~Roadtrip pt. 1~
By FaerieFlit
10.10.00
{ Standard Disclaimers Apply }
"No, really, I'm not kidding! Guys, you gotta believe me!" Duo puffed out his breath in frustration. "She really sent me a singing telegram!" Quatre looked at him quizically.
"Well, even though that sounds pretty strange, I believe you."
"Nonsense." Wufei sneered, examining his blade. "There is no such thing."
"I go with Quatre." Murmured Trowa, looking at the Arabian from across the basement in their most recent safehouse.
The ceiling above them groaned in the silence, and there was a muted barking from outside. Everyone waited to see what Heero would say.
"I believe him," The perfect soilder said quietly, gazing at Duo, who gaped back at him. "I've recieved one too." Now there was a deadly silence, as if Heero was daring anyone to question him.
Duo, of course, was the first to blurt out, "Seriously? Oh my god, Yuy! Who sent *you* a singing telegram?!" Heero snorted, glaring daggers at Wufei, who was sputtering about lies and injustice beneath his breath.
"Peacecraft." Quatre broke out in giggles, and Duo joined him, clapping.
"Relena strikes again!" Duo hooted, swinging his bottle of sake around wildly. When the laughter had subsided, everyone looked expectedly at Heero.
"Well?" Quatre asked. "Are you going to show us?" Wufei snorted and slipped his blade back into it's sheath.
"Yeah, did you get the one Hilde sent on camera too?" Duo questioned. Heero rose from his seat and walked into his room, returning with a couple of tapes, one old, and another new.
"I knew we could always count on Heero Yuy to get every minute of every day on surveillance camera!" Duo crowed.
Quatre looked slightly suprised. "How did you say that without sluring?"
"Hey, I'm not buzzed yet!" Duo countered, as Heero stuck the newer tape into the VCR.
The was a bit of static, then the screen flickered and the scene came into focus. Duo was sitting on the couch, asleep, snoring, while the TV was blaring out music and a jumble of words, highlighting his face with a multi-colored glow.
The doorbell rang loudly, and Duo jolted awake. Quatre came yawning into the room, but Duo told him he'd answer the door. Quatre shrugged and left for the kitchen. Yawning, Duo raked a hand through his bangs, and put a hand on his hip as he rose and stumbled over to the door.
Outside, a young man, a messanger of the colonies, stood holding a paper and glancing around nervously. Duo questioned him, then checked his badge and did a finger print scan. When it was okay, he nodded the youth in.
The young man was obviously nervous, and his cheeks were flushed red. He slowly, reluctantly began to sing, taking Duo by surprise.
"Whoa, you weren't kidding, were you, Duo!" Quatre grinned. Trowa was having a hard time concealing his amusment. Wufei gave Heero one last searing glance and left.
The whole room went up in laugher, as the messanger on the TV screen stammered and hit an off-pitch note, ending in a treble clef 'D' at the end of the message. Duo just stood there the entire time, looking sleepy and a bit bewildered. The mesanger mumbled something under his breath and dropped the paper into Duo's hands, then muttering something about a contract, and negotiations.
"See! See! I told you guys! Never doubt the words of Death! Maxwell never lies!" Trowa silently noted that a little alcohol made Duo extra-energetic, a few bottles more made him hyperventilate, a few more made him slur, and then another bottle or two landed him in what he called, 'the being buzzed' state of half-concious awareness.
The next tape Heero put in was the same scenario, but slightly different. Heero was typing away on his laptop, Duo snoring on the couch with a bottle of scotch grasped protectively in one fist, beside him. There was a low buzzing, (which was replaced with a doorbell after Duo drove them all mad by pushing it every few minutes) and Heero rose to answer the door.
The pilot went through the same process with the messanger for safty and concealment reasons, then allowed him in. The messanger was frightenly quick as he was stared down by an irritated Yuy. He ended with a low bass note and shoved a box of choclates and a bouquet into Heero's arms, leaving.
Once more, Duo and Quatre broke out in a horde of laugher, and even Heero allowed a small smile. Trowa glanced over in the direction where Wufei had exited, just as the Chinese pilot reentered.
"You know, I think we could all use a little time away from here." Quatre sighed, fingering the drawstring on his apron.
