Who Needs Birthcontrol? I Baby-Sit
By Lisa Short
Jessie and James did their trademark fear hug.
"You want us to do what?!" they gasped.
"You heard me. I'm sick of paying you two fools for your incompetence! It's time that you earn your pay."
A sadistic smile spread across Giovanni's shadowed face as he watch he vitums quiver with fear.
"I expect the both of you at my house tonight at 8 o'clock sharp. And try to wear something...more appropriate. " he finished and dismissed them with a wave of his hand.
Unable to do or say anything else, the two teenagers quickly left the room in disgust.
They couldn't belive that he would excpect them to do such things?!
But, he was the boss and they had to follow his orders, no matter how disturbing.
***
"Dat's harsh." replied Meowth once Jessie had explained their situation.
" Meowth wishes he could help, but..."
The unhappy Rocket duo glared at him. "But what?"
Unable to think of any good lies , he made a mad dash for the door .
***
"YOU CAN'T DO DIS TO ME!!! IT'S ANIMAL CRUELTY! I'LL CALL DE HUMANE SOCIETY! ANIMALS FRIENDS! PROTECTORS OF WILD LIFE! I'LL CALL DEM ALL! YOU CAN'T DO DIS TO MEOWTH!" the cat pokemon screamed and swung his claws about in hopes of escape.
"Oh hush, you stupid cat." Jessie mumbled while reading the directions
.
"Yeah, if we can put up with the humiliation, so can you." James said, making sure to keep Meowth at arms length so he wouldn't get clawed in the face.
The bicering continued until Jessie announced that the haunted looking mansion they were standing on front of was were they we're suppose to go.
Slowly they made their way to the door and rung the bell.
The sound of the bell was dreadful and sent shivers down their spines. It took all their courage not to run.
It was one of those stupid bells that played "it's a small world after all" when rung.
Soon the door crept open and the trio saw the most chipper looking woman in the world.
Her blonde hair was tied up in a neat little bun and she wore a sensible white dress that came down to her ankles. She was probably in her mid-thirties but her clothing made her look much younger.
"Umm...I think we have the wrong house...." Jessie stuttered .
"Are you two Jessie and James?" asked the woman as she tilted her head and put on an ear to ear grin.
Her perkiness made the Rockets shudder but they nodded anyways.
"Then you're at the right place!" she chirped. "Come in. I'll tell Giovanni-pooh that you're here."
They followed the woman in and watched as she, skipped over to the stairs. "Pudden-pie! The baby sitters are here!"
"I'll be down in a moment, Honey-bunny!" a fimlar voice yelled from somewhere up stairs.
By this time, Jessie, James, and Meowth were fighting a hysterical fit of laughter that was building inside of them.
And they were losing.
Not laughing at the overly sweet pet-names was hard enough, but when you combined that with the fact that the inside of the house was almost completely pink, well...that was just a little too much.
Before the woman could question the odd looks on their faces, giovanni came down the stairs.
"OK, I'm ready to go, sweetie-pie! I'll be waiting in the car." he said and headed out the door.
"OK baby cheeks! I'll be there in a second!" She peeped.
"Anyways, there's plenty of food in the kitchen, and the emergency numbers are by the phone. Right now the baby's in his crib and the girls are playing upstairs in their rooms. If you need to know where anything is, just ask one of the girls. We'll be back tonight around 12 o'clock! See you then! Bu-bye!" she said as she skipped out the door.
The three waited till their Boss and his wife was gone before they fell to the floor laughing. Once out of breath, they sat up and wiped the tears from their eyes, still chuckling until they remembered why they were there.
"I can't believe this!"Jessie complained. "How can I, who quite possibly might be the most beautiful woman in the known history, be expected to stoop so low as to baby sit, which is a job that should be left to pimpled faced, 4-eyed geeks who have yet to hit puberty!"
James felt the same way.
"So what do we do?" he asked
"I dunno." shrugged Jessie.
