Disclaimer: Pirates of the Caribbean and the associated characters/places/objects are owned by Disney. I'm sure other folks also have the rights to it, but I know that my name's not on that list. This is written for my own enjoyment only and I assure you, I am not making any money in any form from this. Based on The Nursery School Monologues written by Joyce Grenfell which I also do not own but who's greatness I bow to.
Author's Notes: This is very silly and quite random. Sparked by a friend and I goofing around at work the one day. Yes, this includes almost every cliche known to PotC fanfiction, but I assure you, they are quite intentional. Random silliness...nothing more. I've separated them into three very brief sections mostly because I couldn't get the three parts (written at separate times) to mesh with one another properly. However, I decided that with a fic of this type...it's not such a big deal. Enjoy!
Updated Author's Notes: This is a really old fic that. Several years ago I took all of my writing down due to some things going on in my personal life. I'm just reposting this and a couple of others that I feel are still valid.
~*~ Play Time ~*~
Okay class, we're going to have play time now. You can go outside and play on the swings or stay inside with the paint and clay.
Elizabeth, why are you crying?
Oh, you were pushed out of the sandbox, were you? Who pushed you?
Barbossa, why did you push Elizabeth out of the sandbox?
She messed up your sacrifice, did she? Well, why were you sacrificing her in the first place?
It was a bit silly of you to go and get yourself cursed, now wasn't it? And don't sacrifice any more of your classmates.
Because, it's not a very nice thing to do.
Because, I said so.
Pintel, that is a very pretty dress you're wearing. But why are you playing dress-up with the girls' clothes?
You're Barbossa's decoy, are you? Well, why does he need a decoy?
Trying to use a crew of undead pirates to capture the slide from James, his he? Such imagination. Run along, back to being a decoy then.
Yes Barbossa, that is a nice hat. Yes, it is a very big one.
AnaMaria! We never slap our classmates!
Jack stole your boat, did he?
Oh, you commandeered it, did you Jack? Perhaps you ought to give it back.
Yes, you should, Jack.
Why did you sink it in the fish tank?
Oh, you didn't mean to. Then hadn't you better apologize to AnaMaria?
Ragetti! Put your eye back!
Yes, I know it floats in the fish tank, please put it back in anyway.
James! Why are you trying to hang Jack from the monkey bars?
Oh, you caught him being a pirate, did you?
James, we shouldn't hand our classmates.
No, not even if they are the worst pirate you've ever heard of.
No, actually, I don't think we have heard of you, Jack.
Sorry, "Captain" Jack.
Barbossa, please leave the monkey in his cage.
No, I don't think he looks like Jack.
Oh, you meant your monkey at home. Then I'm sure they do look a good deal alike.
No, you may not bring Jack to show and tell.
No Jack, he wasn't talking about you. He was talking about his monkey at home named Jack.
No, you still may not bring your monkey to show and tell.
I don't care if it's a small moneky, you still may not bring him.
Because, we already have a monkey for our class pet.
Because, I said so.
~*~ Snack Time ~*~
No Barbossa, you may not have an apple.
Because the apples are for lunch, and we are having our snack right now.
Yes Jack, you may have chocolate milk.
Ragetti, what did I tell you about your eye?
Then why is it floating in your cup of milk?
Yes, I think putting it back in would be a very good idea.
No Jack, I'm afraid I don't know where you chocolate milk has gone.
Oh, Elizabeth took it? Elizabeth, please give Jack his chocolate milk back.
No, it is not a vile drink, Elizabeth. Now give it back.
Yes, I do think you should.
Jack! Where did you get rum candy?
From your pocket? Well, how long has it been in there?
Perhaps you ought to go wash your hands.
Ragetti! Take your eye off that fork and put it back!
~*~ Class Play ~*~
No Elizabeth, you can't be a pirate.
Because, our play doesn't have a pirate in it, it has a princess. Wouldn't you rather be a princess?
Well, I think you'd better be a princess anyway.
No, the princess cannot become a pirate at the end.
Jack, please put your crown on straight like a good boy. Our king doesn't wear is crown down over one eye like that.
Because, I said so. And take the gold coins out of your pocket. They are props for our play, you may not take them home with you.
Yes, I do think you should.
Elizabeth, I don't think Will wants to be kissed like that.
No, Will, you don't.