Fall For Me
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters.
Author's Note: My very first one-shot Hope you like it
"Hello Kendall." I couldn't believe it. After all this time, he still hadn't changed. Someone else might have fallen for the glamorous illusion, but not me I ashamed to say. I saw through the five-figure price tag clothes, the six-figure price tag car parked neatly on my driveway and the breathtaking aura of power he possessed. I didn't see him as Logan Mitchell, infinitely famous pop star whose image shamelessly adorned the walls of teenage girls across the world. My eyes still saw Logan Mitchell, the voice of reason to my audacious shenanigans, the shy bookworm of Big Time Rush who would always try and counter the reckless actions of our small group. But more than anything else, I saw Logan Mitchell, the brown-eyed beauty who captured my heart with one shaky affirmation of his more than friendly feelings towards me, and who held it for all those years, constantly breaking it to pieces and building it up again in cruel iterations.
"Logan." He flashed me one of his classic coy smiles with a heavy undertone of roguishness added for effect. Clearly, he had counted on his unexplained presence at my doorstep knocking the living daylights out of me. I stood there feeling like the world's biggest idiot trying not to let my jaw drop to the ground. "Kendall Knight at a loss for words. I guess miracles really do happen" he smirked humorously. I shook my head gently to clear the confusion that started to fog it up. This was far from what I was expecting when I got out of bed this morning. "Uh… come on in" I stammered softly, moving aside to let him through the door. With another devastating smile, he walked past me and into the entrance hall. I watched his head turned around in childlike fascination, taking in all the sights of my humble abode. No doubt he was used to nothing but absolute luxury by now, so a place as simple as my home would probably pique his interest in its warm plainness. Or maybe he was just reconnecting with his roots – after all he came from a home like this, and who knows how long it's been since he went there. In between the multi-platinum songs and the constant touring, the man must have trouble trying to get anytime off. Either way, it's a mystery why he showed up out of the blue like this. I haven't spoken to Logan in years, not since Big Time Rush split up. It was an amiable decision on everyone's part: there were just other things in our lives that took precedence. James decided to go the acting route, while Carlos and I earned a place on the Minnesota Wild. Amazingly, only Logan remained faithful to our collective dream of being music stars. Ever since then, I've been afraid to look at his face, even if it's just a picture. It brings back too many memories of what could have been had things turned out differently. Every single time he pops into my head, the world I've so carefully constructed threatens to crumble down to my feet, but what can I do? I've never loved anyone else as deeply as I did him. There was a time when he used to be my everything. But things change, and people change with them, and sometimes there is just no going back to the way you were no matter how hard you try. The pain becomes too consuming to bear alone, and all you can do is just feel your way through it. No compass, no map – just your heart and ten thousand tones of heartache to fill it.
A tiny sadistic pleasure graced me when I saw his eyes fall onto the wedding picture on the small oak stand in the passage. For the first time, a wounded vulnerability entranced those deep mahogany eyes. He picked it up and examined it with a furious intensity. His fingers delicately traced the affectionate grin on my face over and over again. The radiating jealousy grew when his gaze moved over to the blonde beauty next to me. Deciding to put him out of his misery, I cautiously walked over to him. "We did invite you" I said, gently prying the photograph out of his hands. A slight scowl soured his face. "So I could watch you stand there and commit the rest of your life to her?" I sighed deeply. Time had done nothing to lessen the burning resentment Logan held towards Jo. It still blazed as destructively as ever. "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" We both turned our heads sharply towards the source of the most irritating theme song known to man. There in the living room, sitting in front of Spongebob's yellow inanity, was a still silken waterfall of golden hair. The wave of luscious locks turned around and revealed the bewildered face of a beautiful six year old. Her sparkling emerald eyes glittered in elated animation when she saw Logan standing next to me. Practically leaping over the sofa, my daughter made her way to us in quivering anticipation. She jumped next to me and gazed up at Logan with a suffocating adoration. "You're Logan Mitchell!" she exclaimed breathlessly, tugging at my jeans. "Daddy, Logan Mitchell's in our house!" Her eyes kept swinging back and forth in between the both of us. "I'm your biggest fan!" A soft grin wrapped around Logan's lips as he squatted down to her height. "Well, can I know my biggest fan's name?"
"Emily Jennifer Knight" she stated proudly. The smile on Logan's face grew. "Well Emily Jennifer Knight, maybe you should be president of my fan club. What do you think about that?" Emily let out an energized squeal. "Can I really?"
"Sure, why not? What do you think Dad?" he asked playfully, lifting his head to meet my gaze. I raised an eyebrow to show that his teasing wasn't appreciated. "Em, why don't you go watch TV upstairs?" I suggested, laying a protective hand on my daughter's shoulder. She turned those doting eyes towards me. "Can I phone Sarah? She's not gonna believe this!"
