More to Love
By Rhino7
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This oneshot is mine, as are Mikayla and Jake. This oneshot is a prompt request for The Sacred and Profane, and it is set in the Alliance-verse sometime after Mikayla was born in T Minus One Year. Enjoy.
..:-X-:..
Tifa had just put the baby down for a nap when there was a knock on the door downstairs. She immediately cringed, but her daughter didn't stir, so she released a relieved sigh and went down the stairs to find Yuffie already stepping into the entryway, a box of doughnuts in her hands. She felt a spike of irritation at the younger women due to their earlier argument, but she was too exhausted to hold the grudge.
"Hey." She greeted flatly, reaching the first floor and stepping into the kitchen.
Yuffie followed her. "Hi." She drew out the word a little. "So, uh, I was on my way back from the grand opening—"
"Grand opening?" Tifa blinked.
"Rinoa." Yuffie added. "Her pastry shop place."
"Oh." Tifa closed her eyes briefly. "I completely forgot. I barely know what month it is."
Yuffie offered a small smile and lifted the box. "I figured. So I, uh, brought you some samples." She popped the box open, revealing a half dozen frosty doughnuts, all different colors and shapes. "She's pretty good. I think Cid is STILL there." She snorted.
Tifa glanced at the box and then to Yuffie. "These are apology doughnuts."
"Yes and shamelessly so." Yuffie bobbed her head, "I was a bit of an ass earlier."
"A bit." Tifa narrowed her eyes, sinking down to sit at the kitchen table.
Yuffie took that as an invitation and sat across from her, the box on the table between them. "Are they working?"
Keeping her eyes on Yuffie, Tifa reached out and plucked a chocolate-frosted one from the box. She bit into it and chewed thoughtfully. The sugary sweetness danced across her tastebuds and the pastry seemed to melt in her mouth. Involuntarily, she moaned.
Yuffie smiled. "I'll take that as a yes." Fidgeting a little, she swallowed. "And, for the record, I'm sorry for saying what I did. You don't still look pregnant."
Tifa swallowed and took another bite. Her and Leon's daughter Mikayla Raine Leonhart had been born almost a month ago, and while her belly had definitely shrunk, it was still more pronounced than she would have liked it to be. It had already been making her self conscious before Yuffie made her comments. That argument had only enhanced that.
"But you still look like a twig." Tifa defended one of her own comments from the fight. She gestured to the box. "Don't make me eat these all by myself."
Yuffie snorted and complied, taking one of the smaller treats.
..:-X-:..
Mikayla was crying again. Four am. Right on schedule.
Tifa exhaled and sat up, pushing the blanket away from her. On the other side of the bed on his stomach, Leon turned his face into the pillow but started to get up. She put a hand between his shoulder blades, coaxing him back down.
"I've got her." She murmured, dragging herself out of bed.
Going into the nursery room that was next door to their bedroom, Tifa crossed over to the crib and found Mikayla, fists raised by her face as she cried. Tifa reached down and lifted the baby up, holding her against her chest as she stepped away from the crib.
"Hey there, munchkin." She cooed. "What're you crying for?" She whispered, trying to soothe her.
Mikayla wasn't hungry, and her diaper was dry, so after finding nothing else to appease her, Tifa settled for rocking on her feet as she meandered aimlessly around the room. She hummed lightly, just some made-up melodies to try and lull Mikayla back to sleep. As the girl began to quiet, Tifa looked at her reflection in the window. Her eyes looked puffy from the lack of sleep. Actually, her cheeks and chin looked puffy too.
With a frown, Tifa tilted her head. Her face looked fuller, and maybe it was the glass playing tricks on her at 4 am, but her arms looked rounder too, and not in a muscled way. Before she could contemplate that too long, Mikayla hiccupped and woke herself up from her dozing, whimpering again. Tifa resumed her bouncing on her heels.
"Shh, no need to cry, sweetie." She said softly. "Momma's right here."
..:-X-:..
Tifa was in the middle of changing Mikayla's diaper one morning when Cloud knocked twice on the front door before letting himself in.
"I've got good news and bad news." He announced, holding two boxes in his arms.
"Eh, bad first." She prompted, taping the sides of the diaper closed and securing it.
"Reports to be filed, as you requested." He said, setting the heavier-looking box on the kitchen table. "Though I still don't get why you're doing this. You still have a month of maternity leave left."
"Just because I'm not in the office doesn't mean I shouldn't be doing something." Tifa said. "I had a baby, not brain surgery. I can mother and type at the same time."