Meowth sighed.
Needless to say, Jessie and James had as much maternal instincts as a rock...maybe even less since a rock wouldn't have had the image of duck tape in its head when it heard the kids screaming.
"There's three of them and three of us, and we're bigger than them...well, me and James are anyways, so we should be able to handle this. We'll split up." Jessie planned.
"Meowth, you take the first room, James, you take the second, and I'll take the third."
James and Meowth agreed and followed Jessie up the steps towards the doom that awaited them....
***
"I can't believe I'm doing dis...." complained teh annoyed cat type pokemon as he peeked into the room.
Everything was pink, just like the rest of the house.
Pink, Pink, Pink.
Pink walls, pink curtains, pink bed, Persian dressed in a pink dress, pink carpet...wait! Persian dressed in a pink dress? Yes! There in a baby chair sat Giovanni's pet Persian, in a pretty pink dress, wearing a pretty pink bow, looking pretty pissed off. This was too much.
For the second time that day, Meowth broke out in hysterical laughter. Of course this brought the little girl's attention to him, and he soon found himself seated at the same table, wearing a pretty pink dess, a pretty pink bow, and also looking pretty pissed off.
God, he hated human kids.
Persian's felt the same way.
***
James stood outside the second door trying to get enough courage to go inside.
He was never good with kids. In fact, they freaked him out. Kids were to him as bugs were to Misty.
Suddenly a high heel shoe flew across the hall and hit him in the head.
"Ow! Jessie!" he whined.
"Go in." she hissed and went to retrive her shoe before walking over to the third door.
James sighed. He knew he would have been better off flipping fatty burgers and asking if you want fries with that instead of joining Team Rocket.
At least then he wouldn't have to baby-sit.
***
Jessie entered the room. It wasn't pink, thankfully, but it was still disgustingly cheerful. She made her way across the baby blue carpet, carefully kicking all the stuff Barney and baby Beebop (or what ever it's name was) toys out of the way.
After making her way through the maze of overly cute stuff animals, she leaned over the criband picked up the small child.
After a moment she yell, "James! Get in here NOW!"
***
OK, he was going to do it, he was going to enter the kid's room, he was, that is, until he heard Jessie screaming. Quickly he ran down the hall and into the baby's room.
"Jessie! What's wrong?!" he asked worried.
"Here! Take this!" she saidand handed the baby to him.
"Why? What's wron....EWWW!" was his response when he got the dreadful odor coming from the child's diaper.
"We're trading rooms."
James pleaded for her to change her mind, but his request went unheard.
***
"Lovely party, isn't it?" asked the small girl, who Meowth now knew was named Mary.
The two cat pokemon sighed as she poured them their 607,854,319 cup of fake tea (Meowth was keeping count).
"And after this, I'll get out my make-up and give you both make overs!"
"James should have taken this room." muttered the meowth.
***
Jessie opened the second door, stepped in, had a bucket full of water fall on her head, stepped back out, shut the door, and counted backwards from 10, wondering what the boss would do if one of his kids were missing when he returned.
***
James, who no longer was wearing a shirt, walked down the hall to meet Jess.
Why wasn't he wearing his shirt? Well, any of you who ever baby-sat a baby boy knows to stay out of "firing range" while changing their diaper. James never baby-sat before, so he didn't know this vital fact.
With a sigh they went in search of a washer and dryer.
***
Try as he might, Meowth couldn't figure out why James liked cross dressing so much.
He made a mental note to call a therapist and make an appointment for James. Then he changed his mind. He would make an appointment for all of them because there was no way they'd be sane after this assignment.
Fish-net stockings really sucked.
He was really going to need a lot mental help after this.
***
After dressing and deciding that the Boss would probably notice if one or more of his off spirngs was missing, they got out the duck tape.
They secretly (well, it wasn't really a secret since Jessie yelled it out as loud as she could) wished that they didn't use up all their tranquilizers while in the Safari Zone.
