**Idk how to summarize this it's basically just a summary itself. Anyway this is the next installment of Wolf One Shots and it is technically a continuation of Puppy Pile Talks.
I'm really appreciating all the comments and love I get for these shit one shots, so thank you all so much**
"Jackson, Derek wants to talk to you," Lydia said, poking her head into the living room where the wolf was watching tv. This made Jackson nervous, Derek wanting to talk to him. Anytime Derek ever wanted to talk to him he was in some kind of trouble since Derek never seemed interested in talking to him about anything else. Having someone else tell him made it even more nerveracking for some reason. Jackson began getting off the couch in slow motion, hoping the slower he moved, the slower time would.
Lydia rolled his eyes, watching him take his time, "You act like I just sentenced you to the death penalty," she chuckled, "He just wants to talk, Jacks. It'll be fine." She went back to her room after he sent her a nod albeit his slight discomfort that came with her news.
Before joining this pack Jackson wouldn't have been like this. He wouldn't have been nervous. He would have had his fake, cocky attitude and that shit eating smirk that everyone got tired of plastered on his face and waltzed right up to Derek. He would have rolled his eyes at whatever Derek had to say and would have pretended not to care; even if he cared a lot.
It'd been different since Stiles and Derek had accepted him, it had made Jackson feel more open. He was happier and he felt like he could really be himself, but that, of course, came with repercussions. Who Jackson really was was an insecure boy with anxiety coursing through him and the worry that he will never truly be accepted anywhere. He was still that way, the anxiety, the insecurities but now at least he felt accepted.
However, none of that changed the fact that he would always be nervous around his new father figure. Which Jackson found strange; he had never feared his other adoptive father.
Jackson, head full of thoughts and body full of shakes, walked up to the master bedroom. He stopped by his own to grab his favorite hoodie, he couldn't decide if it was to comfort/hide him or just because he wanted to kill more time. For the sake of his dignity he went with the latter. Sadly, that wasn't the truth. After all, this is the same hoodie that he wears every time the pack decides to watch a horror movie.
After arriving at Derek and Stiles's bedroom, Jackson hesitated on opening the door. He really had no idea why he was so nervous though. He knew he hadn't actually done anything that would get him in trouble. He was good all week, no fights with Scott, no teasing the others, no outbursts of anger during training, yet he was still scared of what Derek could possibly want him for. He racked his brain for an answer and came up with nothing. Defeated, he sighed, pulled his hood on and walked into the room.
Derek looked up from where he sat on the edge of the bed. He stood up, seeing Jackson and obviously sensing the boy's nerves. He noticed Jackson's hoodie and internally sighed. He was scared. It made him kind of sad to know his pup needed his security blanket just to talk to him. Derek decided he'd come to terms with that later. "Jackson, calm down," Derek sighed, externally this time, "I'm not mad at you and you're not in trouble. I don't know what you were expecting, but I really do just want to talk," he reassured his pup who sighed in relief.
A wave of relief fell over Jackson that calmed him enough to take his hood off but only for a moment before being replaced with confusion, "So, wait, why did you want to talk to me then?"
"Well, I actually had something rehearsed that I wanted to say but it doesn't feel right to really say it. Especially to you," Derek said crossing his arms and Jackson found it almost funny that Derek was nervous to talk to him. Like father like son, he guessed in his head as Derek continued, "I- Stiles told me something the other night and I thought I'd say sorry for it."
"Dude, what are you talking about?" Jackson asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.
Derek rolled his eyes, he hated the word 'dude'. "Don't call me that. Anyway, I'm really not proud of what Stiles... informed me about. It's-"
"When are you ever proud of something, Derek? That's not news." Jackson cut him off, almost bitterly rolling his eyes and shoving his hands deep in his pockets. Derek shot him a look that told him he should shut up before he actually was in trouble.
Stiles had recently told Derek that Jackson thought the alpha ignored him. Jackson then turned that into some unbelievable thought that Derek didn't care about him. Now, Derek loved all his pups. They were his family and he obviously loved them as such. He wasn't one to say it every day with some kind of stupid gesture but he did. So to find out that one of his pups - practically his kid - didn't believe that, hurt him more than anything. To even think that Jackson doubted that hurt him.