"Yeah, I agree." Duo said quite clearly, looking at Heero. "Whatta 'bout you, Yuy?" Heero looked back at Duo in amusement, and their eyes seemed to lock.
"Yes." Heero murmured. Trowa watched this exchange, then sat forward, and, to everyone's surprise, spoke up.
"I," He began, watching Quatre, "think we should all go on a roadtrip."
"Huh- whoa! Everyone, did 'cha catch that? Thats like, the best idea yet; a roadtrip! It'll be great!" Duo bounced to his feet, with suprising agility, considering all the Sake and Scotch he had swallowed. (Yes, swallowed, or guzzled, if you may)
"A roatrip..." Everyone turned to look at Heero. "Hn... yes. No peacecraft." A small smile of relief danced across his face.
"How 'bout you, Wu-fy?(1) Are you gonna come?"
Wufei gave Duo a slightly annoyed look, but he was used to all the nicknames the braided American had come up with for him. "Fine."
"Quatre?" Duo turned to the small Arabian.
"Of course! I'll do whatever Trowa says." Quatre looked over at Trowa, who blushed. Duo's eyebrow quirked, but before he could say anything, Trowa broke in.
"When will we leave?" Trowa asked Duo.
"Uhh... I dunno... Heero?"
"Tommorrow."
"Yeah! Umm... mmmm... zzz... zzz..."
Heero shook his head, and hoisted Duo over his shoulder, mumbling something about 'every night', and taking him back to his room.
"Hey, Trowa, what do you suppose we'll do on this road trip?" Quatre asked.
"I'm not sure."
"Do you think that we'll have any missions while we're gone?"
"I doubt it."
"Good." After Wufei had left, Quatre covered the distance on the couch between him and Trowa, and curled up into his tall partner's arms, who warmly accepted him in turn.
************************
"Hey Heero...*Yawn*...whadda you think we'll do on this road trip? I mean, it's not gonna be like 'drive drive drive, reststop, drive drive drive,' is it?" Duo asked the stoic figure watching him from across the room as he packed his clothes into a sack.
"Hn."
"Yeah, I thought so. How about we stop at an amusment park or something?"
"......."
"Awesome! Your the best, Heero-kun."
"......."
"Thanks! I'm flattered you return the feeling."
*************************
It was nearing noon when all five pilots piled into Quatre's car. It was kind of boring at first, listening to Duo talk and watching Wufei yell Chinese curses and honking the horn at careless drivers.
"I know!" Quatre chirped, sitting up suddenly. "We can play a car game!" Duo stopped talking abruptly and leaned over his seat in the front.
"Hangman!" He shouted.
"How about hangman, guys?" Quatre looked around.
"Fine with me." Trowa murmured, looking at Quatre.
"Heero, do you want to play?" Quatre asked the youth typing on his laptop.
"Hn."
"Don't worry, Quatre. That means yes!" Duo translated cheerfully as he crossed his arms across the back of the passenger seat, facing the Arabian.
Quatre dug through the seats until he came across a piece of paper, and Trowa handed him a pencil.
"Okay..." Quatre licked his lips and furrowed his brow as he thought up a word. "How about..." There was a sudden crash from the front, and the car swerved.
"No, Damnit!" Wufei yelled at the top of his lungs. He stopped the car, and fuming, threw open the door, leaping out.
Heero closed his laptop and slid it underneath the seat in front of him, opening his door and climbing out. The three passengers watched them curiously, before following.
A small red car, driven by a gruff, burly man with a handlebar muststache had nailed an unsuspucting Wufei in the side.
"What's going on?" Quatre asked, shutting the door. He froze when he saw the smashed-in side and front of their jeep. the little car had crushed the tires, really, and left the inside unharmed. But all four tires were either blown, or scraped to scraps on the highway.
"The car!" Duo exclaimed. "Jesus! Just look at this!"
Tears began to well up in Quatre's eyes. "My... car..." Trowa was suddenly there, standing next to the blond Arabian and patting him lovingly on the back.
"Hey! You better watch where your going!" The burly man barked. "Kids! They just can't drive worth shit these days!"
