Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I'm not JK Rowling. I don't own Lord of the Rings…blah, blah, blah.
Other Disclaimer: Oh, and absolutely no offense to anyone who is a Hufflepuff, or works at McDonalds. I have never worked at McDonalds, so I'm just making all this stuff up. In no way am I dissing McDonalds, the people who work there, or Hufflepuffs.
A glade of trees lay behind a small McDonalds on Harrogate Road in North Yorkshire. With a small pop, a man appeared just out of sight of the road and the drive-through window of the McDonalds.
None of the Muggles in the nearby McDonalds saw this strange sight, however. They were too busy glancing out the window to see when the newest member of their staff would be arriving. His car should have been pulling into the car park at that minute if he wasn't going to be late, but there was no car. Instead, a fat man dressed in brown robes, with a bald patch on the top of his head that made him look like a monk, stepped inside through the door opposite to the car park.
The man's name was Fatty Lumpkin (no connection to the horse from Lord of the Rings who has the same name), and he was a Wizard, hence the apparition. He had come to McDonalds because food was his passion, and he had decided that he needed to study a broader variety of foods to refine his tastes. Being a pureblood Wizard, he had no idea that in the Muggle world, McDonalds is not exactly a fancy restaurant.
The staff of McDonalds started slightly at this man's appearance, seemingly, from nowhere, but they smiled graciously, assuming that he was an early customer, perhaps he was a Friar stopping by for a meal on his way back to church, or, well, something had to explain his , um, unusual appearance.
But the man strode calmly up to the counter, smiled rather buoyantly, and stretched out a hand to shake the cashiers.
"Hi! My name's Fatty Lumpkin, and I'll be working with you guys from now on!" he said in a rather exuberant manor.
The cashier paused for a moment, but then he smiled and extended a hand to shake Fatty's.
"Hey, I'm Robby," he replied. He paused for a minute, still holding Fatty's hand before asking, "What's up with the robe-y dress thing?"
Fatty was rather startled at this question. He couldn't understand why they weren't wearing robes, and had been intending to ask. He had never taken Muggle Studies at Hogwarts, preferring to take the time that he would have been in that class to sneak down to the kitchens to sample their food. He had been rather proud of his reputation as Hogwarts's fattest student ever.
Quickly thinking of an explanation that would satisfy the Muggles, he replied, "What, this? Oh, um, where I used to work everyone wore these."
He looked hopefully at the cashier.
"Well…" the cashier said slowly, "At McDonalds we got a dress code, and it says that everyone's gotta wear them McDonald's polo shirts. Why don't you go down to the loo in the back and change?"
He handed Fatty a shirt with the McDonalds logo on it, and pointed to the bathroom in the back.
Now, the only problem was, Fatty wasn't wearing any pants. I mean, who wears pants under their wizard robes? Well, not knowing what else to do, Fatty took the shirt, walked around the corner to the bathroom in the back, opened the door, and stepped inside. Once he was there, he made a quick decision. He could disapparate back home for some pants, and none of the Muggles would ever know.
Fatty quickly disapparated with the smallest pop he could manage, and appeared back at home. He quickly grabbed a pair of pants, and apparated back to McDonalds. There, he changed into the polo shirt and pants, wondering if this job was really more trouble than it was worth.
Back at the drive-through operator's place, Robby was having similar sentiments.
"This guy is nuts, Rich," he told the drive-through operator. "He comes in, in this absurd looking robe, and he's fat as an elephant. Says he used to work at some place where they wore robes."
"Yeah, well, Rob, this is McDonalds. We shouldn't exactly expect people with Phds from Harvard to work here, should we? We're bound to meet some weird people. Just cut this new guy some slack. He was obviously the best man for the job, or he wouldn't have gotten it," replied Rich, though he couldn't help smiling to himself at the thought of a massively fat guy walking in the door in brown robes.
At that moment, Fatty Lumpkin could be heard trying to squeeze himself behind the counter.
"You know what, Rob? I think I'll go help this guy," added Rich as Robby let out an audible sigh. "Why don't you take my post for a bit?"
"Thanks," replied Robby, a look of intense relief spreading over his face. "Good luck!"
Smiling to himself, Rich walked up behind the counter, wondering to himself exactly what kind of person he would find. When he looked up, he realized instantly.
Fatty Lumpkin had put on a pair of tight, spandex pants.