And on top of all that, the kid thought he wasn't proud of him either.
"I was getting to that." Derek said, slightly agitated already, "That was kind of my point. You know I'm not the best at...showing emotions and since pride happens to be an emotion..." Blunt as ever, he added, "I don't know how to talk about this. I mean, I can sit and explain how to poison a supernatural creature all day but I can't take two minutes to tell my own kid I'm proud of them." Derek was so annoyed at himself that he couldn't find words for any of this to make sense.
Derek had made it his goal the night Stiles told him about this to solve all these things in one discussion with Jackson, because he sure as hell wasn't going to try another one.
Seemed unrealistic, but that was kind of his thing.
"Despite popular belief, Jackson, I actually do have a heart, okay? And, no matter how many jokes you guys make, it's not cold or dark," Derek reminded him, sitting down on the edge of the bed and beckoning Jackson to come closer to him. The boy obeyed the older man and went to stand in front of him, hands still hidden in his pockets. Derek had something planned and it got his point across but, oh man, was it sappy. Lydia had actually helped him plan it, but to say it to Jackson... that was not something he was looking forward to. Although, it was either say it and get it over with or sit for the next five minutes, waiting for something else to come to mind. Since he's impatient, Derek chose to get it over with, "My heart takes a severe pounding every time I see you guys take the same, trust me Jackson, but it feels so good to see you get up and give the other guy payback. In those moments I am so proud of you. I know how hard you work, Jacks, I see it every time we train and it all pays off when you're able to get up and just beat the shit out of whatever's trying to do the same to you."
Derek continued, "It hurts to know that you think I'm not proud of you, or that I ignore you on purpose, or that I don't love you," Jackson was staring at Derek, definitely not expecting any of that to come from the man, "I know this sounds really rehearsed, but it's all I got."
Jackson chuckled quietly and nodded, "It sounds really rehearsed and extremely sappy."
"That's because I rehearsed it multiple times before I told Lydia to go get you. I even performed it in front of her to make sure it was okay since she seemed to be the one that knows you the best" Derek laughed, "And I don't think there's any possible way of getting this all out without it sounding sappy," he smiled before returning to his little speech, "But you need to know this stuff, okay? Because I'm really trying for you guys right now. I have a mate. A male mate. Who is the pack mom to my..." he paused, stopping to count his pups in his head, "14 pack members. 5 of which aren't even wolves. Anyway, I didn't really plan on being a dad - or even a father figure for that matter. I didn't think I'd want that," Derek admitted, looking up at Jackson who was listening intently, "But now that I have that, I can't imagine my life without it or you guys," The alpha smiled at his pup, "There, I'm done with the sap. I'll go back to being your mean old sourwolf."
If Jackson wasn't Jackson he would have hugged Derek by now but since he had at least a little bit of self control, he restrained himself. Instead he smiled almost shyly and really thought about what Derek had said.
He remembered a time, before he joined the pack, where he would still probably not believe Derek even after that speech. Where he would still doubt the love. He still sometimes found it hard to believe. Surprisingly, Stiles was the first one Jackson opened up to about his trust issues besides Lydia. Part of him thought he should tell Derek about that too. The other part of him wasn't making any good arguments against it.
With a deep breath, Jackson began his own monilogue, "Derek, I-I know what being ignored by someone feels like. Specifically by someone in my family. It's basically been my life up until now. My adoptive parents didn't really know how to do love and affection. They knew how to let me get my way through anything I wanted or didn't want, in some cases. They taught me 'if you have money, use it to get exactly what you want, whether that be love or a new Porsche'," he laughed but it was all too true. Not only did his real parents not love him enough to keep him, but his adoptive parents didn't know how to love him. And that's been something he's carried with him since he found out he was adopted.
Jackson sat on the edge of the bed next to Derek to continue. He sighed, "Confessing my stupid life story to you was not at all how I was expecting my day to go."
"No, this is good," Derek said, "I can take notes on how not to be your dad," he joked, a rare thing for the sourwolf. At least it was to Jackson, who just chuckled lightly. That might not be such a bad thing in the end.
**I know this is really choppy and not put together very well but I wrote it in separate parts and in a strange order so piecing it together was really difficult.**