Cloud lifted one hand in surrender and held up the other box. "Good news: that ice cream place re-opened. I grabbed you a carton of your favorite."
Tifa paused, looking at him suspiciously. "What do you want?"
He gave her a flat look. "Can't I get you nice things without being interrogated?"
"No." She replied.
He huffed and walked over, hands out to take Mikayla. "Whatever. Enjoy your paperwork and ice cream. My delivery fee is this girl."
Tifa snorted, caving in and going to dig out the ice cream. "You always conveniently show up right AFTER I've changed her."
"It's a gift." He chimed, holding the baby up. Mikayla gurgled and swatted a fist at his nose. "Ow, hey." He reprimanded lightly. "Are you letting her watch violent movies? I just got right-hooked."
Tifa popped open the ice cream and…dammit, it was her favorite. She sought out a spoon and snickered at him. "Only war films." She quipped sarcastically.
Cloud tsked. "Terrible." When Mikayla bopped him in the face again, he gasped dramatically at her. "And here I thought we were friends, Mikayla."
..:-X-:..
Tifa had reached that awkward phase where her maternity clothes were too big around the hips and stomach, but her pre-pregnancy clothes were too tight. It wasn't that they didn't fit around the hips and stomach…which they didn't…but they also were uncomfortably tight around her arms and thighs.
Okay, sure, she had been having some difficulty shedding those pregnancy pounds, but she hadn't realized that she'd actually been gaining weight since the birth. With a frown, Tifa stopped trying to force the button on her pants closed. Instead, she hooked her fingers through her belt loops and tried to pull the material farther up. Finding it difficult, she hopped on the balls of her feet a few times, trying to will the clothes to fit.
She was rewarded with a chuckle behind her.
Spinning, she found Leon standing in the doorway of their bedroom, watching her with an amused look on his face. Tifa stopped her hopping and frowned.
"They don't fit." She huffed. "None of them do." She gestured to the pile of clothes that she'd tossed onto the bed.
He walked into the room. "You just had a baby."
"It's not—" She exhaled and put her hands on the extra weight hanging around her stomach. "—this that's making them not fit. It's these." She dropped her hands to her thighs, where the top of her pants refused to rise any higher.
Leon pensively glanced at her legs and then back up to her. "Maybe you're a little bloated?"
"A little…" She wriggled her fingers back into the belt loops and tried tugging them up again. "Bloating goes away after a while. These…thunder thighs…have been here for a few weeks now. There's—"
The material around one of the belt loops couldn't handle the abuse any longer, and it tore free, making her hand snap up with the momentum, popping her in the breast. She made a startled noise and tried to keep her balance.
"Did you just punch yourself in the boob?" He sighed. "Even if you get those up, that's not going to be comfortable."
Tifa rubbed the side of her chest and, in frustration, kicked her way out of the pants. "Oh, this is ridiculous. This is why I need to go back to training, before this gets any worse."
"Before what gets worse?" Leon remarked. "So you've put on a few pounds. You won't be going back into the field on your first day back from leave."
He thought he was helping. He wasn't.
..:-X-:..
"All right. What is it?" Aerith abruptly asked.
On the other side of the fitting room door, Tifa was quiet, staring at her reflection. She had already donned a blouse that was two times larger than what she used to wear, and she could see the material struggling around her arms and stomach. She felt uncomfortably constricted and horror was making her eyes burn.
"The color isn't right." Tifa muttered, "Looked better on the hangar."
"No way. Let me see." Aerith said.
"No." Tifa snapped, starting to tug the shirt up off of her. "It looks horrendous."
"Okay." Aerith sighed, "But we've gone through the whole spectrum here. We're running out of colors. They can't all look bad. Maybe it's the light?"
"Too much." Tifa grunted, stuffing the shirt back on the hangar.
"Too much color?"
"Too much…everything." She said gruffly, pulling her own clothes back on.
When she opened the dressing room door of the store, Aerith was standing directly in front of her with a gentle look on her face.
"What's wrong?" Aerith asked plainly.
Tifa inhaled and held up the rejected clothes. "They don't fit. None of them. These are much larger than what I've ever worn before in my life, and they don't fit. It's…embarrassing." She averted her gaze and shoved the clothes back on the rack.
"You shouldn't feel embarrassed." Aerith said sympathetically, walking alongside her in the store. "You gave birth to Mikayla just over a month ago. Most women never shake all of the baby weight. Several women gain weight after delivery. It's okay."
"No, it's not." Tifa grumbled as they left the store. "I'm a soldier. I need to be back in the gym, taking care of this—" She grabbed the flabby underside of her arm. "—before I go back on active duty."