"Sure." Without further encouragement, Emily shot passed the two of us and climbed up the stairs in a frightening show of athleticism. All the while, my questioning watch didn't leave Logan for a second. We both stood there in a pregnant silence until the patter of Emily's miniature feet died away.
Indicating for him to follow me, I muted the irksome sea creatures on the TV and casually threw myself onto the couch. Logan did the same, except with a bit more grace than I could muster. "She's a nice kid" he murmured, his eyes fixed on the floor. "Thanks." He eventually met my eyes again, but this time they were swimming in the same ardent longing I had learnt to kill ever since Jo and I got engaged. Logan being here with me right now brought up so many desires, both old and new. There was just so many unspoken things between us. It was amazing how much of the life I left behind echoed now in the present. I had to know. "Logan, why are you here?" The warm chocolate brown of his irises started to melt in a melancholic smile. "Isn't it obvious?" he whispered. "I came back for you." I let out a slow, ragged breath. "Logan, I-"
"Do you ever think about us?" he asked softly. This time, my eyes were the one to move to the floor. "Sometimes."
"When?" I smiled slightly. "When I breathe." He shifted closer towards me until our faces were millimeters apart. "I never stopped loving you Kendall. Not even when I found out you got married to… her." I pulled my head back out his reach. Damn him for having this effect on me. "Move on Logan" I whispered. "I did."
"Did you? Or did you just pretend to?"
"That's not fair."
"Why not? It's the truth, isn't it?" I glared at him. "There's a reason we didn't work out."
"Yeah, you got tired of me."
"No, I got tired of the crap you put me through." His expression hardened instantly. "We were young. And stupid." I looked at him deeply. "We were."
"But I'm here now" he begged quietly. I felt my resistance crumble, but I had to be strong. There was too much at stake to give into him. "But I'm not. I can't be Logan, I'm married. I have a daughter now. A family."
"And did you tell your daughter that Daddy used to sleep with her idol?" he asked with acidic mock. "I don't know" I replied with equal venom. "Did you tell your fans that Logan Mitchell used to sleep with the center of the Minnesota Wild hockey team?" He shook his head bitterly. "Touché." I got up from the couch and faced him with the most neutral face I could muster. "This is why we never made it. We just keep destroying each other until there's nothing left." He nodded in agreement. Lifting himself off the sofa, he stood up and walked right up to me. Wrapping his arms around my neck he pulled me closer, our breaths mixing together in one heady cloud of wanton ache. My body went limp in his delicate hold, falling under the spell of his evoking touch. "Tell me you don't lose your breath every time I'm this close to you" he whispered lightly. I closed my eyes, torn between the lightheaded feeling in my head and the grounding sense of faithfulness I had to keep. "Tell me you don't think of me every time you lay in bed at night." He brought his mouth closer to my ear. "Tell me you don't want me Kendall, and I'll leave forever." My hands gently placed themselves on his waist and fitted perfectly against his hips. I had done this too many times to forget the sensation. "I do want you" I admitted softly. "But I can't leave my family for something that's only fantasy Logan." He pulled his head back slowly. A knowing smirk gradually formed on those perfect lips. "At least you admitted it." I dropped my head in guilt, but he lifted it back up with curled finger. "One last kiss?" He didn't wait for an answer. He placed his lips delicately against my own, catching my bottom lip in between his own. He moaned in agonistic pleasure as he slid his tongue into my reluctant mouth. His body shuddered in tender ecstasy as our lip lock grew more intense. Finally, reality set in with a disturbing gravity. My hands pushed back against his hips and broke our lips apart. Gazing at him breathlessly, I unconsciously rubbed a finger across the same path he traced with his tongue. The lurking feeling in my stomach told me that this would never go away. No matter how hard I tried, he would always have this hold on me, and the thing that got me riled up the most was the fact that maybe I didn't want it any other way.
Five minutes later, we walked silently back to his car. Getting into the driver's seat, he gave a final look that begged me to come away with him. Maybe if Emily wasn't born I would do it without a second thought, but a father can never be unfaithful to his child. My world was here, and Logan's was out there. The two could never come together again, because if they did, they would completely fall into nothingness. "I've waited this long for you Kendall. I'll wait forever if I have to." With that final declaration, he pulled out of the driveway and into the street. As I watched the flashy car disappear into the corner of the road, I felt like the sanctuary I had here was violated somehow. Logan being here shattered the sense of security that had taken so long to build. There was just no escaping him, and now he had proven that to his brutal satisfaction. Walking back into the house, I reminded myself that my heart was here. I was already a taken man, and I had a family that needed me. That's all that matters. That's all that should matter. As I closed the door behind me, I heard an impatient pounding of footsteps rain across the hardwood stairs. Emily waved a pen and notepad in her hands, her tender face the epitome of disappointment. "Is he gone?" she whined. I smiled compassionately at my star-struck daughter. "Yeah sweetie, he's gone."
"Is he coming back?" she asked hopefully. I shook my head. "Hopefully not for a very long time."
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