Disclaimer: All the characters and places in this story belong to JKR and her brilliant mind.
Author's notes: If you liked this story, you should probably thank my friend and fellow fanfiction writer cerzee who has been a pain in the arse for ages and hounding me for not writing, therefore being one of the reasons why I actually finished this fic.
Feedback is more than appreciated.
An evening in the Marauder's Den
Sirius Black hummed a merry tune, looking rather smug, as he entered the Gryffindor common room through the portrait hole. It was eight o'clock in the evening which meant that the room was packed with students bustling about and/or minding their abundant homework. After quickly determining that the other three Marauders weren't present and concluding that they must've been in their dormitory, the tall and handsome seventh-year started making his way across the common room in a swaggering manner only the oh-so-wonderful Sirius Black could master.
He passed a group of girls who started giggling and whispering to each other violently when he gave them a bold wink and flashed them a dazzling smile. Sirius had to admit that having this effect on girls seemed never to get old. He grimaced when walking past a couple of second-years, one of whom was panicking as he had a nose the size of a very large potato. Obviously a spell gone awry, though Sirius knew from personal experience that Poppy – that is, Madam Pomfrey – could fix a minor problem like that in a matter of seconds. After all, the Marauders were frequent visitors of the Hospital Wing and thus considered themselves experts in assessing the damages.
Once upstairs, Sirius approached the far-end door that wore the names of the four Marauders and a large crooked sign that cautioned everyone not to enter the room, unless they wished to die a painful and horrible death. The warning had been put up a few weeks into their first year. Sirius gave a crooked smile as he recalled how he had suggested that a mean dragon would be a more efficient guard, and how the boys had spent several evenings listing the pros and cons of having a pet dragon before he was overruled.
Sirius then walked in the dormitory to indeed discover his best mates there. James Potter lay on his stomach on his bed, levitating his pillow lazily in front of him with his wand and looking quite bored. Remus Lupin was sitting cross-legged on his bed, left of James's, reading a book on advanced spells and such. Peter Pettigrew was also on his bed… knitting something that looked like a hat in Gryffindor colours.
"Oh bloody hell, Wormtail," Sirius exclaimed as he closed the door behind him and gently lowered his bag on the floor. "Could you be any more of a girl?"
Peter raised his gaze and frowned at his friend: "That's sexist."
Sirius rolled his eyes in response: "That's what a girl would say."
Peter and Remus exchanged slightly annoyed glances. "Sometimes I wonder how in the world do you get girls to even talk to you, with you making comments like that," the latter said. Peter nodded in agreement.
"Stunning looks, mostly," Sirius smirked, not minding his friends. "Why are you knitting then?"
"I-" Peter began to explain, but was interrupted by the fourth boy who had lowered his wand and let the pillow fall on the floor.
"Whatever," said James dismissingly, "Padfoot, I'm bored. Where the hell have you been?"
"I was in the library," uttered Sirius, plopping down on his bed and putting his arms behind his head as he leaned into his pillows, "thinking and researching."
The rest of the boys looked shocked. Peter dropped his knitting needles on his lap and gasped audibly. Remus clutched to his chest, his expression traumatised. James jumped into a sitting position on his bed, covered his ears with his hands and began rocking back and forth.
"What?" Sirius growled, staring at his friends who all looked as if he had said something absolutely scandalous.
"It's just..." Remus whispered as if terribly disturbed by what he had heard, "there are so many things wrong in that sentence."
Sirius pulled his arms from behind his head and crossed them on his chest, grumbling. "Ha fucking ha. Shut it!"
James, Remus and Peter burst out laughing. After a few moments, after he deemed he had looked angry enough, Sirius joined them, letting out his signature barking laugh. After all, this kind of banter was an everyday occurrence in their group, so they rarely took offence in it.
"So really," James said amusedly, wiping his tears of mirth, "what was so interesting in the library?" He leaned toward Sirius, wearing an expression of anticipation, as he shot out: "Oh, was it a girl? It was a girl, wasn't it? Dude, was it McKinnon? Is researching a code for snogging her brains out? It was McKinnon, wasn't it? Oh, you dog, you." In his excitement James often rather resembled a hyperactive five-year-old high on Fizzing Whizzbees, blurting out his every thought and barely taking a moment to breathe.
