Disclaimer: Power Rangers and all related characters belong to Saban. Any other characters I mention in this spoof belong to whomever they belong to.
I'd rate this about a heavy PG-13 (closer to an R), for about a South Park-amount of swearing. And remember, * = TV censor beep.
A Power Parody 2: The Sequel
by: MegaZeo
Rita was trying to rip off the two-inch thick duct tape from her mouth when Zedd pushed past her. He walked over to the balcony. "And now, to destroy the Power Rangers once and for all!"
Rita was startled; the voice didn't remotely sound like Zedd, yet it had come from his mouth. "Mmph?" she asked, meaning "Zedd?"
"Yes, Rita?"
"Mmph mmm mmph mm mm?" she asked, meaning "What's with your voice?"
"Oh, Saban fired Zedd yesterday, I'm one of those "don't-show-'em-your-face-and-you'll-be-okay" replacements. Notice I'm not looking at you, or the camera."
Rita nodded and walked off.
With his back turned to us, Zedd aimed his Z-staff at Earth, but nothing happened.
"What the?" he asked, smacking the Z. He thrust it at Earth again, and once again nothing happened. He opened a small compartment in the base of the Z. The Evil Emperor looked in and smacked himself in the forehead: one of the batteries was put in the wrong way!
He righted the battery and fired a silver bolt at Earth. It hit Bulk's massive crab-leg dinner, and the little nut-cracker he was using to crack the crab's shell. They formed a huge crab monster, clutching a giant cracker for its weapon. Bulk went screaming like a girl.
"Argh! I am CrabbyCakes, here to destroy!"
* * *
"Aye-yi-yi! Zordon, the evil guy has sent down one of his things again!"
"Oh, don't start with that sh*t again! Contact the Rangers at once!"
* * *
The Rangers were contacted. One by one, they arrived. Rocky from his house. Billy from his lab. Aisha from the mall. Adam from the soccer field. Tommy and Kat arrived together, and they appeared sweaty and out of breath. The other Rangers just smiled and nodded.
CrabbyCakes appeared in front of them. "Let's do it, guys!" Tommy commanded "It's morphin' time!"
"White Ranger Power!"
"Black Ranger Power!"
"Pink Ranger Power!"
"Blue Ranger Power!"
"Yellow Ranger Power!"
"Red Ranger Power!"
* * *
The six Rangers turned to face CrabbyCakes, and he suddenly raised his crab-claw hand at them and fired streams of steaming yellow liquid. "Aah! Hot piss!" Tommy cried. "No, it's not hot piss, you twit! It's boiling hot butter!" "What's that supposed to do?" Rocky asked before all six Rangers slipped and fell on their rears.
Before they could move, CrabbyCakes shot energy beams at them, transforming them all into crabs.
"Oh no!" Kat cried. "Tommy, what shall we do?!" "Why don't we just remember how much `love' and `goodness' is in our hearts?" "Oh, that's a good idea," the others said. Instantly after doing so, they turned back to normal.
"Alright, let's destroy that mother-f*ckin' asshole!!" Tommy screamed at CrabbyCakes. Instantly, he turned back into a crab. "Er, I mean, I love him!"
Tommy turned back to normal.
The Rangers quickly joined their weapons, forming the Power Blaster. They fired, but CrabbyCakes absorbed the energy and used it to grow.
* * *
The Rangers prepared to summon their Zords. Unfortunately, Power Rangers was now in it's twelve-hundredth season, and the Rangers were a bit irritated at having to memorize the new Zord-summoning lines. Nevertheless, they raised their hands.
Adam: "Tigger, Eeyore, Piglet, Winnie-the-Pooh ThunderZord power!"
Katherine: "Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Foghorn Leghorn ThunderZord power!"
Billy: "Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo, Gohan ThunderZord power!"
Aisha: "Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble, George Jetson, Mr. Spacely ThunderZord power!"
Rocky: "Rocky, Bullwinkle, Dudley Dooright, George of the Jungle ThunderZord power!"
Tommy: "Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny ThunderZord power!"
With a mighty, echoing BOING!! (the sound effects machine was on the fritz) toys based on famous cartoon characters came from all over the world. They plopped together, forming the mighty Cartoon ThunderZord. The Mega ActionZord had been destroyed when Saban needed some more cash. The new MegaZord looked like a bizzare amalgam of all the aforementioned cartoon characters.
"We need the Super-MegaThunder Saber, now!!!" Tommy commanded.
The Cartoon ThunderZord swung its powerful sword around at CrabbyCakes, who merely rolled his eyes. The Zord continued to swing its sword fancilly, but before it fully impress the youth of America, the sword slipped, flying out of the Zord's hand, and it proceeded to crush the Youth Center.
From the rubble, Bulk and Skull came running out, screaming.
"Hey, weren't they killed in A Power Parody?" Aisha asked. "Yeah!" Kat added, remembering the previous spoof. "Yeah, well Saban ain't really known for his continuity, is he?" Billy said. "After all, I used to be a geek who couldn't beat up some weak-assed girl from kindergarden if my life depended on it."
"What do you mean, girls are weak?!" Kat and Aisha roared simultaneously. "We are not!!!" "Aaahh!" Billy shrieked, jumping out of his chair. "Please don't hurt me!" With that, he teleported out.
