(A/N: Pointless rambling really, just wanted to get this out before I forgot again... Hope you enjoy. Dreamer )
I hated her and yet couldn't live without her. That doesn't make sense, I know it doesn't, but it's true. I think that what my whole life has been about, hiding the love I feel for her with my imagined and untrue hate. I don't understand it really, but if I admit what the truth is, then doesn't that just leave a bigger opening, a bigger weakness? Is it stupid that I desperately want the phone to ring, that I want her voice on the other end talking to me? I didn't use to be so stuck on her, on everything about her.
I can't help but think what if she stayed? What if she hadn't left, would we eventually come together? Would we have been together, was it possible or am I just desperately wishing that was the truth? How long would I stay by her side, hoping that she'd say that she loved me, that she wanted me, when she'd just turn to another. Could I keep my hope alive for that long, would I turn and look for someone else to fill the void or would I be stuck on her forever? Even now it feels as if my hope is slipping, I'm left her without anyone. I grew to be so dependant on her . . . and now when I've begun to crave her even more I'm left with the bitter and empty taste of loneliness. Will I always be this way?
Will my days always be filled with desperate wishes that may never be fulfilled? Filled with soft passion and promises in the dark of night only waking to find myself alone, filled with day dreams of warm walks in the sun just holding hands.
How much longer can I last before I break down? When will this have gone too far? I can break down crying only so often before I run out of tears, before I run out of life. Can I do anything to get your attention, is it possible or am I just grasping at straws again?