"Oh pipe down, Prongs," Sirius said in an annoyed manner, "not everything is about girls." He gave his friends a stern look, knowing exactly what was running through their minds. "Don't start," he said warningly.
"Wasn't going to." The corner of Remus's mouth twitched slightly.
"Right," Sirius narrowed his eyes at Moony, before turning back to James. "Besides, I snogged McKinnon a week ago already. I'm telling you, that girl, she's a freak." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows at James, causing Remus to shake his head disapprovingly. "What? She is!"
"I would very much appreciate if you didn't talk about Marlene like that," Remus said, "she just so happens to be a friend of mine."
"It's not like I meant it in a bad way," Sirius shrugged, "just saying that girl is one hell of a snog."
"Yeah, also something I didn't need to know," Remus cocked his eyebrow.
Sirius gave him a brash smirk in return: "You know, Moony, you should give it a go. Perhaps McKinnon can remove that stick."
"What stick?"
"The one that seems to be lodged up your arse."
"Good one, Padfoot," James laughed while Remus let out an annoyed huff.
"Anyway," Sirius sat up and returned to the original topic, "I was in the library, looking into stuff."
"Stuff?" Peter asked, looking confused as well as interested, his knitting completely forgotten.
Sirius leaned a bit forward, looking wholly excited. "See, I've been thinking of a prank." He ran his hand through what he considered his most prized possession, his hair. "Well, not a prank really. More of a disctraction."
James frowned at his best mate, though the mention of a prank got him quite thrilled. "A distraction? From what?"
"From school!" Sirius exclaimed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Haven't you noticed, man? Everyone's got their knickers in a wad." Well, Sirius wasn't too far off with that. It was their last year at Hogwarts and while the N.E.W.T.s were still months away, the professors seemed to grace the students with more homework than ever. The fifth-years were under similar pressure, though it was no walk in the park for the rest of the student body either. November was only drawing to a close, but the students were already feeling the stress.
"Right," Remus said matter-of-factly, "and what exactly has the great Sirius Black in mind then to relieve the student body of the miseries of education?" He wasn't nearly as sceptical as he sounded. After all, what student wouldn't be eager to take a small break from homework and exams?
Sirius jumped up from his bed, stood in front of the rest of the Marauders, placing his left hand on his hip and stretching his right arm in the air for dramatic effect. "Lo and behold! 'Tis a cunning plan. A plan so cunning," he paused and looked around the room in a theatrical manner before lowering his voice slightly, "a plan so clever, ye shall wet thy fancy undergarments should ye hear the plan!"
His audience exchanged amused glances, though they were used to Sirius putting on a bit of a show. The boy was quite flamboyant, there was no doubt, and that rather added to his charm.
"Do go on," Peter grinned.
Sirius then reverted to his usual relaxed, but still somehow graceful stance and sat back down. He then continued to explain his plan of distraction to his mates and when he was finished some five minutes later, the other three Marauders seemed to be sold.
"I'm impressed, Padfoot," Remus smiled, "you've actually come up with a prank that isn't designed to humiliate the Slytherins or anything the like. That's a first."
"Yeah," Peter agreed, looking just as amazed and pleased with Sirius. "You're using your pranking genius for good, it's incredible."
"I know, right," Sirius was beaming. The boy fed on praise, even if he didn't want to admit it. "And I've done the research already. All there is to do is to make the potion and test the charm."
"Wow," James shook his head in awe, "Padfoot did research. Wow! Wow!" He was then hit on the head with a pillow. "Oi!"
"Shut it then," barked Sirius who had flung his pillow at Prongs. He fished out two pieces of parchment from his pocket. "Make yourself useful. Here's the recipe." He threw one of the pieces at his mate who caught it with ease, the amazing Seeker he was.
"Hate to be a killjoy," Peter said before letting out a yawn, "but how about the ingredients?"
"What about them?"
"Have you got them, for instance?"