"As for Bulk and Skull, I guess I'll have to fix yet ANOTHER of Saban's continuity screw ups," Tommy said. Turning the Zord's head in Bulk and Skull's direction, yellow rays fired from its eyes, frying the two instantly.
"Oh my God," Kat cried. "You killed Bulk and Skull!" "You bastard!" Aisha added.
Tommy turned to stare at them, and then turned back to CrabbyCakes, who had been waiting the whole time. The Cartoon ThunderZord leaped through the air, planting its left foot into CrabbyCake's chest. The monster went flying back, smashing through several buildings as he went.
CrabbyCake's shot up, in time to see the ThunderZord come flying at him. "Hey Rangers," he said, dodging the flying kick. "I think I'll finally use my ultimate power to stop you!" "Oh yeah?" Tommy snickered. "And what might that be?"
In a dark, booming voice, he answered "THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!!!"
"NOOO!!!" the Rangers cried as a purple light engulfed the MegaZord. The light vanished, and when the Rangers tried to make the Zord charge, it couldn't move. CrabbyCakes laughed. "There is no way in reality that something like those Zords could move!"
"Goddamn mother-f*ckin' son-of-a-b*tch!!!" Tommy shouted. "Tommy, language!" Kat reminded, astonished. "This is a kids show!" "Back off, (beep)!" he responded.
Kat wasn't sure what she should be more surprised at; that there was a word where you HAD to cut out all four letters, or that Tommy had called her it.
CrabbyCakes fired more energy bolts at the Zord, eventually causing the MegaZord to eject the Rangers.
CrabbyCakes soon joined them on the ground. He aimed his lobster claw at them, firing more streams of steaming hot butter at them. They were drenched with it, and kept slipping in it. "Let's go for a ride, you Power Ranger-ninnyheads!"
The Rangers stared at him.
"What?"
"That was the lamest insult I have ever heard!" Rocky snapped back.
"Well excuse me, dickhead!"
"Hey, this is a kids show!"
"So?"
"So watch your f*ckin' mouth, you f*ckin' retard!"
"Boys, boys!" Kat cut in.
"Shut up, (beep)!" they snapped back.
"Tommy, are you gonna' let them talk to me like---"
"Shut up, (beep)."
"Well, I never!"
"Enough of this!" CrabbyCakes roared. Aiming his oversized leg-cracker at them, he engulfed the five Rangers in a reddish vortex, teleporting them all away.
"And now, for my master plan!" CrabbyCakes said, teleporting away.
* * *
"Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi! Zordon, the Power Rangers have been taken away to another dimension! Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!! I can't find them! Aye-yi-yi-yi!!!"
"Er, Alpha, I believe it is--"
"Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!! I don't know what to do! I can't locate the Rangers anywhere! Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!! What to do?! Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!!"
"Alpha..."
"Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!! I don't know what to do, other than shout `aye-yi-yi-yi-yi' alot! I can't do anything TOO helpful, because I'm the comic relief! I DON'T WANNA BE THE COMIC RELIEF!!! I WANNA BE THE HERO!!! THE HERO!!! I LIKE WOMEN, DAMMIT!!!"
"ALPHA FIVE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP!!!!!!"
"MAKE ME, BITCH!!!"
"DIE!!!"
Out of Zordon's eyes came white energy bolts, striking Alpha in the chest and making him explode into firey fragments. Zordon took a deep sigh of relief. "Ah, thank god. Finally some peace and quiet. If anything else makes any noise, I think I'm gonna scream."
The phone rang.
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
* * *
Goldar looked around. Zedd was taking a nap, Rita was trying to get the duct tape off, Rito, Squatt, and Baboo were being stupid together, Finster was off doing something in his lab, and Scorpina was off the show.
"Screw this," he growled. "I quit. I'm going to work as a background singer for Tom Jones." With that, he teleported away.
* * *
The Rangers were tied with rope by their hands, hanging over a large pit in the middle of a cave, demorphed.
Suddenly, on a ledge a few meters away, CrabbyCakes appeared. The cavern lit up, and a massive bowl of steaming, yellow liquid was at the bottom.
"Aaak!" Tommy cried. "It's a bowl of hot piss!"
"For the last time, it's not hot piss, you idiot!" CrabbyCakes snapped. "It's melted butter!"
"Uh... I'd rather go with the hot piss."
"Tommy!"
"What's melted butter suppposed to do?" Adam asked.
"It's magical melted butter. Fall in it and you lose your powers."
"Why don't you make it so it'll just kill us?" Aisha asked.
"Shut up!" CrabbyCakes roared. "But to tell you the truth, it's once again because of Saban. If it was up to me, you'd've been dead already." "Man, butter that makes you lose your powers? That's pretty weak, even from Saban," Adam said. "Yup, I'd have to agree," Rocky said. "I'm not too thrilled about it either," CrabbyCakes said. "Especially with my name. I wanted to be called Crabinator, but noooo. Saban had to make a `funny' name."
"Like `Crabinator`'s any better?" Rocky asked.
He suddenly produced a laser pistol. Aiming it at the ropes, he said, "Goodbye, Power Rangers." Just as he was about to fire, a blue streak of light hit him, and CrabbyCakes was flung off the ledge into the vat of warm butter. "Aaugh!" he screamed, but he teleported away in the nick of time, before the butter could destroy his powers.
The Rangers turned to see the source of the beam...
"Billy!" the girls cried.
