It's Not Entirely Scientific Curiosity
How did it all go so wrong?
Growing up, Lauren had learned the hard way that love couldn't be trusted. Becoming a doctor had only solidified that knowledge, as she saw day after day the effects of love humans had on each other. Love that brought wives into hospitals, that brought men into emergency rooms, that brought children into the morgue, broken and hopeless and scared as they died.
Her curious nature constantly warred with her revolting emotions. She wanted to learn, she wanted to turn beautiful things around and carefully peer into their depths to learn their secrets.
There was nothing beautiful inside humans. One after another, they came and went, wrapped up inside their own selfish lives, living desperately moment to moment because they knew that at any instant, death could come for them and make everything useless.
This Lauren knew too. It may be why she jumped from wonder to wonder, seeking new knowledge and gleefully consuming her latest scientific conquest before leaping onto something new and mysterious.
The Fae were endless in their beauty and their mystery. Lauren knew that even if she lived a hundred human lifetimes, she would never reach the end of the mystery that the Fae embodied.
Love, morals, integrity—painful, bloody concepts, too prone to misunderstanding and bewildered betrayal. The Fae were brutally simple—ownership in exchange for protection. For the freedom to learn, to explore without fear of betrayal.
The Ash was a kind master. He was indulgent of her unsatiable curiosity, and defended her in his dangerous, mellow way when she accidentally blundered in her science. He would defend her, a human, against the Fae, because he understood the worth of fealty.
Life was simple for Lauren. Fealty. Curiosity. Wonder. Beauty.
And then one day, something up-ended all the carefully stacked foundation stones of Lauren's life.
Bo.
Beautiful, wonderful, mysterious Bo.
Curiosity. Lauren only encountered a few succubi in her short lifetime, and here she was given permission to do a full inspection.
Wonder. Bo was such an exquisite specimen—but so different than anything Lauren had ever seen before. No brands, no clan. No history, save for the human life that Bo dreaded yet yearned for. For the first time, Lauren wondered what she might have missed in her human life, if there was something so powerful that Bo desired to gain from living a so-called human existence.
Beauty. Sometime between laying her hand on Bo's elbow in the tense showdown between the Ash and the Morrigan, and running her hand down her perfect, bare skin, Lauren had found herself entranced. Scientific curiosity, she kept reminding herself, but she kept laughing at herself for even trying to pretend. And why would it be surprising? Bo was beautiful beyond anything Lauren had ever seen in her life. Was it the human-learnt intensity, the mortal passion for life that no immortal possessed? Was it the tinge of fear and worry hidden inside those chocolate eyes? The amusement at Lauren's teenaged-appraisal of her naked body?
Curiosity.
Wonder.
Beauty.
Love.
…Lauren had no idea where that had come from.
When Bo had turned her succubus charm on Lauren, she had tried to delude herself into thinking that what she had felt was love. Even while the rational part of her brain said numbly that she knew what Bo was doing, her heart had whispered "no". No, it was love, her heart swore.
Then Dyson had interrupted them, and Bo had let go of her hand. And reality came roaring in, but even after the lust-filled haze had left her shaking body entirely, something had been left behind.
The second time Bo had touched her and turned on the charm, Lauren had known for sure.
She loved Bo.
Knowing that let her pull away, breaking the spell that had fallen over both of them. Lauren knew for sure, in that moment—it was not the succubus enthrallment. When their hands had parted, that keen, pure conviction inside her chest did not disappear. It was love.
She would have convinced the Ash to capture the moon for Bo. She would have asked the Ash anything, if Bo had asked it of her. Love, she was in love.
Neither of them was free to love, Lauren knew. Never had Lauren hated her own humanity more, than when she had to watch Bo wrap herself into Dyson's arms to satiate herself. Never had Lauren wanted more to die with a smile on her face, as long as she had Bo in her arms.
A bittersweet victory, when she found out that Bo hesitated with her because she cared too much about Lauren to risk hurting her. Bittersweet, to have to smile and let Bo go, and encourage her to learn not to fear her own sexual power.
When had it all gone so wrong?
When the Ash revealed his knowledge that Lauren had been secretly helping Bo, Lauren wanted to cry, terrified that he would forbid her the only contact she had with the one she loved. But he didn't, he gave her the perfect excuse to cover up her true crisis in loyalties. Yes, she had done it all for the advantage of the Light Fae.
The Ash gave her a mission that matched with her true desire—protect Bo. Protect Bo, not physically—that Lauren could never do, not the way that Dyson could. But protect Bo from the nameless, faceless dangers that Bo wouldn't see. The Ash gave her a way to protect Bo, while tying it tightly to her fealty to him. Kill two birds with one stone.
Lauren would do anything to keep Bo alive and well.
When had it all gone so wrong?
When she had finally kissed Bo, Lauren knew that this was what she wanted in her life. This was the end of her searching, of her curiosity, her wonder, her quest for beauty and perfection. Bo was everything Lauren had been desperately seeking.
Making love to Bo made Lauren weep inside, feeling for the first time that beauty could really be found inside humans. Inside her.
When had it all gone so wrong?
Bo was furious, her cold hate shattering everything that Lauren believed in. If a goddess of love doubted that Lauren's love was true, then how could it be?
Was there really no such thing as love?
Lauren couldn't understand; all she wanted was to keep Bo safe. Love was freedom, wasn't it? The Ash could ask Lauren to sleep with anyone else, but it wouldn't be love. Only with Bo, would Lauren love freely, openly, truthfully.
"You were in my bed, because he told you to be. Everything about that is wrong."
She didn't understand. With Bo, Lauren had chose to make love to her, finally able to touch the one she loved so desperately, with all the passion of someone who knew that one day, her love will vanish.
But Lauren didn't know that it would happen so soon.
She couldn't stop loving Bo.
If only Lauren had known how to lie, how to spin excuses off of a silver tongue with conviction like Dyson. Then maybe she would have known to lie, instead of numbly answering Bo's tearful questions with the factual truth, always cut off before she could explain further.
Bo would never let Lauren make it up to her.
If only Lauren could go back to the life she had before, her cold heart full of nothing but scientific curiosity. But it was too late now.
Too late for everything.
But maybe, one day…maybe one day, she would get a chance to show Bo the truth inside her heart.
Lauren hoped for that day.
She had learned to hope.
Bo had taught her that.
Author's Note: Despite being swamped with NaNoWriMo, I recently got into Lost Girl, and after seeing the tragedy of Episode 8 I couldn't resist writing something to give hope to Team Lauren.
Lauren is probably a more complicated character than she's been made out to be so far, so I tried to give her a bit of justice here for her horrible responses in the recent episode.