Wake up. Pretend. Sleep. Repeat. That's now the life I lead. Nothing special. Nothing worth living. But nevertheless my life. If you could even call it that.

"Why does Hawthorne describe this way?" The voice of my English teacher droned. "No one knows? Somebody has to know. Carissa, do you know?" Looking up from what are supposed to be my notes, I realized she was standing in front of me. Scoffs and laughter filled the room, like always. "Hawthorne uses the scenery to contrast the tone and mood of the story." I answered, not really certain of what I was saying. "Thank you Ms. Teller, can someone give me an example?" As if on cue, the final bell rang and everyone rushed out of class.

My music blazed out of my iPod, as I made my way to the shop – which was three blocks away. A boy stopped in front of me. I went to go around him, but another got in my way. There was no need to turn around to know that I was surrounded. Realizing they were saying something, I paused my music. "-it's the motorcycle prodigy." I rolled my eyes. They seriously don't know how SAMCRO works. "Rumor has it you're a whore in training." Yeah they definitely don't know. "Well let's see how well they-" Before he could finish whatever snide comment he was going to make, a motorcycle pulled up beside us. "Carissa, you need a lift?" Juice said calmly, while his grip on the handle bars tightened. I nodded and walked towards him, this time no one got in my way. He handed me his helmet and waited until I put it on. They wouldn't dare do anything. At least not while the Sons are near.

"Are you gonna tell your dad or am I?" Juice asked as I got off. I just looked at him and smiled. Well, at least what I hoped resembled a smile. "Thank you." Walking inside, I could feel his eyes following me. Either way, Dad always finds out. I'd rather it be from someone who would actually uses full sentences.

Pulling out my math homework on one of the many tables in the clubhouse my stomach started growling. Ignore it. "Carrisa." Dad said from the bar. I looked up, "Juice told me what happened, or at least what he thinks happened." Don't say anything. "Come on darling. Tell me what happened." He sat there expectantly. Shaking my head, I started my homework trying to distract myself from his ongoing stare.

A façade. That's what my life is. A big show. I had reasons to be happy, but I won't let myself. My brain just kept giving me all these thoughts. Thoughts that drive me crazy. Thought that to most people wouldn't be that big of deal. To me, though, they shaped my life. The thoughts also said not to worry any one with my stupidities. They have other things to worry about.

Other things like what to wear to dinner tonight. Everyone was going to be there. And I didn't have any idea what look I was going for. They were my family and I don't have to impress them or anything, but since I have been shutting everyone out maybe looking decent might help.

Grabbing Abel, I started towards the car. I went to go open the door, but Dad stopped me. "What are you bringing a date or something?" Giving him my most annoyed look, I put Abel in the car then got in myself. "Come on love! Doesn't that get some kind of response?" "Jax, please, for one night don't harass your daughter." Mom said getting into the car. "She looks like she is going to meet with a boy Tara." My dad replied. "It's all going to be family, it doesn't matter what she looks like." Mom said starting the car. "Fine I'll see you up there." Dad said, giving Mom a kiss and starting towards his bike. "Don't worry baby girl, you look fine." Mom said reassuringly. (Link to outfit on my profile.)

Laughs and voices fill the room as we walked into Grandma's kitchen. Smile. No for my own benefit, but for everyone else's. Let them think I'm happy, as long as they don't know the truth. "Finally ya'll are here. We can eat now!" Tig said from his place at the dinner table. "Well your fat ass would already be at the table." Dad said. "Let's eat." Grandma said, bringing the last plate of food to the table. "Thank you Gemma." Bobby remarked.

This was my biggest fear. I mean I had prepared myself for this, but I hated it. Every chance I could I would gulp down the water. As much as possible without choking. Every time I would I felt guilty. I hate doing this. If I could I would avoid it all the time. But I can't.

"Carissa, want some dessert?" Donna, Opie's old lady asked. "No thank you." I said automatically. "You know what that means?" Chibs asked. Rolling my eyes, I waited for the response: "Cleaning!" Everyone screamed in union. Anytime someone wouldn't eat dessert, said person would have to clean. I got up laughing and started towards the sink. A fake gasp came from everywhere. "She didn't argue!" Happy sarcastically said. I just kept walking, while everyone laughed.

That night, before I went to bed I stood in front of my full length mirror. In shorts and a tank top, I could see all my flaws. My thighs still touched. My stomach wasn't flat. I wasn't good enough. Hopefully I had gotten all the food out afterwards. Just in case, though, I got on the ground and did everything I could to avoid gaining weight. 100 crunches. 100 sit-ups. 100 more crunches. 75 lunges on each leg. 30 push-ups. And just in case I took a laxative. This has to work, please let it work this time.

A/N: NEW STORY! If you follow me on Twitter, you know I have a new obsession with Sons of Anarchy. And if you aren't obsessed with it, then you need to be. Any who tell me what you think please.

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Val