Sirius rolled his eyes at the short boy. "Who do you think you're talking to, Wormtail? Of course I have. The bag." He gestured at his sack by the door with a nod, signalling Peter to get it (which he did), and handed Remus the second parchment. "Here's the spell. That should work, right?"
"For Merlin's sake, Sirius, your handwriting," Remus sighed and squinted to make out his friend's scrawling. Even after all that time, after all the Sirius's essays he had corrected, Remus still often found it difficult to decipher Padfoot's scribbles.
"Yes, yes, I know," Sirius said annoyed, pulling a face that clearly indicated he had heard it before. "It's absolutely dreadful," he said with a high-pitched voice that sounded an awful lot like his mother's. "Never mind the handwriting, Moony, what about the bloody spell?"
Remus couldn't help but to smirk at Sirius's imitation of the infamous Mrs Black. He had met the woman a couple of times and thought the impersonation was spot-on, frighteningly so. He turned his attention back at the writing. "Looks about right, I think. We definitely need to test it though. When are we going to do this?"
Sirius opened his mouth, but James beat him to the punch. "What do you mean when? Now. The potion shouldn't take too long. I'm thinking breakfast."
"Breakfast?" Peter asked.
"Yeah," James nodded, glancing over the list of potion ingredients once more. "To execute the plan. Everyone'll be there. It'll be a funny start to the day."
"Just what I was thinking," Sirius grinned at James.
"Of course you were," Remus laughed wholeheartedly. "You two are the slightly deranged twins separated at birth, aren't you?"
The three boys joined him, laughing at the recurring joke.
Two hours later found the Marauders huddled around the small bubbling cauldron on the floor in the middle of the dormitory. The air was thick with rather pleasant-smelling fumes that seemed to have the slight side effects of bouts of feeling exhilarated. When Remus had asked Sirius where he had acquired all of the ingredients in such a short notice, Padfoot had simply replied with a vigorous wiggle of his eyebrows. Whenever Sirius did that, the others knew it was best not to enquire any further. The boy had his tricks and best leave it at that.
"Well," Sirius spoke, giving the potion an energetic stir counter-clockwise, "this needs to simmer for a bit now." He stretched out his arms and let out a quiet mumble of contentment.
"Someone ought to pop by the kitchens, I reckon," said James as he ran over the potion recipe again, to make sure they got everything right. When no one replied, he glanced up to see his friends looking slightly confused. "We need to test this, right? Then we're going to need some cups and drinks. I'm thinking tea and pumpkin juice. Those should be the most popular choices for breakfast. And then we can see if it works both with cold and hot beverages." It was no surprise to the rest of the Marauders that when it came down to it, James expressed a great amount of efficiency and methodicalness, sometimes to a point of driving the others mad.
Peter volunteered to make the trip as he had had very little to do with the potion making. James nodded in the direction of his cupboard, indicating to Peter to grab his Invisible Cloak that was stored in there. As Wormtail was stepping out of the room, the rest of the boys shouted orders for cakes and sandwiches at him. The dinner had been quite a few hours ago and preparing a prank did take a great toll on them. After Sirius asked for a leg of lamb, Peter gave his mates the two and stomped off, determined to never volunteer for visiting the kitchens again.
The rest of the Marauders lounged about in the dormitory, waiting for Wormtail to return with the goods. Remus returned to his book, while James and Sirius opted for lying on their backs on the floor. It was a rare occasion that their room was so quiet that only the quiet bubbling of the potion could be heard.
"Sirius," James said, looking at the ceiling that wore quite a few burns and gashes from years of the boys working out pranks in the dorm, "Mum said she wants us home for Christmas. Since it's our last year and all."
"Nah," Sirius replied, throwing his wand in the air and catching it as it fell down, "I think I'm going to Grimmauld this year."
James plopped up on his elbows, his eyes wide as plates: "Say what?"
Sirius looked completely earnest as he turned to James. "I think it's time to make peace with the family."
James's mouth fell open and he looked at Remus, as if he was looking for help since Sirius obviously had lost his marbles. Remus cocked his eyebrow in response.
"Oh, Prongs," Sirius then roared with laughter, "you are even more gullible than Petey-kins."
