" His shaking becomes harder, "Open your eyes!" His voice is beginning to get shaky once more and I feel a tear fall on my face, "I haven't shown myself worthy of being your husband! NATAKU!"
I do all I can and I smile, I know now he cared for me...now that I know, I can let go.I can stop the pain. I stop fighting for life in his arms, and fall limp...wondering what I shall see when I wake up, and if I shall see him, in my next life.