"Billy?! You scrawny-ass hippie!!! Get your bitch-ass over here before I kick it!!" Tommy screamed. Billy aimed a device at them, which enveloped them in blue light. They disappeared, and reappeared on the ledge next to Billy, all in their Ranger uniforms again.
"Billy," Aisha said. "What the hell are you doin', leavin' us in the middle of a fight like that? It was your fault we lost!! What's your excuse?!?!"
"Uh, I'm the brainy-geek?" he offered.
"Who the hell could ever admire a shmuck like you?!" Kat snapped.
"Uh, I could," Cynthia Harrel interjected.
"Didn't ask you," Kat said, kicking her over the cliff into the tank of butter.
In the end, the two girls just ended shooting Billy in the nuts before they all teleported away.
* * *
When the Rangers landed back in the Command Chamber, or Power Center, or whatever the hell it is, they saw that Alpha was gone.
"Where's Alpha?" Rocky asked. "Rangers, I had to destroy that little sh*t because he was too goddamned irritating," Zordon said.
"YES!!!" everyone shouted, doing their Rangers-Throw-Their-Hands-Up-In-The-Air handshake. "However," Zordon continued. "I have created a new Alpha, one that could be even better. I used the memory chip from Alpha 5, but I created a brand new personality. Behold, Rangers, Alpha 2000."
"But how could Zordon build a new Alpha?" Billy asked as they turned around. "He's just a floating---"
He got his answer.
Alpha 2000 was built incredibly shoddily, and it was surprising that it was even able to stay together. The head was a miniature TV, its body was a carbord box with a rather bad lightning bolt painted on, its legs were pogo sticks, and its arms were garden hoses with gloves at the end. Then it talked.
"Aye! Wha' the hell are yeh freaks lookin' at, huh? Respect mah authoritah!"
It had the voice of Cartman from South Park.
"Alpha, is that you?" Kat asked. "Yeh bet yah goddamn ass it's meh! Ah am Alpha Two-f*ckin'-Thousand, and Ah am n'yah to help yeh weak-ass Powah Rangehs beat the weak-ass forces of the even weaka' Zedd and Rita, so yeh can kick them squa' in the neeyuts!"
"Oh, joy," Adam said.
"Rangers," Zordon said. "CrabbyCakes is attacking Angel Grove. Or is it Mariner Bay now? I can't keep up. Anyway, I can't remember which number it is, but I'm pretty sure it's a Day I've Been Fearing, so listen up. Remember how much good and love there is in your hearts, and you should be able to overcome a monster that can destroy MegaZords in the blink of an eye."
"Remember all the f*ckin' good and f*ckin' love in our f*ckin' hearts," Tommy repeated. "Sounds f*ckin' easy."
"Uh, mabye that's not such a good idea," Zordon decided.
"But Zordon, our Zords are still answering to the laws of physics!" Aisha said. "Ah, yes, I believe I know a way to overcome this," Zordon said. "Prepare to recieve your new SuperDuper Zords!" In the Viewing Globe, six humanoids appeared. "They can form the SuperDuper MegaZord," Zordon said. "And, if you combine the SuperDuper Zords with the Cartoon ThunderZords, you can form the SuperDuperCartoonMegaThunderUltratronicPsychoZord!"
Tommy: "... 'Kay."
"Now go, yeh ass-bitin' pieces o' sh*t!" Alpha snapped. "Or Ah'll kick yah squa' in the neeyuts!"
Quickly, the Rangers beamed out.
* * *
The Rangers turned to face CrabbyCakes, who fired more streams of butter at them. Suddenly, down from the sky, Ninjor came down and assisted them. "Ah, I, Ninjor, mighty Keeper of the Ninja Temple, shall assist you, Power Rangers!"
Tommy nodded. "Thanks, Ninjor, we could use the---"
"For I, Ninjor, have never been defeated. For all of my foes have underestimated the Power of Ninja! But I shall overcome them! I shall overcome them all! For I am Ninjor, Keeper of the Temple of Ninja Power, and I NEVER underestimate the Power of Ninja! I am undefeatable! I am invincible! I shall never lose, because I do not underestimate the Power of Ninja!"
Two hours later...
"--- And so, in closing, I never lose, because I, Ninjor, Keeper of the powerful Temple of Ninja Power, never, ever, EVER underestimate the Power of Ninja!"
The Rangers raised their Blasters and shot Ninjor in the head.
"Thank god!" Rocky said, shooting his arms up into the air and doing a little dance. "I've been wanting to do that for SOOOO long!" "Yeah, I know the feeling," Aisha agreed.
"While I thank you for that, can we get back to business?" CrabbyCakes asked. "Oh yeah," the Rangers groaned. They raised the blasters, set them on maximum, and fired, destroying CrabbyCakes in a huge explosion.
But still he remained.
"What the f*ck is this sh*t?!?!" the Rangers cried. "Whaddya mean? It's time for me to grow!" CrabbyCakes said. "Nuh-uh! You're a monster that dies at human size!" Tommy insisted. "Oh, I forgot, there was a last-minute rewrite," CrabbyCakes said. In a purple flash, he generated a script entitled A Power Parody 2: The Sequel. He tossed it to the Rangers, who huddled tightly around each other to read over Tommy's shoulder.