It was time to put the brats to bed....
***
After being burnt, nearly drowned, and electrocuted (which they were all used to thanks to Ash and his pokemon) the three stood at the front door waited for the boss and his wife to return.
It was 11:59 pm...they should be home anytime now...yep! There's the car!
As soon as the boos entered they ran as fast as they could, not bothering to look back.
"What charming kids! You should ask them to baby sit next week too." Peeped his wife.
Giovanni nodded and wondered why there were 6 empty rolls of duck tape on the living room floor.
***
The End
Yes, it's really the end.
But I'll tell you what happened next anyways.
This is what happened, they all learned something. Yep. Thrilling, ain't it?
You want to know what they learned?
Probably not, but I'll tell you anyways.
Giovanni learned that it was much cheaper to have Rocket Members baby-sit for free, than to pay a real baby-sitter. He also learned that duck tape worked much better at putting kids to sleep then reading stories did.
His wife (who is named Hope even though I didn't say so in the story.) learned nothing. She's a ditzy blond.
Mary learned that red isn't Meowth's color and decided to use blue next time she painted his nails (claws?).
The second daughter (who is named Nellie, but I didn't tell you that either.) learned that knifes work much better when they're sharp.
The baby (Jr.) didn't learn anything. He must take after his mom.
Meowth learned that he hates human kids and that he couldn't use the pictures he took of Persian in a dork dress to black mail her because she had pictures of him wearing the same. He also learned that lacy panties itched.
James learned he didn't like kids. He also learned that he didn't like Jessie's new birth control idea.
Jessie learned she didn't like kids. She also decided to try out a new idea for birth control that she knew would work.
Persian learned that she hates kids, but liked the way Meowth looked in fish-net stockings.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, Jessie's new form of birth control was not letting James within 3 yards of her at any given time. It worked really well until they rented a porn. Now they're waiting in the bathroom to see if a plus or minus sign shows up on the overpriced, under effective, pregnancy test.
But that's another story (which may or may not be written).
The End
By Lisa Short
Jessie and James did their trademark fear hug.
"You want us to do what?!" they gasped.
"You heard me. I'm sick of paying you two fools for your incompetence! It's time that you earn your pay."
A sadistic smile spread across Giovanni's shadowed face as he watch he vitums quiver with fear.
"I expect the both of you at my house tonight at 8 o'clock sharp. And try to wear something...more appropriate. " he finished and dismissed them with a wave of his hand.
Unable to do or say anything else, the two teenagers quickly left the room in disgust.
They couldn't belive that he would excpect them to do such things?!
But, he was the boss and they had to follow his orders, no matter how disturbing.
***
"Dat's harsh." replied Meowth once Jessie had explained their situation.
" Meowth wishes he could help, but..."
The unhappy Rocket duo glared at him. "But what?"
Unable to think of any good lies , he made a mad dash for the door .
***
"YOU CAN'T DO DIS TO ME!!! IT'S ANIMAL CRUELTY! I'LL CALL DE HUMANE SOCIETY! ANIMALS FRIENDS! PROTECTORS OF WILD LIFE! I'LL CALL DEM ALL! YOU CAN'T DO DIS TO MEOWTH!" the cat pokemon screamed and swung his claws about in hopes of escape.
"Oh hush, you stupid cat." Jessie mumbled while reading the directions
.
"Yeah, if we can put up with the humiliation, so can you." James said, making sure to keep Meowth at arms length so he wouldn't get clawed in the face.
The bicering continued until Jessie announced that the haunted looking mansion they were standing on front of was were they we're suppose to go.
Slowly they made their way to the door and rung the bell.
The sound of the bell was dreadful and sent shivers down their spines. It took all their courage not to run.
It was one of those stupid bells that played "it's a small world after all" when rung.
Soon the door crept open and the trio saw the most chipper looking woman in the world.
Her blonde hair was tied up in a neat little bun and she wore a sensible white dress that came down to her ankles. She was probably in her mid-thirties but her clothing made her look much younger.
