No One Else.
You know how to let things slide,
I'm all perfect in your eyes,
You don't see all the damage in me.
Finn Hudson's POV
How does he see as perfect in any way? After all I have done to him in the past few years. To tell you the truth, I have never really not-liked Kurt. We used to be best friends, until middle school. I remember it like it was only yesterday.
"Hey Hudson, if you are going to hang out with us, you cannot hang out with that fag Hummel anymore." Karofsky yelled at Finn when he first made the William McKinley Middle School football team.
Kurt and I had been friends since kindergarten. The only problem was, if I wanted to be popular, I could no longer hang with him. Instead of telling him I could not talk to him anymore, I just ignored him. That was really hard because I kind of always loved him. I have never felt "feelings" toward him, but I friend loved him. He was practically my other half.
That was all five years ago, back in sixth grade. I was finally doing well, and feeling better about losing my best friend in the beginning of sophomore year. I had a new best friend, Noah Puckerman (who we all call Puck), and I was dating the smoking hot head cheerleader, Quinn Fabry. I felt whole again... until glee club.
I never really wanted to join glee, Mr. Shuester kind of conned me into it. After I joined though, I didn't want to leave. I really liked singing, and I really liked hanging with Rachel. The only bad thing, Kurt was in glee. Not only was I around him constantly, he followed me around by my heels. Honestly, I kind of missed talking to him though; he was the only person I could be truthful with. Hearing him sing, and talking in small conversations with Mercedes or Tina, I remembered how pretty his voice was-wait, pretty? No, Finn, you did not just think of anything that is part of Kurt Hummel as pretty. Anyway, the last time I talked to him was yesterday, there was just no ignoring him anymore, it was impossible.
"Hey Finn, it has been a long time since we have spoken." Kurt waited for me to answer, sighed when I didn't, and began again. "What ever happened to our friendship Finn? Whatever happened to you?"
I didn't know how to reply. I could feel the tears forming in his eyes so I ran out the choir room door, and straight to the bathroom. Once I was in the bathroom, I heard the door shut again; it was Kurt. I closed my eyes and held my head down. I didn't want Kurt to see me cry.
"What's wrong, Finn?" Kurt began. "You can tell me. I know we haven't talked in ages but you are still my best friend, and I love you."
Right before I could tell him the truth I heard another person in the bathroom, it was Karofsky. I had to say something mean, but I didn't want to hurt Kurt. Actually, this could be a good thing for him; he needs to get out of here before Karofsky beats the shit out of him.
"That's exactly why I stopped talking to you. You are a fag, and I don't want you trying to change me with your gay magic or something." I yelled. Karofsky chuckled. I felt horrible but I had to do it.
Kurt ran out of the bathroom crying, and Karofsky went into a stall. Once I knew it was safe to show my tear-stained eyes, I walked out into the empty hallways of William McKinley High School. I thought about going back to rehearsal but I knew that Kurt would most likely be there telling the story of how I have managed to break his heart again. After deciding against getting an earful from Mercedes, I went to my car, and went home.
That is where I am now. I am at home. I cannot think about anything but how much of an ass I have been to Kurt. All he did to me was love me and want to be my friend, and he did it so perfectly. I now realize what Rachel was saying when I rejected her and she said, "You are just a loser. A loser to values his reputation way too much!" I let the only person who will probably ever really care about me out of my life, and now he will never forgive me.
I have been contemplating getting him roses as an apology, but I don't want him to think that I am in love with him, because I love him, but only as a friend. The roses are definitely out of the picture. Maybe, I'll just go over to his house and apologize. Sounds like a plan, let's go. Before I could got out of the door I ran into my mother.
"Hey Honey. How was school?" Mom asked me.
"Suck-ish. I am trying to fix things with Kurt; I really hurt his feelings today." I told her.
After she nodded, a disappointed frown reaching her face, I walked away, ashamed. I grabbed my keys, and drove to Kurt's house. When I got there I expected to be greeted by his dad, who I knew would not be happy with me, but was pleasantly surprised when Kurt answered the door. Unfortunately, just as quick as he opened the door, he slammed it right into my face.