Aerith sighed, "Tifa, no matter when you go back to work, you won't be on active duty for a long while. You're a new mother; the Alliance won't be sending you off-world for a while."
"Oh, but they'll ship Leon off to Kingdom Hearts only knows where on an hour's notice." Tifa snapped. "But I'm expected to stay home and play house."
Aerith blinked. "You want to go on distant missions?"
"Of course not." Tifa argued. "I'm barely a few blocks from home and I can't stop thinking about Mikayla. I wouldn't make it through an entire off-world mission."
"Then what's the problem?"
"Look at me." Tifa sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I'm afraid that if I don't get back to training and get back to combat shape soon, that I never will. It's so easy, Aerith. You have no idea how easy it is to just…let this happen." She looked down at herself, frowning at how much MORE of her there seemed to be lately.
Aerith touched her elbow. "You're taking this too seriously. You're healthy. That's all that matters, not what size your clothes are. Odds are that you'll never get back to your pre-pregnancy size."
Tifa looked at her sharply.
Aerith lifted her hands, "I'm just stating the odds here. That's not a bad thing."
Says the flowergirl with the perfect waist size, Tifa inwardly thought.
..:-X-:..
"Oh no." Tifa waved a hand. "No, back, be gone with that mess."
Cid snorted as he sauntered into Merlin's house, toting a big box of two dozen doughnuts. The little design on the top of the box denoted it as one of the boxes from Rinoa's new shop. "Gimme a few hours, they'll be gone then. You want some?" He offered.
Tifa sat in front of the computer, trying to work through the software problems that Merlin had asked her to help with. Mikayla was snoozing in her baby carrier on the table. "Ugh…yes." She held out a hand.
Cid deposited one of the doughnuts around her finger with a chuckle, plucking up another one for himself. "Making any headway?"
"Took out a few viruses and updated the firewall…but everything is still green and I can't figure out why." Tifa said, munching on the doughnut.
She was trying to eat healthier, and she was acutely aware of how she was failing at that as she ate a friggin' doughnut, but it was hard to find time to eat anything with a newborn around, forget trying to be picky about WHAT you ate.
"You cold?" Cid asked, noting the bulky sweater that she was wearing.
She was actually a little warm, but this oversized sweater was all that she owned that still fit around her growing arms and extra torso. She answered with a noncommittal grunt and finished the treat, determined to deny any more doughnuts for the afternoon.
..:-X-:..
Tifa groaned in frustration and tugged the measuring tape away from her torso. She had been slowly getting back into a physical training routine over the past month. Mikayla was three months old now, so Tifa had gone back to work full time thanks to Jake Alms babysitting for them. She wasn't being sent on missions yet, which she knew she wasn't ready for, but she wanted to be ready for when a mission crossed her desk.
Unfortunately, even as she had gotten back into training and made her exercise routine more strenuous, she hadn't seen any improvement. Worse, she had gained more weight. Not even muscle. Muscle didn't jiggle that much. Frowning at her current measurements, she rolled the tape back up just as Leon carried Mikayla past her, a three-pointed pirate hat on his head.
"Are you going to wear that every time you give her a bath?" Tifa snickered, self consciously rubbing the soft parts of her upper arms.
Leon shifted his hold on Mikayla, who was trying to grab at the nearest corner of the hat. "She likes the hat, so I wear the hat. Last week, I thought she almost said 'captain.' Can't break tradition now."
Tifa canted her head, watching him slide into the bathroom with the three month old in his arms. Ooh, he could pull off that hat, though.
"Don't take too long, there, Captain Bubbles." She said flirtatiously.
"Arr." Was Leon's response, followed by an explosion of squealing giggles from Mikayla.
Tifa shook her head with a smirk and turned, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her thoughts of flirtation vaporized. With a frown, she reached up and touched her neck, pinching at the extra skin that was creating a new chin. She traced her fingers around her arms and down to her stomach. She was pudgy. All those hours in the gym and trying to be more careful in her eating habits, and it wasn't making any noticeable difference.
A bout of embarrassment clogged her throat for a moment and she swallowed.
"I'm going for a walk." She murmured, picking up her keys.
"You okay?" Leon called from the bathroom.
"Fine." She rasped, heading for the stairs, "I'll be back in a bit."
..:-X-:..
"We aren't having sex." Tifa confessed.
Jake's head snapped up from the magazine he was flipping through. "Huh?"
Tifa looked at him. "Leon and I. We haven't…" She made a vague gesture, "…not since before Mikayla arrived."
"Holy damn." Jake blinked, "That's nearly four months. How are you two still alive?"
