Captain Hook vs. Scabiebeard
One day the frivolous Captain Hook was prancing around Neverland with is weird feather in his hat thingy and his obese yes man Mr. Smee. "Argh" said the captain "I want to find me an enemy to fight with. I need to rip me some eyes out and destroy ships and stuff like that", said Hook. Smee responded, "Yes, in fact, there is a ship right there, I have ordered the missile strike...", "STOP, you idiot, I want to kill them myself", interrupted Hook.
Hook boarded the ship and immediately smelled ammonia, the sure sign of litter boxes. Sure enough, cats came and circled them. Hook pulled out his sword and started massacring the cats. He must have killed hundreds of them, it was an absolute bloodbath. A shadowy figure appeared in the blackness. It was Scabiebeard, the scariest pirate ever known. "Hook, you magnificent bastard, so, how's the ship", asked Scabiebeard? "Never been better, so, how about me and you fight for old time's sake", replied Hook.
Seconds after, Scabiebeard pulled out a magic staff. First, Scabes started pouring magically appearing citrus juices into Hook's eyes, obliterating his sight. Hook then blindly took his sword and chopped up the ship's mast. Scabes would not have any of this, so he summoned his scabies space cannon and opened fire on Hook's ship, it was completely destroyed. Hook then screamed "This is my domain"! While saying this, he ran up to Scabes and stabbed him right in the heart. Scabes on hand was furious, so he used the last of his energy to make scabies appear from his fingernails. There were so many that they slowly ate Captain Hook alive.
They started from the feet, the crew watched in horror as his toenails were carried by them into his skin. The scabies used them as dams to block blood flow in the arteries. His legs were soon turned to bone, and his pelvis bone suddenly shattered. They soon made it to the chest, where they started drowning Hook by infiltrating and slowly filling his lungs. They ripped the heart out and forced Mr. Smee to eat it. They then made it to the face, where they turned his nose inside out, his lips turned black, and soon his eyes slowly retreated to the back of his head. His brain was puréed into a thick paste that slowly drained out of his ears.
So Captain Hook was dead, and Neverland rejoiced, and everyone remembered the day the Hook died.