"KURT! PLEASE! JUST LET ME EXPLAIN!" I yelled.
Kurt opened the door and invited me in. I took a seat on the couch, it was different. They had gotten all new furniture since I had been there, I liked the new arrangement. I tried to concentrate on telling Kurt the whole story about abandoning him when I realized what he was wearing, a skin-tight black unitard with a sparkly vest like thing over it. I couldn't take my eyes off of it; I was intrigued.
"HHMM HMM!" Kurt cleared his throat in agitation.
I couldn't help myself, he looked so cute. I walked over to him and tilted his chin up, and before he could resist me I pulled him into one of the sweetest kisses ever. His lips tasted better than they looked, I didn't think that was possible. They tasted like watermelon, but something tasted of salt. He must have been dancing, because what I tasted was most likely sweat, but I honestly don't care at this point. I tried to go in for another kiss, but when I tried, I was pushed away.
"WHAT THE HELL, FINN?" Kurt yelled.
"I love you." I said, without realizing I said it. I meant it though. Then it hit me I just confessed my love for Kurt Hummel. This could either end really bad, or really good.
"You do not. You never have and you never will. Just get out; I don't need you to make me love you even more. JUST LEAVE!" Kurt screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Really Kurt, I am being serious. I love you; I just could never admit it to myself." I said, as truthful as possible. "I mean sure, you can be bitchy and if I am with you I will be thrown in the dumpster but I have made up my mind, I want to be with you." Oh no, I am rambling again.
Kurt giggles, but in more of a sad way. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
"What about Quinn, Finn?" Kurt said depression obvious in his tone.
"I'll dump her. Hopefully she will understand that I am actually gay…" I don't even understand that, how will my future ex-girlfriend understand? Whatever, we'll both just have to get used to it because it is most definitely true.
"Okay, but that still doesn't prove that you really like me." Kurt said on the edge of tears.
"Well, I hope this does prove it." I say before leaning to kiss his sweet yet savory lips again, but as I do I get pushed away again.
"I believe you now, but I am not going to help you cheat. I like my face and I don't need Sue's Cheerios and Coach Tanaka's football players jumping me for being the person you cheat on Quinn with." Kurt said, giggling.
"Okay, well I am going to go. I'll be taking care of business." I said, and as I walked out the door I felt my stomach turn. I had to go and break up with the Captain of the Lima Ohio Cheerios.
As I pulled into Quinn's driveway, I was relieved to find that her father was not home. I knocked on the door, and waited. When she opened the door she looked like she was pissed. I asked her to take a seat and told her I had something important to tell her.
"I need to tell you something, Finn. It is majorly important." Quinn said.
"No, Quinn. You need to hear this first." I told her, sternly. "I am in love with Kurt."
"Well that's just too bad, because I am pregnant." Quinn said, and my heart sank.
"Mine?" I asked in disbelief.
"Of course, who else's would it be?" she stated.
"We never even had sex." I was super confused.
"Last month, in the hot tub, remember?" she said.
Of course I remember the hot tub, how could I forget? We were making out in the hot tub, and I didn't think of the mailman quick enough and I, you know, how embarrassing. Anyway, how is that even possible, we had on swimsuits? I asked her and she said that it was perfect temperature for sperm and it helped it swim faster, and I was scared. I am going to a father, holy shit.
"Well Quinn, I love you and our baby, but I am in love with Kurt. I am going to do all it takes to help you out but I cannot be with you if I am in love with someone else. That would not be healthy for the baby or us." I said. "I have to go. Love you, but its over."
Before I could leave she told me something that relieved me, but also made my heart cold.
"Oh Finn, the baby is Puck's anyway." Quinn whispered.