"Umm...I think we have the wrong house...." Jessie stuttered .
"Are you two Jessie and James?" asked the woman as she tilted her head and put on an ear to ear grin.
Her perkiness made the Rockets shudder but they nodded anyways.
"Then you're at the right place!" she chirped. "Come in. I'll tell Giovanni-pooh that you're here."
They followed the woman in and watched as she, skipped over to the stairs. "Pudden-pie! The baby sitters are here!"
"I'll be down in a moment, Honey-bunny!" a fimlar voice yelled from somewhere up stairs.
By this time, Jessie, James, and Meowth were fighting a hysterical fit of laughter that was building inside of them.
And they were losing.
Not laughing at the overly sweet pet-names was hard enough, but when you combined that with the fact that the inside of the house was almost completely pink, well...that was just a little too much.
Before the woman could question the odd looks on their faces, giovanni came down the stairs.
"OK, I'm ready to go, sweetie-pie! I'll be waiting in the car." he said and headed out the door.
"OK baby cheeks! I'll be there in a second!" She peeped.
"Anyways, there's plenty of food in the kitchen, and the emergency numbers are by the phone. Right now the baby's in his crib and the girls are playing upstairs in their rooms. If you need to know where anything is, just ask one of the girls. We'll be back tonight around 12 o'clock! See you then! Bu-bye!" she said as she skipped out the door.
The three waited till their Boss and his wife was gone before they fell to the floor laughing. Once out of breath, they sat up and wiped the tears from their eyes, still chuckling until they remembered why they were there.
"I can't believe this!"Jessie complained. "How can I, who quite possibly might be the most beautiful woman in the known history, be expected to stoop so low as to baby sit, which is a job that should be left to pimpled faced, 4-eyed geeks who have yet to hit puberty!"
James felt the same way.
"So what do we do?" he asked
"I dunno." shrugged Jessie.
Meowth sighed.
Needless to say, Jessie and James had as much maternal instincts as a rock...maybe even less since a rock wouldn't have had the image of duck tape in its head when it heard the kids screaming.
"There's three of them and three of us, and we're bigger than them...well, me and James are anyways, so we should be able to handle this. We'll split up." Jessie planned.
"Meowth, you take the first room, James, you take the second, and I'll take the third."
James and Meowth agreed and followed Jessie up the steps towards the doom that awaited them....
***
"I can't believe I'm doing dis...." complained teh annoyed cat type pokemon as he peeked into the room.
Everything was pink, just like the rest of the house.
Pink, Pink, Pink.
Pink walls, pink curtains, pink bed, Persian dressed in a pink dress, pink carpet...wait! Persian dressed in a pink dress? Yes! There in a baby chair sat Giovanni's pet Persian, in a pretty pink dress, wearing a pretty pink bow, looking pretty pissed off. This was too much.
For the second time that day, Meowth broke out in hysterical laughter. Of course this brought the little girl's attention to him, and he soon found himself seated at the same table, wearing a pretty pink dess, a pretty pink bow, and also looking pretty pissed off.
God, he hated human kids.
Persian's felt the same way.
***
James stood outside the second door trying to get enough courage to go inside.
He was never good with kids. In fact, they freaked him out. Kids were to him as bugs were to Misty.
Suddenly a high heel shoe flew across the hall and hit him in the head.
"Ow! Jessie!" he whined.
"Go in." she hissed and went to retrive her shoe before walking over to the third door.
James sighed. He knew he would have been better off flipping fatty burgers and asking if you want fries with that instead of joining Team Rocket.
At least then he wouldn't have to baby-sit.
***
Jessie entered the room. It wasn't pink, thankfully, but it was still disgustingly cheerful. She made her way across the baby blue carpet, carefully kicking all the stuff Barney and baby Beebop (or what ever it's name was) toys out of the way.