"Yeah!?" Duo yelled back. "Well look who's talking, twinkie-ass! Your the one who drove us off, ka~cha?"
The gruff driver threw open his cardoor and stormed over, fists clenched. "Nobody, especially a punk like you, talks to Ukiechi-sama like that!"
"And who made you God!?" Duo shouted, worked up. "It's a free country you kn-"
"Duo." Heero interupted. "Maybe where you come from, but not in the Sanq Kingdom."
Duo looked momentarily flustered, but Shinigami was not to be left speechless. "Well, Yuy, since you seem to think your in charge here, why don't you take care of this shit-bag?"
Heero looked Duo over sharply, then, with Quatre watching with large wet eyes, walked right up to the burly man. He stared hard into Ukiechi's eyes until the man began to squirm.
"Exciting." Said an irritated Wufei.
The next moment, he was hit in the gut by a Flying-Ukiechi.
"WAAAHHHHH!" Wufei yelled as he skidded on his back, the burly man wedged firmly in his front.
"Iiieee..." Duo winced as his co-pilot hit a roadside tree. He turned to see Heero slowly withdraw his fist from the air in front of him. "Well, I guess you could say that took care of it."
Quatre, on the other hand, was still teary-eyed about his car. "My car..." He moaned. Trowa patted him on the back. "And..." He looked up at his partner with bleary vision. "No roadtrip!" He wailed.
There was long groan as Wufei shoved the body off of himself from underneath the tree. "Damn, Yuy, not so hard next time." He winced.
**************************
"How long do they take, really?" Quatre whined. Heero glanced up from his typing, observing the small Arabian as he blinked back tears and asked Trowa question after question.
Duo was unusally quiet, drawing in the red dirt with the tip of his boot, sitting atop his suitcase. Suddenly, he blurted, "Heero... do you think Relena'll find us out here?"
"Don't jinx'em, Duo!" Quatre cried out. "Remember what happened last time you said that?"
"Oh yeah... well, maybe a little excitement wouldn't hurt!" He ended cheerfully.
Wufei rolled his eyes and snorted.
Trowa turned his head sharply to the side, followed closely by Heero. Duo raised one slim chestnut brow. "Watcha staring at?"
"Something is coming." Trowa offered.
"Oh~god! Everyone... run and hide! It's Relena!" Quatre ducked behind the two wrecked cars. Trembling, he looked up to see the tow-truck come over the hill and into veiw. "Oh..." He grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
"Hey!" Duo yelled, bouncing to his feet. "Over here!"
"Yeah..." The driver studied them as he pulled up and leaned out of his window. "So which car do ya want towed?"
"That one." Heero said dryly, watching the driver and pointing to Quatre's jeep.
"My poor car..." Quatre sniffed.
"Don't worry." Trowa assured the small blond. "You can afford another one."
"Oh yeah!" He chirped, brightening right away.
The wiry, tanned mechanic climbed down from his high-up seat, and regarded the five young men suspiciously, catching sight of the driver unconcious against the tree trunk. After the car was hitched, the mechanic beckoned the five to climb up into the seats. Piling in, it was extremely squished.
"Umm... Wufei?" Quatre ventured after a span of five minutes in the rattling front seat. "Could you...get your elbow out of my ribs?"
Wufei scowled, uncrossing his arms, and hitting Duo, who was on the other side of him, in the jaw with his opposite elbow. Duo jerked to the side, ramming into Heero, who supressed a growl of irritation.
"Damn, Wufei, do you have to cross your arms like that!? Am I like the fifth person you've elbowed?"
"Yeah, well I didn't choose to be in the middle!" The Chinese retorted.
Wufei crossed his arms once more, both elbows involentarily jabbing Duo and Quatre, who in turn richocheted into Heero and Trowa.
"Wufei!"
"Umm, Wufei... please don't do that..."
"......"
"Oww..."
Soon a brawl broke out, and things went flying. The mechanic pulled the RV to the side of the road, and kicked the five boys out. "I can't afford to have you youngsters tear up my 'rig here. So if you still want yur car repaired, then you can walk 'un down that there road. It be only a mile 'ur so. See ya there." And with that, the door slammed shut in the air above them.