James gave a huge sigh of relief. He had to admit this would've been a very improbable thing for Sirius to say and do, but one could never be too sure of anything when dealing with Padfoot, the loose cannon he often was. "You nearly gave me a heart-attack there. Twat."
Sirius and Remus let out a hearty laugh. The latter had suspected that Sirius wasn't being… well, serious. He knew that Sirius would rather die than return to his family who he detested so much, who detested him so much. Of course, James was well aware of that as well, but Remus had a suspicion that one of James's worst fears was losing Sirius, to a point of slight paranoia even. Twins separated at birth, indeed.
"Could you imagine it, though?" Sirius chuckled. "If I showed up at that wretched house?"
"After the way you left?" Remus snorted. Sirius had told them all about yet another heated argument between him and his mother that took place in June, the one that had led up to the boy leaving the house of Black for good. Naturally Sirius had put up quite a performance, blasting pretty much anything that was on his way as he marched out of his childhood home, or his childhood jailhouse, as he liked to call it. To make sure his parents had something to remember him by Sirius had also set off a bag full of dungbombs in the dining room. A couple of them he even swung at the Black family tree tapestry to really get his opinion on the family and their values across.
"Mummy-dearest would probably welcome you with open arms," Remus said after a moment of remembering how the boys had howled with laughter when Sirius animatedly recapped the incident that was now occasionally referred to as Sirius's Great Escape.
"To wrap you in her warm embrace," James continued with a grin on his face.
"To stifle me to death," Sirius added, chortling.
"But in a loving manner, surely," Remus said earnestly.
"Surely," Sirius let out a snort. "She'd shriek out of sheer joy if she saw me." It had been months since he last saw or heard Walburga Black, but her magnificent, glass-shattering, gut-wrenching, internal-haemorrhage-causing screeches still sometimes rung in his ears. "Ah, what sweet memories," Padfoot said longingly. "I miss that sweet, sweet voice of hers."
"You miss it like a wand in the eye?" James asked amusedly.
"Like dragon pox," Sirius replied.
"I'd take pox over her any day," James uttered in disgust. Obviously he was not a fan of Mrs Black, perhaps due the fact she referred to him as 'filthy blood traitor scum' and thought him worthy of some gruesome death. Like by dragon pox, possibly.
"You know, I was thinking about sending her a Christmas gift," Sirius said in a devious manner.
"You what?" James said, once again stunned.
"Yeah," Sirius continued. "I was thinking I'd give her a painting of myself. Y'know, a really big portrait of me wearing Gryffindor colours and sitting on a throne made of Slytherins. Or something like that." The boys burst out laughing.
"Oi," Remus said suddenly and pointed at the potion, "lower the temperature a bit, will you? It'll start to boil."
Sirius lazily turned to the cauldron and flicked his wand at the flames. "Happy now, Moony?"
"Extremely," Remus replied sarcastically, "positively elated. You've made my night. How will I ever be able to thank you enough?"
Sirius gave him another meaningful wiggle of his eyebrows, this time looking lecherous doing so. When Remus's face remained serious, Padfoot gave him a lewd wink and pursed his lips at the brown-haired boy. Remus tried to maintain a stoic expression, though he could feel the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. James observed this quiet battle of wills, though it wasn't exactly new. It was no secret that Sirius enjoyed testing other people by being as provocative as possible, and no one could pull off suggestive quite like Mr Sirius Black who, coincidentally, now ran his tongue over his top lip and beckoned Remus to come over with his index finger. When Remus still resisted the urge to burst out laughing, Sirius let out a seductive growl which threw the other two boys over the edge.
"Padfoot," James managed to squeeze out, guffawing, "I swear you're getting disturbingly good at this." Remus nodded in agreement and applauded.
Sirius wiped his tears of mirth and jumped up to give his mates a bow. "Thank you, good sirs, thank you very much." He then sat back on the floor, looking very pleased as if basking in the glory of his greatness. He did that a lot as well.
The boys settled to their thoughts for a few minutes until Peter returned from the kitchens with his loot. Peter was rather surprised to find his friends in such a quiet state, but didn't comment on it.
