I closed my eyes as Shane drove away in his army green suit, willing everything to change. Willing him to stay, willing him to come and hold me in his arms. But of course, he had to go. To serve our country was his only goal. Still, tears snaked down my cheeks and swam in my eyes.
I broke down, falling on my knees into the dewy grass. I could feel my heart break in two as I sobbed, missing Shane enough to stay there and never get up.
My mind flashed back to our wedding day: Dressed in all white, I floated down the isle. All heads turned to gaze at me, silent tears dripping off of my chin. Shane held my hands and whispered softly, "Mitchie, I love you. Marry me. We'll be together, forever." My heart was forever stolen; I could never take it back. He spoke those two words that bound us to each other for eternity, "I do." A huge smile broke out on my face, and his was even brighter. He was mine, and I was his.
Instantly, I was back in the present, and the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I stayed there for hours, crying on and off. Why did he leave me, when we said forever? And now here I am, wearing black, mascara streaming down my face, nose running, and eyes burning. The day my life ended, the day my world was over, was that one dreadful moment. It only took a minute; the letter was just one paragraph long. But it was long enough to shatter me completely.
The army man stepped up to me, and said, "Ma'am, this is a letter for you. About your husband."
Somehow, I already knew. I woke up that morning with a feeling of dread and sorrow. I couldn't shake it... It felt like my heart was gone, away from this earth. And it was. My heart was still away with Shane, up in heaven, where he was watching me now. As I read the letter, something inside of me snapped. I fell down in front of the soldier and cried. He just stood there, watching me. Shamelessly, I wailed on. I threw my head back up at the sky, calling out to my only love.
Beside me now, at Shanes' funeral, people teared up and patted my back. I stood up and walked to the front of the room. A song that I spent days writing was the one I was to sing. In it I spilled my heart out, saying a final goodbye to Shane, my forever. The band began to play a sad tune, and my voice broke out of me, echoing through the house. I sang with everything I had, with lyrics meaning more than my own life.
It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen
All dressed in white
Going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down
Trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hand
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh,
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Oh, now I'll never know
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh, this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah, Yeah
It all felt too surreal, but instantaneously, my soul was drained of everything, only to be refilled with so much bursting happiness that it was almost incomprehensible. Even though I would never, ever get over this horrible torture, I knew that Shane would want me to be happy. I could never love anyone the same again, but I could love.
I could smile; maybe even laugh once in a while. But a large piece of my heart would always stay with Shane, and be scarred forever. That was bearable. I would love Shane the most, no matter what, but there was a small part of me that felt ready to move on, live life.
Everyone filed out of their seats and into the isle, leaving me to quietly cry in peace. I rested my head on Shane's closed coffin, whispering. "Shane, I will always, always love you. Please, never forget me. I'll see you someday... And we'll pick up right where we left off. I promise." My head filled with an image of Shane wearing the Angel wings that were suited for him from the beginning, and he seemed to smile and nod. Then the most sensational feeling formed in the pit of my stomach. He could hear me, and he knew how I felt. He agreed. I laughed out loud at this revelation, exuberant and bubbly. A nagging pulled at the big section of my heart, reminding me of the unavoidable pain that I would feel until I joined Shane again, in heaven.
It was finally bearable. If he wanted me to live again, I would. Anything for Shane, I would do anything.
First story. Reveiw! I do not own Just a Dream by Carrie Underwood.