Cloud walked into the back room of Merlin's house where the two were talking. "Who's still alive?"
"Tifa and Leon." Jake waved a hand.
Cloud blinked and looked to Tifa. "What happened?"
"It's what's not happening." Tifa sighed. "We haven't been…intimate—"
"Whoa." Cloud lifted both hands, "Keep the mystery alive."
"Nothing?" Jake ignored Cloud, looking to Tifa. "Not even hand stuff?"
"Whoa." Cloud covered his ears with his hands, "Images. Leaving now."
As he made his escape, Tifa frowned to Jake. "The doctor told me it was okay, but…I just…haven't been…"
"In the mood?" Jake asked casually.
"Of course I have…whew, heaven's no…" Tifa snorted before growing serious. "It's just…Look at me. I'm nearly thirty pounds heavier than I was before I got pregnant. Even when I'm in the mood, I don't feel sexy. I don't feel attractive."
"So…you're worried that Leon won't find you attractive anymore?" Jake prompted. "Because that's five different kinds of bullshit. You two have seen each other in much worse states than just gaining weight."
"I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about me." Tifa said. "I enjoy sex, and I'm good at it—"
"I'm sure you are."
"Don't be gross."
"I'm not." He shrugged.
"But if I don't feel sexy, if I don't feel good about myself, how am I supposed to make that work?" She huffed. "And Leon just sort of shrugs that off. He doesn't see the problem."
Jake eyed her for a moment. "Okay." He sat forward, facing her. "How about this: go home, put on whatever makes you comfortable and makes you feel sexy, no matter if it's sweatpants and a t-shirt, and just love yourself. You're a great mom, a bombshell of a wife, and a kick ass fighter. Don't muddle all of that up by bringing looks into it." He leaned back, "If it helps, if you weren't married and I wasn't scared of Leon," He nodded sagely. "I'd let you have your way with me right now."
"Aw," Tifa chimed, patting his knee as she stood. "That's cute." She turned to leave, glancing over at him. "Thanks, Jake."
"Anytime, Mama Bear."
"Don't."
"Okay."
..:-X-:..
"You, uh, were assigned to a mission in Land of Dragons." Leon's tone was unhappy.
Tifa perked up from her spot in the living room, holding Mikayla, looking toward where Leon had turned the dining room table into a work station. "What?"
"Land of Dragons…Routine inspection of the Allied base there, but…" He frowned, setting his pen down. "I told them you'd think about it."
"How long?" Tifa asked, laying Mikayla on her back on the floor beside her.
"Mission duration is a few days, just a weekend probably." Leon looked at her evenly. "It'd be your first time away from her for more than a work day."
Tifa grimaced as she tore her eyes from Leon and cast them on Mikayla, who was staring at the turning ceiling fan, enraptured as she shoved her fist in her mouth. Tifa reached out, placing her hand on the baby's middle and rubbing her little chest.
"Well…it has to happen sometime, right?" She tried to shake off the separation anxiety, looking to Leon again. "And Land of Dragons is—"
"War torn." Leon chewed on a fingernail, eying her squarely. "The Huns haven't relented in weeks. I—" He paused, as though reconsidering if he wanted to say it aloud. "I don't like you going. It should be routine, but that world is particularly dangerous right now."
Tifa pursed her lips, watching Mikayla wriggle on her mat. "I know. I hear where you're coming from and I understand, but…I have to go back some time."
"Do you?" His question made her pause. When she met his eyes, he inhaled. "I'm not saying never go on missions again. I'm saying…don't go on missions right now."
"Because you don't think I can handle it." She said flatly.
"Because," He corrected, "I think it's too soon. I don't want you to push yourself too hard too fast."
"Leon, look at me." Tifa winced, "I'm wasting away by not pushing myself at all. I would love to stay home with Mikayla every day and do nothing else, but I'm still a soldier in the Alliance. I have a duty; you understand that, right?"
"Of course." He stood, moving into the living room to join her. "But do you think you're ready for combat, if the situation demanded it?"
Tifa paused for a long moment, staring at him. The inflection in his voice tripped her, and she tilted her head away from him.
"All these months that I've been stressing out about my weight and my training, you've evaded the subject. Now, suddenly, it's on your radar?" She stated suspiciously.
Leon looked at her evenly for a moment before shifting, a guilty look on his face. "Look…okay, don't get upset…"
"Then don't make me upset." Tifa narrowed her eyes.
Leon sighed, reaching down and plucking Mikayla up off the floor, as though to use the baby as a shield of cuteness against Tifa. "I haven't been evading the subject. I've been…deterring it."