"Finally," James said, standing up and snatching the bag with the food from Peter. He jerked his head at his cupboard, ordering Peter to return the cloak to its place. "Took you long enough."
"What are you talking about?" Peter knit his brows in annoyance. "I was there and back in record time."
"I like my food served to me before I want it," James rolled his eyes at the shorter boy. "It's simple, Wormtail. Now, what did you bring me?"
"Us," Sirius corrected him.
"Huh?"
"What did Peter bring us," Remus explained the obvious.
"Yeah, yeah, right," James said dismissively as he rummaged through the bag. He set on the floor four cups, a couple of flasks, a heap of sandwiches, four large helpings of treacle tart and some cauldron cakes. "Where's my steak?"
"Oh come on," Peter said and sat down next to James.
"And my leg of lamb?" Sirius asked tauntingly. "Where is my leg of lamb, Peter Pettigrew?"
"Still attached to the lamb, I presume," Peter replied and grabbed a sandwich. The other boys quickly followed suit and for a few moments the room was relatively quiet again, other than the potion bubbling and the munching sounds coming from the lads.
"I assume you didn't run into any trouble," Remus said to Peter after having finished his second sandwich.
Wormtail shook his head in response. "I almost did bump into that bloody cat, but I took a shortcut."
The room was quiet again until the sandwiches were all gone, and then the tart, and then almost all the cauldron cakes. Despite the amount of the food and the relatively late hour the boys' appetites were as big as they come. There was now only one cake left. Since Remus and Peter were feeling rather full, amazingly, they didn't try to claim it for themselves. Sirius and James on the other hand were having a stand-off.
"I want it, Padfoot," James said, reaching for the cake.
"I want it, Prongs," Sirius replied, slapping his best friend's hand away.
"I'm hungry!" James exclaimed.
"So am I!"
"Fine! I challenge you to a duel!" James looked around, trying to find something to fling at Sirius, opting for a lone sock under his bed. He slapped Sirius with the sock, threw it on the floor and called out: "Accept the challenge, sir, or be forever dishonoured and cakeless."
"I accept!" Sirius replied, faking an outrage. "You are going down, sir."
"Choose the weapons, sir."
"I choose wands!"
The two boys drew their wands, but instead of hurling hexes at each other as one might expect of two wizards capable of performing magic, they brandished the wands like swords. Sirius and James acted out a spectacular fight, jumping on the beds, over Remus and Peter, crawling on the floor ("Mind the potion!" Remus warned) and tipping over chairs. The fight ended in just a few minutes due to James energetically ruffling Sirius's hair.
"I surrender," Sirius exclaimed, plopping on the floor and trying to smooth out his mane. "That was foul play, Prongs."
"No, it wasn't," James laughed as he sat next to Padfoot.
"It was," Sirius gave him a pointed look. "No one touches the hair. The hair needs to-"
"Be untouched," the other three boys finished in chorus. Obviously this statement wasn't foreign to them.
"Don't worry, Padfoot," James grinned and claimed the cake. He tossed it in the air and caught with ease before sinking his teeth into it. "Your do is salvageable."
"It better be," Sirius barked and grabbed the cake from his friend. He took a big bite out of it and handed it back. "For retribution."
"Settle down, children," Remus said, now eyeing the potion and giving it a good whiff, "settle down. I reckon this is done." The other three scrambled over to inspect the concoction themselves. "I'll just," Remus continued as he picked up the ladle and carefully stirred the potion clockwise thrice, "give it a quick…" He paused again as he was rather invested in his activity. "Nice… Stir," he finished. "There. It's good to go."
"Dispense the drinks, Wormtail," James ordered, his eyes fixed on the colourless and now also odourless liquid. It had to be unnoticeable if the boys wanted no one to suspect a thing.
Peter did as he was told. He decided to deal out pumpkin juice first and filled all four cups with it. "Here," he said and handed one of the cups to James who promptly added three drops of the potion to the juice. James then passed the cup on to Sirius who effortlessly cast the spell that in theory added the potion to the ones on the floor as well.