``Rangers fire blasters; CrabbyCakes explodes. He gets up, grows; the Rangers call on Zords.``
"Yes, yes, he does, he does," they groaned. Suddenly, Kat paused. "Whoever has their hands on my ass better take it off now." "Sorry," Tommy, Rocky, Adam, Billy, and Aisha said simultaneously.
CrabbyCakes suddenly touched the ground with his leg-cracker, and grew to giant size. "Uh, how do we call the new Zords?" Adam asked. "Dammit," Billy said. They pulled out the script again, and flipped to page 34.
``Rangers:
SuperDuper Zords, we call forth your mighty power! We summon you, and you come to us! We are the Power Rangers, and you are our Zords! Activate, and arise!``
The Rangers groaned again, threw the script away, and raised their hands, drolly calling out the summoning line.
"SuperDuper Zords, we call forth your mighty power! We summon you, and you come to us! We are the Power Rangers, and you are our Zords! Activate, and arise!"
"Black SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Pink SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Blue SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Yellow SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Red SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"White SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Well, that was relatively painless," Aisha said as the six Zords formed the SuperDuper MegaZord. The Rangers quickly appeared in the cockpit, and the SuperDuperSaber appeared in its hands. CrabbyCakes fired a stream of hot butter, but the Zord shot a laser at it. As if it were gasoline, flames travelled up the butter and exploded into CrabbyCakes' arm, severing it in a messy, bloody splatter.
"Let's do it, now!" Tommy said. The Toilet Paper Blaster suddenly appeared in the MegaZord's hands, and fired a single roll of toilet paper. It hit CrabbyCakes in the chest, and he exploded into a massive fireball. The smoke and flames were so intense, that the Rangers couldn't see anything. Assuming they'd won, they teleported the Zords back to their hiding places and themselves back to the Command Center/Power Chamber/whatever.
* * *
When they landed, Alpha immediately snapped "Good goin', yeh turd-eatin' assholes! Yeh've blown it big-tahm!" "What is Cartm--, er, Alpha, talking about, Zordon?" Billy asked.
"Rangers, behold the Viewing Globe. You see that crater?"
Indeed, a massive crater was what was featured in the globe.
"Yeah, we see it," Tommy said.
"That was Angel Grove. It was blown up when CrabbyCakes exploded. That is all."
The Rangers turned to stare at him. "That is all? That's F*CKING ALL?!?!?!" Tommy screamed. "Yes, I do believe so," Zordon said.
* * *
Epilogue
The result of this "disaster" was almost immediate. Many people involved in the invasion of Angel Grove simply found another line of work.
Zedd and Rita divorced, and Zedd became the happy manager of a Holiday Inn in Texas. Rita eventually got the duct tape removed, became good friends with Roseanne and Madonna, and eventually married Gilbert Gottfried.
Squatt and Baboo revealed that they were smarter than they were thought to be and applied for jobs at NASA. They were turned down when they couldn't answer what two-plus-two was. They eventually moved to San Fransisco, Baboo working at a Disney Store, Squatt becoming a taxi driver.
Rito was pretty much stuck when it came to a job. He wasn't that smart, and he couldn't get anything right.
He is currently an employee at McDonalds in Chicago.
Finster eventually became a famous author, wrote several best-selling novels such as thrillers and science-fictions, and also cookbooks and how-to books. He toured the U.S., promoting his autobiography "Everything I Learned I Learned Through Making Clay Monsters With Which To Destroy The World." It was number one on every chart for six months.
Goldar kept his job as a background singer for Tom Jones. Surprisingly, he became more popular than Mr. Jones himself, and decided to become a singer himself. His number one hit of all-time was "It's Not Unusual II." The chorus went something like this:
"It's not unusual to be covered in Golden Armor by anyone.
It's not unusual to have the sh*t kicked out of you by a puny Ranger."
Scorpina eventually entered acting. Not quite movie-worthy yet, she started in TV. She got hired on a show called Ally McBeal, but the creators of the show said that they couldn't list her in the credits as `Scorpina', so she changed her name to Lucy Liu.
Zordon left Earth all together, regained his body, and retired to Hawaii.
Alpha 2000 went on to become a somewhat successful stand-up comedian, though a month or so after his career took off, he was sued by Trey Parker and Matt Stone for plagerizing the voice of Cartman.
The Rangers eventually broke apart. Tommy became a quarterback for the Raiders.
Rocky ended up working at Target as a clerk in the video games section.
Adam became a stuntman in feature films, mainly filling in for Arnold Schwarzenneger (he doesn't fill in very well).
Billy eventually entered politics, and became president. He won because he took the SuperDuperCartoonMega-ThunderUltratronicPsychoZord and totally anihiliated Saddam Hussein. (Eventually, Saddam went to Hell and became lovers with Satan)
Katherine got a role on Baywatch as an Australian lifeguard named Jennifer, eventually becoming one of the most popular characters in the show's entire history. Jennifer eventually became the main character.
Aisha eventually went back to Krush. Er, I mean, Karan Ashley did. No, I mean, er, uhm... oh, just forget it.
Alpha 5 rebuilt himself, got lots of mob ties, and gunned down Haim Saban. He is currently a major Broadway singer, and has even played Jean Valjean in the musical production of Les Miserables.
Dulcea moved to Earth, and was also hired by Baywatch, her character named Catherine (ironically). A real popular episode is when Jennifer and Catherine... well, never you mind.
And Ninjor? He left for Washington D.C., and eventually entered politics.