I ran out the door, and let one single tear fall from my eyes. I am happy I didn't stay with her. She didn't really love me; she was just with me because I would have made a better father than Puck. She is such a bitch. I am going straight to Kurt's, where I know I am loved. I get there and sadly, Burt is there. Burt has always scared me, and now that he is probably made as hell at me, I don't even want to see him. I knocked on the door only to have Kurt answer it cheerfully.
"How'd she take it?" Kurt asked.
"She's pregnant." I said. I hoped my eyes weren't still tear-blotched. I saw that Kurt was about to slam the door in my face. "NO! The baby is not mine, its Puck's."
"I am so sorry, you poor baby. If you ever need to talk, you can talk to me" Kurt said as he leaned in to embrace me in a warm hug.
At that point, all the coldness in my heart from the prior tragedy melted into puddles of water. I knew I was officially in love with Kurt Hummel.
"I am coming out tomorrow." I said with a smile.
Kurt frowned, "You cannot do that, baby."
"Why not?"
"You value your reputation; I know that is why you stopped talking to me. I hate to say this but if you tell people you will be miserable; and I just want to you to be happy because I love you." Kurt said.
"Yeah, that is why I stopped talking to you but I was a little kid then; it was five years ago." I sighed, "Look, I know that I love you now, and that I want to spend every moment in your arms, even if that means getting thrown in dumpsters and losing my reputation."
"Okay, if that is what you want."
"I've wanted that for a while." I leaned in and kissed him passionately without rush. Taking a few breaths I said, "Wanted that for a while, too."
After I said that he pulled me back in for yet another kiss from heaven above. I was so into the moment I didn't hear someone come in the room.
"HHHMMHH HHMMHH!", this time it was Burt Hummel clearing his throat.
I sat him down and tried to talk him through everything but he wouldn't listen. He kept going on about how I am no good for his son, and how I am a piece of shit for abandoning him like I did. It was like he was in my head. I knew the things I did to Kurt were wrong, but I wanted to make them better because I love him. Finally, Kurt and I got Burt to give me one more chance. He told me that if I was to mess up only once more he would find me and make me suffer a horrid, slow, and painful death. I said that I was not planning on ever hurting Kurt again, and if I did he had full permission to kill me, I told him I'd even put it in writing.
The next day at school was rough. It was November 15th, 2010; a date that I would never forgot. Once everybody had heard the big "FINN HUDSON IS GAY" news, I was called a fag, and I was pushed into lockers left in right. I was hit more times that day then when I wheeled around in that wheelchair for an entire week. The only sad thing was that even though I was being treated so shitty, I still felt whole and happy inside. I walked Kurt to every class, and held his hand, and I kissed him, on the forehead and the lips (yum). Kurt always has been, and always will be my other half.
2 Years Later May 20th, 2012.
Kurt had no idea what I had planned on graduation day. I had been saving money for two years. May 25th, 2012 I was going to propose to Kurt Hummel in front of everybody. The good news is that people are finally comfortable with gays, and we probably will not get thrown off the stage.
"Hey, White Boy." Mercedes said as she walked over to me after school that day. "You look like you are thinking about something." I didn't reply because I wanted my proposal to be a surprise. "I just want you to know if you hurt my Kurt I will kill you White Boy."
I didn't want her to think that I was going to hurt Kurt in any way so I reached in my pocket and got out the ring. Mercedes said she knew Kurt would love it, and had be practically force herself not to cry. I was pretty sure Kurt would like it because I know A LOT about my Kurt. I know that he always wanted a Neil Lane Bridal ring, no matter how expensive. I hope that is what he still wants because that is what he said he wanted when we were six, and I hope he remembers.
May 25th, 2012
It was about time for me to have my stage time for my big announcement. Glee had become a big part of William McKinley because we started winning (the Cheerios haven't won in 1 ½ years because Sue quit), so I was allowed all the stage time I wanted. I had everything planned out. I started thinking over it in my head, and before I could get to the hopeful yes, my name was called to the stage.
