I meant to post this on Saturday past, but this site kept screwing up and not posting any new stories.

I don't own Invader Zim.

The Game

It's finally Saturday. I don't have to bother going to skool, where the Game Slave over my books is the only thing that gets me through the day.

Where I'm constantly surrounded by IDIOTS all week, today I've got just the one idiot to face.

I'm sitting on the couch holding my Game Slave, minding my own business and doing my best to ignore that stupid, big-headed jerk yapping away. If only he would go somewhere, anywhere else, then I could enjoy my game in peace and quiet and blow up all the Vampire Piggies I wanted.

What can he be ranting and raving about? What could be so important? What's even that interesting if it isn't a video game?

"... the fate of the world is at stake, Gaz, and if we can just... "

Behind the lid of my Game Slave, I roll my eyes. "The fate of the world." Pffft. The world this, the world that. For someone who cares about everyone else so much, he sure ruins my life every chance he gets.

So let him knock himself out. I'll just play my games. Life is a game. Nothing matters anyway, so why not see how high a score you can get while you are at it?

"... er, could you just put your game on pause for a sec... never mind, I'll just... "

That look always works!

"... you see, I just need someone to keep watch over the... "

Once again, he's badgering me to do something stupid. Does he think I have nothing else to do? He always wants me for something or other, and it just about, no... make that always... it always has something to do with Zim. Zim couldn't take over a kindergarten class, let alone the earth. Not that it matters either way of course.

"... this is your chance to go down in history! Wouldn't you want to do that, Gaz? Doesn't just the idea raise goose pimples all up and down your arms?"

Er, no. I couldn't care less about what happens NOW, so I'm sure not going to care about what happens after I'm dead.

"C'mon, Gaz, just this one time, huh? Huh? Huh?"

Even though I'm very careful about NOT looking into that vapid face that he keeps trying to push into mine, I am listening, sometimes... for now, anyway. I'm not about to let him know that, however. I just enjoy keeping him guessing.

It's more fun that way.

"What's wrong? You don't think it's a good plan? Is that it? You don't think it'll work? Okay, I'll work on it some more and I'll come back when I've come up with a better one. Whaddya say, huh? Huh...?"

He sounds like he's about to give up and leave, so I sigh loudly. "Okay. What is it."

He leaps up on the couch and bounces like a maniac all over it. Geez, get a grip. I'm not moving; he'd just better not bump into me. He starts all over again babbling on and on and on about some stupid plan of his about Zim (gee, what a surprise). After a few minutes or hours I find it's surprisingly easy to tune out whatever's pouring out of him. I just listen to something more interesting, like the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. At least this gets easier to do each time he repeats his flood of drivel.

He goes on and on until I don't know how much longer I'll be able to hold in the laughter. To keep from giving myself away, I bite my tongue as I finally turn towards him.

Now, this part is crucial. I must force myself to keep a straight face as I say this.

"What'd you say Dib? I was playing my game and I wasn't listening."

The horrified, sinking look on his face was worth the effort of holding back all that laughter.

He actually takes me seriously... and starts that long-winded, endlessly babbling spiel of gibberish all over again. I keep my face blank, inscrutable. I give no hints, no clues as to my state of mind. To keep complete power, I must have total control. This is important. After all, this is where the fun comes from; as soon as the other player guesses correctly, the game is over.

"... and I figure, if I can just get someone to watch the front door for me, and slam it shut just when I... "

I keep moving my hands over the buttons... It's like letting the fishing line out again so the fish thinks it's getting away. Little does it know. Sucker.

"You can even play your game while you're waiting for me to lead him into my trap! So can ya, huh, can ya, Gaz, huh please huh can ya?"

I frown as if I'm thinking about it... but I'm only pretending to think about it.

"I'll think about it."

"So that means ya will? I - "

"I said, 'I'll THINK about it,'" I grit out. "Now get lost before I change my mind about even that."

"Oh, thanks, Gaz!" Finally he jumps off the couch, nearly bouncing me off in the process. Idiot. "You'll never know how

many lives we'll be saving - "

"Well in that case, no!"

He does a most entertaining double take, almost in mid-jump. "'No'?" He actually seems to have forgotten what the word even means. Bonus points for me.

"I said, 'No.' I changed my mind. No." His mouth opens for a second right before his face just drops, an even more rewarding sight than the YOU WIN screen at the end of Vampire Piggy Hunter. "I might have done it... I MIGHT... but you know what you did? You started gloating like you got me to do something... like you WON. And the one who wins here is ME, Dib. I always win."

I turn back to my Game Slave. From the side of my eye, I watch the emotions chase each other across his face. Disappointment, defeat, dismay... maybe anger? No, not anger. He wouldn't dare.

He slowly turns around and heads for the door. He was wearing that defeated look all over him, the one I loved knowing I put there.

The door opens, and then closes.

Ah. Now at last, that babbling idiot was out of the house.

Now at last I can finally enjoy the peace and quiet. Finally I can turn on my Game Slave.

I love games.

All kinds of games.

The end! Don't forget to review!