After making her way through the maze of overly cute stuff animals, she leaned over the criband picked up the small child.
After a moment she yell, "James! Get in here NOW!"
***
OK, he was going to do it, he was going to enter the kid's room, he was, that is, until he heard Jessie screaming. Quickly he ran down the hall and into the baby's room.
"Jessie! What's wrong?!" he asked worried.
"Here! Take this!" she saidand handed the baby to him.
"Why? What's wron....EWWW!" was his response when he got the dreadful odor coming from the child's diaper.
"We're trading rooms."
James pleaded for her to change her mind, but his request went unheard.
***
"Lovely party, isn't it?" asked the small girl, who Meowth now knew was named Mary.
The two cat pokemon sighed as she poured them their 607,854,319 cup of fake tea (Meowth was keeping count).
"And after this, I'll get out my make-up and give you both make overs!"
"James should have taken this room." muttered the meowth.
***
Jessie opened the second door, stepped in, had a bucket full of water fall on her head, stepped back out, shut the door, and counted backwards from 10, wondering what the boss would do if one of his kids were missing when he returned.
***
James, who no longer was wearing a shirt, walked down the hall to meet Jess.
Why wasn't he wearing his shirt? Well, any of you who ever baby-sat a baby boy knows to stay out of "firing range" while changing their diaper. James never baby-sat before, so he didn't know this vital fact.
With a sigh they went in search of a washer and dryer.
***
Try as he might, Meowth couldn't figure out why James liked cross dressing so much.
He made a mental note to call a therapist and make an appointment for James. Then he changed his mind. He would make an appointment for all of them because there was no way they'd be sane after this assignment.
Fish-net stockings really sucked.
He was really going to need a lot mental help after this.
***
After dressing and deciding that the Boss would probably notice if one or more of his off spirngs was missing, they got out the duck tape.
They secretly (well, it wasn't really a secret since Jessie yelled it out as loud as she could) wished that they didn't use up all their tranquilizers while in the Safari Zone.
It was time to put the brats to bed....
***
After being burnt, nearly drowned, and electrocuted (which they were all used to thanks to Ash and his pokemon) the three stood at the front door waited for the boss and his wife to return.
It was 11:59 pm...they should be home anytime now...yep! There's the car!
As soon as the boos entered they ran as fast as they could, not bothering to look back.
"What charming kids! You should ask them to baby sit next week too." Peeped his wife.
Giovanni nodded and wondered why there were 6 empty rolls of duck tape on the living room floor.
***
The End
Yes, it's really the end.
But I'll tell you what happened next anyways.
This is what happened, they all learned something. Yep. Thrilling, ain't it?
You want to know what they learned?
Probably not, but I'll tell you anyways.
Giovanni learned that it was much cheaper to have Rocket Members baby-sit for free, than to pay a real baby-sitter. He also learned that duck tape worked much better at putting kids to sleep then reading stories did.
His wife (who is named Hope even though I didn't say so in the story.) learned nothing. She's a ditzy blond.
Mary learned that red isn't Meowth's color and decided to use blue next time she painted his nails (claws?).
The second daughter (who is named Nellie, but I didn't tell you that either.) learned that knifes work much better when they're sharp.
The baby (Jr.) didn't learn anything. He must take after his mom.
Meowth learned that he hates human kids and that he couldn't use the pictures he took of Persian in a dork dress to black mail her because she had pictures of him wearing the same. He also learned that lacy panties itched.
James learned he didn't like kids. He also learned that he didn't like Jessie's new birth control idea.
Jessie learned she didn't like kids. She also decided to try out a new idea for birth control that she knew would work.
Persian learned that she hates kids, but liked the way Meowth looked in fish-net stockings.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, Jessie's new form of birth control was not letting James within 3 yards of her at any given time. It worked really well until they rented a porn. Now they're waiting in the bathroom to see if a plus or minus sign shows up on the overpriced, under effective, pregnancy test.
But that's another story (which may or may not be written).
The End