"Just great!" Duo whined. "I'm already sore thanks to Captian Elbow over there! And now we have to walk!?"
"Duo." Heero grabbed one of Duo's flailing arms as he passed the American. "Just shut up and walk."
*************************
Quatre breathed a sigh of relief as the station came into view. The only time his feet had ever been this sore was after he crossed the desert searching for his aguanaque troops, and Sandrock.
"Finally~!" Duo blurted out. He paused to catch his breath.
"Maxwell, I find it extremely pathetic that you cannot walk but a mere mile." Wufei scowled.
"Just shut up, OK? I'm still hiking, aren't I!?" Duo puffed out his breath, and glanced wearily up at the station, which was rapidly approaching.
Trowa opened the door once they were in the garage, and followed Quatre in after Heero, Duo, and Wufei.
"Bliss!" Duo cried as he ran for the mini-fridge full of drinks and pressed his cheek against it.
The woman at the desk with a mountain of teased hair atop her head regarded him suspiciously, then turned to Heero, who was standing at the counter.
"May I help you?" She asked uncertainly.
"One of your mechanics towed our Jeep here to your garage, to be repaired. We would like to see it." Heero relayed calmly.
The woman led the five young men to the garage that was adjacent to the office. The room was full of broken down cars and trucks, and reeked of oil and grease. In the back of the garage was Quatre's dark green jeep, with no tires whatsoever, suspended about four feet above the ground by a near-rusted jack.
"My car!" Quatre cried out.
"Excuse me sir," the same woman asked the grinning Arabian, "I don't mean to be rude or nothin', but how old are ya exactly?"
Quatre paused, and looked to Trowa. "Should I tell her?" He hissed into the taller pilot's ear.
Before trowa could answer him, Heero whipped out five false IDs, and fanned them out in his fingers for the woman to see.
"I see..." She furrowed her brow, studying them. "So yur all seventeen?" She looked at them quizzically, and opened her mouth to ask the youth afore her about the IDs, but then caught sight of Wufei's muscle as he flexed it. "Uhh..." She shut her open mouth. "Nevermind." She left them to find the mechanic working on their car.
Trowa had already spotted the man, and motioned for the others to follow. The mechanic's face was smeared with black grease and he clutched a wrench in one hand, and a screwdriver in the other, and lay beneath an RV, tinkering with the belly-gears.
Quatre smiled and stepped forward. "Excuse me, sir, but you have may car here in your garage, that green jeep in the back."
The wiry mechanic rolled out from under the truck. "Oh, it's you; where'r them other four young'uns that was with ya?"
Heero stepped forward, flanked by pilots 2,3, and 5.
"I see ya. Right then; come with me." He rose nimbly to his feet and shuffled over to the jeep. "I straightened up that belly, 'the pipes and wires being all screwed up, as they were. I be a'waitin' for dem tires to come in."
"You mean you don't have any spares on you?" Quatre asked.
"'Fraid not." The gruff mechanic replied.
"So... we'll be here for a while?" Duo groaned.
"Yep." Quatre started to turn, when the mechanic spoke up. "We charge by the hour. Air conditioning's not cheap, ya know."
Heero turned on his heel, walking swiftly away. "Hey..." Wufei called after him, a little pissed at the mechanic. "And where are you going?"
Heero stooped to the jack undera large 16-wheeler. He pumped it up, then made his way around the vehicle, unscrewing the tires one by one manually.
He returned with four gripped tightly under his muscled arms, and to the sputtering of the trucker, and the amusment of the other mechanics, put them on Quatre's dark green jeep.
He looked at Quatre, who gaped at him, then shook his head, blond locks bobbing, and pulled out his wallet. "Umm... here, sir." Quatre placed a wad of money in the mechanic's hand.
Wufei climbed into the driver's seat after Trowa had removed the jack, and started the engine. As the mechanic watched in disbelief, All the pilots climbed in and Wufei pulled the car out of the pit and drove it between the RVs until he reached the entrance. Duo leaned out the entrance and waved goodbye in a Princess Diana fashion before the pilots in Quatre's jeep hit the highway.
***********************
(Two days later, a Saturday, 11:30pm)
"Who was supposed to pack the food?" Duo asked the sleepy group.