See ya', folks.
The End.
I'd rate this about a heavy PG-13 (closer to an R), for about a South Park-amount of swearing. And remember, * = TV censor beep.
A Power Parody 2: The Sequel
by: MegaZeo
Rita was trying to rip off the two-inch thick duct tape from her mouth when Zedd pushed past her. He walked over to the balcony. "And now, to destroy the Power Rangers once and for all!"
Rita was startled; the voice didn't remotely sound like Zedd, yet it had come from his mouth. "Mmph?" she asked, meaning "Zedd?"
"Yes, Rita?"
"Mmph mmm mmph mm mm?" she asked, meaning "What's with your voice?"
"Oh, Saban fired Zedd yesterday, I'm one of those "don't-show-'em-your-face-and-you'll-be-okay" replacements. Notice I'm not looking at you, or the camera."
Rita nodded and walked off.
With his back turned to us, Zedd aimed his Z-staff at Earth, but nothing happened.
"What the?" he asked, smacking the Z. He thrust it at Earth again, and once again nothing happened. He opened a small compartment in the base of the Z. The Evil Emperor looked in and smacked himself in the forehead: one of the batteries was put in the wrong way!
He righted the battery and fired a silver bolt at Earth. It hit Bulk's massive crab-leg dinner, and the little nut-cracker he was using to crack the crab's shell. They formed a huge crab monster, clutching a giant cracker for its weapon. Bulk went screaming like a girl.
"Argh! I am CrabbyCakes, here to destroy!"
* * *
"Aye-yi-yi! Zordon, the evil guy has sent down one of his things again!"
"Oh, don't start with that sh*t again! Contact the Rangers at once!"
* * *
The Rangers were contacted. One by one, they arrived. Rocky from his house. Billy from his lab. Aisha from the mall. Adam from the soccer field. Tommy and Kat arrived together, and they appeared sweaty and out of breath. The other Rangers just smiled and nodded.
CrabbyCakes appeared in front of them. "Let's do it, guys!" Tommy commanded "It's morphin' time!"
"White Ranger Power!"
"Black Ranger Power!"
"Pink Ranger Power!"
"Blue Ranger Power!"
"Yellow Ranger Power!"
"Red Ranger Power!"
* * *
The six Rangers turned to face CrabbyCakes, and he suddenly raised his crab-claw hand at them and fired streams of steaming yellow liquid. "Aah! Hot piss!" Tommy cried. "No, it's not hot piss, you twit! It's boiling hot butter!" "What's that supposed to do?" Rocky asked before all six Rangers slipped and fell on their rears.
Before they could move, CrabbyCakes shot energy beams at them, transforming them all into crabs.
"Oh no!" Kat cried. "Tommy, what shall we do?!" "Why don't we just remember how much `love' and `goodness' is in our hearts?" "Oh, that's a good idea," the others said. Instantly after doing so, they turned back to normal.
"Alright, let's destroy that mother-f*ckin' asshole!!" Tommy screamed at CrabbyCakes. Instantly, he turned back into a crab. "Er, I mean, I love him!"
Tommy turned back to normal.
The Rangers quickly joined their weapons, forming the Power Blaster. They fired, but CrabbyCakes absorbed the energy and used it to grow.
* * *
The Rangers prepared to summon their Zords. Unfortunately, Power Rangers was now in it's twelve-hundredth season, and the Rangers were a bit irritated at having to memorize the new Zord-summoning lines. Nevertheless, they raised their hands.
Adam: "Tigger, Eeyore, Piglet, Winnie-the-Pooh ThunderZord power!"
Katherine: "Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Foghorn Leghorn ThunderZord power!"
Billy: "Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo, Gohan ThunderZord power!"
Aisha: "Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble, George Jetson, Mr. Spacely ThunderZord power!"
Rocky: "Rocky, Bullwinkle, Dudley Dooright, George of the Jungle ThunderZord power!"
Tommy: "Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny ThunderZord power!"
With a mighty, echoing BOING!! (the sound effects machine was on the fritz) toys based on famous cartoon characters came from all over the world. They plopped together, forming the mighty Cartoon ThunderZord. The Mega ActionZord had been destroyed when Saban needed some more cash. The new MegaZord looked like a bizzare amalgam of all the aforementioned cartoon characters.
"We need the Super-MegaThunder Saber, now!!!" Tommy commanded.
The Cartoon ThunderZord swung its powerful sword around at CrabbyCakes, who merely rolled his eyes. The Zord continued to swing its sword fancilly, but before it fully impress the youth of America, the sword slipped, flying out of the Zord's hand, and it proceeded to crush the Youth Center.
From the rubble, Bulk and Skull came running out, screaming.
"Hey, weren't they killed in A Power Parody?" Aisha asked. "Yeah!" Kat added, remembering the previous spoof. "Yeah, well Saban ain't really known for his continuity, is he?" Billy said. "After all, I used to be a geek who couldn't beat up some weak-assed girl from kindergarden if my life depended on it."
"What do you mean, girls are weak?!" Kat and Aisha roared simultaneously. "We are not!!!" "Aaahh!" Billy shrieked, jumping out of his chair. "Please don't hurt me!" With that, he teleported out.
"As for Bulk and Skull, I guess I'll have to fix yet ANOTHER of Saban's continuity screw ups," Tommy said. Turning the Zord's head in Bulk and Skull's direction, yellow rays fired from its eyes, frying the two instantly.
