The walls are to whight, it is all the same colour and look like a washed out blue, the light is shinning to bright for my eys but i hade to be here for him i am all he has left. It was me help him when he was having problems at school, it was my family that took him in when his own family kiked him out becouse of what he is, is was me he always came to when he needed some think and in return he would help me with the bullies, helped me with my body issues and helped build my slef confidence. We where always best friends.

But know i am lossing him and this time he cant be her for me i have to be here for him. He was always the strong one in are friendship not me i need him to live, its painfull to watch but i have to sit here by his side, i have done since the day he was brought in and i not moving.

I don't know what i will do when he is gone i dont think i can live without him. He helped me so much he can't just leave me now why him not me, we do everything together. It not fair that he has to leave this world so soon.

I have to stay her for him i am not going home or any where they want me to that dont understand. I am not going to let his last days be sad and lonely he helped me i am going to help him now. I will sit by his sides and holed his hand, i wont leave him till the end and his pain is over he is my best friend, my brother!

I will sit here whishing, hoping, dreaming that one day i will wake up and this will be over, just a big scary dream and he will wake me up like he always dose when i have nightmares, take me to have coffee at the lima bean. But i know that will never happen. He getting weaker every second that go by, he finding is harder to breath now and they given him houers to live.

Tears run down my cheeks daly now, making the wet patches on the harsh baby blue hospital blankets. He was the only person who saw me cry. Now i have no one comfort i dont think i be Abel to stop myself without him to talks to.

Today was the worst day of my life worst then my first day at school. I lost my best friend my one and only life long friend and i lost him. The doctors came in and took him away i stood there screaming, "they cant take him away from me" but i lost him

I stood in the room till i collapsed in a heap on the floor sobbing becouse i hade lost you. My mom took me home in the car, she got the doctors to carry me. it not right at home without him everywhere i look its him. I cant believe i lost him. My only friend and i lost him.

I wasent thinking, i couldn't think becouse i hade lost him. I was moving on auto, slowly clime the states to his room opening the door to his room but hes not hear becouse i lost him, seeing the unmade bed and dirty clothes covering the floor reminds me that he had a life to live ahead of but i was took from him, when i lost my brother. I cant live without him in my life. But i have lost him.

I went straight to his bathroom, i live without him and i lost him reaching up to the top shelf where i know he keeps his razors garbing one and With shaking hands i pull out the blade pushing down on the already scared skin, he made me stop when he found out, but now hes no her to stop me because i lost him. Watching the thin trickle of blood run down my fingers and splashing on the floor satisfied me and made me push deeper. Lost him i think of him lying in the bed at the hospital, i moved on to my other arm doing a deeper longer gash along my wrist. I list him. Feeling my head get lighter i made the cut on my first arm bigger enjoying the pain in brought. Becouse i lost him. Soon i diddent have the energy to stand sliding to the floor with my back against the bath "i will always be by your side bass i love you" and with that i took my last breath and new i was happy once more