"Quatre." Trowa quietly replied, gazing at the slumbering Arabian leaning against his shoulder.
"Well, he sure didn't do a very good job!" Duo complained. "Theres nothing left but some of those wiggly-thingys that Wufei eats!"
"Those-" Wufei barked grumpily from the driver's seat, "are Lychee; delicacies, from the finest nuts!" Duo made a gagging face from in the back, behind the last seat. "I heard that, Maxwell!" Wufei retorted, straining his neck to see back. He looked up and his eyes grew wide as he swerved to skim a parked car on the side of the road.
"That might be because the last time you were plastered, you consumed it all, even some of Wufei's Lychee, in record time." Heero spoke up. "And then-" he added, "you threw up."
"I did!?" Duo yelled. "You mean I upchucked and no one told me!?" He looked frantically around.
"You were out cold." Trowa calmly replied.
"Where! Where?" The braided American was still looking around in paranoia.
"Right where you're sitting." Heero said, then resumed typing.
"Waaahhh!" Duo yelped. He slid over into Trowa and Quatre, squishing them against the window. "That's just not possible! Duo Maxwell doesn't get *that* drunk!"
Quatre stirred awake, despite Trowa's sleepy efforts to shove Duo off and keep the blond from being jostled awake. "What's going on? Where are we?" He mumbled incoherently. "Rashid? My tea... please... ZzzZzz..."
Trowa exhaled in relief, and shoved Duo off of him in one strong motion. "Ooowww!" Duo cried as he hit the opposite door. He was just about to rebound, when something caught his eye. "Oh~oh~oh~oh~oh!" He cried, temporarily forgetting about his seat with the damp spot. "Look! A night club with a sign for acts on the billboard! We can get some money to buy food with there!"
Wufei snorted. "Quatre always has plenty of money; he can buy the food."
Trowa looked up from the sleeping Arabian in his lap. "Quatre gave the rest of his spending money to the mechanic." Wufei sputtered, and even Heero glanced up.
The cobalt-eyed teenager closed his laptop, and once more slid it underneath the seat. "Let's go."
Wufei gaped at him during intervals, looking from the road to Heero, back and forth. "You can't be serious, Yuy! Maxwell knows shit! He could be pulling your leg for all we know. Don't be a fool!"
Heero closed the small space between quickly, and said; "One, I am *not* a fool, and two... Duo does *not* know nothing." He leaned even closer, till he was breathing down a fidgety Wufei's back. "And if you ever insult Duo again..." He gave one the Chinese one last kill-kitty stare before backing off, and the pilot of Altron hastily swerved the jeep to the left, and entered the parking lot of the Night Club.
************************
"Whoa..." Duo whispered. The five pilots looked around the smoky bar. There were people lounging at various tables that were scattered about the room, and leaning over at the bar with a Chicago on the Rocks or a Crimson Swirl with a Twist. The stage, however, was empty.
"Hey!" Shouted a gruff man with a striped shirt and black suspenders. "What are you kids doing here!?" Trowa explained that the sign he had posted up on the billboard had caught their eye. The man was hesitant at first, but finally gave in after a little more of Trowa's persuading. "Well, all right. You sure do have a way with words, young man."
Duo smothered a laugh.
"So... when can we start?" Quatre asked. The gruff man looked Quatre and Duo over intently. "You... blondie... and you... braid-boy... come with me first." The man led the bewildered pilots of Deathscythe Hell and Sandrock into the back room.
Heero, Trowa, and Wufei waited silently.
Finally, the man came back accompanied by two beautiful young women. "Where are...?" Heero began to ask, when he noticed the thick, wavy chestnut hair that hung in heavy locks, cascading down one of the lady's backs.
Duo and Quatre giggled, showing off their new outfits. Quatre had on a wig with curling strawberry-blond locks, and had big, rosy circles painted with blush on each cheek. Duo had been persuaded to let his hair loose, and it fell in a swirling, swaying waterfall down his back, stopping a mid-thigh.
Heero tried and tried, but couldn't seem to take his eyes off of those thick waves. He shook his head as if to rid his mind of the thought which had faded into a lusty daydream, then studied his two co-pilots. Both of the young men had on old vivtorian-style dresses that swept the ground, bonnents and high-top lacing black boots. Not to mention something stuffed down the bodice.
