Part sixty-two of my RWBY series "Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose".
There's nothing quite like a nice, hot cup of soul-soothing tea. I swear, this stuff is so good I wouldn't be surprised if we forced one of the other kingdoms into addiction just so we could keep getting this stuff. Whether it's on the day before an exam or just a casual Sunday review session, I always know that my tea won't abandon me or yell at me or take me for granted or use me or-
"Weiss!" Yang immediately announces, turning my intelligent attention away from my soothing cup and relaxing online match of 'Children's Card Games On Nevermores'.
"...Yes, Yang?" I ask, sitting up on the bed that Ruby and I share. Placing the cup on the nightstand and laying my Scroll aside, I respectfully give the young woman my full, undivided attention. After all, I'm a loyal second-in-command to the capable Ruby Ro-
"I need your help! It can only be you, no one else! I require your very particular set of skills," Yang reveals in an overly drama- wait, is that Myrtenaster?!
"What are you doing with Myrtenaster?!" I angrily demand. Day One, I specifically remember telling her to not touch my stuff! Ever since Ruby suggested that my blade looked kind of like one of those science fiction "Photosynthesis-Swords" I knew they'd go after it! Curse this sudden yet inevitable turn of events.
"I need it to show you this!" she dramatically exclaims as she pulls me from my bed and moves me to a small presentation consisting of one of our metal folding chairs, and her Scroll mounted on the floor in its holo-projector mode.
"It's a pie chart?" I clarify as I get comfortable. "A yellow pie chart accompanied by a smaller, black pie chart."
"Yes! But it's more than just that!" she continues, tapping on the wall with my blade for emphasis. "See, it all started when Blake and I were talking about our exes-"
"Woah, woah, woah! You did what?!" I can't believe I'm hearing this. "You struck up a conversation about a source of deep anguish and emotional turmoil? And you thought that was okay?!"
"Blake started it!" Yang corrects.
"Then why didn't you shut it down?!" I wonder.
"Because we were both okay with it? It was all casual and stuff, so just keep your panties on for Ruby's sake, okay?" she scoffs with a roll of her eyes.
I swear, it's a miracle that we haven't been killed by Grimm. "Fine, what's this about money problems? Wait, when did you have a source of income?" Oh no. Ooooh no, oh no, oh no. "Yang, I know you have a very nice body, but you shouldn't risk your personal life with webcam mastu-"
"I AM THE ONE WITH THE SWORD!" she cuts me off, brandishing my own weapon against me. "If you dare complete that slanderous question I shall gut you like a Hydra."
"...You make a fair point," I concede.
Withdrawing the blade, she takes a deep breath before resuming, "I was having a conversation with Blake, and she made a remark about how her previous significant others never really returned her affection when she made and bought them gifts and stuff."
"Okay, so where do you play into this?" I wonder as she stares off into the pie chart sunset.
Owning up to her fault, she solemnly admits, "I, in my infinite wisdom, jokingly told her that I would match her with a return rate of one hundred percent for any and all gift exchange event-"
"WHAT?!" Oh, this is bad. "Yang, you only have the school allowance!" I loudly remind her as I can't help but jump from my seat in utter shock at such a financial blunder! "How do you expect to match her lien for lien?!"
"That's the whole point of this very loud exchange of words!" she wails in agony, daring to face me with quivering eyes and a sobbing soul. "She was so touched by my proclamation that I couldn't go back on it! I'm in too deep now!" Dropping to her knees and laying Myrtenaster upon our hardwood floor, she summons the emotional fires from her very soul and declares, "Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Empire, ice queen of social status, budget manager of Team RWBY, drinker of tea, and future screwer of my sister: I desperately implore you!"
Clasping her hands together in an almost angelic proposal, she bemoans, "Help me come up with a means of upholding this foolish, yet love-filled promise!"
...Huh. If she's cool with Ruby and I going in for the long haul then I guess she deserves an equally good turn. Yes, this is a most generous opportunity for the both of us! I get Yang off my back about my relationship with her sister, and she doesn't hurt Blake's heart.
"Okay, I'll help you, Yang," I concede before promptly be-ARGHADFAD
"YOU'RE JUST TOO NICE!" she decides as she crushes my ribcage in a bearhug. "I know you're all cold and rough on the exterior, but deep down you're a fun-loving, money-managing, sister-screwing angel!"
"I try," I manage to wheeze as she lets me go.
"So what can we do?" she asks as I coax my lungs to re-inflate themselves.
Collecting myself, I move back to my bed. If I'm going to help her, I'll need my Scroll. "First, we come up with a list of your current expenses." Oh, look at that, my time ran out. My online opponent won by summoning 'Protagonist Dragon Super Plot Device Card' and automatically winning the duel. Exiting the game, I open Macrohard Words and start writing Yang a data sheet.