"Who'd like the honours of being the test subject this time?" Sirius asked. The Marauders liked to pride themselves in being fair – they usually took turns in who was the first one to test a new prank. If they didn't graciously assign the job to a passing Slytherin, of course.
"I do believe it's Mr Potter's turn," Remus replied with a grin. He had been the victim – the subject, that is – the last time, but only because James, who was originally supposed to do it, refused due to an alleged Quidditch injury. Remus had suspected it was a load of dragon dung, because the prank on some too-arrogant-for-their-own-good Hufflepuffs entailed being stripped to their skivvies and glued to the wall in the Entrance Hall. Remus had spent a good few hours on the wall in their room, half-naked and susceptible to torture by his so-called best friends. "I'm fairly sure you haven't been hit by a bludger for the past few weeks, so drink up."
James exhaled heavily, closed his eyes and grabbed a random cup. He took a good gulp of the juice and opened his eyes. He managed to put the cup down on the floor again, before slowly but surely lifting into the air. "Hey, it's working."
"Of course it's working," Sirius rolled his eyes. He turned to Remus and asked: "It should last about thirty minutes, right?"
"I'd think so, but we'll just have to wait and see," Remus replied as he watched James levitating about two metres high, weightless. "How does it feel?"
James had rolled around in the air and now was spread out, his face toward the floor. He wore a grin as he started moving his arms as if he was swimming with a crawl stroke. He circled around his friends. "This is pretty cool actually. Way better than being stuck to a wall," James teased. "Oi!" he yelled, having just been hit in the face with a crumpled piece of parchment Remus had found on the floor.
"Now the tea?" Peter asked and held out a flask that contained the still warm drink. When the rest of them nodded in approval, he emptied two of the cups with his wand and filled them with tea. Sirius added the potion, cast the spell on one of the cups again and wordlessly passed the second tea to Peter. Peter sighed and took a sip. Moments later he too was in the air, fighting off James who pressed on Peter's shoulders and pushed him down as if trying to shove him underwater.
Sirius and Remus then started throwing hexes at the two levitating to make sure nothing could end the effects of the potion before the intended time of half an hour. To the Marauders' pleasure nothing worked. When the thirty minutes were up, the hovering boys started to slowly descend.
"Brilliant," Sirius said cheerily when both Peter and James were back on the floor. "The prank's a go." The boys exchanged pleased looks before turning their gaze at the cups, two filled with pumpkin juice and two with tea. "Shall we?" Sirius posed with a wicked grin.
The four Marauders each claimed a drink, took a big swig and up they went. The next hour – they took another mouthful between flights – was spent on flying around in the dormitory, playing a simplified game of Quidditch, just without brooms and with dirty socks and pants. Only when their housemates from nearby rooms started shouting at them to be quiet did they settle down and simply enjoyed the sensation of being light in the air until the potion wore off and they lowered onto their beds.
"Breakfast is going to be great," Peter said after a few moments of silent contentment.
"Yeah," agreed James.
The room was still once again, this time because the lads were all imagining the following morning which was bound to make an impact. A few more minutes passed and one by one the boys stood to clean up the room. Remus cast a spell to gather up their clothes that were thrown around during the hour of flight. Peter emptied the cups and gathered up the plates to chuck them in his bag in order to return them to the kitchen the next day. Sirius found a small vial and filled it with the potion, after which James cleaned up the cauldron and put it away. The Marauders worked perfectly together, silently and with satisfied smiles on their lips. They took turns in the bathroom and went to sleep, only breaking the silence to wish each other a good night.
The next day at breakfast there was only a small percentage of people who didn't suddenly find themselves lifting into the air as they chose something other than tea or pumpkin juice to drink. Those who did take flight got over the shock in a few moments, and when they noticed the Marauders laughing and doing somersaults in their midst, most were eager to take advantage of the new, but amusing situation. There were some who tried their hardest to get themselves firmly on the ground again, some who wanted even vengeance on the four Gryffindors for pulling yet another prank, but most of the student body (and quite a few of the professors as well) enjoyed the half-hour where the thoughts of homework and exams were pushed out of their minds and where they could just have fun, floating around.