I took a deep breath and reminded myself that he wouldn't hurt me anymore. I was innocent he forgave me. Then a little voice in the back of my head reminded me what it took to get him to forgive me. It took blood, it took tears, it took time too, but most of all, it took submission, something I never had. Could I do this? Could I be his mate? Could I live with him forever and not snap? "Of course," I said. "Hell, no," said my mind. I ignored it, though and opened the door.
There he was, in all his glory. The vein in his forehead was highlighted as he gritted his teeth, and his eyes bore into mine. I instantly lowered my gaze to express my submission.
"No knocking, Isabella?" he questioned. He was irritated.
"I'm sorry, Master. I didn't think… I thought… with your senses…. I'm sorry…"
"Yes, I heard you, and I smelled you, but knocking is a formality I insist upon." His voice was condescending as it should be. I was beneath him in every way. He was smarter, he was stronger, he was prettier. He was better. Hopefully, my lover would be there soon.
"No matter, Isabella, what do you need?" He tried to sound pleasant, there was still a tint of irritation in his voice that a normal person would not have seen, but I knew him too well.
"I was wondering if you would join me in bed." It was nothing more than a whisper. I was timid and shy. Would he refuse me? Would he be mad at me for asking? Was my lover lost? All these questions I had I conveyed to my shoes with my eyes, not daring to yet look up. I heard him get up from his solid maple desk to walk over to me; he took his time for my benefit. I felt a cold, gentle finger lift my chin. I looked at him.
"Of course, Bella. Call me Jasper, now. We're alone." His smile took my breath away, and his crimson eyes, once intimidating, were now soft and loving. My lover had appeared. I wished to stare into his eyes all day. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine ever so softly.
"I've missed you, Jasper, " I cooed to him. This was not the Major. This was not the God of War. This was not a fierce warrior, nor a tamer of newborn vampires; this was my lover, Jasper, and my lover would never hurt me. It was the Major that hurt me. Don't misconstrue what I am telling you. I loved them both with equal passion. Jasper was gentle and sweet in bed, my God of War was rough and aggressive in every aspect. The Major would correct my mistakes brutally, but diligently, then Jasper would tend to my wounds and dry my tears. I had it all.
"I've been away for too long. I have been oh so rough with you," he brought my hand to his lips, "forgive me, my sweet." His eyes smoldered, yet showed a hint of regret and contriteness.
"I enjoy him, too…" I trailed off, not meeting his gaze.
"When he is semi-decent, you do," he insisted almost angrily. He touched my cheek like it was as fragile as a rose. "He's bruised you, badly."
"I deserved it," I defended. "I… I hit him first."
"Tell me what happened, babygirl."
"He was trying to rip my clothes off while I was asleep, and when I woke up I didn't know who it was yet, so I got really scared. I freaked out and hit him. He was not gentle with his punishment. He shouldn't have been. I should never, under any circumstance, hit him." He frowned at me.
"He's a monster that must be tamed. I'm so sorry, I'll try better. Let me see what he did." I blushed and looked down as tears filled my eyes. I didn't want to talk about it. In truth, at that moment all I wanted to do was forget all about my Master and cuddle with my kind, caring lover. I felt a cold finger yet again lift my chin.
"Was he that bad?" he said his voice soothing and comforting.
"Yes." My voice broke. "Take me to bed, Jazzy Bear. Hold me like only you can. I need to feel loved." Tears ran down my hot, red face and he pulled me close. I felt safe in his arms. His muscles would give him the strength to protect me, his height would intimidate those who dared to try, and his hands would soothe my wounds if they succeeded. But they wouldn't. They never did. "Oh, yes they did," my mind whispered. "He did. No matter how strong he is, he can never protect you from himself." She was right, but I wouldn't think about that now.
Then suddenly, we were lying on the bed, laying side by side, me facing him with my leg hitched over his hip.
"He will never hurt you again. I swear, I won't let him." His eyes were intense. He wanted me to believe him, but more than that, he wanted himself to believe him. I knew he would try, but in the end, The Major would win. I knew I could never have peace; I came to terms with that long, long ago. I was forever a slave to my Master, a whipping girl, a sex toy. I was okay with that. I even enjoyed it at some points.
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Jasper. You'll cause me to believe them. Then I'll be even more hurt when it happens next time."
"There won't be a next time, Isabella," he said fiercely. I glared.
"Do not call me that. He calls me that."
"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to," he whispered.
"Just… just stroke my hair… please?" My timid voice faltered at the end. I didn't want to fight. I'd had enough of that…. I just wanted my Jazzy Bear to save me… to save me from the monster that hid behind those crimson eyes….