"Now, before we begin, you need to understand that you can't -under any circumstance- risk running a deficit," I inform her. If she's going to start saving, she can't be spending.
"What? Why not?" Yang demands, cocking her head. "I can run a fifty yard dash in five seconds!"
Oh sweet lord, what have I gotten myself into?
"Okay, forget about that. What are all the things you spend lien on currently?" I ask instead.
Plopping down by my side, she quickly assesses, "The school monthly allowance isn't much. I spend three hundred on dust cartridges, two hundred on liquid red for the Bumblebee, and the rest's used for whatever."
"Yang, you need to define 'whatever'," I inform her as I start adding in the numbers. Honestly, it's a good thing we get free food and board with our scholarships.
"Ooooh," she hesitantly goes on. Avoiding eye contact, she elaborates, "You know, whatever, odds and ends, bits and pieces, this and that."
Perhaps 'elaborate' isn't quite accurate. "Yang," I strongly encourage. "What are you spending your lien on."
"Memberships," she admits.
For what? With her, it could only be- no, they're only myths. They don't exist. "For what organizations?" I dare to ask.
"Various… linguistic social orders," she reveals with compounding dread in her body language, anxiously shifting her weight and averting her gaze.
"You're not saying-" I begin, before she dramatically reveals the cataclysmic drain on her financial resources.
"Yes! It's true!" she wails in distress, throwing her arm up to cover her eyes in a dramatic fashion. "I'm a fraud! A sham! A phony! I am, in fact, an active member in all of the top-secret PUN SOCIETIES in Vale!"
Impossible! "They don't exist! They're just fowl rumors!" I deny. If she is, then all- no, it can't!
"Oh, they do!" Yang reassures me, clasping her hands together in humility. "I am a member of the Deeper Pun-derstandings Society, the Pun-derated Proclamations Penitentiary, and the Pun-demonium Playhouse!"
This can't be true! This must be a lie! If what she says is true, then that means all of her horrible material is-
"I got it all from them!" she wails. "There was a time when I couldn't make a joke out of a clown, much less an unsuspecting sentence, so cleverly constructed for exploitation through clever linguistics!" she recounts with deep sorrow. "Through these secret societies, I was vigorously trained to think at lightning speeds and constantly analyze conversations, to look for any opportunity of a pun." Sighing, she continues, "I joined when I was just twelve years old. I paid the memberships with lien earned through various side quests, and now I continue the service with my school salary."
Well, this is a world-changer. But we'll have to get back on task.
"Okay, Yang, you're not a fraud," I assure her as I sit down and motion for her to join me. "You've honed your annoying skills on your own; no one gave them to you. However, if you want to uphold your promise to your lover, then you're going to have to stop paying."
"But- but, they've been a part of my life for so long!" Yang laments, wondering what she'd do without them.
"Blake wants to be a bigger part of your life," I inform her. "If you want her to be there for you, then you must apply yourself with equal commitment."
Staring at me, she ponders this before huffing heavily. "Okay," she decides. "I'll cancel my memberships and use the funds to support any gift exchanges that come my way."
Swooping in from behind and pecking her on the cheek, Blake informs her, "You're too sweet!"
"GAAAH!" Yang shrieks, leaping up in shock. "Where'd you come from?!"
Why am I not even surprised anymore.
Very pleased with herself, Blake -dressed in her workout clothes- reveals, "I've been here this whole time. I came in here to grab a towel from our bathroom, and you conveniently showed up shortly after." Holding up her yellow drying towel, she makes a convincing argument.
Turning to me, Yang demands, "Then why didn't you say anything?!"
"I didn't know she was here!" I quickly explain.
"I did ask how you were doing, Weiss," Blake informs me. "But you were too distracted with your game; I suppose you didn't hear me."
Aaah, that's a logical explanation.
Taking her partner's hands into her own, Blake begins to pull Yang along. "Come with me."
"Where- what- but what about the gifts?" Yang stutters, totally lost now.
Pecking her again, Blake explains, "I was touched at your dedication to always returning affection unto me, Yang, not at the percentage of market value and investment return." Reaching the door, she asks, "Now, I'm a bit sore and sweaty from the bench press; why don't you join me for a shower?"
Okay, that's my cue. "I was in this room first, and we all agreed to a contract; whatever you two are going to do, you have to do it outside of this dorm room," I remind them.
Already on her way out, Blake calls back before closing the door, "Thanks for giving her a lesson in finance, Weiss!"
"Next time, make sure she doesn't over think what you say!" I warn to her as the door clicks shut.
Ah, peace at last…
Oh, look at that. An email from Ruby… with a list of the top twelve weapons she has to have, apparently.
Hmm, I think this girl needs a job. And I know just the restaurant.