"Oh my God," Kat cried. "You killed Bulk and Skull!" "You bastard!" Aisha added.
Tommy turned to stare at them, and then turned back to CrabbyCakes, who had been waiting the whole time. The Cartoon ThunderZord leaped through the air, planting its left foot into CrabbyCake's chest. The monster went flying back, smashing through several buildings as he went.
CrabbyCake's shot up, in time to see the ThunderZord come flying at him. "Hey Rangers," he said, dodging the flying kick. "I think I'll finally use my ultimate power to stop you!" "Oh yeah?" Tommy snickered. "And what might that be?"
In a dark, booming voice, he answered "THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!!!"
"NOOO!!!" the Rangers cried as a purple light engulfed the MegaZord. The light vanished, and when the Rangers tried to make the Zord charge, it couldn't move. CrabbyCakes laughed. "There is no way in reality that something like those Zords could move!"
"Goddamn mother-f*ckin' son-of-a-b*tch!!!" Tommy shouted. "Tommy, language!" Kat reminded, astonished. "This is a kids show!" "Back off, (beep)!" he responded.
Kat wasn't sure what she should be more surprised at; that there was a word where you HAD to cut out all four letters, or that Tommy had called her it.
CrabbyCakes fired more energy bolts at the Zord, eventually causing the MegaZord to eject the Rangers.
CrabbyCakes soon joined them on the ground. He aimed his lobster claw at them, firing more streams of steaming hot butter at them. They were drenched with it, and kept slipping in it. "Let's go for a ride, you Power Ranger-ninnyheads!"
The Rangers stared at him.
"What?"
"That was the lamest insult I have ever heard!" Rocky snapped back.
"Well excuse me, dickhead!"
"Hey, this is a kids show!"
"So?"
"So watch your f*ckin' mouth, you f*ckin' retard!"
"Boys, boys!" Kat cut in.
"Shut up, (beep)!" they snapped back.
"Tommy, are you gonna' let them talk to me like---"
"Shut up, (beep)."
"Well, I never!"
"Enough of this!" CrabbyCakes roared. Aiming his oversized leg-cracker at them, he engulfed the five Rangers in a reddish vortex, teleporting them all away.
"And now, for my master plan!" CrabbyCakes said, teleporting away.
* * *
"Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi! Zordon, the Power Rangers have been taken away to another dimension! Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!! I can't find them! Aye-yi-yi-yi!!!"
"Er, Alpha, I believe it is--"
"Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!! I don't know what to do! I can't locate the Rangers anywhere! Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!! What to do?! Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!!"
"Alpha..."
"Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!! I don't know what to do, other than shout `aye-yi-yi-yi-yi' alot! I can't do anything TOO helpful, because I'm the comic relief! I DON'T WANNA BE THE COMIC RELIEF!!! I WANNA BE THE HERO!!! THE HERO!!! I LIKE WOMEN, DAMMIT!!!"
"ALPHA FIVE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP!!!!!!"
"MAKE ME, BITCH!!!"
"DIE!!!"
Out of Zordon's eyes came white energy bolts, striking Alpha in the chest and making him explode into firey fragments. Zordon took a deep sigh of relief. "Ah, thank god. Finally some peace and quiet. If anything else makes any noise, I think I'm gonna scream."
The phone rang.
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
* * *
Goldar looked around. Zedd was taking a nap, Rita was trying to get the duct tape off, Rito, Squatt, and Baboo were being stupid together, Finster was off doing something in his lab, and Scorpina was off the show.
"Screw this," he growled. "I quit. I'm going to work as a background singer for Tom Jones." With that, he teleported away.
* * *
The Rangers were tied with rope by their hands, hanging over a large pit in the middle of a cave, demorphed.
Suddenly, on a ledge a few meters away, CrabbyCakes appeared. The cavern lit up, and a massive bowl of steaming, yellow liquid was at the bottom.
"Aaak!" Tommy cried. "It's a bowl of hot piss!"
"For the last time, it's not hot piss, you idiot!" CrabbyCakes snapped. "It's melted butter!"
"Uh... I'd rather go with the hot piss."
"Tommy!"
"What's melted butter suppposed to do?" Adam asked.
"It's magical melted butter. Fall in it and you lose your powers."
"Why don't you make it so it'll just kill us?" Aisha asked.
"Shut up!" CrabbyCakes roared. "But to tell you the truth, it's once again because of Saban. If it was up to me, you'd've been dead already." "Man, butter that makes you lose your powers? That's pretty weak, even from Saban," Adam said. "Yup, I'd have to agree," Rocky said. "I'm not too thrilled about it either," CrabbyCakes said. "Especially with my name. I wanted to be called Crabinator, but noooo. Saban had to make a `funny' name."
"Like `Crabinator`'s any better?" Rocky asked.
He suddenly produced a laser pistol. Aiming it at the ropes, he said, "Goodbye, Power Rangers." Just as he was about to fire, a blue streak of light hit him, and CrabbyCakes was flung off the ledge into the vat of warm butter. "Aaugh!" he screamed, but he teleported away in the nick of time, before the butter could destroy his powers.
The Rangers turned to see the source of the beam...
"Billy!" the girls cried.