"Hello. I am Finn Hudson. Most of you know me from football and glee, but there is one person who knows me more than anyone, even my mother. I would like to dedicate this song to my beloved boyfriend, Kurt Hummel." I finished my introduction without any problems.
After I had finished singing the last couple words of, "I Want to Hold Your Hand" I was on the edge of tears.
"I will never be able to sing that song as good as you Kurt but Id like for you to come up here please." In this moment the nerves and butterflies hit me.
When Kurt reached the stage, I helped him up, and got the microphone.
"Kurt, I have something to ask you." I pulled out the ring, and got down on one knee. "Kurt Paul Hummel, will you marry me?"
I saw the instant, contagious, gorgeous smile that I love so much; then, I heard the high pitched yes I was looking for. My life was perfect, and nothing could make it better. I was going to get married to my beloved fiancée and we were going to live a happy, wonderful life together.
"Do you like the ring?" I asked him.
"More than you can ever imagine." He replied.
5 Years Later.
"You feel better now, sweetie?"
"No, I am bored. Do you want to go down stairs and look through old pictures and memories?"
"Sure, let's go."
As we head downstairs I know exactly which box to go to. I went straight to the box for ages 5-10 "The Finn and Kurt Box."
"Do you remember this, baby? When we were little and we used to say that we were going to grow up and get married and have kids? I'd bet one trillion dollars that our parents never actually think it would happen."
"Yeah." Kurt giggled. I will never be able to explain exactly how happy that giggle makes me.
"Oh wow. This is an old one. It's from when we first started getting really close and drawing the pictures. This one has you in a wedding dress and me in a tuxedo. Look you have your Neil Lane Bridal ring on in it. Haha, we predicted the future." I was just rambling now, but it was so fun to look at all he old memories Kurt and I have together.
"What is that in your arms, Finn?" Kurt asked me, in a complete state on confusion.
"I am pretty sure it was supposed to be a baby." I stated, laughing like a dying walrus.
Things were silent for a while until…
"I wish I was a girl, Finn." Kurt said to me.
"Why?" I asked him; I was genuinely concerned.
"I want a baby."
"You do? I do, too. We could always adopt, baby. We make enough money. You with your own fashion design company, and me giving vocal lessons to Broadway actors." I said, to reassure Kurt that if he wanted a baby, we were going to get a baby.
"No. I want my own baby."
"Well, if you insist on being stubborn, we could always do what Rachel's parents did."
"Yeah, I guess we could."
1 Year Later.
"Awh Finn, look at her. She is all ours." Kurt said looking right into our newborn babies eyes.
"She's precious. What are you two going to name her?" Cathy, "baby's" birth mother asked.
"I like whatever Kurt likes" I say, "but, I want the middle name to be Carylle, like my mother."
"Carter Carylle Hummel-Hudson. Do you like it?" Kurt asked me.
"I love it." I tell him truthfully, "She has your eyes."
After saying plenty of thanks to Cathy we took Carter Carylle home. We called my mom and Kurt's dad immediately. They couldn't be there when she was born because of a surprisingly quick birth. When Mom and Burt saw Little Carter, they both cried. Carter was rough to take care of the first few weeks, but she was totally worth every minute. She was the single most important thing in Kurt's and my life.
One night, when I was thinking back to the day Kat was born I thought about how quickly Kurt thought of the name Carter, and I wanted to know how.
"Kurt. I have a question." I asked.
"Anything."
"You don't have to answer this but, how did you some up with the name Carter?"
"It was easy. Carter Beth was my mother's name."
"Oh, I am sorry to bring it up."
"It's okay, she deserves to be talked about sometimes."
"Yes, that she does." I ask, "Don't you think it is weird that we hung out 3 years before your mom died and I remember what she looks like but I didn't remember her name?"
"Nobody ever called her that. She went by Katheryne."
"Why?"
"She didn't like Carter; she thought it was too manly."
"Oh, well I love it."
"Me too, me too."
"I love you Kurt Hummel – Hudson"
"I love you, too, Finn Hudson- Hummel"