Tifa remained still. "Deterring it."
"I may have delayed your reinstitution to active duty…and subtly asked the others to delay you in going back to work." He seemed to shrink a little as he confessed it. "I was worried that you might get hurt or you might be shipped off-world and something bad would happen."
Anger boiled up in her chest, but she kept a lid on it. "That's not your decision to make."
"I know," He exhaled. "but what if something happens? You're a mother now—"
"And you're a father." Tifa interrupted. "I don't see why I'm the one being handled with kid gloves here."
"I'm sorry." He spread his hands placatingly.
Tifa stared at him long and hard for a moment, digesting his words. She understood that he didn't want her to get hurt or for anything bad to happen to her now that they had Mikayla to think about, but what about him? It seemed like every other weekend he was being carted out to some new damaged world in need of assistance. Mikayla needed Tifa, but she needed Leon too. He needed just as much protecting as she did, and she didn't appreciate the feeling of being considered more delicate or fragile now that she was a mother.
"What did you mean, the others helped you delay me?" She finally asked.
Leon looked at her. "There…might have been some…taking advantage of Rinoa's new bakery shop involved."
Tifa dramatically gasped, pointing at him accusingly. "That's why they keep trying to foist doughnuts and ice cream and treats on me!" She stood up, "So all this time that I've been feeling like a walking bowl of Jell-O, you've been playing instigator?"
Leon stood as well, easing Mikayla onto the couch. "I'm sorry."
"Squall Evelyn Leonhart, that is not how you show concern for your wife." Tifa grumbled. "You do that weird 'talking' thing that all the crazy kids are doing these days. You communicate. You don't initiate diabetes!"
Letting out an aggravated groan, she crossed the living room, wanting to be alone.
Leon didn't follow, letting her go with a frown. Running a hand over his face, he heard the back door slam.
"That's not even my middle name." He mumbled, looking at Mikayla, who hiccupped.
..:-X-:..
The anger fizzled out fairly quickly. Yes, Leon sneaking around to try and delay her going on missions was a crappy move, but she hadn't exactly been adamant in fighting it. She had accepted the treats with little struggle, and she had just grumbled for barely an hour after hearing that her return to active duty had been pushed back. As much as she missed beating Heartless and fighting the good fight, she knew that if she went back to it all today, she would miss peek-a-boo and Mikayla's simple laughter even more.
That didn't get Leon off the hook by ANY means, but she found it hard to stay properly angry at him for trying to protect her. Not that she was going to tell him that right away.
She returned to the house an hour after the spat, finding Mikayla taking a nap upstairs in her crib and Leon washing the dishes. Tifa paused in the doorway to the kitchen, folding her arms and leaning against the door frame. She was trying to come up with a witty one liner to open the conversation, but he beat her to it.
"You aren't a walking bowl of Jell-O."
Tifa didn't say anything.
Leon set aside the plate he'd been drying and turned to face her. "Do you really feel that way?"
Tifa knit her brows as he looked back at her. "Shouldn't I?" She glanced down at herself. "There are quite a few more inches of me now than there used to be." When he looked bemused, she lifted an eyebrow, "You really haven't noticed?"
"Noticed? Sure. Cared? No." He lifted his shoulders. She just stared at him, so he continued. "You've seen me at my absolute worst, Tifa. And I've seen you bruised and sick and really, REALLY unattractive sometimes."
"That time I tried to dog-sit those four German Shepherds?" She offered, remembering her frightening appearance after that experience.
"I wasn't going to say it out loud." He waved a hand whimsically before growing serious again. "I don't care if you get fat or skinny. You're my wife, my best friend, the mother of my kid for the love of—" He drew a breath, putting his hands on his hips as he looked at her. "I just care that you're healthy and that you're happy and safe."
Tifa cocked her head at him.
Leon looked awkward for a moment. "What?"
A smile slowly crept across Tifa's lips. "You're kind of a cheeseball sometimes."
He deflated and rolled his eyes. "You…shut up."
She straightened, dropping her arms. "How long has Mikayla been down?"
"Ten minutes." He muttered, turning toward the unfinished dishes.
Tifa reached out and grasped his wrist. "Hey." She tugged him toward her, and he turned with little struggle. "I don't care if you get fat or skinny either." She lightly kissed him on the lips before stepping away. "Just so you know, if I turn into Jabba the Hut, that makes you Leia." She winked. "I expect a golden bikini."
Leon looked past her, as though in deep thought. "I've got a pirate hat."
"That'll work." She snickered, leading the way to head upstairs to the bedroom.