"Billy?! You scrawny-ass hippie!!! Get your bitch-ass over here before I kick it!!" Tommy screamed. Billy aimed a device at them, which enveloped them in blue light. They disappeared, and reappeared on the ledge next to Billy, all in their Ranger uniforms again.
"Billy," Aisha said. "What the hell are you doin', leavin' us in the middle of a fight like that? It was your fault we lost!! What's your excuse?!?!"
"Uh, I'm the brainy-geek?" he offered.
"Who the hell could ever admire a shmuck like you?!" Kat snapped.
"Uh, I could," Cynthia Harrel interjected.
"Didn't ask you," Kat said, kicking her over the cliff into the tank of butter.
In the end, the two girls just ended shooting Billy in the nuts before they all teleported away.
* * *
When the Rangers landed back in the Command Chamber, or Power Center, or whatever the hell it is, they saw that Alpha was gone.
"Where's Alpha?" Rocky asked. "Rangers, I had to destroy that little sh*t because he was too goddamned irritating," Zordon said.
"YES!!!" everyone shouted, doing their Rangers-Throw-Their-Hands-Up-In-The-Air handshake. "However," Zordon continued. "I have created a new Alpha, one that could be even better. I used the memory chip from Alpha 5, but I created a brand new personality. Behold, Rangers, Alpha 2000."
"But how could Zordon build a new Alpha?" Billy asked as they turned around. "He's just a floating---"
He got his answer.
Alpha 2000 was built incredibly shoddily, and it was surprising that it was even able to stay together. The head was a miniature TV, its body was a carbord box with a rather bad lightning bolt painted on, its legs were pogo sticks, and its arms were garden hoses with gloves at the end. Then it talked.
"Aye! Wha' the hell are yeh freaks lookin' at, huh? Respect mah authoritah!"
It had the voice of Cartman from South Park.
"Alpha, is that you?" Kat asked. "Yeh bet yah goddamn ass it's meh! Ah am Alpha Two-f*ckin'-Thousand, and Ah am n'yah to help yeh weak-ass Powah Rangehs beat the weak-ass forces of the even weaka' Zedd and Rita, so yeh can kick them squa' in the neeyuts!"
"Oh, joy," Adam said.
"Rangers," Zordon said. "CrabbyCakes is attacking Angel Grove. Or is it Mariner Bay now? I can't keep up. Anyway, I can't remember which number it is, but I'm pretty sure it's a Day I've Been Fearing, so listen up. Remember how much good and love there is in your hearts, and you should be able to overcome a monster that can destroy MegaZords in the blink of an eye."
"Remember all the f*ckin' good and f*ckin' love in our f*ckin' hearts," Tommy repeated. "Sounds f*ckin' easy."
"Uh, mabye that's not such a good idea," Zordon decided.
"But Zordon, our Zords are still answering to the laws of physics!" Aisha said. "Ah, yes, I believe I know a way to overcome this," Zordon said. "Prepare to recieve your new SuperDuper Zords!" In the Viewing Globe, six humanoids appeared. "They can form the SuperDuper MegaZord," Zordon said. "And, if you combine the SuperDuper Zords with the Cartoon ThunderZords, you can form the SuperDuperCartoonMegaThunderUltratronicPsychoZord!"
Tommy: "... 'Kay."
"Now go, yeh ass-bitin' pieces o' sh*t!" Alpha snapped. "Or Ah'll kick yah squa' in the neeyuts!"
Quickly, the Rangers beamed out.
* * *
The Rangers turned to face CrabbyCakes, who fired more streams of butter at them. Suddenly, down from the sky, Ninjor came down and assisted them. "Ah, I, Ninjor, mighty Keeper of the Ninja Temple, shall assist you, Power Rangers!"
Tommy nodded. "Thanks, Ninjor, we could use the---"
"For I, Ninjor, have never been defeated. For all of my foes have underestimated the Power of Ninja! But I shall overcome them! I shall overcome them all! For I am Ninjor, Keeper of the Temple of Ninja Power, and I NEVER underestimate the Power of Ninja! I am undefeatable! I am invincible! I shall never lose, because I do not underestimate the Power of Ninja!"
Two hours later...
"--- And so, in closing, I never lose, because I, Ninjor, Keeper of the powerful Temple of Ninja Power, never, ever, EVER underestimate the Power of Ninja!"
The Rangers raised their Blasters and shot Ninjor in the head.
"Thank god!" Rocky said, shooting his arms up into the air and doing a little dance. "I've been wanting to do that for SOOOO long!" "Yeah, I know the feeling," Aisha agreed.
"While I thank you for that, can we get back to business?" CrabbyCakes asked. "Oh yeah," the Rangers groaned. They raised the blasters, set them on maximum, and fired, destroying CrabbyCakes in a huge explosion.
But still he remained.
"What the f*ck is this sh*t?!?!" the Rangers cried. "Whaddya mean? It's time for me to grow!" CrabbyCakes said. "Nuh-uh! You're a monster that dies at human size!" Tommy insisted. "Oh, I forgot, there was a last-minute rewrite," CrabbyCakes said. In a purple flash, he generated a script entitled A Power Parody 2: The Sequel. He tossed it to the Rangers, who huddled tightly around each other to read over Tommy's shoulder.
``Rangers fire blasters; CrabbyCakes explodes. He gets up, grows; the Rangers call on Zords.``
"Yes, yes, he does, he does," they groaned. Suddenly, Kat paused. "Whoever has their hands on my ass better take it off now." "Sorry," Tommy, Rocky, Adam, Billy, and Aisha said simultaneously.