Wufei sputtered, of course.
"But... but... how can you... you look like... women... weakness... oh hell with it!" He stormed away, fuming, and muttering something about injustice and shamelessness.
Heero let himself be dragged to the bar, not in control of his thoughts as he watched Duo walk away with Quatre and the manager, and up the stairs, where they were probably going to be behind the curtain.
"Here, son, drink this to get you warmed up." Heero gulped down the drink, not paying attention to the eccentric, fruity flavor. His mind was swirling. Duo... in a dress...? He never thought he'd see the day. He didn't think he'd ever live to see it, after all the times he'd self-destructed. But he knew it would eventually happen one way or another, knowing the American.
Trowa was also wrapped up in his own thoughts (but when is he not) after seeing his angel in the elegant gown, and drank the beverage without any conscious awareness of doing so. Wufei, on the other hand, angrily swigged the glass down, then demanded another from the bartender. Soon, after the other two boys had drank their glasses, he had consumed almost a dozen, and didn't notice when Quatre and Duo entered the stage at the onset of some music.
The music blared from six different speakers, the loud kind you want to stop your foot and clap to, like when you are squaredancing in a barn.
Quatre sported a blush, like he really didn't want to do what the manager had instructed, but Duo hopped right into the limelight. He pranced across the stage, and fingered his gown. There were hoots and catcalls, cheers from the audience, which had grown bigger, drunken men wandering in from the poker room that was adjacent to the bar.
Heero blinked and spun his twirling barseat back around, and ordered another drink. He was too busy guzzling down the alcohol and trying to pretemd that nothing unusual was happening to figure out that the manager had ordered all of the drinks that the three boys were served to be spiked with a drug that would make them giddy and lusty.
As Heero finished his seventh glass, Wufei was lolling his head from side to side drunkenly on the counter, and Trowa was drooling from his tenth, watching Quatre shyly dancing in the shadows of the stage.
Duo swayed his hips wantonly, and finished unlacing his top. He threw the bodice into the audience, and sank down onto the stage. False mist began to pour out of hidden machines, shrouding the two performers in wispy, multi-colored smoke. Duo sank down beneath it, and when he came up, he was topless.
The crowd roared in laughter, some dissapointed, most humorously aroused. Quatre took this cue to do the same, emmiting another round of laughter from the audience.
Heero, Trowa, and Wufei were lured from the bar into the staircase, and up into the shadows, where the manager shoved them out onto the stage. Heero looked around, he caught sight of Duo in only a petticoat, and staggered toward him. Suddenly, an impish smile broke out on his face.
The audience gasped when the cobalt-eyed teenager lunged for the chestnut-haired one. There was a shuffle, then Duo sat up, rubbing his head. He looked out a the audience, then down at Heero who was in his lap.
A waitress with her bust barely concealed by a leather string-top's eyes widened when the head poked out above the mist, then was abruptly pulled back down. She ogled at Trowa, who was holding a microphone and singing out some distorted song, while attached firmly to Quatre. Wufei was also singing, and tossing various peices of clothing into the crowd as he blinked cloudy, half-closed eyes.
Trowa paused, blinked one eye, then the other, grinned stupidly at Quatre's giggles, and resumed singing. "Aaaaa~louette..."
Wufei winked and twirled one shoe on his middle finger, the tossed it into the swarming crowd. He stumbled drunkenly, then picked up singing where he left off.
There were incoherent mumbles and moans from a spot in the mist where Heero and Duo were.
The clock ticked on, twelve o'clock. The crowd finally died down, leaving behind half-empty bottles of spirits and peices of clothing strung up on the lights, laying on tabletops, and hanging off of chairs.
The alcohol had started to take effect, and Wufei was the first to go down. He lay snoring, propped up against the microphone stand, in only his boxers.
Quatre was holding a softly slumbering Trowa in his lap, and brushing his fingers across the pale cheek.
Duo was snoring loudly, curled up with Heero in a tangle of lace and chestnut locks, a small, lop-sided grin dancing across his heart-shaped face.