CrabbyCakes suddenly touched the ground with his leg-cracker, and grew to giant size. "Uh, how do we call the new Zords?" Adam asked. "Dammit," Billy said. They pulled out the script again, and flipped to page 34.
``Rangers:
SuperDuper Zords, we call forth your mighty power! We summon you, and you come to us! We are the Power Rangers, and you are our Zords! Activate, and arise!``
The Rangers groaned again, threw the script away, and raised their hands, drolly calling out the summoning line.
"SuperDuper Zords, we call forth your mighty power! We summon you, and you come to us! We are the Power Rangers, and you are our Zords! Activate, and arise!"
"Black SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Pink SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Blue SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Yellow SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Red SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"White SuperDuperZord, power up!"
"Well, that was relatively painless," Aisha said as the six Zords formed the SuperDuper MegaZord. The Rangers quickly appeared in the cockpit, and the SuperDuperSaber appeared in its hands. CrabbyCakes fired a stream of hot butter, but the Zord shot a laser at it. As if it were gasoline, flames travelled up the butter and exploded into CrabbyCakes' arm, severing it in a messy, bloody splatter.
"Let's do it, now!" Tommy said. The Toilet Paper Blaster suddenly appeared in the MegaZord's hands, and fired a single roll of toilet paper. It hit CrabbyCakes in the chest, and he exploded into a massive fireball. The smoke and flames were so intense, that the Rangers couldn't see anything. Assuming they'd won, they teleported the Zords back to their hiding places and themselves back to the Command Center/Power Chamber/whatever.
* * *
When they landed, Alpha immediately snapped "Good goin', yeh turd-eatin' assholes! Yeh've blown it big-tahm!" "What is Cartm--, er, Alpha, talking about, Zordon?" Billy asked.
"Rangers, behold the Viewing Globe. You see that crater?"
Indeed, a massive crater was what was featured in the globe.
"Yeah, we see it," Tommy said.
"That was Angel Grove. It was blown up when CrabbyCakes exploded. That is all."
The Rangers turned to stare at him. "That is all? That's F*CKING ALL?!?!?!" Tommy screamed. "Yes, I do believe so," Zordon said.
* * *
Epilogue
The result of this "disaster" was almost immediate. Many people involved in the invasion of Angel Grove simply found another line of work.
Zedd and Rita divorced, and Zedd became the happy manager of a Holiday Inn in Texas. Rita eventually got the duct tape removed, became good friends with Roseanne and Madonna, and eventually married Gilbert Gottfried.
Squatt and Baboo revealed that they were smarter than they were thought to be and applied for jobs at NASA. They were turned down when they couldn't answer what two-plus-two was. They eventually moved to San Fransisco, Baboo working at a Disney Store, Squatt becoming a taxi driver.
Rito was pretty much stuck when it came to a job. He wasn't that smart, and he couldn't get anything right.
He is currently an employee at McDonalds in Chicago.
Finster eventually became a famous author, wrote several best-selling novels such as thrillers and science-fictions, and also cookbooks and how-to books. He toured the U.S., promoting his autobiography "Everything I Learned I Learned Through Making Clay Monsters With Which To Destroy The World." It was number one on every chart for six months.
Goldar kept his job as a background singer for Tom Jones. Surprisingly, he became more popular than Mr. Jones himself, and decided to become a singer himself. His number one hit of all-time was "It's Not Unusual II." The chorus went something like this:
"It's not unusual to be covered in Golden Armor by anyone.
It's not unusual to have the sh*t kicked out of you by a puny Ranger."
Scorpina eventually entered acting. Not quite movie-worthy yet, she started in TV. She got hired on a show called Ally McBeal, but the creators of the show said that they couldn't list her in the credits as `Scorpina', so she changed her name to Lucy Liu.
Zordon left Earth all together, regained his body, and retired to Hawaii.
Alpha 2000 went on to become a somewhat successful stand-up comedian, though a month or so after his career took off, he was sued by Trey Parker and Matt Stone for plagerizing the voice of Cartman.
The Rangers eventually broke apart. Tommy became a quarterback for the Raiders.
Rocky ended up working at Target as a clerk in the video games section.
Adam became a stuntman in feature films, mainly filling in for Arnold Schwarzenneger (he doesn't fill in very well).
Billy eventually entered politics, and became president. He won because he took the SuperDuperCartoonMega-ThunderUltratronicPsychoZord and totally anihiliated Saddam Hussein. (Eventually, Saddam went to Hell and became lovers with Satan)
Katherine got a role on Baywatch as an Australian lifeguard named Jennifer, eventually becoming one of the most popular characters in the show's entire history. Jennifer eventually became the main character.
Aisha eventually went back to Krush. Er, I mean, Karan Ashley did. No, I mean, er, uhm... oh, just forget it.
Alpha 5 rebuilt himself, got lots of mob ties, and gunned down Haim Saban. He is currently a major Broadway singer, and has even played Jean Valjean in the musical production of Les Miserables.
Dulcea moved to Earth, and was also hired by Baywatch, her character named Catherine (ironically). A real popular episode is when Jennifer and Catherine... well, never you mind.
And Ninjor? He left for Washington D.C., and eventually entered politics.
See ya', folks.
The End.